WHAT MY 20’S TAUGHT ME ABOUT LIFE AS A DISABLED WOMAN WITH MULTIPLE ILLNESSES

Dating is hard in itself. Living with cerebral palsy is hard in itself. But imagine dating as a woman who has cerebral palsy. Generally speaking, dating is an art, especially in 2022. Dating as a woman with cerebral palsy is both art and science all at the same time. It sounds complicated, I know. To be honest, it kind of, sort of was. Dating for me was easy, and sometimes not so easy. But going further in relationships was a whole other story.

The type of cerebral palsy I have is very mild. At first glance, you wouldn’t be able to tell I even have anything ‘wrong’ with me.’ Going on first dates was fairly easy for me. There was never any pressure. Of course, it wasn’t always the case where people wouldn’t judge me just by seeing me. There were also times where people would only see me by my disability just by glancing at me, even when I didn’t directly see them. Those were the moments that really caused me issues with my self-esteem and self-conscious over time. Just like any other person would, I believed the negativity instead of the positivity. It didn’t even matter that I had less negativity than I did positivity.

A lot of times during my 20’s, I always doubted myself, my beauty, and my body whenever I’d see a man (or a woman) stare at me. ‘Are they staring at me because they’re interested or because they noticed that my body doesn’t look like theirs?’ That’s why practically no good date ever went anywhere beyond that one date. Maybe I gave them one other chance, but no more than that. I’m not counting the relationships and/or instances where I was abused, because let’s face it, they don’t count as real relationships. They were only relationships because I was taken advantage of due to my disability, as well as vulnerability. Now, many years later, all I can do is thank those who weren’t kind to me. They made me the woman that I am today.

I met my husband when I was still in a relationship with someone that wasn’t kind to me. Thankfully, I got out of that relationship without him hurting more than he ever could’ve. When I went on my first date with my husband, I was completely honest with about my disability right from the start. I even fell in front of him when he walked me home after the date, but that had nothing to do with my disability. I fell just because I’m a clumsy person. Unlike with any other person I ever went out with, I gave him the choice of whether to stay or move on to someone else. More than a decade later, we’re still together and in a happy, healthy, and loving relationship.

Being honest with him from the start challenged me to be honest with myself. It challenged me to accept myself fully, as well to truly understand who I was. Whether I like it or not, I am a woman with a disability. The disability doesn’t define who I am as a person, but it is a part of me, and it affects my decisions and life-hacks. It’s even more the case now that I have epilepsy and PCOS to add to it. It doesn’t mean that I have this sad and pathetic life. In fact, it’s the exact opposite.

It was my battle with epilepsy, and PCOS that really forced me to have a healthier relationship with my body than I ever did before – physically, mentally, and emotionally. Cerebral palsy affects my right arm and my right leg, so I make sure I keep both as strong as I possibly can. For instance, I walk a lot, especially in the summer, and I always make sure I use my right arm as much as possible whenever I do chores around the house. When it comes to both epilepsy and PCOS, I always watch what I eat. Some food groups such as sugar can cause me to have a seizure, and some food groups aren’t healthy to intake because it could affect my hormonal imbalance. The two things that I’m most prod of, though, is that I completely quit drinking alcohol more than 2 years ago due to epilepsy, and that after many years of hard work, I’m finally maintaining a healthy sleep schedule where the latest I ever go to bed is 12 AM.

Living with a disability and multiple illnesses isn’t necessarily a negative thing. In fact, it can be a beautiful thing. My husband has told me that he most probably wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t have cerebral palsy because he wouldn’t find me as interesting as he did when he first started dating. This goes back to my point that cerebral palsy is a part of me and a part of my life. Through being with me, he learned a lot about what life can be like for a person with a disability, as well as how important family support really is for a person with a disability.

My 20’s were fun, free, confusing, and lonely all at the same time. But they were life-changing. They were my years of self-awareness, self-discovery, self-love, and most of all, growth. It all came with a price for me, of course, but I’d never, ever take anything for granted. Everything negative in life happens for a reason. Hardships can show you how strong you really are, and they can be the greatest life lessons for you; better than any school lecture or any textbook. With that, you come to appreciate the good moments in your life even more.

Life is hard no matter you go through. But life can also be beautiful, fun, and exciting. It all depends on your outlook. So just remember to have fun in your life no matter what your circumstance is. And if you don’t like your circumstance, change it.