THE VALUE IN FINDING ‘YOUR PEOPLE’ IN TIMES OF STRUGGLE

I’ve gone through infertility for the past 4+ years. It’s been a tough process to go through, no doubt, especially at the beginning. I didn’t have anyone to really speak to about my loneliness. The people around me didn’t understand me, and my friends seemed to pop babies like no tomorrow. Luckily, I had social media and YouTube to turn to.

I saw the two platforms as a community for women who’ve struggled with infertility. I talked abut infertility and unconventional ways of conception being the new norm in the ‘WHAT FRIENDS (TV SHOW) TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE JOURNEY TO MOTHERHOOD‘. More women (and couples) struggle with infertility than not. Some women struggle with something called unexplained infertility, and I can only imagine how hard it must be to know that you have infertility issues, but not have an explanation as to why.

It’s less of a lonely world knowing that there are women going through the exact same thing is you. It’s comforting that there’s a community out there filled with women who truly understand what you’re going through. Family is great. Friends are great. But as a woman who goes through infertility, talking to them about my struggles, no matter what they are, whether infertility relate or other, gets complicated. They tend to give unsolicited advice, such as ‘Just have sex more,’ ‘Just have fun with it,’ ‘Go on vacation,’ Did you consider any other options?’ Talking to them and hearing the exact same thing from each and every one of them gets confusing and sad.

Being a part of the infertility community has been a liberating experience. I feel like I’ve found ‘my people’, which is more than I could ever say about any other community that I tried to find for myself in the past, such as the epilepsy community, cerebral palsy community, or the car accident survivors community. Women who struggle with infertility are a true definition of the women supporting women thread that’s been going around on Instagram. Fellow women genuinely want to support you through your situation.

I’m not as open about my fertility struggles on my Instagram as some other women are. If you take a little glimpse of my Instagram account, you probably won’t be able to tell them I’m going through this ongoing struggle. Many women make accounts specifically to document their journeys. At first, I thought it was a completely dumb thing to do to fully document one’s infertility journey, as well as the journey to having a baby. I saw this specific strategy as a way for women to get sympathy and more followers. As I’d gone deeper and deeper into my own infertility journey, though, my mindset was completely shifted in regards to the matter.

I realized it was anything but about looking for attention. Instead, it was about finding peace and comfort in the long battle that is infertility. I saw one woman’s IVF journey dedicated profile where she documented every single detail. She and her husband made several embryos, but only one turned out healthy. They already had several failed IUI AND IVF rounds, and they only had one chance left to have their ‘dream baby’. I messaged her privately on Instagram thanking her for being so open about her journey because it sure helped me understand, relate, and feel less lonely. She, without hesitation, responded to me saying that if I ever need someone to talk to, she’d always be there. She didn’t even have to message me in the first place. I was just a fan and a cheerleader from afar, and somehow, she became mine. I felt such a sense of relief when I saw her message. Instead of seeing this journey as a glass half empty, I started seeing it as a glass half full.

I then saw a woman who was going through her own IVF journey, and who, just like me, had epilepsy. A pregnancy is considered to be high risk when a woman has epilepsy. It’s even more high risk when you add IVF to it. As a woman with epilepsy, there’s a lot more, a lot more factors, that needs to be considered. Your health always comes first before having a baby. If woman has a seizure, specifically a grand-mal seizure, continuing anything that has to do with IVF has to postponed for a little while. The woman whose Instagram account I came across had that exact situation. Her IVF procedure had to be put on hold due to a grand-mal seizure. I took the woman who told me I could message her anytime if I had any questions or needed moral support as an example, and I messaged her telling her exactly that.

Going through infertility is nothing to be ashamed of. Statistics show that roughly 70-80 million people around the world struggle with infertility. The most important thing to do throughout the whole ordeal is to stay positive. You’ll have a baby when the time is right, and when you do, you’ll be amazed at how strong your body is and what it can do to create a new life.