Billy Ray & Miley Cyrus: Being In Your (Adult) Child’s Life Is A Privilege; Not A Right

As you might’ve heard, Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus’ dad, has an ‘Achy, Braky Heart’, and no, he didn’t get his heart broken by Miley’s mom, Tish. That was two years ago – after a 28 year marriage and at least two previous breakups. This time, he’s divorcing Firerose, whose real name is is Johanna Rose Hodges, a woman that’s almost half his age, after only 7 months of marriage. Most celebrities, they base their divorce filings on ‘irreconcilable differences.’ Cyrus, on the other hand, based his divorced on ‘fraud.’

I certainly believe that his marriage to Firerose was a sham. In fact, I believe that their entire relationship, if you could even call it that, was a sham. She just has that ‘Amber Heard Effect’. And if you think that Amber Heard’s ‘love story’ was weird, you’ll think again once you get to know Billy Ray’s ‘love story with Firerose, or as YouTube personality, SLOAN likes to call her in his videos, Firestone.

Billy Ray and Firerose met when they were on the set of ‘Hannah Montana’, in which Billy Ray starred with Miley as her fictional father. The show aired between 2006 and 2011. Miley was 11 when she got the part of Miley Stewart. She’s 31 now. Firerose is 35, which means she’a only a few years younger than her Billy Ray’s daughter, and was a teenager when she met her future husband.

Billy Ray and Miley’s estrangement explained

Fans around the world started questioning whether or not Billy Ray and Miley’s relationship was okay as they noticed that the once close father-daughter duo weren’t following each other on Instagram anymore, and that social media estrangement coincided with Billy Ray’s relationship with Firerose going public. Miley went as far as not attending her father’s October 2023 wedding to Firerose, as well as excluding him of the people she thanked during her acceptance speech when she won her first Grammy earlier this year. She said, ‘I don’t think I forgot anyone,’ meaning she intentionally didn’t thank her father during such a highlighted moment in her career.

On the other hand, Miley attended her mothers wedding to Dominic Purcell in April 2023, and went as far as calling her mother her hero when she was interviewed by David Letterman on his Netflix series, ‘My Next Guest Needs No Introduction.’ She also did nothing but praise her father during the interview, which is fairly surprising. When asked directly by letter about whether the rumours of an estrangement between her and her father were just how things were portrayed in the media, Miley said, ‘Yeah. I think, what is so beautiful is that my parents, they served their children, and I know this. My parents served us and sacrificed so much for us. Anything we dreamed of, they made possible.’

This in itself isn’t necessarily a praise by any means. Instead, it’s Miley saying that she understands her father and the role he played in her life. She went on to compare her mother’s life to her father’s life. ‘I think it’s the capacity in which my mom was raised by a completely intact, beautiful family. Actually, my mom was adopted so my mom was chosen. Her parents couldn’t have children so they wanted her more than anything in the world. So my mom came in to this world being wanted and being loved and being given the most beautiful life. My grandmother spoiled not only her but me completely rotten. My dad didn’t have that. The way my dad was raised, he grew up very poor in a very small town. His parents were divorced when he was very young. My dad had a pretty rough childhood and my childhood, really —I mean, we can go on and talk about the hard times and the struggles; you know, turning in my homework and learning my lines was tough — but I had food, I had love, I grew up in a beautiful big house. And my dad didn’t have that. So I have a lot of empathy and compassion for his childhood, which obviously developed to create the man he is now that I have a lot of love for.’

When Miley was asked about how her parents contributed to her success, she said, ‘Without my dad, I know — I mean, not just literally I wouldn’t be sitting in this chair, I wouldn’t exist — but I would not, who I am as a person, it wouldn’t exist. Because my dad, as a creative and as an artist in the way that his brain works, has always made me feel safer in my own mind because we’re very similar in our ideas. So I think a lot of his perspective on reality and on life, I’ve inherited from him, more so than the way that I was raised — which really, my mom raised me. He has a relationship and a foot on the ground to the real and to nature and he always did, even when he was super famous. I’m grateful for being able to watch him ahead of me. He’s almost given me this map. And there’s a map of what to do and what not to do, and he’s guided me on both.’

Understanding parental estrangement

Miley’s comments about her father are vague, and yet very telling at the same time. She’s not saying that she’s estranged from Billy Ray, and yet at the same time, she’s explaining reasons why she’s estranged. You’re probably confused as to what it all means, and I’m here to explain it all to you. I’m not personally estranged from my parents, though my relationships with them came with their own complications. But I do know numerous people, including my husband, who are estranged from their parents.

Parental estrangement is a slippery slope. I heard a saying recently which stated that being in your child’s life is a privilege; not a right. In most cases, I can honestly say it’s true. That’s something you understand only when you have an estranged relationship with a parent yourself, or when you understand the type of person the parent in question is. My husband, for one, has always had a difficult relationship with his father, and him getting together with me, a ‘disabled girl’, only escalated the issues the issues that they already had. My father-in-law expects things to be done his way, and only his way. He wants everyone to do everything he tells them to do, and he expects nothing less. He wants everyone to agree with him and expects everyone to be on his side. He expected nothing less of my husband. In fact, he was especially hard on my husband. Whenever my husband would turn against him, his father would find a way to get his ways. With that being said, my husband was held back a lot in life, and he didn’t accomplish a lot that he aimed to accomplish because of his father.

My father-in-law had his ideas of what he wanted for his son, and that wasn’t the life my husband wanted for himself, for us, now for our son. Some might say that a person can be a sh*tty parent, but be a superb grandparent. Multiple chances were given to him when it came to my son, and he gave me and my husband enough reasons to believe that he will NEVER be someone good for my son to ever witness as an influencer that has a close connection to him. But I also can’t say I fully blame him. Throughout the years, I’d gotten to know things about his life, starting from his childhood up to now. I have an understanding as to what makes him who he is. That understanding doesn’t mean I’ll let him in into my family’s life, but they’re good enough for me as to not question his actions and not to wonder why he’s done so much damage. To me, personally, it’s more like, ‘I get where you’re coming from, but it doesn’t excuse your behaviour and it’s not a good enough reason to let you in. But I hope you’re good nonetheless.’

Some might say, ‘But he’s your husband’s father. You can’t possibly cut him out of your lives completely.’ Believe me when I say that this decision wasn’t taken lightly. It took years to make, and it was when my husband realized that his father’s presence in his life had not only an impact on him and his happiness, but the well-being and the happiness of his own son’s as well. My husband completely disowned his father a year ago. To this day, I don’t know what the breaking point for him was. All he said was that his father crossed a line that he didn’t think he ever would.

Connecting through parental estrangement

For a very long time, my husband didn’t feel like he could connect with anyone he ever tried to befriend. He felt misunderstood by his peers because they didn’t understand him and who he was as a person. It wasn’t until recently that he finally met someone who got him. He and his newfound friend practically had the same story, but with slight differences. There were actually two main differences between the two that complete changed the courses how their lives penned out.

First thing that was different about them was that my husband had one toxic parent, and his friend had both his parents be toxic parents, but he’s had a sibling to turn to for support; unlike my husband, who grew up as an only child. The second difference, which I believe is the biggest difference that made their paths in their lives so different, is that my husband’s friend ended up moving out on his own at a very young age because of his parents’ demeaning toxicity, whereas my husband stayed put and took the beating. As his friend was telling us the story of how he moved out, my husband said, my husband said that that’s something he should’ve done himself. Not moving out suddenly became his biggest regret.

The other, and probably the most crucial, part of their similar stories that make all the difference is the fact that unlike my father-in-law, my husband’s friend’s parents admitted they were wrong for how they parented their son. In fact, his father even admitted that he wasn’t a good father. And I guess that’s what my husband was looking for in his own father – accountability and remorse. All my father-in-law could’ve done was say, ‘Yes. I made mistakes. I f*cked up, and I’m sorry.’ He never got that in his adult young life, and he never will. My father-in-law will just continue telling anyone who’ll listen that he’d done the best job in the world as a parent, and that his son, as am I, is an embarrassment to the family; my father-in-law’s family. He’ll also tell you that everything I write about him on this blog is a big, fat lie, and that I’m out to get him. I know this because he’s done so already. But the kicker? I know things about him that if made public, could destroy his entire life. So if I really wanted to, I could. And why would I even lie? I’m not THAT creative. I guess I should thank him for thinking so highly of me.

Back to Billy Ray…

The once beloved Cyrus family has become broken, and we’ve come to realize over the years that Billy Ray Cyrus is one that’s most to blame. In a recent interview, Firerose opened up about her relationship with her much older ex. She said:

‘Billy had very strict rules. I didn’t have a car. I was only allowed to go to the local chiropractor and allowed once a month to get my nails done … it was systematic isolation and I couldn’t find the courage to leave. If I had to send a text, I had to read it out to him for permission. It was the same for email. withdrew …I was afraid to talk.’

‘Every day, he told me, ‘I’m getting divorced’ but he said it was complicated because of the kids, and they had been married for so long. I just accepted everything he told me to be true. I would never ever have entered into a relationship with a married man, but he was such a great manipulator.’

‘He would rage at me, shout at me at the top of his lungs. He would terrify me, yelling, ‘You stupid dumb f–ing b–ch, crazy w–re.’ It was illogical and insane and terrifying. One of his children went so far as to encourage me to leave him. There is no relationship that Billy has that is not affected by his narcissism.’

‘Knowing so many other women and so many other people who are, unfortunately, survivors of domestic abuse — and have to face all of this, every day, behind closed doors — makes me realize I have to find courage. I don’t think I have it — but I have an obligation. If I can’t use my public platform, then what chance does anybody have.’

And I absolutely believe her….

It all goes back to Miley’s words on her father’s life -specifically how his childhood made him the man that he is today. She said that in more than one interview. In one, she even broke down thinking about it. Just as mentioned before, Billy Ray Cyrus grew up poor. His parents divorced when he was really young. To him, getting attention from his fans meant the world. He craved the attention of millions of fans, female fans, worshipping him. And that need to be loved and to be worshipped elevated into his personal life as well. His first wife was a fan. His second wife was also someone who had a recognition for him and his music. And his third wife was someone he met when she was a teenager, and in her words, they were ‘best friends’ from the moment they met and onwards.

I do believe Billy Ray is a toxic person; an abusive person. Miley’s words about him were very telling. And she was very careful with her words during her interview with David Letterman, for the thought that she could be saying too much or be too direct. All I got from her is, ‘I understand my father, andi have an idea of why he is the way he is. But it’s not a good enough reason to have him in my life anymore.’ Nonetheless, Miley talking about her father got me thinking a lot about what we all think of our parents, and how what we think of them as adults says a lot about them not only as to what kind of parents they were when we were growing up, but them as people in general too. I certainly could relate to Miley’s words in more ways than one, and so do a lot of people out there.

It made me think of not only my husband’s relationship with his father, but my own parents as well, and the parents that they were to me when I was growing up, as well as the people that they are now. It also made me think of what kind of parent I want to be to my own son. I’m already making mistakes, but I’m owning up to them and making changes. I always aim to better myself. The thing about parenting is that there’s no rule book. There’s no such book as ‘Parenting For Dummies.’ We’re all just doing the best we f*cking can. Our parents did the best they f*cking could; or their own version of it. Sometimes our parents’ best isn’t good enough or isn’t the version that we needed out of them. And sometimes, the best and healthiest thing we can do for ourselves is put a distance between us and our parents, and that’s okay. It’s okay to let go. It’s okay to know when to let go. Just because our parents made us doesn’t give them the right to own us. I just hope that as an adult, my son will want to have a relationship with me and his father; and that me and his father will have the privilege to have him in our lives.