Bobbi Kristina Brown: How She Became A Victim Of Stockholm Syndrome In Her Relationship With Nick Gordon – And How She Never Had Even The Slightest Chance At A Normal Life

Bobby Brown appeared on The Jennifer Hudson Show on May 19, and he opened up to Hudson on the loss of two of his seven children, Bobby Brown Jr. and Bobbi Kristina Brown, as well as his ex-wife, Whitney Houston, Bobbi Kristina’s mother. He said of his coping with his loss, ‘Lots of prayer, first and foremost, that absolutely took me to the point where I accepted therapy in my life. I accepted going to a therapist and really working out all of the issues that I had within me. Also, just family … being there for me when I was down and when I wasn’t feeling right and when times get hard. They’re still there because it doesn’t stop. It’s not like it just goes away. It’s gonna be with you forever, but it’s about dealing with it and really paying attention to yourself. Paying attention to how you’re feeling that day and letting somebody know how you’re feeling that day. You know, not keeping it inside.’

For the sake of this particular blog entry, I’d like to put an emphasis on discussing Bobbi Kristina. The 10th anniversary of her passing is coming up in July. She passed away at just the young age of 22 after being found in a bathtub; eerily, almost the same exact manner in which Whitney Houston passed away 3 years prior. In the same interview with Hudson, Brown spoke of Huston, and very fondly, might I add. He said, ‘She taught me a lot, about life and love and about living right … she is definitely loved and missed in my heart.’ The two were married between 1992 and 2007.

Bobbi Kristina was found unconscious in a bathtub in January 2015. After 6 agonizing months of being on life support, she finally passed away while being in hospice care. It was a truly tragic death. But her life was, in a sense, also tragic. It was filled with both triumphs and struggles. In Bobby Brown’s memoir, Every Little Step, he recalled Bobbi Kristina’s childhood and wrote, ‘She often saw her mother and father high and was around the two of us when we were f*cking up … When I think about it now, I just feel enormous pain. We failed her.’ In the end, Bobbi Kristina’s death was ruled a combination of drowning and drug intoxication, according to the Fulton County Medical Examiner. The toxicology report found marijuana, alcohol, a cocaine-related substance sedative and anti-anxiety medications and morphine in Bobbi Kristina’s system. The medical examiner’s office, however, was unable to determine if her death was intentional or accidental. The medical examiner’s office stated at the time, ‘The underlying cause of death is the condition which starts the downhill course of events leading to death and in this case is the immersion associated with drug intoxication. The pneumonia and encephalopathy are more immediate causes which resulted from the immersion and drug intoxication.’

Following her death, Bobbi Kristina’s boyfriend, Nick Gordon, was found legally liable for her death and ordered to pay her estate $36 million. In the complaint, which was filed shortly after Bobbi Kristina was moved to hospice, Gordon was accused of causing substantial bodily harm and stealing money by pretending to be her husband. The complaint claimed that the couple had a heated argument, which led Gordon to give Bobbi Kristina a toxic cocktail that left her unconscious before he put her face down in the bathtub in January 2015. He wasn’t allowed to attend Bobbi Kristina’s memorial service following her death, and has since passed away as well on New Years Day 2020 of a drug overdose. Max Lomas, who found Bobbi Kristina in the bathtub, also passed away of a drug overdose in 2018. Just before his passing, he was on the road to recovery. He’d then just recently completed three months of rehab in Mississippi. He’d remained in the state following treatment, found a job and was thought to be doing well.

At the time of Bobbi Kristina’s passing, Lamas lived with the couple. He’d opened up to People magazine that drugs, partying, fights and immense pain were constants in her life the weeks before it was tragically cut short. Between January and July 2015, Bobbi Kristina never regained consciousness. Now, years after her passing, Bobbi Kristina’s legacy is lived through her father. Bobby and his wife Alicia Etheredge-Brown established the Bobbi Kristina Serenity House, a non-profit organization that, according to its website, aims to eliminate the epidemic of domestic violence against women, children, and families. The organization also brings a focus on homelessness and mental health initiatives.

Bobbi Kristina didn’t always have the best relationship with her father. While Bobby Brown previously admitted to hitting Houston in front of Bobbi Kristina while on drugs, he insisted that he wasn’t a violent man, as perceived by the public. He was even labeled as a woman beater. Brown’s relationship with his daughter, Bobbi Kristina, was often strained, marked by periods of estrangement and media scrutiny, especially after Whitney Houston’s death and Bobbi Kristina’s own passing. While there were occasional glimpses of reconciliation and attempts to mend their relationship, their dynamic remained complex. When Brown married Alicia Etheridge, Bobbi Kristina wasn’t there to support her father. A source told Us Weekly at the time, ‘Bobby Brown was desperate for her to go to his recent wedding, but she would not return his calls. Bobby got a go-between to contact Bobbi Kristina to try and persuade her, but she told them she was not going because she did not like Alicia, and that she was [busy] filming her reality show with [aunt] Pat Houston in New York. It’s a sad situation, but at the moment they’re not getting along. The wedding snub hasn’t helped with their relationship.’ In June 2014, just 6 months before she was found unconscious in her bathtub, Bobbi Kristina posted photos of her reuniting with her father on Father’s Day on Instagram.

And speaking of Instagram, Bobbi Kristina was very social on the platform up until that fateful January 2015 event. She’d post cute pictures of her life with Gordon and those she loved. She portrayed herself as just a regular 22 year old young woman figuring her sh*t out. In the photos, she looked thin, fragile, and frail. Something was obviously not right. She wanted to follow in her parents’ footsteps. She wanted to be in the entertainment business. She wanted to be an actress, a singer. And she was slowly getting to do all that. Tragically, however, she was mostly became known for her personal life rather than her potential in the work she could’ve done had she was given a chance.

Following Houston’s death, Bobbi Kristina spent the last 3 years of her life defending her relationship with Gordon. He was a family friend and moved in with Bobbi Kristina, Bobby Brown, and Whitney Houston when he was 12 years old after his mother kicked him out due to his addiction. Even after Brown and Houston’s divorce, he continued being a part of the family. He initially planned to go to the army when he turned 18, but because the mother and daughter duo didn’t want that for him, they officially took him in and he moved in with them full-time. Houston considered Gordon to be her son, and Gordon referred to her as ‘mom’. Despite being raised as Bobbi Kristina’s brother, Houston never actually legally adopted him. Houston adored Gordon. She loved and trusted him. Along with Bobbi Kristina and Houston, he’d attended movie premieres, was in a music video, went to award shows, pre Grammy parties, meeting celebrities, going to concerts around the world.

At Houston’s funeral, Bobbi Kristina and Gordon showed the world they were a united front when they attended the service together alongside Bobbi Kristina’s grandmother, Cissy. That was when they initially started dating. They also starred together on the family’s reality series, The Houstons: On Our Own, between 2012 and 2013. The show ended because the family refused to pay Gordon for his appearance. Despite being the sole beneficiary of her mother’s estate Pat and Cissy Houston went to court to try to control the amount Bobbi Kristina could inherit. It was said at least on Cissys heart she didn’t want her granddaughter getting the money too soon. Gordon got absolutely nothing in Houston’s will, and his name wasn’t even mentioned in the documents. It was reported that the exact reason for him pretending to be Bobbi Kristina’s husband was that so he could get monetary gain from the relationship and time spent with the family.

The relationship between Bobbi Kristina was filled with drug use, and at some point, turned violent. Bobbi Kristina planned to end the relationship, but the events leading up to her death stopped her. Bobby Brown claimed his and his daughter’s relationship was growing and she was open to a relationship with his wife and their children. She was planning on going to Los Angeles two days after she was found to attend her father’s birthday party and spend more time with her family. She’d also expressed interest in moving there to be closer to them and focus on a music and acting career, just like she always planned.

When Houston passed, it seemed the two were against the world, as well as Houston and Brown family. She’d faced much scrutiny from the media for dating her ‘brother’. Nevertheless, she loved him, and insisted that they were good for one another. Their love, if you could even call it that, was tumultuous, and it marked the beginning of the end for Bobbi Kristina. More than anything, Bobbi Kristina wanted you to be loved, and sadly felt that the only person that could provide that for her was the person closest to her – Gordon. He took advantage of her vulnerable state because he knew he could get something out of it. Bobbi Kristina suffered two major losses in her life. The first was her parents’ divorce. She lost a sense of stability she yearned for, as well as a male figure in her life. And the second was her mother’s passing. She lost the one person she could trust. She lost the person that she took on the role to protect. She lost the person she thought of as a sister (rather than a mother). Their relationship wasn’t your typical mother and daughter relationship. They were like best friends, and they’d always be partying together, along with Gordon. It’s said that the day before the Grammy’s, Houston took Bobbi, Kristina, the then-teenager and recent high school graduate to a bar. Just a few hours later, Houston had saved Bobbi Kristina from potential drowning in a bathtub, which ended up being the same manner of death in which she died hours later; as well as the same manner of death in which her daughter died 3 years later. Gordon was there when it happened.

Houston’s death left Bobbi Kristina with a broken heart. Gordon became her protector; her guiding light. That was at least in Bobbi Kristina’s point of view. She alienated her family and grew closer to Gordon; becoming engaged to him shortly after Houston’s death. It was a calculated move in Gordon’s mind. Bobbi Kristina was to inherit all of Houston’s fortune in instalments, the first one being when she was 21 years old, and what’s a better way to get access to it than a marriage? Nothing. Their relationship was volatile. It was filled with agony, despair, chaos and convulsion. At one point, Gordon’s abuse had severed to the point where one occasion broke Bobbi Kristina’s tooth. While doing my research for this blog entry, I watched a documentary-style vlog on Bobbi Kristina’s life, and someone made a comment that they’d seen the couple when the commentator worked at the gym they’d frequented. The commentator said they’d hang out with the couple as well, from time to time. Contrary to what is believed to be true publicly, the commentator said that Bobbi Kristina and Gordon were abusive to each other; that they were both toxic; and that they’d abused each other publicly.

This was never confirmed. To me, it seems to be like another case of victim blaming. No matter the case, it was evident that Bobbi Kristina wanted to leave Gordon. She bought plane tickets to move closer to her father and his family. She was excited for the future. She wrote on X, formerly known as Twitter, ‘I Get Hit I Get Up’ just two days before she was found unconscious in the bathtub. She was looking ahead for the future. But Gordon wouldn’t allow her to be free. Just two days after she made tweets about her freedom and career aspirations, Bobbi Kristina got into a heated fight, which was witnessed by two of their friends, Daniella Bradley and Max Lomas. Thereafter Gordon gave Bobbi Kristina a cocktail mixed with drugs and put her in the bathtub face down in cold water, which caused her severe brain damage. Though the medical examiner couldn’t define whether the manner of death was accidental, suicide, or even murder, it was evident just by Bobbi Kristina’s social media activity from days before that she was looking ahead for the better days in the near future. That future was taken away from her by the man who claimed to love her.

The graphic events of the horror Bobbi Kristina had faced didn’t even end there. The circumstances surrounding her death were far fetched. She had over 30 well-healed scars all over her body. She had two missing teeth. And she weighed 95 pounds. These details raised chilling concerns about the manner of her death and what led to it. What happened after her death also raised concerns because even though he kept on insisting that he had nothing to do with Bobbi Kristina’s tragic death, Gordon was withdrawing thousands of dollars from her bank account in the days that followed. He refused to answer any of the family’s questions surrounding Bobbi Kristina’s death, and acted in such a way that only fuelled suspicion. The day Bobbi Kristina’s autopsy was completed, Gordon was photographed by paparazzi. He was happy; smiling ear to ear. He told them, ‘I’m glad this sh*t is over.’ He didn’t seem to be phased by his ‘wife’ passing away in any shape or form, at least publicly.

When Gordon appeared on Dr. Phil, however, he told a different story. In 2016, he appeared on the show for a second time, where he opened up about his and Bobbi Kristina’s drug addiction, as well as how it worsened following Whitney Houston’s death. He said, ‘It was unfortunate but at the time that’s kind of the only way we knew how to deal with what had happened. I was drinking so much at the time because I could not deal with what was happening to Krissy. It mentally broke me. That’s the lowest point in my life right there. How does that happen to one person and then happen the second time? It was just so similar. All the sirens and all that stuff. It was horrible. Regardless of what everybody thinks, I made Krissy and Whitney’s last few years on earth as happy as they would be. I gave them somebody to trust, to talk to, to be there, someone genuine. Bobby] hurt his own daughter, not me. I was the one there for her while she was dealing with him not being there. He’s not a reasonable person so I’m not planning on talking to him and I really don’t want to.’

Following his appearance on Dr. Phil in 2015, Gordon entered rehab for alcohol and Xanax abuse. At the time, he thought it was an interview that he was doing with the talk show host (and doctor), but Dr. Phil and Gordon’s mother, Michelle, had other plans. They secretly set up an intervention for the reality star and Bobbi Kristina’s boyfriend. His mother had initially reached out to Dr. Phil to get help for her son. At that time, Gordon had threatened to kill himself, taken several pills and maxed out on alcohol binges after being denied opportunities to see Bobbi Kristina, who was still fighting for her life before eventually passing away. Gordon displayed himself as a drugged, drunk and hysterical man filled with pain. He walked in and out, shouted, cried and had trouble breathing; all within minutes of each other. His words were slurred as he admitted to being drunk and high on Xanax. He had no idea his mother would be there, but was happy to see her nonetheless. Even in all his turmoil, he was yet a respectful young man to his mother and Dr. Phil. Gordon was aware that he was having a public meltdown and asked Dr. Phil not to put it on television. He said he couldn’t believe he was crying for the entire world to see, and felt that he’d appear weak if the interview’ was to be released.

But if Gordon loved Bobbi Kristina like he claimed he did, why was she missing two teeth, had over 30 well healed scars on her body and weighed only 95 pounds when she was found unconscious in the bathtub that fateful January 31? And why did he deliberately put her in that bathtub face down? So this begs the question: Do abusers actually love their partners? The fact of the matter is, abusers DON’T love their partners as they claim to do. Abusers are narcissists who are only capable of loving themselves. Let me be clear: any type of abuse, whether physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, or financial isn’t normal. Victims are only seen as objects to their abusers, as a means to get what they want. They have no emotions; no empathy. Abusers know exactly what they want. They are good at the art of deception. They will say it, but only show signs of it when it benefits themselves. They use the love bombing tactic on their victims. This particular tactic is a red flag and a sign of abuse. Other tactics include gaslighting, form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to impose a false version of reality on the victim; negging, which means disguising an insult or criticism in a statement that appears, on the surface, to be a compliment; emotional control, a form of psychological abuse that involves influencing a person’s emotions in order to hold them under control; cold shouldering, a form of emotional deprivation, also referred to as the silent treatment; social restriction, where the abusive partner will often try to isolate the victim, such as limit their access to those close to them in order to weaken them psychologically; sleep deprivation, where the abuser may deliberately deprive the victim of sleep, with the aim of making them more vulnerable; and finally, Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender (DARVO), a very common tactic, in which the aggressor uses different elements of reality to cast the victim in the role of abuser and position themselves as the victim.

And the victim in the entire situation; they suffer from Stockholm Syndrome – coping mechanism to a captive or abusive situation. People develop positive feelings toward their captors or abusers over time. This condition applies to situations including child abuse, coach-athlete abuse, relationship abuse and sex trafficking. The term itself is a specific psychological phenomenon, and its use should be reserved for situations where it aligns with the definition. It’s used to describe a situation where the ‘hostage’ develops positive feelings or even a sense of loyalty towards their captor. In this particular case, we’re talking about Bobbi Kristina. For the most part, her surgeon is being avoided when referring to stockholm syndrome because she was never clinically or officially rendered to as a victim of domestic violence, especially since she was trying so hard to prove to the world that her ‘husband’ was a good guy. But who’s to say that she wasn’t someone who suffered from Stockholm syndrome? This was, after all, her mother’s story and the life she’d witnessed her mother endure at the hands of her father. In 2007, Houston got full custody of Bobbi Kristina on the basis that her father was deemed unfit to parent due to his addiction.

Bobbi Kristina’s upbringing was anything but normal. I previously stated that the two major life events in her life were her parents’ divorce and her mother’s death. But everything that led to her parents’ divorce was devastating, to say the least. We, the people from the outside looking in, had a chance to get a glimpse into their very dysfunctional family dynamic in their 2005 reality series, Being Bobby Brown. At the time, Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston were just a year away from separating, and by that point, they were 13 years into their marriage. Bobbi Kristina was 12 years old. She got a front row seat into their volatile, abusive, codependent marriage. It was more than she bargained for. It was more than any 12 year old girl should have to witness in her home life. While Bobbi Kristina’s life situation and her relationship with Nick Gordon didn’t officially define itself as being Stockholm syndrome, that of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown did. But while Houston’s relationship with Brown was undeniably abusive, with allegations of physical and emotional abuse, which was witnessed by Bobbi Kristina, some might say that it’d more accurate to describe her situation as one of enduring and coping with abuse, rather than experiencing Stockholm Syndrome. To break things down more thoroughly:

• Abuse and Addiction: Brown’s history of violence, including battery charges and threats against Houston, is well-documented. Both Houston and Brown struggled with drug addiction, which further exacerbated their tumultuous relationship. 
• Lack of Control and Power: Houston was reportedly trapped in a cycle of abuse and addiction, struggling to gain control over her life and relationships. 
• Stockholm Syndrome vs. Abuse: While some have suggested that Houston’s continued support for Brown, even in the face of abuse, might be a sign of Stockholm Syndrome, it’s more likely that she was navigating a complex situation with significant challenges and may have developed coping mechanisms to survive. 
• Importance of Understanding Abuse: It’s crucial to remember that enduring abuse can be a very difficult and isolating experience, and that Houston’s relationship with Brown was marked by unhealthy behaviors and dynamics, not necessarily Stockholm Syndrome. 

Bobby Brown is, as mentioned previously in this blog entry, remarried. So this leads me to ask another question: Can abusers ever change? Change is possible, but truly overcoming abusiveness can be an ongoing, often lifelong process. No one deserves abuse, and it’s never too late to seek help. While we hope abusive partners will change, it’s not always realistic to expect that they can and will. I don’t think that, if Brown and Houston stayed married, he would’ve ever changed his behaviour. Once a cycle of abuse begins, it’s unlikely to stop on its own. Tension and incidents are at risk of progressively worsening over time and cause untold trauma. The best way to break the abusive cycle is to recognize it for what it is and find a way to leave the relationship or seek outside help. That’s exactly what Brown and Houston did when they ended their marriage.

Bobby Brown’s violence stemmed from toxic masculinity. He had the old-school notion of what a domesticated family life should look like. The man provides for his family. A woman stays home to take of their children. But in the Brown-Houston household, things turned out the opposite. Though both Brown and Houston were artists in their own right, Houston’s fame became bigger and bigger, especially with the release of The Bodyguard’ co-starring Kevin Costner. Houston worked her butt off while Brown was with their daughter. Although she claimed Brown was emotionally abusive, she denied physical abuse, saying ‘he slapped me once, but he got hit in the head three times by me.’ In 2003, Brown was arrested for allegedly striking Houston. She supported her husband during court appearances, and he wasn’t convicted, denying ever hitting her.

No matter the case, one thing holds true, and it’s that Bobbi Kristina’s life was anything but normal. Knowing what we know about her upbringing, it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise that she found solace in someone like Nick Gordon, and that she insisted that what they had was, indeed, love. After all, she didn’t have the best example early in her life to show her what a healthy relationship looks like. Instead, the example she had was filled with turmoil, anger and sadness – much like what her relationship with Gordon ended up to be; and in the end, it killed her. In hindsight, Nick Gordon got something right in his testament on Bobby Brown’s role in Bobbi Kristina’s death. Though not directly, he did have a sense of responsibility for his daughter’s early demise. Bobby Brown did eventually get his sh*t together, at least judging by what we see publicly. But it was too little too late. Nick Gordon was the person she wanted. He was the person she thought she needed. He was the person that she thought was good to her because this was the example set to her at an early age. In the end, the relationship ended up killing her. Bobbi Kristina’s upbringing, characterized by her parents’ fame, public struggles, and substance abuse, profoundly impacted her life. She faced intense media scrutiny, experienced the challenges of a celebrity child, and endured her parents’ difficulties with addiction and divorce, contributing to her own struggles with substance abuse and emotional instability. To elaborate on the matter further:

• Media Scrutiny: Bobbi Kristina grew up under the public eye, with her family issues playing out in the media. This constant attention and scrutiny, especially concerning her weight and her parents’ struggles, likely contributed to her own insecurities and self-esteem issues. 
• Celebrity Child Challenges: Being the daughter of two famous stars, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown, meant navigating a world of privilege and public life. This often came with its own set of challenges, including the pressure to live up to her parents’ legacy and the constant comparison to her mother’s success. 
• Parental Substance Abuse and Divorce: Bobbi Kristina’s parents, both struggling with substance abuse, experienced a public divorce in 2007. This instability and the constant exposure to drug use likely had a significant impact on her mental and emotional health. 
• Substance Abuse and Emotional Instability: Bobbi Kristina’s own struggles with substance abuse were likely a direct result of her upbringing and the challenges she faced. She reportedly used a variety of drugs, and her life was marked by cycles of rehab and relapse. 
• Grief and Trauma: The death of her mother, Whitney Houston, in 2012, was a deeply traumatic event that likely exacerbated her pre-existing emotional difficulties. She needed hospitalization after her mother’s death. 
• Parental Figure: Whitney Houston was not only a mother, but a best friend to Bobbi Kristina, and her death was a devastating loss. 
• Early Trauma: Despite a privileged upbringing, Bobbi Kristina endured early traumas, including the public nature of her parents’ struggles and the death of her mother. 
• Limited Life Skills: Some sources suggest that Bobbi Kristina may not have developed the life skills needed to navigate the challenges of her upbringing. 
• Need for More Time to Grieve: Some sources suggest that Bobbi Kristina needed more time to grieve the loss of her mother and other traumas she experienced. The reality show she did with her family was truly unnecessary and only added to her grief. That’s at least what I believe.

The End…