Cardi B: The Essence Of A Toxic Partner Overstaying Their Welcome In A Marriage – And The Effect A Meddler With A Dark Personality Has On The Relationship When Kids Are Involved

After rumours swirled that Cardi B was in a new relationship, she finally made things official with Stefon Diggs after she and the NFL player were seen together at the Boston Celtics and New York Knicks game at Madison Square Garden earlier this month. The new couple were seen attending the same events these past few months, like the Met Glass and Coachella, but never together or side by side. And finally, we saw her smiling ear to ear, something we hadn’t seen her do in a long, time. And aside from this new outing, the rapper flaunted her newfound happiness on social media. She posted on X, previously known as Twitter, ‘You know when you got a gorgeous n***a loving and f*** you from head to toe. It’s like, I don’t give a f*** what anybody say when you got a real fine n***a that loves you from head to toe.’

This marked to be a great milestone for the rapper, as it marked the official end to her relationship with Offset. The former couple had a fairly turbulent relationship and marriage in the years that they were together. Her relationship with him was mostly characterized by a complex timeline with periods of togetherness and separation, punctuated by accusations of infidelity and reconciliations. They secretly married in 2017 and welcomed their first child, Kulture, in 2018. In 2020, Cardi B filed for divorce, but they reconciled and welcomed their second child, Wave, in 2021. Cardi B has publicly acknowledged being single and the end of her relationship with Offset, and she filed for divorce again in late July 2024. Later in September, they welcomed their third child, a daughter. Despite the split, Offset was right by Cardi B’s side.

Their relationship was exhausting. I personally couldn’t keep up with them breaking up and getting back together. One day they’re filing for divorce, and the next, they’re seen kissing and canoodling. Throughout the 7 years that they were together, rumours of infertility just couldn’t stop from spreading – both on his side, as well as on hers. By the media, their relationship was seen as unattainable. An instance of this would be Offset’s public actions and subsequent apology being seen as manipulative or calculated rather than genuinely remorseful. An article by The New York Times noted that some saw Offset’s apology as dismissive of Cardi B’s achievements and an outdated playbook for a relationship. Additionally, Cardi B’s own statements, while acknowledging the need to work on the relationship, revealed a degree of personal frustration with Offset’s actions, according to BBC News. The apology I’m referring to is set back in 2018, when Cardi B first filed for divorce. At the time, she told her millions of fans in an Instagram video, ‘I guess we grew out of love, but we’re not together anymore. I don’t know, it might take time to get a divorce. And I’m going to always have a lot of love for him because he is my daughter’s father. Male rappers and Offset’s friends like 50 Cent and The Game commented on the video encouraging her to take Offset back and to just forget about the divorce proceedings.

Offset then made a public bid for his wife’s forgiveness on Friday in a video on Instagram in which he apologized, saying he had acted like a selfish, messed-up husband.’ Hours later, he joined the rapper 21 Savage onstage at Rolling Loud, a music festival in Los Angeles, where 21 Savage told fans to scream ‘Cardi, take Offset back!’ At the very same festival, during Cardi B’s headlining set, Offset walked onto the stage, accompanied by floral arrangements that spelled out ‘Take Me Back Cardi.’ The move was straight out of a rom-com, and perhaps this grand gesture might’ve worked and perceived as cute and adorable had we seen it in a fictional movie. After about a minute, Offset left the stage and the flowers were wheeled off. Then Cardi returned to her performance.

The festival was a big milestone for Cardi B. She was the first female headliner, and this made Offset’s actions appear not only calculating and coercive to observers, but also dismissive of a notable achievement. It wasn’t romantic. It was disrespectful. And others agreed with me. Frederick Joseph, the founder of a nonprofit creative marketing agency, posted a popular video on X, formerly known as Twitter, calling out Offset. He said in a phone call, ‘This is extremely toxic and blatantly abusive. You’re in front of hundreds of thousands of people, just to have your moment taken away and taken in a direction you had no intention on.’ Amanda Seal, an actress and former host on The Real, posted a series of videos on Instagram calling out the rapper. She said, ‘It’s toxic because it is somebody who has created the negativity in the situation trying to control the situation.’ And finally, Julia Lippman, a research fellow at the University of Michigan who has studied media, questioned just how genuine Offset’s grand gesture was to begin with, especially given that he had an album being released at the time that he needed to promote. She said, ‘The fact that people are calling it out and this is part of the public discourse, that maybe this isn’t all that romantic and all that desirable, I don’t want to say it’s new in feminist spaces, but it’s new in the mainstream.’

Following the backlash, Offset wrote on X, ‘All of my wrongs have been made public, i figure It’s only right that my apologies are made public too. A n—- was just trying …..thank god I ain’t got no balloons sheeesh.’ My question that would be, ‘But did you have to do it at the expense of HER moment?!’ Nevertheless, Cardi B forgave Offset for his cheating and they got back together. This leads me to discuss the new Netflix reality show, Cheat: Unfinished Business, hosted by actress and media personality, Amanda Holden, as well as dating coach and podcaster, Paul Carrick Brunson. In a nutshell, it’s a show where the ‘sun, scandal, and second chances collide in this reality show in which former cheaters reconnect with their exes.’

I was initially hesitant about watching the show. Netflix reality shows don’t have a good track record. And I know because I watched so many of them. With some, I couldn’t even get through the first episode. Just read my previous blog entry on Meghan Markle and her Newest Netflix series, With Love, Meghan. It should’ve actually been called, With Cringe, Meghan. This particular Netflix show, however, was better than I expected. In hindsight, even though neither my husband or I ever cheated in our relationship, Paul Carrick Brunson’s guidance on the former couples’ relationships on the show helped us get an insight into how to strengthen our own marriage dynamic, which I’m not even going to lie, can sometimes be dysfunctional.

The show followed eight couples on a retreat to see whether or not they could move past their unfaithful pasts. As the series progressed throughout its 9 episodes, the eight couples had to decide whether they could work through their issues or if they wanted to break up instead. Only three of the eight couples thrived on the Netflix TV show, while five called it quits for good. Of course, just like there is in any other reality show, drama erupted between the couples. There was even a love triangle that evolved. It was unhinged. I’m talking about the love triangle between Rebecca Gormley – Craig Braham – Jazz Jessica. Rebecca initially came to the retreat with Biggs-Marvin Chris, who’d cheated on her. They initially met on season 6 of Love Island, but didn’t start dating until after filming. They joined Cheat: Unfinidhed Business in hopes of finding their happy and rekindle what they had. Rebecca was initially open to it, but then she made a connection with Craig Braham, who came to the retreat with Jazz. Rebecca and Craig had a flirtatious relationship throughout the show, which they hid from their respective former partners, but everyone else could see. In the end, Both Jazz and Biggs found out about their former partners stringing them along, and both decided to leave the retreat.

It was 4 weeks between the time all the couples left the retreat and the last reckoning. In those 4 weeks, Craig went ahead with dating both women and engaging in sexual relationships with them. Neither woman knew about the other until afterwards, and it ended in heartbreak for all parties involved at the final reckoning on episode 9. Jazz ended her relationship with Craig for good upon finding out. Rebecca said she never wanted to see Craig ever again, and Biggs, who was left absolutely heartbroken after genuinely trying work things out with Rebecca, was left blindsided and heartbroken. Since the series ended, both Jazz and Craig seem to be single, as well as Rebecca. Biggs is in a relationship with hairstylist Emily McLean. He also has a child from a previous relationship.

Another couple on the show was Liam Southward and Olivia Wellbourne. At the time of filming, they were together for 10 years, on-and-off. Their relationship was rocky because Olivia suspected that Liam had cheated on her. Liam initially denied the allegations of him being unfaithful, but then admit to his wrongdoings. Still, Olivia and Liam decided to make the most of being in the retreat to truly see if they were meant to be together. They had very difficult conversations one on one, as well as with their loved ones, including Liam’s sister and mom. In thd end, the couple decided to stay together and work through their differences. On May 7, they confirmed that they’re still together when they jointly posted on Instagram, ‘No one else truly knows what we’ve been through, and while people may judge, they don’t define us. You’ve proven time and again how much our love means to you. I fell deeply in love with you not just because you’re incredibly attractive and hilarious but because of your huge heart. I’m so excited for what lies ahead. Love you.’

And they’re absolutely right; no one ever knows goes on behind closed doors between two people in a relationship. Olivia’s best friend, who was briefly featured on the show when she came to visit Olivia, certainly thought she knew it all and even had the audacity to tell Olivia what to do in her relationship with Liam. The friend was the one who told Olivia of Liam’s infidelity, and was very much against Olivia getting back together with him. When she came to visit Olivia at the resort, she grilled Liam and later let her feelings known of him to Olivia. She bluntly told her that she shouldn’t get back together with him and needs to forget about his existence instead.

Olivia’s best friend very quite literally pissed me the f*ck off. She just seemed to be so out of reach and out of touch with her boundaries. She didn’t know when to shut the f*ck up. I literally screamed at my TV during that particular scene when she was alone with Olivia telling her to break things off with Liam. I was so happy to know that Olivia ended the friendship with her, as well as with the rest of their friends group lookup as they were all closer with her former best friend, as per her revelation to Paul Carrick Brunson at the last reckoning. Brunson urged her to reconcile with her friends, and at the very end of the last episode, it was revealed that 9 months after the experiment ended, she reconciled with her. I certainly had some opinions about that, because…

This was the one time I believe that Paul Carrick Brunson didn’t give the best dating advice. The advice he gave to Olivia is great advice for anyone that’s in the dating phase, but not when it comes to a long-term relationship where there’s an intention for a marriage in the future; to be united as one and become a family. Olivia did the right thing by ending the friendship with her best friend and distancing herself from her friends group to be reunited with Liam. She did right by her relationship. She stood her ground and didn’t allow anyone to walk all over her; no matter how hard it might’ve been for her. A recent paper by Collisson and collaborator, published in the 2021 issue of Journal Of Social and Personal Relationships, revealed that it was people with dark personality traits that meddle in others’ relationships. This is called The Dark Triad, and refers to people with three particular personality traits. These are narcissism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism, as well as sadism. To describe it more clearly:

• Narcissists believe themselves to be special; they desire status and power.
• Psychopaths are callous manipulators who lack guilt or empathy.
• Machiavellians are deceitful and calculating.
• Sadists are cruel; they gain pleasure and enjoyment from causing suffering.

In my own life and in my own relationship with my husband, the person was always my father-in-law. In my eyes, he represented exactly these personality traits in his meddling in my relationship with my husband. As the years progressed, the meddling worsened; to the extent that it almost soured our relationship. Cutting ties with a parent isn’t the same as cutting ties with a friend. It’s much more complex than that. A lot more goes into it, especially when the parent is so poisonous and dangerous. In hindsight, his meddling in my relationship became abusive over time. He just couldn’t fathom the fact that his son married a ‘cripple’. He was embarrassed by the mere thought of it. He’d never even acknowledge me in public, and he’d always pretend I wasn’t there to begin with. He had his own personal views of the woman that was right for his son, and even after his son had proposed to me, he set his son up on a date with exactly that woman, and he did so in a very deceitful way, as though his son was going to a ‘work meeting’. If he ever offered us help in any way, it was always for his personal agenda. There were two specific instances. The first was him offering us to live in his house rent free, which was for him to put his son through a test and for him to be able to say ‘I told you so,’ had things not worked out between us. It was for him to be able to say that he was right in saying things like I wouldn’t be able to take care of the household and do basic things like cook, clean, etc. The second thing was when he offered us to do our taxes. It was obviously a way for him to get the opportunity to creep into our finances, specifically mine.

At one point, my husband and I separated because of his father’s meddling and treatment of him. I broke up with my husband and told him I couldn’t take having a third person in our marriage anymore. Not only was there a third person in our marriage, but my husband worked for him too in his business. There were times his father wouldn’t pay him his salary if he didn’t do as he was told. I was very serious in my decision to break things off with my husband. I gave him a timeline of when to move out, and had made plans to meet with a lawyer to begin divorce proceedings. I even started dating again. The guy was great, at least on paper. He probably would’ve been my second husband. He made me feel the most free when we were together. But it had to do with the fact that I didn’t have to deal with my father-in-law rather than him being a better match for me than my husband. He and I broke up because I was still married and had unfinished business with my husband. My husband practically begged me to take him back, and said he’d do anything to gain my trust. I gave it another shot. My husband quit his job, got a new one, and went low contact with his father. For the most part, he’d only ever have any communication with him for the sake of his little sisters.

Nothing he ever offered was out of the goodness of his heart; if he even has one to begin with. There was always something in it for him. Nothing good came out of ever having anything to do with him. We knew it, and therefore, kept a distance. But low contact was deemed not enough. My father-in-law’s need desperate need for control only escalated once my husband and I had our son. I was going through a severe postpartum depression during the first two years of my son’s life. There was too much noice around me, people telling me what to do. My husband thought that even though his father couldn’t be a good father, then maybe he could be a good grandfather. I already knew it wasn’t possible, and was very much against giving him even the slightest of chance to see my son. My husband begged. We fought constantly about it. He didn’t allow me to enjoy the moment with my son, and I felt he was more worried about his father than me during my time of need. It was brutal. I allowed his father to see my son once, and then was tricked to allow him to see him a second time, where he told me he didn’t give a sh*t about my son. That was the end of it for me, and I didn’t care what my husband had to say about it. I wasn’t going to allow my son be a part of my father-in-law’s dramatic meltdowns. My husband still couldn’t see my point, but a few months later, something happened between my husband and his father that made him decide to go completely no contact with him. He told me what had happened. And you know what, he had it coming. I don’t actually care what happened between them; I only care for my own well being and safety, as well as that of my son and my family, and that includes my husband. We still were in communication with my husband’s sisters and their mother, my husband’s stepmother for a year thereafter. But then, his stepmother showed a side of her that neither I nor my husband would ever accept in our lives, but especially that of our son. She was hostile, said some very nasty things to me, like that I was a sh*tty mother because I didn’t do as she told me to do with my son, yelled at my son because he was acting like a typical toddler at her house and wasn’t acting like a robot, and then proceeded to him like he was a piece of garbage. People talk to their maids more respectfully than she talked to us. My husband told her to apologize. She did, but her apology was hostile, fake, and even worse than the actions she was apologizing for. My son’s first words to me were ‘I love you,’ so it’s fair to say that HE believes in a good mom, and that’s the only opinion that matters. I cried tears of joy when I heard those words from him, and to my husband’s stepmother I’d say, ‘F*CK YOU!’ But also, if she ever apologizes, stop meddling in our life and telling us what to do, how to parent our son, and make assumptions about our marriage, and actually takes responsibility for actions, I’d consider allowing her to be a part of our lives. For now, though, if she feels it’s okay to showcase my father-in-law’s personality traits, especially in the presence of my son, then she will not be a part of our lives.

Ok, that was a heck of a lot of information right there. And you’re probably wondering what my own personal experience has to do with all of this, especially as my marriage didn’t suffer infidelities or even allegations of infidelities. Well, this actually has a lot to do with it because we’re talking about people from the outside meddling in one’s relationship, which was a big attribute in Olivia’s relationship with Liam on Cheat: Unfinished Business. Not only was Olivia estranged from her friends, but her family too. During the last reckoning, she revealed that she reconciled with her mother in the 4 weeks since she and Liam left the retreat, which truly great to hear. Her mother realized that no matter what she thought of her daughter’s relationship with her cheating ex, the decision of whether or not her daughter should stay with Liam was ultimately her daughter’s; not hers, and she backed off. She allowed her daughter to make her own life choices, even if she herself thought it was a mistake. My husband’s family did not – for years. When family or friends meddle in your romantic relationships, it can cause significant stress and strain on both your relationships and your mental well-being. They may offer unsolicited advice, highlight perceived problems in your relationship, or even attempt to undermine your partner. This is everything my husband’s father and stepmother did to us.

Why does it happen:

• Well-intentioned but misguided: Family and friends may believe they are trying to help, but their interference can be harmful and damaging to the relationship. 
• Personal opinions and biases: They may have their own opinions about your partner or the relationship, and they may not fully understand the complexities of your relationship. 
• Seeking control or validation: Some individuals may have a need to control or validate themselves by offering unsolicited advice or interfering in others’ lives. 
• Dark personality traits: Research suggests that those with dark personality traits like narcissism may be more likely to interfere in others’ relationships. 

How to address meddling:

• Set boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries about what you are and are not willing to accept in terms of their involvement in your relationship. 
• Limit interactions: Consider limiting contact with those who consistently meddle to reduce the impact on your well-being. 
• Focus on your own relationship: Remember that your relationship is your own, and you and your partner are best equipped to navigate it. 
• Seek support: If you are struggling with the meddling, reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for support. 
• Prioritize self-care: Practice self-care to build resilience and cope with the stress of dealing with meddling. 

In my case, the meddling in my relationship with my husband our and family life was due to the other people’s dark personality, need for control, and their personal opinions. For Olivia, other people’s meddling in her relationship Liam was well-intentioned, but misguided. No matter the case, and no matter what the reason for the meddling might be, one has to do what’s right by their relationship with their partner. It doesn’t matter whether or not there are kids involved; but it’s especially essential when there are kids involved. It’s important to protect their well-being and allow other people’s dramas into their lives.

And so this brings me to circle things around and bring back the conversation to Cardi B and her estranged marriage to Offset. I don’t believe that they should’ve been together in the first place; or at least, I don’t believe Cardi B should’ve taken Offset back following his grand gesture and him getting his friends involved in the process. Yes, it would’ve meant that two of her three children wouldn’t have been born, but who’s to say that her life would’ve turned out worse had she not forgiven him? She certainly deserved more than what she was given in her relationship with Offset. She deserved to be treated with kindness and respect. And the men that meddled and told her to ‘just forget’ about divorce proceedings should be ashamed of themselves. Other people, including family members, have allegedly meddled in Cardi B and Offset’s marriage and relationship. This has been a significant factor in their ongoing drama, including accusations of infidelity, financial mismanagement, and alleged manipulation. This includes Offset’s mother. Cardi B has publicly accused Offset’s mother of ‘robbing’ her and allegedly manipulating the situation. There had been rumors in the past, as well as allegations of infidelity involving Offset and other women, which have been a source of conflict and have been publicized by various sources. And while not explicitly named, Cardi B has stated that there were people in her inner circle who gossiped about her and Offset’s relationship. The media also played a role in the demise of the relationship, as it provoked a public perception of their marriage, sometimes exacerbating tensions. 

Offset isn’t good to Cardi B; he’s never been good to Cardi B, and now, following their divorce proceedings, his behaviour towards her is becoming more disturbing and more unacceptable. Aside from making threats to her, he’s also been trying to meddle in Cardi B’s love life – all because he now knows that he can’t have her. As Cardi B herself said on X Spaces, ‘This man sent text messages to somebody that I was dealing with of me and him having sex. That’s the type of sh*t I’ve been dealing with.’ That’s downright internet rape. But will the people that encouraged Cardi B to take Offset back and cancel divorce proceedings be defending him now?

I’m appalled I’m actually appalled. But this is a great lesson for all of us to learn. It’s a lesson that we need need to learn and never forget about: to never listen to the outside noice about your own relationship, and instead, do only what’s right for you, even if it’s at a cost. Go with your gut and instinct; and leave the noice behind. What we can also learn from Cardi B and Offset’s divorce offers several lessons about relationships, communication, and co-parenting. It highlights the importance of open communication, setting boundaries, and the potential for reconciliation, even after legal proceedings are initiated. To break it down more thoroughly:

• Importance of Communication: Cardi B’s public statements and actions, including filing for divorce and then later publicly expressing reconciliation, showcase the need for clear and open communication within a relationship. 
• Setting Boundaries: The divorce filing and subsequent comments suggest that Cardi B was not willing to tolerate certain behaviors and set boundaries for herself and her children. 
• Potential for Reconciliation: While the divorce was filed, the couple’s subsequent reconciliation and continued co-parenting demonstrate that relationships can be rebuilt and that sometimes, even after legal actions, couples can find a way to work things out. 
• Co-Parenting Challenges: The ongoing divorce and subsequent co-parenting arrangements highlight the challenges of navigating a relationship breakup while still being responsible for children. 
• The Impact of Social Media: The public nature of their relationship, including social media exchanges and live streams, reveals how social media can both amplify and complicate personal struggles. 
• The Role of Financial Independence: Cardi B’s financial independence likely played a role in her decision to file for divorce and her ability to set her own terms in the relationship. 
• Acceptance of Change: Cardi B’s willingness to reconsider the relationship after Offset made changes demonstrates the potential for growth and change in a relationship, even after significant difficulties. 
• Impact on Children: While the couple has publicly expressed their desire for their children’s well-being, the divorce and subsequent drama can have a significant impact on the children. 
• Navigating Public Attention: The couple’s public lives mean that their relationship, and its breakdown, has been intensely scrutinized by the public, highlighting the challenges of managing personal lives in the spotlight. 

So can a relationship survive cheating? Yes, but only if the person who cheated is willing to make a change and gain the other person’s trust back. In Offset’s case, it wasn’t ever meant to be, and he overstayed his welcome in Cardi B’s life. I just hope the kids are okay…