Michelle Williams: The Lessons Learned About Marriage And Divorce Through Her 3 Works Of Art – And What We Can Do In Our Own Lives To Better Ourselves

Discussing widowhood in my two previous blog entries certainly wasn’t easy. It’s a club that no one ever wants to be a part of, but life sometimes has its own twists and turns, and with that said, brings on new challenges that no one can ever imagine having to overcome. In my previous post, I discussed Sarah Jessica Parker’s Carrie Bradshaw from And Just Like That character development as a widow following Mr. Big’s death. I also talked about the disrespect that was shown towards Big following his death – both by Carrie and Aidan – when the romance between the two of them was rekindled (again).

Moreover, we discussed real lives of real women who’d gone through widowhood. These women include Amanda Kloots, Michelle Williams, and Kelsey Parker. These three have something in common, which is that they found their happy again following such heartbreak. And yes, I realize that Allison Holker is a part of the club of widowhood as well. And yes, I realize that she found her happy again as well. But I have opinions on how she handled her situation in respecting her deceased husband, Stephen Boss, who died by suicide in 2022, and his family, following his death. Her memoir, This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, And Embracing the Light, details her journey from her career as a dancer and TV personality to the loss of her husband. It explores her struggle with grief, resilience, and the discovery of hidden struggles in her late husband’s life. There was one particular problem in all of this, and it was that in the book, she included her husband’s personal journal entries where he wrote about his struggles in the aftermath of being sexually assaulted as a child. In an interview with People to promote the book, she also detailed his drug addiction, which was something his family denied following the interview’s release. It’s important to note that no drugs or alcohol were found in his system at the time of his death, as per his autopsy report. Boss’s family and friends then revealed that she made them sign an NDA before allowing them to attend his funeral. She made his own mother sign it. I previously wrote an entire blog entry detailing everything that had happened, so you can certainly check other out – but only after you read this one.

Here, however, I want to focus more on the positives; or as much of it as I possibly can, especially when writing about such heavy subject matters that aren’t easy to divulge into. Unlike Holker, the women that we did, in fact, focus on in the previous blog entry for their happy following heartbreak while still positively respecting their deceased partners. Getting to write about Michelle Williams, in particular, and her journey of widowhood and moving forward with her life in the 17 years since Heath Ledger’s passing, reminded me so much of the great work that she’d done in her career. It seems that no matter what great work she does, no matter how many awards she wins and is nominated for, and no matter how many years have passed since the events that followed his untimely passing, she’ll always known as Heath Ledger’s widow. And that’s even with the fact that she’s been a working actress since she was 12 years old – much earlier than she ever met Ledger to begin with. I didn’t realize just how many of her movies I watched throughout the years, and it’s a lot. For this particular blog entry, however, I want to discuss 3 works of art of hers. These are Blue Valentine, Take This Waltz, and Dying For Sex. All these 3 projects have different representations, portrayals and depiction of relationships, particularly in the point of view of the woman in relationships – both positive and negative.

Blue Valentine is 2010 movie which also starred Ryan Gosling. While appearing on the Armchair Expert With Dax Shepard podcast, Williams opened up about having to live with Gosling during production of the film. She said, ‘We took a break in filming, and [then] we lived together, office hours [style], like 9 to 5. We did these improvisations during the day, honestly, to figure out ways to annoy each other and to destroy this thing that we had made. Derek (the director) was like, ‘We got to mess this up, and we need to burn it down.’ And we did a ceremonial [exercise], burned our wedding photo, and then we learned how to annoy each other. I don’t know if anyone could work like that again. You’ve got a crew that’s on hold, you’re paying people. I mean, it was such a small movie, so low budget and a small crew, but you’re taking a big down period in the middle of [filming] and to what end, playing, exploring — try to justify that to a producer.’

Williams’ performance in the little movie that was Blue Valentine earned her a second Oscar nomination, the first being for her performance in Brokeback Mountain. In the 2010 film, Williams and Gosling played Cindy and Dean, a couple who were once in love but drifted apart. It showcased the different concepts and realities they faced, from their early days as a couple when they were young and in love to 6 years into their marriage as they faced the harsh realities of parenthood and the dissolution and breakdown of their relationship. The movie garnered praise for its honest portrayal of a dying relationship, powerful performances, and a script that avoids clichés. The film’s strength lies in its ability to depict the emotional and psychological complexities of love and its decline, offering a nuanced and sometimes uncomfortable but ultimately relatable story. But to look at it at more clearly:

• Authentic and Raw: The film avoids romanticizing love and instead portrays the struggles, disappointments, and resentments that can arise in a long-term relationship. 
• Exceptional Performances: Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams deliver deeply committed performances, bringing a sense of realism to their characters and their strained dynamic. 
• Compelling Narrative: The film’s structure, jumping between the couple’s initial romance and their current struggles, effectively highlights the changes and complexities that occur over time. 
• Thought-Provoking Themes: Blue Valentine explores themes of love, marriage, and the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships, sparking discussion and introspection. 
• Cinematography and Soundtrack: The film’s beautiful visuals and the evocative soundtrack further enhance the emotional impact of the story. 
• “Train Has Left the Station” metaphor: The film’s exploration of Dean’s contentment with his station while Cindy longs for the train, and the resulting resentment, has been cited as a powerful and insightful portrayal of relationship dynamics. 
• Uncomfortable but Real: The film’s willingness to delve into the difficult aspects of relationships, even the uncomfortable ones, has been praised for its honesty and realism. 

I recently-watched it just recently, and it was then that I realized the deeper meaning of it all. During my first watch, I knew that it was good, but I couldn’t relate to the story. A lot can happen in 6 years between two people in a marriage, and it’s only once I’d experienced hurdles and bumps in the road in a marriage that I understood the deeper meaning of Blue Valentine. Not a single particular event has to happen in order for a relationship to become frail and unattainable. Time passes and people change. Relationships fall apart as people forget that keeping a union intact is hard work and a constant work in progress. Cindy and Dean got too comfortable with what they had and, by the end, could barely even look at each other without fighting. It seemed as though the only thing keeping them together was their daughter, Frankie. In fact, if it weren’t for their daughter, they probably wouldn’t have been together to begin with.

Cindy had plans to become a doctor and was enrolled in medical school when she found out she was pregnant by her boyfriend. She decided not to ever tell him of her pregnancy, and instead proceeded to be courted by Dean, who said that he’d raise her daughter as his own. He was infatuated with Cindy right from the moment he met her, and was so in love with her that he was willing to make that sacrifice in order to keep her. They got married shortly before Frankie was born.

As years passed, Cindy and Dean continued to be Frankie’s parents, but failed to continue working on their marriage. They couldn’t even look at each other. They couldn’t talk to each other. Cindy was almost afraid to talk to him because no matter what she said, Dean would somehow turn it into a fight. Dean’s only concern in his life was being a good father to Frankie. He was comfortable where he was in his life, and had no plans of ever growing and evolving as a person. In contrast, all Cindy ever wanted to do was to evolve and grow. She certainly wasn’t happy where she ended up in her life. Most of the time, she was putting on a brave face for the happiness and well-being of her daughter. She mostly settled – both in her personal life and her career. She quit medical school and worked as a nurse as her life was derailed due to her pregnancy.

Cindy and Dean were very different people. They grew up very differently. They’d witnessed different things throughout their lives. Dean’s father left his mother when he was young. He abandoned the family. His one goal in life became that Frankie never grew up the same way he did. He wanted her to growing up having both parents by his side. Maybe that was the reason why he stayed by Cindy’s side to begin with when she found out she was pregnant even though they weren’t together long at the time and he knew that the baby wasn’t his. Cindy, on the other hand, grew up with both parents. But they were obviously miserable. Her father was angered by practically every single thing her mother did or said. Her mother was afraid of ever ‘messing up’. And Cindy, being in the middle of it all, only found solace in her grandmother. They said, she didn’t want Frankie to grow up the same way she did – witnessing two parents constantly fighting; being a third party in the animosity that comes between two people who don’t love each other but stay together for the sake of their child.

Dean tried to make things work with Cindy the best way he knew how. He booked a motel for him and Cindy to stay in while Frankie stayed with her grandfather, Cindy’s father. But the spark completely faded between the couple. They weren’t much of a couple anymore, but rather roommates. Cindy didn’t see Dean the way she used to when they’d just started dating. She looked at him if he was a stranger; almost forcing herself to have sex with him. In the midst of them having intercourse, Dean asked her to have another child. It was probably because he wanted something that was biologically his. Cindy didn’t want that. She barely wanted Frankie. In fact, she was in the midst of an abortion before she changed her mind.

What followed was Cindy leaving the motel for work. Dean woke up the following morning with Cindy gone. He looked for her, in panic, but found her in the doctor’s office where she worked. He was obviously drunk. He made a whole scene in front of patients in the clinic. The incident was volition, hostile, and violent. This even got Cindy fired from her job, and it was this incident that led her to finally tell Dean that she wanted a divorce. Dean begged her to change her mind, guilt-tripping her by telling her Frankie needed two parents. But Cindy made her decision. There was nothing Dean could say or do anymore to change her mind. The movie ended with Dean leaving the residency he once shared with Cindy and Frankie. Frankie ran after him in despair. Though heartbroken, he pushed Frankie aside and told her to go to her mother. She did. Dean never looked back as he continued to walk away. Whether or not he continued a relationship with Frankie was left unknown and up to the audience’s imagination.

This is a little movie that was so good that it was bad. It was bad because it was just too realistic. It showcased a couple going from the highest of romantic highs to the lowest of passionless lows in excruciatingly explicit and intimate detail. It also showcased how two people can forget about their love in the midst of hardships of parenthood. But it can also happen to couples who don’t have kids too. This leads me to move on from the discussion of Blue Valentine to talk about Take This Waltz, another great little indie film which starred Williams. It also starred Seth Rogen, Luke Kirby, and Sarah Silverman. Williams played Margot, a freelance writer living in a small town in Toronto, Canada with her husband, Lou, played by Rogen. Lou was in the midst of making his dream of releasing a cookbook come to life. He’d spent all his time, efforts and energy into making chicken. All day everyday he spent cooking in his and Margot’s chicken, much to Margot’s annoyance. Margot and Lou had been married for five years and had no children. They lived comfortably. They’d settled into a comfortable but unexciting routine, though their love for each other seemed genuine.

Margot seemed bored in her relationship with Lou. She tried her hardest to connect with him, but felt turned down by him every time. Like the time when they went out dinner to celebrate their anniversary. Margot tried to speak up a conversation with Lou, but he just wanted to eat. He said there was no point in having a conversation as he already knew everything about her. Margot was left devastated, but continued to eat…in silence, and the rest of the dinner was left with awkwardness and uneasiness. It seemed as though they barely had anything keeping them together anymore aside from the comfort of being roommates. They were living as roommates who happened to be married. It showcased a phase that practically every couple gets to after being in a longterm relationship when they get too comfortable in their relationship. As Margot told Lou herself, it took courage for her to do everything she did with him.

All Margot wanted was to feel loved; to be loved. But she felt that no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get it out of him. While touring Nova Scotia for an assignment, Margot had a chance encounter with Daniel, played by Kirby. Daniel was very much smitten with Margot as soon as he played eyes on her, and so was she with him. He was a distraction for her from her boring life with Lou. There was an obvious attraction between the two, and no matter how hard Margot tried to resist as Lou was still on the back of her mind, she couldn’t. Things got more complicated for Margot when it was revealed that Daniel lived right across the street from her and Lou. Daniel was resentful of the fact that Margot was married, but respected her enough not to get physically intimate with her. Nevertheless, they continued spending time together, with Margot confiding to Daniel about her fears and her writing. At one point when the pair was out day drinking, Margot joked to Daniel that she’d kiss him in 30 years in the year 2040 (the movie was set in the 2010’s) at the Louisburg lighthouse, because after 35 years of faithful marriage, she’d have earned a kiss from him. 

Over time, Margot and Daniel got even closer. Unlike with Lou, Margot could hold a conversation with Daniel that lasted more than 3 minutes. He gave her the attention, excitement, love and affection that she was looking for. He wanted to f*ck her, and he wasn’t shy to let her know of that. She liked the attention he was giving her; one she lacked from Lou. One she was desperately craving for. They spent an entire day together having a romantic picnic together and at one of Margot’s favorite places, an amusement park ride. At the end of the night, Margot entered Daniel’s house and sat on his bed, but broke down crying over the possibility of hurting Lou. She left before anything physical happened. And it wasn’t the first time. They also a spent a wordless moment in a swimming pool where they’d almost gotten physical before Margot stopped it.

Lou was completely unaware of Margot’s emotional affair with Daniel. He saw him as a friend and neighbour, so he invited Daniel to a party at his and Margot’s place to celebrate Geraldine’s, Lou sister, played by Silverman, sobriety. Daniel declined at first, but gave in after Lou’s insistence. At the party, when Daniel saw Margot and Lou dancing together, he came despondent and walked off. When Margot confronted him, Daniel expressed his frustration with Margot’s mixed signals and told her he refused to be the third person in a love triangle. Thereafter, he moved out of his home across from Margot and Lou as he realized it’d be too hard for him to be seeing Margot with someone else. But before he left, made sure to leave behind a Louisburg postcard for Margot that referenced their inside joke about meeting in the year 2040.

Margot was heartbroken at the thought of never seeing Daniel again. After dreaming of her partially kissing Daniel, she told Lou she wanted a divorce. She then went with her gut to find Daniel and consummate their feelings for each other. Following the divorce, Lou managed to make his dream a reality and publish his own cookbook, which became a bestseller. One day, Margot got a call informing her Geraldine, who was also her best friend, had relapsed and gone missing, and that her daughter is asking for Margot. Margot returned to the home she once shared with Lou to be there for Geraldine’s daughter. Geraldine eventually returned, and when she did and saw Margot there, she furiously confronted her for betraying her brother the way that she did. Admitting she had a problem, she called what Margot did comparatively worse because she betrayed everybody for illusory happiness. After Geraldine surrendered to the police for driving under the influence, Lou and Margot shared one last bittersweet conversation before she left for good. Margot congratulated him on his cookbook’s success, and then asked him if he’d ever be willing to get back together with her. He sadly, but surely, shook his head and said no. In tears, she walked away. Daniel and Margot had settled into their own routine that became almost identical to the one she had with Lou. Though Daniel still loved Margot, the passion they once shared appeared to have faded. The film ended with Margot on the ride at her favourite amusement park alone; the one she once took Daniel to on a date.

Take This Waltz, just like Blue Valentine, was so good, and yet so bad; because it represented the true realities of marriage. Nothing in our lives ever stays the same. Relationships change. Just as Geraldine said to Margot following her divorce from Lou, life has a gap in it, it just does. You don’t go crazy trying to fill it. Often times, people forget that marriage is hard work. People change constantly. There’s no such thing as ‘I already know everything about you, and therefore, there’s no point in having a conversation.’ I’m no expert on marriage or relationships. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. Of course, we’ve had our share of issues and difficulties. We were separated for a period of time. But we made our relationship a priority through it all. We made it a priority to go on date nights, regularly and not just for special occasions, and actually talk, unlike Loe with Margot. On each date night, we get to know each other all over again. While the movie somewhat put the entire blame on Margot for the demise of her marriage with Lou, it wasn’t entirely her fault. It was both their faults. Lou refused to put in the work in that Margot was desperate for both of them to put in for the marriage to work. She just had the illusion that things would be different with Daniel, but they ended up being exactly the same. That said, Take This Waltz is often praised for its subtle and realistic portrayal of a woman’s internal struggle with a marriage in crisis and an unrequited attraction, along with its excellent performances and evocative atmosphere. The film’s strengths lie in its ability to capture the complexities of human relationships and the emotional nuances of a woman’s journey. To look at it more thoroughly:

• Hauntingly Real and Subtle: Many reviewers describe the film as deeply realistic, capturing the slow, often unspoken tensions within a marriage. The film’s approach to the climax is gradual and nuanced, leaving a lasting impact on the viewer. 
• Excellent Performances: The cast, particularly Michelle Williams and Seth Rogen, are praised for their ability to portray the characters’ complexities and vulnerabilities. 
• Atmospheric and Visual: The movie is known for its beautiful cinematography, which effectively captures the atmosphere of a hot Toronto summer and the emotional weight of the story. The use of visual cues, like the scrambler ride, is particularly memorable and impactful. 
• Exploration of Complex Themes: The film delves into themes of love, desire, marriage, and the search for happiness, resonating with audiences who can relate to the characters’ struggles. 
• Poetic and Sensitive: The film is noted for its poetic and sensitive portrayal of a marital breakup, avoiding the clichés often found in similar stories. 
• Relatable and Grounded: The struggles portrayed in “Take This Waltz” are grounded in everyday life, making the film relatable to a wide audience. 
• Thought-Provoking: The film prompts viewers to consider questions about relationships, happiness, and the choices we make in life. 
• Unforgettable Scenes: Scenes like the scrambler ride and the 360-degree shot near the end are praised for their emotional power and visual artistry. 

And then, there’s the realities of an illness taking over a couple’s relationship. For a period of time, illness took over my relationship with my husband. Illness, any illness for that matter, significantly impacts relationships, requiring partners to navigate changing dynamics, adjust routines, and address potential emotional and practical challenges. Open communication, empathy, and a focus on shared coping strategies are crucial for maintaining intimacy and emotional well-being. Studies indicate that illness, particularly in wives, can increase the risk of divorce. Marriages are about seven times more likely to end when the wife becomes seriously ill compared to when the husband does. However, the majority of marriages do not end in divorce after a spouse becomes ill. 

My husband and I had 3 wonderful years together before illness took over. He became ill. I’m not going to go into great detail about what we’d gone through because my husband keeps that part of his life private. What I will say, though, is that we had a rough few years dealing with the new reality of his illness and the effects it had on the dynamic of our relationship. At one point, I took on the risk of a caretaker for him. It was funny, in a way, because everything that my father-in-law told my husband that I’d be in his arguments as to why he shouldn’t be with me turned out to be true – but all those things, my husband became. There was a period where my husband couldn’t even function as a regular human being. He couldn’t even do the basic tasks. Nevertheless, not once did it ever cross my mind to leave him. No matter how much he tried to get me to leave, I didn’t. And then, just as he was getting better, I became ill with what we initially thought was epilepsy, but then came to the realization that it was a psychogenic seizure disorder. We spent years and years trying really hard not to let our relationship suffer while I was struggling with my new reality.

But our relationship did suffer, and at one point, my husband told me that maybe the best thing for me would be to end our marriage so I could start my life anew. This leads me to discuss Dying For Sex, the new TV series available to stream on Disney+. It stars Williams as Molly, and co-stars Jenny Slate as her best friend, Nikki. It’s based on the real-life story of Molly Kochan, a podcaster who, after being diagnosed with cancer, separated from her husband to numerous sexual pleasures; these were the subject of the 2020 podcast, Dying for Sex, which also featured Nikki – the real-life Nikki. She also was the executive producer of the 2025 series. The real-life Molly said on her podcast, ‘My sexual exploration was a way of saying, ‘I’m not ready to die.’ I can live a life feeling like I gave it my all.’ So there are several aspects of the correlation between illness and relationships one needs to understand:

• Wives’ Illness: Research consistently shows that marriages are more likely to end in divorce when the wife becomes ill. One study found that divorce was more likely when the wife had a serious illness, such as cancer, heart problems, lung disease, or stroke. 
• Impact on Men: While illness in men can also impact marriage, studies suggest that men are more likely to be affected by their wife’s illness. For example, one study found that men who lost their wife were more likely to die themselves, particularly within the first year after the loss. 
• Overall Divorce Rates: Studies have shown that divorce rates in couples where one spouse has a serious chronic illness can be as high as 75%. However, it’s important to note that a significant portion of marriages do not end in divorce after a spouse becomes ill. 
• Marriage and Health: Interestingly, marriage is also associated with better health outcomes. Married people tend to have better health habits, respond better to psychological stress, and have a higher likelihood of recovering from cancer. 
• Marriage Quality: The quality of the marriage can also play a significant role in how a couple copes with illness. A low-quality marriage can lead to negative health outcomes, including increased stress and decreased immune function. 

Molly’s story was different. She got divorced following her finding out she had a terminal illness not because her husband didn’t want to be with her; not because her husband left her. It was because she was unhappy. She didn’t have a lot of time to change her circumstances, and it was that limited time that she had that made her realize what would make her happy. She took a leap of faith and made changes in her life. Some might’ve judged her for it, but who’s ever to say that it was wrong of her to do? I personally command her choice to do this for herself. It’s admirable. It wasn’t a choice I made for myself, or would make for myself, but it’s admirable nonetheless – because she did what was right for her. She challenged traditional tropes and offered a fresh perspective on the human experience. 

And that’s the beauty of movies and television shows; at least the good ones, like the ones talked about here. They told entirely 3 different stories of how a marriage can narrowly be made happy between two people over a long period of time. They tell an entire story. Blue Valentine delved into the decline of a marriage, showcasing the emotional wounds and lingering trauma that can result from past conflicts. Williams’ character, along with her husband, navigate the complexities of reconciliation and the lingering effects of their past relationships. Take This Waltz explored the potential for dissatisfaction and the search for a more fulfilling life within a marriage. Williams portrays a woman who feels trapped in a stagnant relationship and seeks a new beginning, confronting the consequences of her choices. Dying For Sex told the story of how a marriage can break down following a diagnosis; that it’s not always the man leaving the woman, but the woman doing what’s right for herself. It’s not about vulnerability, but a choice made by a woman showing a strength within her own self. There are other projects of hers that tell stories of a marriage where we don’t see a divorce. These are The Greatest Showman and After The Wedding. In The Greatest Showman, Williams portrays a woman who, despite facing adversity, remains steadfast in her love for her husband. Her character’s perseverance and commitment to her family offer a different perspective on marriage, highlighting the importance of resilience and unwavering support. Despite knowing Ming her husband was having an emotional affair, she stayed with her husband; if not for herself, then for her children. In After The Wedding, Williams portrays a woman who is faced with an opportunity to build a new life but is forced to confront the realities of her current relationship and the choices she’s made. The film also showcases a complicated power dynamic between two people in a union. Williams wasn’t the person in the marriage.

No matter how you can relate to the stories told her works of art, just remember one thing – Marriage is hard work. Whether you do stay together or not, remember to stay true to yourself; to never forget to get to know yourself. It’ll go a long way. But also, never settle. Be with your partner for the right reasons. Be with your partner because you want to be with them; not because you feel pressured to or feel like you have to. Marriage isn’t about communication, but respect. It’s about respecting your partner AND yourself. No matter what you decide, take a leap of faith. Don’t be afraid.