The Break-Up: Why The Breakup Between Brooke And Gary Was The Best Thing For Both Of Them – And Why They Weren’t Actually Meant To Be Together In The First Place

For the last two whole blog entries, we’ve been discussing healthy portrayals of LGBTQ+ couples on TV. Most people, especially those who are of the older generation with old-school, outdated views on life and what it should look like, would immensely vocalize how being in an LGBTQ relationship is wrong; and how it’s a sin. Sometimes, this prejudice doesn’t even come from a generational divide, but from an internal struggle. I aimed really hard to prove this world view wrong these previous two blog posts, which you can read right after you read this one. Trust me, you won’t want to miss out. The best way to describe the prejudice that LGBTQ couples face day-to-day in the outside world could be best described as follows: ‘I’m glad you’re not coming. You know, the New York Times says that half the increase in support of gay marriage is due to generational turnover. That’s what smart people call crazy uptight bitches dying. You guys lost, okay? And honestly the rest of us are just going about our business being normal and waiting for you to not be around, not because you can stop us from getting married, but because you’re kind of annoying.’ This was a quote from 10 years ago by the fictional character Brittany S. Pierce from Glee. She said this to Santana’s grandmother when she refused to come to their wedding because she viewed lesbianism as a sin.

Because being gay or lesbian wasn’t ‘normal’, many people who considered themselves to be part of the LGBTQ community would be involved in heterosexual relationships because they desperately wanted to fit in to society’s norm. Alec almost did so when he was about to marry a woman before he publicly came out as gay at his wedding by kissing Magnus in front of everyone in attendance, as seen on Shadowhunters: Mortal Instruments. He was willing to live a lie to please his family and do what was expected of him by his parents because he felt it was the only right thing to do. Him coming out so publicly and kissing Magnus was a pivotal moment for his character development, as it mark a brand new beginning – him finally living for himself rather than for others. It’s a sad reality that so many people had to be living a lie just to feel like they were a part of something. Luckily, the new generation that is Gen-Z has opened doors to be more honest within themselves; and that’s because their families have become more accepting of them, and openly so.

Let me abundantly clear, if I haven’t been these past two blog entries: the love stories between LGBTQ couples are just as beautiful as the love stories between heterosexual couples; if not more. In fact, heterosexual relationships can be more toxic and more problematic than LGBTQ ones. While I was writing about the healthy LGBTQ relationships between Glee’s Santana and Brittany and Shaddowhunter’s Magnus and Alec, I was reminded of Brooke and Gary, the couple portrayed by Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn in the 2006 film, The Breakup. In a somewhat ironic twist of fate, Aniston was going through a real-life break up at the time of filming the movie in 2005, when she divorced Brad Pitt after he’d cheated on her with Angelina Jolie. She dated Vaughn for a short time thereafter.

It was one particular scene between Brooke and Gary; one where they break up. It was in the aftermath of them hosting a dinner party with their families. Gary came home, immediately sitting down on the couch to play video games. An exhausted Brooke walked into the living room, asking for Gary’s help to clean up the dishes. Gary, avoiding eye contact, continued to play his video games, insisting that they straighten up the kitchen in the morning because of how tired he was after work. In context, Brooke, had cleaned the entire apartment prior to the party as well as prepared the whole meal, all after a long day of working at an art gallery. Growing more frustrated, Brooke said, ‘Come on, Gary. You know I don’t like waking up to a dirty kitchen.’ Gary said, ‘Who cares?’ ‘I care,’ she responded. Rolling his eyes and tossing his controller, Gary said, ‘Fine, I’ll help you do the damn dishes.’ In defeat, Brooke said, ‘No, see? That’s not what I want,’ and walked off to do everything on her own. ‘I want you to want to do the dishes,’ she said, growing even more tired and frustrated with him.

This was a pivotal moment right there. It was clear that this was an ongoing issue in the relationship between them. Brooke constantly taking care of Gary and giving her all to the relationship while getting, I’d say, less than nothing in return; not even an appreciation. But that wasn’t even all. Things escalated between them bit by bit from then on out. Brooke mentioned how she had asked Gary to grab 12 lemons on the way home from work for the dinner party and how he only picked up three. Gary raged on, saying he would’ve brought home 24 lemons if he knew it’d have caused this much trouble. When Brooke exclaimed that it wasn’t about the lemons, Gary, in a demeaning way yelled, ‘That’s all you’re talking about!’ This was a clear example of a weaponized incompetence by a man, as well as a lack of sincere effort is what destroys what could have been a loving, healthy partnership. Brooke, in turn, said, ‘I’m just saying it would be nice if you did things that I asked. It would be even nicer if you did things without me even having to ask you!’ Gary’s mind immediately went straight to sex…

The scene was beginning to an end, with Brooke explaining how he never planned dates or did things she was interested in doing. Gary yelled that he just wanted to be left alone and that he was sick of her nagging, to which responds by ending their relationship. ‘I deserve somebody who gives a sh*t!” shouted Brooke as she stormed away. This very moment should’ve been the end of it for Brooke. It should’ve been the moment where she finally moved on with her life and found someone who actually deserved her. After all, Gary was a boy in a grown man’s body. But there wouldn’t have been a movie to begin with if she did. Instead, she kept on hoping that Gary would change his ways for her. She didn’t actually want to lose him. She wanted him to change. She thought a separation would do him good.

But it didn’t. Gary was too over his head to even remotely understand where Brooke was coming from. All she wanted was for Gary to see the error of his ways. Brooke unveiled tickets she bought to see Gary’s favourite band and asked if, for old time’s sake, he wanted to go and see them with her. This could’ve been the moment where Gary proved himself that he could be the man that the woman who stood by him for years and accepted his all was looking for in a partner. Instead, Gary didn’t show up. Brooke, heartbroken, was sitting at the concert alone, crying for the loss of the last bit of hope she had in her. He turned up at the apartment later that night and, finding Brooke in tears, realized that he has genuinely hurt her. She said to him, ‘I do all these things for you and you don’t appreciate any of it.’ Gary, seeing Brooke in pain, said he wished she’d told him that from the very beginning. But she did…

Gary then ran to a bar only to be told by his best friend that he was essentially a selfish prick that Brooks had described; one who treated everyone as was he is the sun around which they should orbit. He capitulated, cooked a nice dinner, cleaned the much-valued condo, and waited to greet his ex-girlfriend with news of his epiphany. Brooke, seeing it that epiphany with her own eyes, received it all with the best emotion of all: pity. In a typical rom-com, this moment would’ve seen Brooke and Gary getting back together, because romance trumps all. But it wasn’t. Instead, it was the moment where Brooke told Gary she was officially done. She had nothing left to give him; not anymore. In the end, the two broke up for good. They sold their apartment that neither had wanted to give up and went their separate ways.

This was by far the best ending for a movie I’d ever seen. Finally, a couple that really shouldn’t be together wasn’t getting their typical ‘happy-ending’. The happy-ending here was both Brooke and Gary working on themselves – separately. When they bumped into each other, Gary was visibly looking much healthier and slimmer than he did while in a relationship with Brooke. Maintaining a healthier lifestyle was something she’d always encouraged him to do, but he only did it once they broke up. When they were together, he’d label her doing so as ‘nagging’. This holds true to real life. Sometimes, it takes breaking up with someone to realize that everything that the other person pushed you to do were for the best intents and purposes; and actually motivate you to do all that they’d pushed you to do but didn’t while together.

From the very beginning, it was evident that Brooke and Gary were a match made in…hell. Even from the moment they met, it was clear they weren’t meant to be. They were at a baseball game. Brooke and Gary were seated separately and were with other people when Gary noticed her from a distance. He asked her out. She said no. And he wouldn’t take no for an answer. She only agreed so that he’d leave her alone. In the scenes leading up to the break up, Gary showcased misogynistic behaviour. The best way to describe it would be toxic masculinity. Gary had a certain vision for his life that went back to the 1950’s where the man worked and the woman stayed home to take care of the household. In their fight, he said he aimed to make enough money as a tour guide so that she wouldn’t have to work one day; and he said he wanted to be appreciated for it. Brooke didn’t want that life for herself. She loved her job; she wanted to work. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with what each of them wanted of one another for their lives to look like. But these were two lives that were never meant to become one. They were always too different for one another to have been able to continue a long-lasting relationship that would go on a lifetime.

Up until this very point in this blog entry, I spent the entire time practically bashing Gary and solely blaming him for his breakup with Brooke. But let me be clear and make an emphasis that Brooke was in the wrong too, starting with the breakup itself. The relationship between the two hardly ever seemed healthy and probably should’ve ended earlier, but when Brooke broke up with him, it was for all the wrong reasons. She hoped the breakup would open his eyes and make him see what he’d be missing out on if he lost her. The right thing to do would’ve been for Brooke to communicate with Gary better in a level that he’d understand. Instead, not only did she break off the relationship even though she clearly didn’t want to, but she also went on to restore to manipulation to get him back, and when Gary wasn’t reacting the way Brooke hoped after she broke up with him, she kicked things up a notch by pretending to date other men. She brought two different men to the condo they shared to rub them in his face and make him jealous. This eventually did more harm than it did good. Even though Gary did get jealous, he hid it and feigned indifference, frustrating Brooke even further. To make matters worse, one of the men Brooke went on a date with bonded with Gary instead and seemed to like him more than he liked her. Inciting jealousy is never a sign of a healthy relationship or a proper way to show someone that they need to pay better attention to their partner. As his retaliation for Brooke bringing dates to the house, Gary hosted a strip poker night with some friends and invited some women along too. When Brooke got home that night, she found half-naked people dancing in the living room, which hurt and embarrassed her. Let’s also not forget the time where Brooke humiliated Gary in public. It was when they were were on a couples’ bowling team, along with a bunch of their friends. Knowing how important the team was to Gary, Brooke decided to get him kicked off to hurt him and manipulate him into begging her to take him back. He had to take off the team shirt in front of everyone and leave shirtless. It only served to antagonize him and led to him plotting his revenge on her. This very fact further proved just how dysfunctional the relationship between Brooke and Gary really was.

All in all, The Breakup was really about holding on to something that probably wasn’t there to begin with. Brooke was trying to hold on to a version of Gary that was never there. He was who he was, and he expected Brooke to accept him for that. I remember I showed the breakup scene to my husband as I wanted to get his perspective on the whole situation. I wanted to get a male prospective on the matter. There was one important thing that he pointed out, and that was when Brooke said it could’ve been nice if he’d gotten her flowers as a way to show his appreciation. Gary said that, on their first date, she told him she didn’t like flowers and they were a waste of money. My husband pointed out that Brooke was contradicting herself and expected Gary to read her mind. He also pointed out that it wasn’t a big deal that Gary wanted to relax after the family dinner instead of cleaning the table as soon as they left. He, too, would’ve rather cleaned the table the following day than as soon as everyone went their separate ways. All those things were absolutely true. But they were a part of a bigger problem in the relationship that was never addressed properly in the years that they were together.

Like Brooke said, it wasn’t about the 12 lemons that she’d asked for and he only bought 3. It wasn’t about the flowers she expected that she initially said she didn’t want. And it wasn’t about the ballet that she wanted to go to but he refused because he hated it. It was about Brooke wanting to feel like she was receiving something in her relationship with Gary; not just giving. A relationship can’t always be 50-50. Sometimes it’s 70-30. Sometimes it’s 60-40. Sometimes it’s 80-20. Sometimes it’s even 90-10. It’s about what each person in the relationship can put in at a certain point in their shared life together. It seemed as though in Brooke and Gary’s relationship, the ratio was always 90-10; with Brooke giving the 90% of her efforts. And even when Gary did too his 10% effort, he was still doing a half-a** job. Like when Brooke asked for 12 lemons for a centre piece, he didn’t feel it was necessary, so he bought 3 instead. And when she told him she needed them, he belittled her for it, said it was stupid in his own ways, and gave her excuses as to why he shouldn’t get the 12 lemons. Whenever he did make an effort to do as Broke asked, it was always on his terms, and it didn’t matter to him if she liked it or not. She just had to deal with it. And to go back to Brooke’s ballet point, it wasn’t about the ballet at all. It was about the fact that all they did was do everything that he liked, and it was expected of her to like it; whereas if she wanted for them to go somewhere that interested her but not him, it was automatically dismissed. That’s just no way to live in a relationship, and any woman would be better off alone than with him in these circumstances.

Gary refused to believe that anything he did and didn’t do in his relationship with Brooke was wrong. In his mind, all the issues they had were stemmed from her inability to accept him as he was. As it turned out, he wasn’t just a sh*tty partner to Brooke, but a sh*tty friend too. His friend finally called him out on it, and even then he tried to deny it. Even with friends, Gary was selfish. Everything they’d ever do together was about what he wanted to do, just as it was in his relationship. His friends just accepted that about him and didn’t accommodated him at their own expense. Brooke did too. She wanted to make him happy, and she did – at the expense of her own happiness. But it shouldn’t be this way; not in a relationship and not in a friendship either.

Gary couldn’t see the bigger picture in what Brooke was telling him. The two were pushed to the breaking point after their, ‘Why can’t you do this one little thing for me!?’ argument. Brooke, feeling unappreciated, criticized Gary’s immaturity and unwillingness to work on their relationship. What the movie taught us was that if you love someone, you sacrifice what you want to make the other person happy. It’s also equally important that both partners are emotionally satisfied in the relationship in order for it to work out in the end for both parties. The key wording here is BOTH sides. Gary refused to believe that a relationship, any relationship, could be anything more than one sided, and that was what ultimately ended his relationship with Brooke. Gary’s friend said it best: ‘She probably just wanted you to show the respect of not standing her up or some shit. It’s her fault, she should have expected it from you.’ She only wanted the bare minimum, but he couldn’t even give her that. She was giving her all for the entire duration of their relationship while he couldn’t even do the bare minimum. Instead, he complained that Brooke was controlling and a perfectionist.

This is something that many couples go through in their own relationships in real life. The movie itself explored common issues a couple will go through following a breakup, such as shared financial responsibility, the difficulty of finding a new place to live, and the awkwardness of socializing with friends and family. It didn’t shy away from showing the messy aftermath of a breakup, including the ongoing challenges and emotional baggage. Brooke’s and Gary’s friends were all very supportive of them during their breakup, offering comfort and attempting to give the couple glimpses of reality beyond the feud. Gary eventually comes face-to-face with his utter selfishness and narcissism. As a result, he begins to make changes in his relationship with Brooke, but the time he did, it was too late. He finally showed he could be the version of him that Brooke was looking for, but by the time he showed her this, Brooke was too tired. She had nothing else to give him in return. She wanted to be happy, and she realized it couldn’t be with Gary anymore.

As he was trying to win her back, Gary gave brooks an entire speech about how all he wanted was to make her happy; to see her smile, and that he’d do anything for her to do that – even if it meant going to the ballet she couldn’t stop talking about. The sad truth about it was that if he’d done all this earlier; I’m even if he put half of that effort into their relationship earlier, they wouldn’t be where they ended up. Relationships are hard work. They’re a high maintenance business. Both people in the relationship have to make the effort to make it work. But in their entire relationship between Brooke and Gary, it was Brooke making the effort and Gary giving nothing in return. She took care of him, but he didn’t take care of her; not even by the tiniest bit. She cooked for him. She cleaned the house that he came home to. She supported him in his work. She organized all the parties they’d planned. All that while she also had to work and take care of herself. He acted like it was a given. But how different would their story be if he’d only cherished the woman that was right in front of him. If he’d even showed just a little bit of an appreciation and gratitude towards her. In a general sense, when a man in a relationship doesn’t appreciate you, it can create a sense of unfulfillment and potentially damage the relationship. It’s important to address this, starting with open communication, recognizing your own worth, and, if necessary, seeking external support or considering the overall health of the relationship. To break it down more thoroughly:

• Communication is Key: Talk to your partner about how you feel. Explain that you feel unappreciated and what specific actions or words would make you feel valued. Actively listen to their perspective as well, as there may be underlying issues or communication breakdowns. 
• Address the Root Cause: Sometimes, unappreciation isn’t intentional. Explore potential reasons like work stress, personal issues, or simply different communication styles. Consider if there are areas where you also fall short in showing appreciation to your partner. 
• Recognize Your Worth: If you feel unappreciated, it’s crucial to acknowledge your own value and establish healthy boundaries. Don’t tolerate being taken for granted. 
• Seek Support: If you’re struggling to address the issue with your partner, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable tools and strategies for improving communication and resolving conflicts. 
• Evaluate the Relationship: If, despite your efforts, you continue to feel unappreciated, consider whether the relationship is truly fulfilling. A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and appreciation. 
• Consider Walking Away: If the pattern of unappreciation persists and the relationship is not meeting your emotional needs, it may be necessary to consider ending it. Your well-being is paramount. 
• Be Kind to Yourself: Feeling unappreciated can be emotionally challenging. Practice self-compassion and focus on your own needs and well-being. 

Perhaps this is exactly what The Breakup was all about. Brooke initially ended her relationship with Gary because she thought that it’d make him realize that he was better with her than without. He did eventually realize this, but it took her to feel completely heartbroken and defeated for him to realize it. The entire message of the movie was monumental. In the scene that followed Gary standing Brooke up at the concert, Gary was surprised to see Brooke so upset by it. He immediately told her that he’d pay her back for his ticket, thinking that it was all about the money. When she told him it wasn’t and told him exactly why she was so upset, he said that he wished she would’ve told him sooner; that he wasn’t a mindreader and that he had no way of knowing that she was so hurt by his lack of actions.

It’s true that Brooke wasn’t entirely clear about what she wanted of Gary before that moment. But it also shouldn’t be that difficult to understand that you need to show the other person in your relationship that you care and appreciate them. A relationship is an equal partnership. Both people need to be proactive in doing so. Gary, in hindsight, used the mindreader comment as an excuse to escape his responsibility of being proactively loving to Brooke. He took everything that Brooke ever did for him for granted and thought it was just how it should be; that it was just a given that she’d take care of him the way that she’d done in the past. He refused to believe that his treatment of Brooke was harmful; neglectful. She was baring her soul to him, and he just couldn’t see that.

Both Brooke and Gary made mistakes in their relationship and the handling of their breakup. Brooke’s two biggest mistakes were her indirect ways of communicating to Gary what she needed out of the relationship and manipulating him in the aftermath of their separation with the aim of getting him to be the version of the man that she expected him to be. A person isn’t ever going to change unless they themselves want to. Gary was obviously wasn’t willing to do that – not for her and not for anyone else for that matter. She was trying so hard to turn him into something that he wasn’t, and was spending so much, too much, time holding on to the hope that he’d eventually get there. Gary’s biggest mistakes were that he refused to even remotely try to listen to what Brooke was trying to tell him and he refused to make changes to accommodate her.

In the end, the breakup was what was best for both of them. There initially were plans to develop a sequel to the 2006 film, and Jennifer Aniston was offered $20 million for it. I’m personally so glad that the plans didn’t go through. Brooke and Gary’s ending made perfect sense. Neither of them was a bad person. But they also weren’t ever meant to be together in the long-run. They were there for each other for a season; for a reason. Brooke learned to communicate better. Gary learned he needed to put an effort and make sacrifices in a relationship. The movie’s end saw Gary take a more active role in managing the family business, while Brooke continued her travels before ultimately returning to Chicago. Some time later, they encountered each other by chance on the street, exchange pleasantries, and part ways with a smile. It was the perfect ending to their story. Sometimes, a happy-ending isn’t about two people getting back together, but two people finding happiness on their own…