According To Greta: Why Greta’s Story Is One Every Teenage Girl Should See – And How It Chronicled The Realities Of Trauma, Depression, And Suicide

Hilary Duff recently celebrated the 10th anniversary of the release of her album, Breathe In. Breathe Out. It was her last album to date, and probably 4 people bought it in the entire world. It wasn’t bad. But it wasn’t great either, especially considering that there was already so much more competition in place even back then than when she started out in the 2000’s, with the likes of Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, and more. Nevertheless, the album had a special meaning for the actress-singer, as she met her now-husband, Matthew Koma, while making the album. Together they have 3 children, and Duff also has a son from her previous marriage to Mike Comrie.

In more recent years, Duff has been concentrating more on her acting career. She starred in TV shows like Younger and How I Met Your Father, the spinoff series to How I Met Your Mother. She’d also done some movies, though not in recent years. Her latest one was 2019’s The Haunting Of Sharon Tate, which was panned by fans and critics alike. Now I won’t pretend that Duff’s work is ever a masterpiece, because it isn’t. There are actors and singers out there who are far better than she is. And yet, millennials everywhere who grew up watching Duff on Disney’s Lizzie McGuire will always see her as Lizzie. That was that generation’s mastery. Fans everywhere, or at least I, appreciated Duff’s decision not to go along with the show’s planned revival when Disney didn’t approve her vision for her character’s future as a 30 year old woman.

We already discussed this brave decision of hers in a previous blog entry here, so I won’t go far into detail about it. Instead, I’m here to explore another one of Duff’s work of art; a lesser known one. It’s 2009’s According To Greta, where she played the title character, Greta Evelina O’Donnell. Here, for the sake of this particular blog entry, we’ll just call her by her first name. Greta, a 17 year old rebellious teenage girl, is a bright and beautiful young woman. But she’s also troubled. So her mother decided to send her away spend the summer at her grandparents’ house in Ocean Grove, New Jersey, which was a much different environment than the one Greta was used to back at home in New York.

Greta was anything but happy about the summer plans that were forced upon her, and she wasn’t afraid to show her frustration; especially the ones she had towards her mother, who consistently chose her marriages over the well-being of her daughter. Her father passed away. We later learned that he actually committed suicide and Greta witnessed it when she was only 5 or 6 years old. It was something she’d never talked with anyone about. Her grandfather revealed this to Julie, a guy she’d been seeing during the summer, after he’d asked him about the book she’d been carrying around with her that compiled a list of methods of different ways to die, particularly by suicide.

It was a heartbreaking revelation, to say the least. As a viewer, you might say to yourself that Greta’s behaviour was typical for a teenage girl going through hormonal changes, but we then find out that it has a deeper meaning than that. That meaning might’ve been more than Greta could’ve ever known herself. Her snarky attitude got the best of her, as well as the worst. It resulted in her being offered a job as a waitress at a local seafood restaurant, where she met Julie, and while working there, her odd sense of humor made her attractive to many customers. But she wasn’t afraid also not the type to take offers from anyone if she didn’t want, and that eventually got her fired from that job.

As Greta and Julie were getting to know each other better, he revealed to her that he was once in a juvenile correctional facility for stealing cars, and Greta became even more attracted to him. Julie also told her that his experience made him determined to do something positive with his life and he attempted to convince Greta to not give up on hers. He became alarmed when he saw Greta’s “suicide list”. Greta invited him to climb up the window to her room at her grandparents’ place one night so that she could lose her virginity to him, which resulted in the police being called. He made it clear to her that refused to be simply something she checked off of her to-do-list.

Katherine and Joseph, Greta’s grandparents, were initially hesitant about allowing Greta to spend time with Julie considering his criminal past, he proved himself to be a decent young man, and they invited him to go boating with them as a family unit. While the four were out sailing in Joseph’s boat, Greta attempted to drown herself. Julie rescued her, but the fright still causes Katherine to have a mild heart attack. She recovered, but seeing just how far Greta’s troubles had gone, Julie broke up with her and told her that she should start appreciating what life had given her. The incident, as well as Julie’s words, gave Greta a new perspective on her situation, and she became determined to make right by her wrongdoings. Once Katherine was back home, Greta apologized to her. Katherine, in turn, confronted Greta, and told her she wasn’t even sure she knew what she was sorry for to begin with.

That was when Greta’s mother showed up at the door, along with her (third) husband, with the intention of taking Greta to a Boot-camp to straighten her out. Katherine and Joseph were shocked at the mother’s abrasive behaviour; one that Greta had long talked about. Greta left to see Julie, who told her that as f*cked as she might be, a boot-camp wouldn’t be the end to all problems. This calmed her, and she returned to the house to find that her mother had already packed her things. They started fighting again, this time having Joseph intervene and telling Karen, Greta’s mother, that Greta didn’t need a boot camp; that she needed love, and that Greta and Karen would both be staying with them. The three women bonded by looking at old family photos, which marked the first time Greta ever saw pictures of her father. She then promised her mother and grandmother to do better; to be better. The film ends with Greta leaving her suicide notebook in the ocean and in a voice over (letter to her mom) thanking her for letting her stay for the rest of the summer with her grandparents.

According To Greta saw very little life. It was filmed in 2007 and took TWO years to finally get a limited release. It’s a shame, because it was actually a good movie; one of Hilary Duff’s best performances. Some movie-goers who reviewed the movie said that her performance in the movie was Oscars worthy, and I absolutely have to agree with that. She showed great depth and maturity to the character like we’d never seen before in her entire career. And with a supporting cast like Evan Ross, Micheal Murphy, Melissa Leo and Ellen Burstyn, there was no doubt this movie was going to be wonderful. I also have to say I love the ending of the movie. There is an alternative version of the ending where it shows the same premise with Greta leaving her suicide notebook behind in the ocean, but Julie is there by the deck happily waiting for her, presumingly with the intention to get back together with her. I was so glad to see that the people behind the movie chose the ending that they did; by keeping Greta and Julie apart. I just thought it was the perfect ending to Greta’s story.

The thing Greta needed the most was love. But it wasn’t romantic love. That was the last thing she needed at such a delicate time in her life. She needed to feel love from her mother first and foremost; one that she was desperate to feel. Romantic love seemed too out of place for her at that very time in her life. More than anything, she needed to find love within herself. The first step would be to mend her relationship with her mother; one where her mother didn’t include her third husband and didn’t put him ahead of her daughter. To be in a healthy romantic relationship, one needs to be in a healthy, solid place in their life. Greta wasn’t prepared for that. She wasn’t prepared to give her heart to someone else. She needed to do the work first.

That’s never to say that Julie played an important role in Greta’s life, because he most certainly did. She needed to meet and get close to someone like him in order to humble her; to tell her the truth; to tell her exactly how it is. That was Julie’s role in Greta’s life. He was more than a love interest. He was Greta’s source of support in a time in her life where she felt hopeless; like no one was there for her. But he made his boundaries clear in that he wasn’t there to rescue her. She needed to do that herself. This allowed Greta to confront her own issues on her own terms.

Throughout the film, it’s alluded that Greta was suicidal. She didn’t feel there was any need to enjoy her life because she wasn’t going to end it anyways. It wasn’t that she wanted to die, but rather that she didn’t feel she had a reason to live. She wanted to find a reason, but didn’t have the courage to admit to it. She didn’t have the right people around her to help her admit to it. It wasn’t until Julie came into the picture that she finally found that reason. His experience made him determined to do something positive with his life, and he attempted to convince Greta to not give up on hers. It was her inability to see how her troubling actions affected others around her that forced him to end his relationship with Greta. Despite this, he still cared for her. But in reality, you don’t have to be romantically involved with a person to show them that you care for them, and that itself, was the entire premise of their relationship. It didn’t have to be romantic love that bonded the two, but a friendship as well.

The relationship Greta had with Julie, though ultimately brief, served as a catalyst for Greta’s emotional growth and her ability to connect with others. It showcased that some people in your life aren’t meant to be there forever. Some are meant to be there for a season; some for a reason. Julie was a representation for Greta’s will to live. He was her reason. And he was an important addition to Greta’s grandparents’ lives too. Julie’s background as a reformed ex-con, as well as his skin colour, challenged the expectations and judgments of Greta’s grandparents, highlighting the theme of judging people based on superficial factors and outdated stereotypes and assumptions. 

Julie’s presence in Greta’s life offered a glimmer of hope for a future where she can find love and acceptance. In a time of darkness, he was her light. In a time where she felt like a burden to everyone around her, he made her feel like she was important; like she was worthy. Julie gave Greta a sense of belonging that she hadn’t experienced before. It gave her a sense of love, which was automatically assumed to be a romantic love. It was that at first, but Greta’s circumstances became too much for Julie to bear to continue to make a relationship with her work. He had his own life and his own sh*t to deal with, and she wasn’t ready for him yet. He was ready for her, but she wasn’t ready for him. She still needed to grow into the woman that he knew she could be, but not one that she’d become yet.

Greta wasn’t looking for love. She wasn’t even looking to make friends with anyone. All she wanted to be rebellious. She initially uses Julie to rebel against her grandparents, particularly her grandmother, by flaunting their relationship as a way to shock them. She knew he’d be someone they’d be wary of. Despite the initial manipulation, Greta grew to like Julie as she’d gotten to know him. She even grew to appreciate him. He provided Greta a voice of reason by explaining to her that people who truly intend to commit suicide usually don’t announce it beforehand. 

Suicide was a theme in the movie. It wasn’t even suicide that was the theme, but rather suicide ideation. It’s when someone has the thought process of having ideas or ruminations about the possibility of dying by suicide. People who contemplate or even think about suicide experience intense emotional pain and may view suicide as a way to end this pain. The pain they are feeling may be due to any number of experiences or circumstances. Negative life events can sometimes act as triggers for suicidal thoughts or behaviour. There are 5 initial signs of suicide ideation. These are:

• Making a plan or researching ways to die.
• Withdrawing from friends, saying goodbye, giving away important items, or making a will.
• Taking dangerous risks such as driving extremely fast.
• Displaying extreme mood swings.
• Eating or sleeping more or less.
• Using drugs or alcohol more often.

Greta suffered from depression. It was clear that she did. She was seen by others as troublesome; an angry teen. But she was much more than that. She was much more than just an angsty teenager. She was bold and unafraid. She was fearless. But underneath that fearlessness was a strong longing; someone who was absolutely terrified of life, and swayed by her own emotions like sand in the wind. It was almost like she was hiding behind a mask. Underneath it all, however, all she wanted was to be noticed; to be seen – by her mom especially.

Greta’s mom didn’t have a huge physical presence in the film, but she was somehow morphed into a main character; an unseen one. Melissa Leo only appeared in two scenes in the film; at the very end. And yet, as viewers, we felt like we’d known her already. She was meant to be viewed as a villain in Greta’s story, but I somehow found myself empathizing with her. This was a woman who’d gone through a heck of a lot; probably more than she ever bargained for. This was a woman that watched her husband suffer from a mental illness. This was a woman who lost her husband to suicide. This was a woman who’d gone through raised her daughter on her own. This was a woman who, just like she did with her first husband, watched her daughter struggle with a mental illness.

One, more like Greta, might say that she sent Greta away due to her selfishness. I, however, would say that she sent Greta away because she was afraid; afraid of seeing Greta go down the same path as her father did. Watching someone you love struggle with mental illness, can cause feelings of hopelessness. Sometimes, it might seem like there is nothing you can do to help them. That was the position Reta’s mom was in by the time she sent her away to her grandparents. In Greta’s mind, she sent her away because she was working on her third marriage and prioritized it over her daughter’s needs, but in reality, it was that she just didn’t know what to do or how to help someone who couldn’t be helped; who didn’t want to be helped. Not by her anyway.

As someone who’s been on both sides of the spectrum, I could see where both Greta and her mom were coming from. As someone who’s struggling with depression and anxiety, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You feel hopeless; like there’s nothing life could ever bring to you; like there’s no one in the world who cares for you and who understands you. As the one watching someone you love go through a mental illness, it’s hard to know how much care to give or what to do for the best. You may worry that they’re becoming too dependent on you. Or you might feel that things you do aren’t helpful in the long-term.

Julie decided to walk away from his blossoming relationship with Greta, and he was absolutely right to do so. He, too, had someone close to him that he’d lost to suicide. He couldn’t handle the frustration he had with Greta; with her unwillingness to see how her dramatic behaviour affected others around her. He knew she didn’t actually want to die. He knew she was seeking the attention she felt she was lacking, and he called her out on it by comparing the difference between his previous cell mate who actually killed himself without warning, verses the girl who kept on talking about it for attention.

But Greta’s mom was different. She wasn’t just going to walk away. She wasn’t going to give up on her own daughter. Julie walking away forced Greta to confront her issues and fears head first. She finally revealed to her grandmother that she what she feared most was aging; her perception of life metaphorically ending after seventeen, while you spend the rest of your life trying to run from death. She questioned if her grandmother missed her younger self, when she was a completely different person, so much livelier and freer. Her grandmother revealed that she’d never go back, even if she had the chance. She met so many people, and has had so many life experiences; ones that shaped her to be a completely unique person since then. Her “past self” was only a tiny fraction of the person she is today. She boldly told Greta how life was an adventure, and how there were so many wonderful things that were awaiting her someday; that her life has truly only just begun.

What Greta feared most in her life was change. But life… is all about change. Greta spent her entire life clinging on to the past; to the memories she had of her father, while not allowing herself to heal into a person that she could be. Instead of taking medication, or doing any other means of work on herself that could help her and the people around her, she’d rather cling to a damaged personality, due to her fear of change. It seemed by the end of the film, she learned that change is actually a good thing, and that it didn’t have to be so scary.

The film never explicitly stated that Greta suffered from PTSD. And though it doesn’t necessarily diagnose her with the disease, it touched upon themes that could be associated with the disorder, such as trauma, anger, and difficulty with impulse control, which can, a lot of the times, be linked to suicidal thoughts and behaviours. Being a child of someone who suffers from a mental illness isn’t easy in itself. You, yourself, might be gripped by sadness, loneliness or helplessness by witnessing your parent be in such despair. Being a child of someone who committed suicide is a level trauma that’s on a whole other level of pain. It’s indescribable. To believe that you weren’t enough to make your parent want to stay in this world….

Kids need to be able to remember the parent they’ve lost as a loving person despite their flaws. Even more than an accidental death, a suicide generates horror, anger, shame, confusion, and guilt. Those were all the feelings that Greta showcased following the death of her father. Studies of adults with various mental disorders, particularly those struggling with depression, frequently reveal childhood bereavement, suggesting that such loss may precipitate or contribute to the development of a variety of psychiatric disorders and that this experience can render a person emotionally vulnerable for life.

By the end of the film, Greta heartbreakingly asked her grandmother to show her a picture of her father, as she’d never seen one before. Her grandmother was shocked by the sudden revelation, and in a way, so were we, the viewers. Greta was grieving a person in her life that she didn’t even know. She was yearning for a connection that she didn’t even remember having before, but subconsciously felt. All she relied on were stories and photos of her father to keep his memory alive, and then we find out that she didn’t even get to have those throughout her life. Generally speaking, grieving a parent you don’t remember is a complex experience, as grief can stem from the potential relationship you never had and the possibilities that were lost. It’s absolutely valid to feel sadness, anger, or even confusion about the loss, even if you didn’t know the parent personally. Allowing yourself to acknowledge these feelings, seek support, and find healthy ways to express your emotions is crucial for healing. To break it down more thoroughly:

1. Acknowledge Your Grief: 

• Recognize the loss: Even without memories, the absence of a parent creates a void and can trigger grief. 
• Understand the emotions: You might feel sadness, anger, confusion, or a sense of incompleteness. 
• Don’t invalidate your feelings: It’s normal to grieve, even if you didn’t have a relationship with your parent. 

2. Seek Support: 

• Talk to trusted individuals: Share your feelings with friends, family, or a therapist. 
• Consider grief support groups: Connecting with others who understand can be helpful. 
• Seek professional guidance: Therapists specializing in grief can provide tools and support. 

3. Express Your Emotions: 

• Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be therapeutic. 
• Creative outlets: Painting, music, or other artistic expressions can help process emotions. 
• Physical activity: Exercise and spending time in nature can be beneficial. 
• Talk to your parent’s loved ones: Hearing stories and memories can help you understand your parent better. 

4. Focus on Self-Care: 

• Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and hydration:These are essential for both physical and emotional well-being. 
• Engage in activities that bring you joy:Find activities that help you relax and recharge. 
• Practice mindfulness and meditation:These can help you manage stress and emotions. 

5. Create a Memorial:

• Honor your parent’s memory: Find a way to acknowledge their life, even if you didn’t know them. 
• Plant a tree, create a memory box, or write a letter: These are just a few ideas for honoring your parent.

6. Remember there’s no “right” way to grieve: 

• Grief is a personal experience: There’s no timeline or set of steps for how you should feel. 
• Be patient with yourself: Healing takes time, and it’s okay to have ups and downs. 
• Focus on the future: While acknowledging the past, work towards creating a fulfilling life for yourself. 

By getting to know of her father, Greta was finally getting to know herself…through him. This, in a sense, gave her a sense of peace; a sense of belonging. It was a feeling that she’d never felt before; at least not when she was at the care of her mother. At that moment, it was the closest she’d ever felt to her mother. And her mother, in turn, as well as her grandmother, felt a sense of relief. In hindsight, that particular moment of Greta finally connecting with her mom and grandmother on a deeper level gave us ALL a sense of relief. It wasn’t the end of the road for Greta’s healing journey by any means, but it did mark the beginning of a long, beautiful journey that was ahead of her.

This brings me to circle back to the ending of According To Greta. The original ending resonated more deeply because it offered a sense of closure and hope for Greta’s future, showcasing the positive impact of family and love on her journey of self-discovery. On a personal level, I myself needed to see such an ending to the story of a young woman struggling to find herself in a world where she felt misunderstood. In the end, Greta took Julie’s advice and made the decision to change her ways; and she allowed others in to help her while not having Julie back in her life in a romantic way. This ending allowed the story to be more of an organic nature. It brought focus on Greta’s reconciliation with her mother and grandparents, highlighting the themes of family, love, and healing.

That in itself was the entire premise of the story. This was what made the conclusion so compelling. It wasn’t the relationship Greta had with Julie. Though important in its own ways, it wasn’t central to the story. By adding him in the end to reconcile with Greta, it made Greta’s story seem flimsy, and offered more of a teenage fantasy. That being said, According To Greta was truly a well-made, thought provoking film that deserved better world recognition than it initially received. It’s a type of movie that every teenage girl, whether in the same or even remotely similar situation, needs to watch. There’s always light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how dark it may seem. That’s what Greta’s story was all about….