Alexa & Katie: A Complete Breakdown Of Katie’s Brave Battle With Anxiety – And Why She’s An Inspiration To All Young Kids Watching

In my previous blog entry, with Hayley Kiyoko as the main subject matter, we heavily discussed her coming out journey; or at least, her journey to come out to the public. To her family and friends, she’s been out since she was 5. To the world, she’s been out (and proud) since 2015, after she released her song and music video, Girls Like Girls. We really can’t talk about Kiyoko and not talk about sexuality, and its superpower. After all, she is the lesbian Jesus. It’s even in the title for my blog entry about her. She’s the lesbian Jesus that Disney didn’t know it needed.

But lesbianism, as some might call it, and her openness about it, isn’t the only thing that makes Kiyoko so interesting. In 2016, she suffered a concussion that drastically impacted her life, as well as her career. Last year, she opened up about it to Vanity Fair, and put an emphasis on the importance of taking care of a young body. She said, ‘I don’t think chronic stress is a great thing to have. I think it’s severely impacted my health. I’ve had a lot of health issues. Being in this industry and having such a demand to constantly show up, and be going and going and going, has definitely affected my mental and physical health. It’s always been a challenge of how do I manage that stress while also still getting to pursue the things that I want to? I feel like our health is our number one priority and if we can’t show up for ourselves, we can’t show up for others.’

During the same interview, Kiyoko also opened up about her struggle with depression, and how being publicly closeted in her teens and early 20’s contributed to her struggles. She said, ‘When you hold in your truth, that affects your stress and your health, and even though I didn’t feel safe enough to share in my environment, I was able to share and let it out through song.’ While she struggled with an autoimmune disease just a year after she bravely came out, her father also suffered heart failure and was in need of a transplant. She said, ‘Heart stuff is very near and dear to my heart, because someone saved my father’s life by being a donor. I just learned that our health is so important and taking care of your body, checking in with yourself, seeing doctors and not neglecting the fact that we get older as each year goes by, and trying to maybe avoid alcohol and drugs and certain things that can really amplify stress and health issues down the line.’

Of the stresses in her life, the singer said, ‘I think for any human being, the world is very hard to navigate. It can be very dark. It’s unrealistic to say you just can have no stress in your life, but what is realistic is to be able to identify the triggers that cause stress and to be able to combat that with things that alleviate stress. It’s really important to raise awareness for mental health and heart health because stress really impacts our hearts — and our hearts are the beating pulse of everything.’

I can’t imagine having to go through what Kiyoko had gone through, and all that in the public eye; while she had outburst in massive success and recognition. But I could also relate. I, too, went through something similar at the very same time as her when I was diagnosed with epilepsy due to a concussion, which later turned out to be not epilepsy at all, but PNES (Psychogenic Seizure Disorder). That fact didn’t matter, however. I was still treated as an epileptic patient. I was prescribed drugs after drugs after drugs even though no testing showed signs of an epileptic activity in my brain.

I merely mentioned Kiyoko’s podcast interview on Exes And Oh’s which was conducted late last year. It was a really good interview. So much so that I didn’t want it to end. I just wanted it to go on forever; I never wanted her to stop talking. In it, the singer spoke heavily about her sexuality and her journey to come out of the closet in the shadows of Disney. She also talked about her relationship with her longtime girlfriend, Becca Tilley, which further proved that LGBTQIA relationships are just the same as any heterosexual relationship out there. But what I loved even more than her speaking of her sexuality and coming out was her speaking of her health. Maybe it’s because I relate to it so much, but nevertheless…

Compared to her speaking of her sexuality, Kiyoko only merely mentioned her struggles with her health. She said that when you struggle with an autoimmune disease, you go to the doctor, they prescribe you one drug after another. YES. It’s a constant battle to live with an illness. This in itself will cause anyone to go down in flames (not literally). Eventually, you stop relying on doctors and rely on your own instincts when it comes to managing your health and well-being. That’s exactly what I did in my own health journey. I can’t say I’m completely 100%, but I’m certainly in a much better place than I was when I solely relied on doctors’ orders.

But… I’m also being realistic here. I’m not, by any means, promoting a completely natural lifestyle in managing health. This particular method worked for me, and I stand by it. For some, it’s not the answer. It’s most definitely not the answer for illnesses such as the Big C – Cancer. In recent news, there was a young woman in her 20’s who listened to her mother by choosing not to go through with chemotherapy treatments. She passed away within 7 months after her initial diagnosis. My friend passed away due to cancer because she chose to take the holistic route in treating her cancer. She knew she was going to die, and she was okay with it.

Kiyoko was part of a children’s network. While she was a part of it, she couldn’t fully embrace who she was in her sexuality. There were some implications, though, that her character on Wizards Of Waverly Place had feelings for Selena Gomez’s character, Alex. This was confirmed in recent years. The reason why this storyline wasn’t explored more was because Disney wasn’t ready for it at the time of the show’s original run.

This was in 2010. Now, 15 years later, children’s networks have so much more to offer, and not just in showcasing the LGBTQIA+ community. This includes Disney, Nickelodeon and Netflix. One particular Netflix show I absolutely loved was Alexa & Katie, which ran between 2018 and 2020, and starred Paris Berelc and Isabel May in their respective title roles. The show followed two best friends, Alexa and Katie, who navigate life as teenage girls as Alexa goes through a cancer battle and its aftermath. More particularly, the show focused on a teen girl’s cancer diagnosis and its impact on her life and her friendship with Katie, addressing both the physical and emotional challenges. While the show didn’t explicitly delve into deep clinical details of mental health, it did portray the emotional ups and downs, including anxiety, jealousy, and the need for support, that come with a cancer diagnosis and treatment during adolescence.To break things down more thoroughly:

• Cancer Diagnosis and Treatment: The series centered on Alexa’s battle with cancer and Katie’s unwavering support, including shaving her head in solidarity. 
  
• Friendship Dynamics: The show explored how the cancer diagnosis affected the girls’ friendship, including moments of tension and jealousy, but ultimately emphasizes the strength and importance of their bond. 
  
• Mental Health Aspects: The series portrayed Alexa’s experience with the emotional toll of cancer, including feelings of isolation, fear, and anxiety. Katie also experienced emotional challenges related to supporting her best friend. 
  
• Seeking Support: The show subtly touched upon the need for psychological support for adolescents with cancer, highlighting the importance of friends, family, and potentially professional help according to a ResearchGate article. 
  
• Positive Representation: Alexa & Katie aimed to change the way we talk about cancer, offering a more optimistic and relatable portrayal of the experience for young people, according to Mashable. 

I watched the show years ago, and the most memorable storyline, at least for me, was the one where Katie began to struggle with her mental health. It was in season 4. Katie was shown to be a caring friend who often put others’ needs before her own. This led her to internalize her own anxieties and not always share them with Alexa, especially when Alexa was dealing with cancer. Alexa was officially cancer-free, which, as Alexa’s best friend, should’ve been a happy time for Katie, as well as everyone else in Alexa’s life. And it was. Her family, friends, and her boyfriend were ecstatic. So was Katie. But having witnessed her best friend go through such turmoil in her life put a toll on her own health.

Katie experienced anxiety that often manifested as panic attacks, characterized by physical symptoms like shaking, difficulty breathing, and a feeling of being overwhelmed. Her first panic attack happened when she was with Alexa at school as she was getting ready to take her SATs. One minute she was conversing with Alexa, excited, happy, and looking forward to her future. The next, she just froze; unable to speak, move her body, or even understand her surroundings.

It was all very sudden. It almost looked like a seizure. I’ve experienced both seizures and panic attacks, and what I can honestly and truthfully say is that the initial feelings of both can be overwhelmingly the same. I’d go as far as saying that a panic attack can be much worse than a seizure, but that’s just my perspective on the matter. And yet, there were initial signs of Katie’s struggle with anxiety from the very beginning, starting from the pilot episode when she initially had trouble speaking to people around her. She then experienced anxiety when an aptitude test revealed her true passion and the potential challenges of pursuing it. Katie’s anxiety became apparent as she navigated her first days of high school. She was then very, very nervous to introduce her boyfriend to her family and friends and experienced anxiety because of it. And finally, after getting excited for her travelling to London to study acting, Katie was confronted with the financial burden of the tuition at hand.

Katie’s struggles with anxiety was a recurring theme throughout the show. Though never explicitly showcased before season 4 when she experienced her first panic attack, it was somehow always there, subtly making its mark up until Katie experienced her first panic attack. Her second panic attack happened following her shift at work, which she got to help her pay for school. Unlike previous times, Katie was aware that it was about to happen as she understood her triggers and symptoms. She called her mom for help. Her co-worker, Aiden, who was on shift with her had left already, but came back almost immediately to help through the attack, which helped her calm down. When Katie asked him how he knew what to do at that moment, he revealed his mother struggled with anxiety and panic attacks just like hers.

Seeing these scenes unfold, to me, was mesmerizing, even more so than Alexa’s battle with cancer. I loved that the show didn’t solely rely on Alexa’s storyline to explore the hardships of being young and (supposedly) carefree. As someone who’d gone through her own hardships with an illness, it was good for me to see the effects of a someone having to witness someone they love battle an illness and not having control over it. It’s easy to forget that the loved ones of the ones battling an illness are in a tough position as well. I’d been there myself when I witnessed my husband struggle with an illness.

To be honest, having to watch my husband struggle so much was an even tougher battle for me than my own battle with what I thought was epilepsy. There’s no greater pain than watching the person you love be in pain and know that you can’t do anything about it to make it better. That’s why seeing Katie’s mental health struggles unfold following Alexa’s cancer battle was significant. It demonstrated the toll it can take on a person to have to witness someone you love go through something as traumatic as fighting cancer. Someone you love doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. It can be someone’s parent, child, family member, friend, colleague, or other. In Alexa’s case, it was her best friend.

Some loved ones can’t handle the pain of watching the people they love struggle so much. Does it make them bad people? No. It means they can’t handle the toll it can carry to watch the suffering. The 2020 movie, All My Life, which was based on a true story and starred Harry Shum Jr. and Jessica Roth in starring roles, deceptively showed just that. Shum Jr. character, Solomon, was battling terminal cancer. While his fiancée, Jennifer, played by Roth, stood by him until the very end, his best friend, Kyle, couldn’t handle the pressure and distanced himself. It didn’t mean he didn’t care. On the contrary, he cared too much.

Seeing Katie’s panic attacks on-screen was all too familiar. The sudden burst of not being able to control your body; the sudden urge to scream at the world to gain that control back; to feeling tour body is failing you; to feel like the world is ending and it’s your last day on earth. It was all too much. And yet, it was comforting. I knew I wasn’t alone in my grief. Maybe it had a lot, and even everything, to do with Isabel May’s phenomenal performance during those two particular scenes where Katie’s panic attacks were shown. But as soon as Katie showed the first signs of her panic attacks, I wanted to cry with her, and I wanted to hug her through my TV screen. I emphasized with her. I understood her. I was her. In hindsight, I still am her.

Going through something like a chronic illness and/or a mental illness is an ongoing battle. Both a seizure and a panic attack can come out of absolute nowhere. Both are unpredictable, and that’s the toughest part about it. You do everything you can to avoid a seizure or a panic attack from happening. You change your lifestyle completely. You go to therapy. You take medication. But none of it completely stops either from happening; only decreases the chances of either from happening. Sometimes, this battle can feel like WWIII.

The unpredictability of it all is the hardest thing about it. I could literally be in the washroom doing my business and have a grand-mal seizure. I could be taking care of my son and have a panic attack out of absolute nowhere. Or vice versa. As a viewer, I could relate to the pain Katie was going through of not being able to calm down and control her body (and mind), even with the appropriate coping mechanisms. Sometimes, one will need the support of another, and it’s okay to ask for help in time of struggle.

Throughout the show’s run, Katie was seen as the one who put others first. She was taking care of Alexa’s well-being before she ever thought of her own. Supporting Alexa became a priority for her, and she didn’t even think twice about how this very fact would impact her. She didn’t think it would, until it eventually did. Supporting Alexa through her cancer battle only seemed natural for Katie, but in the midst of it all, she forgot to take care of herself.

Sometimes, the best thing one can do for him or herself is to be selfish; and that’s exactly what Katie’s battle with anxiety picked up on. Following suffering her panic attacks, at least the ones that we saw, Katie made the brave move of going to therapy. It’s one of the best things one can do for themselves when struggling with a mental illness, as well as seizures. Why?

Benefits of Therapy for Panic Attacks:

• Understanding and Coping: Therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), helps you understand the underlying thoughts and behaviors that contribute to panic attacks and develop effective coping mechanisms.
  
• Reducing Frequency and Intensity: By addressing negative thought patterns and learning relaxation techniques, therapy can reduce how often and how severely panic attacks occur.
  
• Increased Emotional Regulation: Therapy can help you become more attuned to your emotions and manage anxiety and fear responses more effectively.
  
• Improved Quality of Life: As panic attack symptoms decrease, therapy can help you regain control over your life, participate in activities you may have been avoiding, and improve overall mental well-being. 

Benefits of Therapy for Seizures:

• Managing Stress and Anxiety: Living with epilepsy can be stressful, and stress can potentially trigger seizures. Therapy helps you develop stress reduction techniques and coping mechanisms to manage anxiety related to seizures.
  
• Addressing Fear of Seizures: Anticipating seizures can be frightening, and therapy can help reduce the fear and anxiety associated with having them.
  
• Improved Quality of Life: Similar to panic attacks, managing anxiety associated with seizures can lead to a better quality of life and allow you to participate more fully in daily activities.
  
• Support and Understanding: Therapy and support groups can provide a sense of community and understanding among individuals facing similar challenges. 

Common Therapeutic Approaches:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This is a widely used and effective therapy for both panic disorder and anxiety associated with epilepsy. CBT helps you identify and modify negative thoughts and behaviors, develop coping skills, and learn relaxation techniques.
  
• Exposure Therapy: A type of CBT where you gradually and safely confront the situations or sensations that trigger panic attacks or anxiety related to seizures to reduce your fear response.
  
• Relaxation Techniques: Breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, and mindfulness meditation can help manage anxiety symptoms and regain control during panic attacks or moments of anxiety.
  
• Supportive Psychotherapy: Provides a safe space to discuss challenges and receive support in coping with the emotional aspects of living with panic attacks and seizures. 

Important Considerations:

• Accurate Diagnosis: Panic attacks and seizures can have overlapping symptoms, making accurate diagnosis crucial. Your doctor may conduct various tests and assessments to determine the cause of your symptoms.
  
• Combined Treatment: In some cases, a combination of therapy and medication may be recommended to manage panic attacks and anxiety associated with seizures.
  
• Individualized Treatment: The best treatment plan depends on your individual needs, preferences, and medical history. It’s essential to work closely with your healthcare provider or mental health professional to determine the most appropriate course of action. 

You might be asking yourselves why I’m correlating mental health with a seizure disorder. The answer to this is actually fairly simple. Having seizures isn’t just about epilepsy. Seizures can have multiple altitudes to them. One of them is PNES – seizures caused by unresolved trauma. Studies show a significant correlation between PNES and a history of trauma, with some estimates suggesting that up to 90% of individuals with PNES have experienced trauma. In these cases, seizures can occur as a psychological response to a trauma. Traumatic events can be traced to childhood, health, or sexual abuse.

In my own experience, my seizure disorder transcended through my sexual trauma – rape. This is highly common in women with PNES. Studies show that sexual abuse is strongly associated with PNES more than other psychological stressors. Traumatic experiences such as this may be a risk factor for PNES, and a high prevalence in PTSD, and a clinical expression of it. That said, in such cases, experiencing a seizure can be the same expression as experiencing a panic attack.

While it’s not always trauma that plays a role in someone developing PNES, patients with this particular disorder show significantly high rates of trauma (44-100%) and abuse (23-77%), which are 15-40% higher than control groups. In many cases, This PNES is misdiagnosed as epilepsy, which makes the condition worse than it ever could’ve been. It’s exactly what had happened to me. I was treated for epilepsy, intaking medication I wasn’t supposed to intake, I wasn’t working through my trauma, and I was headed in a direction where I didn’t know if I wanted to be alive anymore. As my seizures worsened, my mental health worsened, and back again. My entire life literally felt like a tornado that never seemed to stop. I felt helpless. It was the worst feeling in the world.

Finally getting someone to tell me that it wasn’t epilepsy that I was struggling with was a relief. At the same time, it was a slap in the face because it was then that I realized so much time had been wasted on not working through my trauma and not doing the work that needed to be done to make things right. It was heartbreaking. It was an ugly truth that needed to unfold. I just wish it happened much sooner than it did. Seizures drastically changed the course of my entire life; my entire existence. To know that this entire time I could’ve done something about it that I didn’t due to no fault of my own was… astounding. I had spent so much of my time and energy doing things that only worsened my condition when, in reality, what I needed to do was work on my mental health.

When speaking of supporting someone through seizures, the only factors spoken of are the typical physical supporting factors – keeping the person safe from injury or harm: only move them if they are in danger; if they have fallen, put something soft under their head to protect it; allow the seizure to happen, don’t restrain or hold them down; stay with them until they have recovered. But no one ever speaks of supporting someone through seizures in a psychological sense. No one ever thinks that seizures can be caused by a psychological disorder rather than a chronic one. That’s why more empathy needs to be in place clinically speaking.

Treating PNES doesn’t come with the typical treatment for seizures caused by epilepsy. On the contrary, PNES is treated the same exact way a mental illness would be treated; much like Katie treated her anxiety following her panic attacks. I called her move to go see a therapist brave, and I guess it’s because there’s still such a stigma surrounding the way people view going to a third-party to get the help that they need in order to face their traumas face-to-face. Going to therapy and getting that outside, no bullsh*t perspective might be the exact thing that one needs for it. PNES is rooted in psychological factors rather than neurological issues, and it should be treated as such. Patients struggling with this disorder aren’t faking their seizures by any means. They’re, or better yet, we’re, in such distress that our bodies are then physically affected by it. Seizures in such cases could be triggered by both present and past events. Anxiety disorders such as the one Katie suffered from could be associated with PNES too. Treatments for it include:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Aims to help individuals understand and manage their emotions and stress, and to change negative thought patterns. 
  
• Medications: Antidepressants or other medications may be used to treat underlying mental health conditions. 
  
• Interprofessional Care: A team of neurologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, and other healthcare professionals is often needed for comprehensive care, according to the Cleveland Clinic. 

So you can see that treatment for PNES is practically the same as it is for a mental illness, and yet, clinically speaking, there’s very little correlation between the two. Some studies suggest that individuals with PNES may not exhibit the full spectrum of symptoms typically associated with clinical depression. Repressed emotions and conflicts may contribute to PNES and potentially exacerbate depression. Most people don’t even understand the correlation between PNES and depression, or any other form of a mental illness.

I wish I knew what I know now about PNES. I wish I had someone tell me; give me a nudge; anything. That’s what I’m here for now. I’m giving a nudge to those who might not know because doctors won’t tell them. I hope by me telling you, you won’t waste years of life, like I did, doing work that will make your condition worse than it should be. Take care of your body. Take care of your mind. It’ll be the best thing for you. That’s why I’m glad there are storylines out there like Katie’s from Alexa & Katie; to remind us all, no matter what age, to care of ourselves; to be kinder to ourselves. As loyal and supportive as she could be, she forgot to be kind to herself, and it really took a toll on her. She always put others’ needs before her own. But as her mental health began to physically affect her, she bravely put herself first. She’s a brave soul; an inspiration to all those who might be struggling, especially the younger generation. She’s shown them, as well as me, that it’s okay to ask for help; to take care of oneself.