Patty Duke: The Face Of Mental Illness Originated in The 80’s – And The Meaning Behind Sean Astin’s Continued Advocacy Following Her Death

My previous post had No Good Nick as the subject matter to discuss the topic of family and its meanings. We heavily discussed the notion of whether family was all about being biologically related or something much deeper than that. The show, which was a Netflix original, starred Melissa Joan Hart and Sean Astin as the parental figures. Getting to write about the show reminded me so much of Astin’s own unique storybook and his own deep definition of family.

Astin’s story has to do with old Hollywood legends, none other than Lucille Ball and Demi Arnaz. For years, he believed that Desi Arnaz Jr., Ball and Arnaz’s son, was his biological father, and the two developed a close bond based on that belief. At the time, Patty Duke, Astin’s mother, was unsure who the father of her son Sean was, as she had relationships with both Desi Arnaz Jr. and Michael Tell around the time of conception. It was only when he was 26 years old that Astin, after a DNA test, found out that Tell was his biological father. Despite the discovery, Sean maintains a close relationship with Desi Arnaz Jr., referring to him as family. Astin was raised by John Astin, who married Duke after his birth, and considers him to be his father. He also has had a good relationship with his stepfather Michael Pearce. Duke was married to him up until her 2016 death.

The actor, who was adopted by Astin when he was a young boy, told People in a 2001 interview, ‘If you want to know who I am, John Astin is my father. I have a good relationship with Mike. That’s who I am. I don’t fault anybody, I don’t fault myself or Desi, who is like my godfather, I have such a powerful love bond with this man, he’s a gorgeous human being. My feeling is that I want to honor my relationships with the people who looked after me.’ I think this is a very mature way of looking at things. I certainly don’t know how I’d react if I were in his shoes.

When Duke reconnected with John Astin after meeting him in 1964, Duke was 23 and in a romantic relationship with Arnaz Jr., who was 17 at the time. Lucille Ball was against the relationship. Astin was 40. Duke fell pregnant, with Sean being born on February 25, 1971. The paternity was unclear at the time, and it was made to be that Astin took great responsibility for the situation. He once said, ‘You have to understand that the family is more important than anything in life.’ And after he and Duke married in 1972, Duke adopted his children as well, and the two had a son of their own in 1973, Mackenzie Astin, also an actor. Following their divorce in 1985, Duke still remained close with John’s children, and vice versa.

Following Duke’s death in 2016, Allen, one of John’s children, wrote a blog post about their big blended family which read, ‘My big family has its share of craziness and dysfunction, yet it is so full of love and the desire to live life with passion that I am every day filled with gratitude for this mess. This gift of my family, as it is today, is full of Anna’s life and she will always be a part of us.’

The marriage between Duke and Astin ended as the two had both struggled with her mental health at home, but the end of their marriage came when the actor converted to Buddhism and attempted to get his family to join him. Nevertheless, the two remained close. Duke told People at the time, ‘We had gone as far as we could. There is a deep and abiding love between us, but we just don’t get along. It’s sort of like fingernails on the blackboard. He does it to me and I do it to him. We even laugh about it sometimes because it’s so absurd.’

When Sean was 14, Duke told him that his biological father was Desi Arnaz Jr. As mentioned before the two developed a close bond, and finally finding out the truth, the real truth, at 26 didn’t stop their closeness. In a 2004 interview, Sean had labeled Michael Tell being his father as being scientific. In fact, Duke and Tell only knew each other briefly in 1970. She married him during one of her manic episodes, and the marriage was annulled only 13 days later. Despite this, Sean says he has FOUR dads. In an interview with ABC, he said, ‘I can call any of them on the phone any time I want to. John, Desi, [Astin’s stepfather, Duke’s husband] Mike or Papa Mike … my four dads.’ And in a 2001 interview, John said of his close bond with Sean, ‘The greatest treasures are the treasures of the heart and Sean is a treasure. We’re very close, we have a good time together. His biological dad turns out to be a great guy and we’ve become friendly. He’s a good guy.’

I’d like to go back to the point that Duke had married Michael Tell while she was in the midst of a manic episode. According to Sean, he’d grown up watching his mother struggle with what is now known as bipolar disorder. In a 2016 interview with Good Day LA, he said, ‘In the mid-’80s, when she ‘went public’ with her diagnosis and sharing her story about her mania and her depression and all that, I don’t know how many actors or celebrities had done that. I would say that the world now is infinitely more understanding and compassionate, and yeah, there’s still stigma, but it’s a different world out there. And, I think she had a nice role to play in that evolution of our society, so we’re all very proud of her for that.’ In an interview with People that same year, he said that growing up with a depressed mother wasn’t always pretty and it wasn’t always fun. But insisted that there was a lot of love. He said, ‘There was never a moment of doubt that she loved me. We were all in it together. We were all in the storm together.’

In the years since his mother’s death, Sean has gone on to champion the mental illness advocacy, a cause that was so passionately close to Duke’s heart during her lifetime. It’s personally a cause that’s so close to my own beating heart. I know full well what life is like having a mother nearby struggling with a mental illness as I’d witnessed my own mother struggle with a mental illness during my childhood. This affected my life massively, even after she’d worked herself and got through her grief. Heck, to this very day, it affects me. I don’t think my parents even realize just to what extent that part of her life impacted me.

Let me be abundantly clear: my mother was always a good parent. Even when she was at her lowest, she still tried to be her best; to do her best. I’d witnessed my mom fight her battles. She was always doing the work that was necessary to properly deal with her issues. I had a lot of support from my immediate family during that particular in my life. And yet, it didn’t change the fact that it was hard on me. Having a depressed parent at home could be compared a deceased parent, except it’s worse because their bodies are physically there but their souls aren’t. Their bodies are moving, their hearts are beating, but their souls are deadlocked.

In my life, I never questioned whether my mother loved me or cared for me. My household was filled with love – always. No matter what, through all the hardships, I knew that my mother fighting demons, and that whatever mistreatment I faced at her hands wasn’t her fault. I never judged her; nor did I ever blame her for what she’d gone through and therefore put me in the position I was in. Living with a mental illness is complex, and I understood that about her. If anything, watching her led me to become more empathic, kinder, patient, and understanding human.

When Sean announced his mother’s death in 2016 in an Instagram post, he described her as a champion for mental health. That’s exactly how I’d describe my mother; not in advocacy, but rather in her fighting it. I know that when my son grows older, I want him to see me just as I see my own my mom now as an adult. I want him to see me as a fighter and as someone who never gave up on herself; both as a disabled person and as someone struggling with a mental illness. And if he himself struggles with a mental illness, I don’t want him to look at it as something to be ashamed of; or something that he has to be judged for. Instead, I want him to acknowledge it and work on it. There’s a whole other side of the coin when it comes to a man struggling with a mental illness. I want him to understand that it’s OKAY.

Duke first shared of her bipolar disorder in her 1987 autobiographical book, Call Me Anna. She then tirelessly worked on bringing awareness on mental health up until her death. She was one of the first celebrities to go public on her experience of living with a mental illness. It was a different time she was living in. At the time, it was the most neglected area of public health. During the ’90s, 26% of Americans said they felt close to a nervous breakdown and another 7% said they experienced a mental health problem. Almost 40 years earlier, only 19% of Americans said they felt close to a nervous breakdown, and in 1976, 21% said they had felt close to a breakdown. And if we go all the way back to the Middle Ages, mental illness was viewed as a punishment from God.

Electroconvulsive therapy was first introduced in the 1900’s as a means to treat mental illness. It was a treatment that was scary to all – patients AND doctors. It was used to induce seizures, which, in turn, were believed to relieve mental illness. During that time, the most common means to treat a mental illness were exorcism, drowning, and burning. Many people struggling were locked up in so-called “lunatic asylums.” Now, however, there are different treatments available for different mental health disorders. Treatment varies with the type of mental disorder but almost always involves psychiatric counseling. Sometimes medications may be prescribed as well.

• Clinical depression:

Treatment consists of antidepressants. The mainstay of treatment is usually medication, talk therapy, or a combination of the two. Increasingly, research suggests these treatments may normalize brain changes associated with depression. Types of therapies include Cognitive behavioral therapy, Behavior therapy, and Psychotherapy.

• Anxiety disorder

Treatment includes counseling or medications, including antidepressants. Doing such things as avoiding alcohol, reducing caffeine intake, and quitting smoking can help reduce anxiety.

• Bipolar disorder

Treatment is usually lifelong and often involves a combination of medications and psychotherapy.

• Dementia

Medications and therapies may help manage symptoms. Some causes are reversible.

• Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder

Treatments include medication and talk therapy. Support group, Cognitive behavioral therapy, Anger management, Counseling psychology, Psychoeducation, Family therapy, and Applied behavior analysis.

• Schizophrenia

Treatment is usually lifelong and often involves a combination of medications, psychotherapy, and coordinated specialty care services. Therapies one can use to cope with this illness include Support group, Rehabilitation, Cognitive therapy, Psychoeducation, Family therapy, Behaviour therapy, and Group psychotherapy.

• Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD)

Treatment includes talk therapy, medications, or both. Therapies available to treat OCD include Support group, Cognitive behavioral therapy, Aversion therapy, Psychoeducation, Rational emotive behavior therapy, Exposure and response prevention, and Psychotherapy.

• Post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Treatment includes different types of trauma-focused psychotherapy as well as medications to manage symptoms. Therapies available to treat PTSD include Cognitive behavioral therapy and Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing.

It isn’t easy…

It never is. To even admit to yourself, as well, as to others, that you’re struggling is such a brave thing to do. Then comes the hardships of people not taking you seriously or dismissing you. I myself experienced this by the medical system. I STILL experience this. I know Im struggling with depression. I know I need healing. I know I need to work on myself. I know I need help. I asked for it – tirelessly. Time and time again, I get told by doctors that everything I know to be seizures and any symptoms relating to it is due to cerebral palsy. When I had my second seizure, I was immediately diagnosed with epilepsy simply for the reason that I have epilepsy. I was desperate to get the help that I needed, but I was denied each and every single time. I asked for anti-depressants. Instead, I was given anti-seizure medication that I didn’t even need. For years, I’ve been fighting a battle that is utterly impossible to fight and overcome.

Life seemed gloomy. No doctor believed me when I said to them that other means needed to be considered when treating my seizures; that anti-seizure medication weren’t the ‘answer to my prayers’. Instead, I was laughed at; mocked. It was a confusing time in my life, because I was mostly made to believe that everything I’d felt was all in my head. I had no energy in me to fight for myself, so I did what I was told… like the good girl that I was expected to be. This was until I had my son, and I saw that the treatment, or more like the mistreatment, was affected him and me as a mother. So I told everyone to f*ck off; almost literally. I decided to take matters into my own hands.

My seizures were more under control than ever after I’d stopped taking my anti-seizure medications. They still wedding go away entirely, but nothing could’ve ever compared. The side-effects to the medications had disappeared completely. I finally started feeling like a person again. I could live. I could breathe. I could feel music to my ears. And though my seizures were more under control than ever, mental illness wasn’t. Over the years, it had taken over my mind, body, and soul. It seemed as though all there ever was in life, or at least in my life, was stress, worry, anxiety, and fear. I had a fear of rejection. I had a fear of failure. I had a fear of losing. I had a fear of not being good enough.

Fear somehow became an eternal essence in my life. This in itself caused the seizures. They could be compared to panic attacks. Eventually, I did have a panic attack; one that landed me at the hospital. And even as the doctor at the hospital confirmed my panic attack, as well as that the seizures were caused by depression and mimicked panic attacks, I was STILL denied medication or any means of proper treatment. They were all afraid got the a$$** to be sued, for if anything were to happen to me, or if my cerebral palsy condition were to worsen, due to anything they prescribed to me, I could take them to court.

Let’s talk about this for a second, or even two. Yes, antidepressants can potentially affect individuals with cerebral palsy (CP), both positively and negatively. While antidepressants can help manage depression and anxiety, which are actually commonly associated in individuals with CP, they can also cause side effects that may worsen motor symptoms or interact with other CP medications. To look at the matter more thoroughly:

Positive Effects: 

• Addressing Depression and Anxiety: Antidepressants, particularly SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), are often prescribed to address depression and anxiety, which are frequently comorbid with CP. Depression can worsen the effects of CP by increasing fatigue, pain, and decreasing confidence and coping abilities. 

• Improved Mood and Function: By treating depression and anxiety, antidepressants can lead to improved mood, increased participation in therapy, and better overall quality of life for individuals with CP. 

Potential Negative Effects: 

• Worsening Motor Symptoms: Some antidepressants, especially SSRIs, can potentially increase muscle tone or spasms in individuals with CP, mimicking or worsening extrapyramidal side effects typically associated with other medications like antipsychotics. 

• Serotonin Syndrome: There is limited research on serotonin syndrome in CP patients, but some studies suggest a potential for increased sensitivity to serotonergic medications, potentially leading to serotonin syndrome, which can manifest as neuromuscular and autonomic excitation and altered mental status. 

• Drug Interactions: Individuals with CP may be taking other medications for spasticity or other symptoms, and antidepressants can interact with these medications, potentially leading to adverse effects. 

• Side Effects: Like all medications, antidepressants can have side effects, such as nausea, dizziness, drowsiness, and dry mouth, which can be particularly challenging for individuals with CP who may already experience some of these symptoms. 

Important Considerations: 

• Individualized Approach: It is crucial to recognize that the effects of antidepressants can vary significantly between individuals with CP. A thorough assessment by a healthcare professional is necessary to determine the appropriate medication and dosage. 

• Monitoring for Side Effects: Physicians should closely monitor individuals with CP for any adverse effects after starting antidepressants, including changes in muscle tone, spasms, or other neurological symptoms. 

• Alternative Treatments: If antidepressants are not well-tolerated or effective, alternative treatments, such as psychotherapy, behavioral therapy, or other medications, should be considered. 

• Open Communication: Open communication between the individual with CP, their caregivers, and their healthcare team is essential to ensure the best possible outcome. 

But here’s the thing: none of it – absolutely none of it – is relevant to me. It’s literally as if my arm is broken and I fell. That’s it. I don’t experience spasms. I don’t experience dizziness, nausea, dry mouth, or drowsiness due to cerebral palsy. I don’t take any medication for cerebral palsy. NONE of it. When people in the outside world find out I have cerebral palsy, they automatically assume it’s the worst case scenario. But it’s not; really, REALLY not. And because people think that it is and refuse to look at it any differently, they make me suffer in other ways. My quality of life has drastically worsened. Not because of cerebral palsy or seizures; but because I consistently get declined to get the help that I need due to my cerebral palsy and the assumptions society, in this case, the medical system, makes about me because of it.

Having my own mom previously struggle with depression, as well as having witnessed it myself with my own eyes, became almost a blessing to me. I’m not saying it made things easy for me; only easier. In my mom, I’ve had someone close to me who understands the struggles I’m going through and what goes on in my mind, and how the mind and body can become two completely separate entities. In her, I’ve had someone close to me who’s given me tips and tricks on how to better manage my mental illness on my own terms, without the help of a third party. And in having witnessed my mom’s battle with depression, I’ve had a clear sense of how my own battles affect my family, particularly my husband and my son.

Becoming healthy has become my mission; my life’s purpose. I could never fathom my son having to ever go through what I’d gone through in having a depressed parent in his childhood. If you have a parent that’s struggled with a mental illness, then you know that you experience many different emotions. Some say that it’s like “riding an emotional rollercoaster.” For example, as a child witnessing this from the outside looking in, you might not understand why your parent is acting the way they are, and may find it hard to interact with them or not know how to help them. This within itself can cause trauma to your brain. It did to me. I’ve completely blocked my memories of that part of my life. So much of my childhood feels gone. I don’t even remember some people who were supposedly closest to me because they had so much to do with my mom’s struggle. They feel like complete strangers to me now.

I know full well that my son deserves much better than that. My son doesn’t deserve an emotionally unavailable. My son doesn’t deserve a neglectful mother. My son doesn’t deserve a mother who can’t control her emotions. Instead, he deserves the world, and it’s MY responsibility to provide him that world. If anything, my son is my reason for being; for existing. Before him, I’d spent so much of my time and efforts in hurting myself. It wasn’t that I wanted to die. It was that I didn’t care if I did. And now… I actually do want to stay alive. It’s both because I want to see my son grow up and that I know his life is better with a mother than without.

A mother isn’t a mother if she’s not healthy, and that’s what I intend to be, always. If not for myself, then for my son. On his part, Sean Astin described that, as the older brother, he often took on a more protective role during his mother’s tiring and challenging times, according to ABC News. During the interview, Astin described how he’d try to clean his room to appease his mother during her manic episodes, but even that could trigger anger. Duke’s illness affected the entire family, with periods of intense highs and lows, including suicide attempts during depressive episodes and impulsive spending during manic episodes. And I can attest to that.

As a young child, you see your parent struggle so much with their internal demons. You want to make things better. You try to. But nothing you ever do or say seems to work; at times, it only makes things worse, and then you think it’s your fault. In a candid April 23 talk at Endicott College, Astin spoke about his family’s experiences with mental illness, but especially Duke. He said of his late mother, ‘She realized that her get-out-of-jail-free card, her superpower, was to combine everything she knew about being open and honest. It’s arresting sometimes, but it’s also very compelling. We lived our lives like a hurricane was coming. You could feel the weather change. Instead of feeling like someone who was othered by society, she was lauded because of what she chose to do with it.’

He’s right. When your parent struggles with depression, the weather could go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. You never know which version of your parent you’ll be getting, and you constantly have to be on a edge. It’s a lot for anyone to take in, but it’s especially a lot for a child to take in. I experienced that, and I want nothing of that for my own child. But in my own life, I’m an extension of my mom. I am who I am because of her – the good and the bad. A lot of what she went through defined who I’ve become. The thing about life is that it’s unpredictable and sometimes painful, but connection, vulnerability, as well as service to others make it meaningful.

My own definition of supporting someone might be different than what others might expect. I listen more, judge less, and practice radical empathy. No matter the storm or the consequence, I’m always honest. No matter how much the truth might hurt the other person, I’m honest with them. Many people don’t like that about me. Many people ‘unfriended’ me. No matter the case, I’m always going to be truthful with them. Astin said, ‘Support doesn’t mean you have to solve someone’s problem. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just acknowledge them.’ That’s true, but if someone asks me for my much honest opinion, I’ll tell them. And if they don’t want to listen, then they shouldn’t ask for it. And when they mistreat me, I won’t stay silent about it either. It mostly has to do with the fact that to be a better human, a kind human, I have to be honest with myself. To me, there’s no reason not to be honest with others around me.

Astin also said, ‘Life goes better when you’re interested in other people. And sometimes, just breathing in and breathing out is a triumph.’ Truth be told, as much as I want to say that I have a lot of empathy for people, I’m also not one to sugarcoat a single thing. Life is too short to be fake. That said, I want my son to always be honest with; to always be truthful with me, even if it hurts me; I want him to know that I’ll always love him no matter how much that truth hurts; and I want him to know that everything I’ve ever done in my life is FOR HIM. Depression sucks. There’s absolutely nothing fun about it. It blows. But… it does get better. You just have to try. To end this blog post on a more positive note, here are some Patty Duke quotes:

• Reality is hard. It is no walk in the park, this thing called life.

• My recovery from manic depression has been an evolution, not a sudden miracle.

• It’s toughest to forgive ourselves. So it’s probably best to start with other people. It’s almost like peeling an onion. Layer by layer, forgiving others, you really do get to the point where you can forgive yourself.

• I tell people to monitor their self-pity. Self-pity is very unattractive.

• Sometimes it is the simplest, seemingly most inane, most practical stuff that matters the most to someone.

• I still have highs and lows, just like any other person. What’s missing is the lack of control over the super highs, which became destructive, and the super lows, which are immediately destructive.

• One of the things I’ve discovered in general about raising kids is that they really don’t give a damn if you walked five miles to school.

• I know that without treatment I would not have never been able to harness my creativity in such a successful way.