Christina Applegate: The Hardships A Child Endures In The Midst Of Having To Witness Their Parent Suffer A Life-Altering Illness – And Why It’s Still Not A Tragedy

Christina Applegate is a longstanding respected actress. She first got her start when she starred in the beloved 80’s sitcom, Married…With Children. She went on to star in many well-known movies in the years that followed. That includes The Sweetest Thing, Bad Moms, as well as Anchorman. She went on to make a return to starring in a TV show when she became the star of Netflix’s Dead To Me, which also starred Linda Cardellini and James Marsden, two more 2000’s veterans.

While she was starring in her role as Jen Harding between 2019 and 2022, Applegate was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2021, condition that happens when the immune system attacks the brain and spinal cord. In some cosmic twist of fate, her The Sweetest Thing co-star, Selma Blair, was also diagnosed with the same illness prior to that. The two remained friends after starring together in the 2002 movie, which also starred Cameron Diaz, and it was Blair who encouraged Applegate to go see a doctor after a play date. In a previous 2023 interview with British Vogue, Applegate credited her friend for helping her maintain a better quality of life.

But better doesn’t mean not hard. It simply means it’s just a little bit easier. This new way of life isn’t just hard on the person that’s diagnosed with an illness, but those around them too; particularly those closest to them. For Applegate’s daughter, Sadie, that change has been hard. The actress most recently opened up about what her daughter recently told her of the hardship she faces due to her mom’s illness. She said on the Let’s Talk Off Camera With Kelly Ripa podcast, ‘I don’t get up in the morning with that, I get up because of her. She’s the reason I’m still here and trying. But she did say to me, and we got into a big thing the other day, and sorry Sadie, but it has to be said. She said, ‘I missed who you were before you got sick.’ That is just like a knife to the heart because I miss who I was before I got sick too. Very much.’

The actress also previously opened up how her diagnosis and new normal affected her parenting. She told People, ‘She’s had to see the loss of her mom, in the way that I was a mom with her. Dancing with her every day. Picking her up from school every day. Working at her school, working in the library. Being present out of the house, out of my bed. She doesn’t see those things anymore. This is a loss for her as well. And we’re both learning as we’re going along. She’ll come in the room, and if she sees that I’m laying on my side, she knows that she can’t ask me to do anything. And that breaks me, breaks me. Because I love doing stuff for my kid. I love making her food. I love bringing it to her. I love all of it, and I just can’t sometimes. But I try. I try.’

These words resonated with to the core. I try. No matter how hard it gets, I try. If not for my own damn self, then most certainly die my child. I at least owe him that. Unlike Applegate’s daughter, my son never knew me as a healthy person. He’s already seen and witnessed so much in his short two and a half years of life. He’s already seeing what life is like for a disabled woman up close and personal. He’s seeing what my life is like as a woman living with cerebral palsy, where every-day tasks that seem so easy to an average person might be a little harder, but doable nevertheless; just done differently. He’s also witness me having seizures in his short life, and has been trained how to stay calm in such a situation, as well as how to ‘help mommy’.

When my father-in-law first found out that there’s ‘a cripple’, as he labelled me, that his son was courting, he automatically, without hesitation, said I’d be an embarrassment to his family. He couldn’t fathom anyone in his circle being seen with someone even remotely like me. And so, he’d done everything in his power to end my relationship with my now-husband. He’d give my husband every excuse in the book as to why he NEEDED to break up with me; and why counting a relationship with me would ruin his life. When words didn’t work, he took matters into his own hands and tried to manipulate our relationship in multiple ways – even after my husband and I got engaged, which by the way, seemed to have been his greatest disappointment when he found out I was becoming a part of their family.

My father-in-law’s arguments as to why my husband shouldn’t be with me included the subject of children. He said I wouldn’t be able to conceive children, bear children, let alone take care of an entire human being due to my cerebral palsy. I never took his hate-advice seriously, and neither did my husband. I wouldn’t even call it gate-advice, but rather telling my husband what to do and aiming to control the narrative of how his life should’ve turned out. This is also exactly why now my husband’s stepmother is out of our life too. She aimed to do the same in our parenting our son, and had the audacity to yell at my son because he was simply being a toddler and not doing as he was told. On my husband’s side, he felt utterly disrespected by her as boundaries were broken by her not only by what she did to me and my son, but to him in meddling in his relationship with his father, whom he cut ties with two years ago. She was specifically asked to butt out and not give him any information, and yet, she did. This type of bullying just doesn’t slide; not anymore.

Becoming a mother was the best thing that ever happened to me, as well as the hardest. The process of conception was years in the making. Yes, IVF took place, but that wasn’t the only reason why the entire process took so long. There were other reasons. For one, my husband wasn’t sure fatherhood was meant for him. He was petrified of ending up being the same father that his own father was – a failure. That was a trauma that he needed to work through himself before ever becoming the father that our son deserved to experience. He did, and with every bone in my body, I tell you that the love bond that my son has with dad is never to be broken.

Another reason why our process of conception took so long was my health. It had nothing to do with me living with cerebral palsy. Instead, it was about my seizure disorder, which was assumed to be epilepsy, but was, in actuality, PNES. There was a point in my life that seizures took over my entire being. Simultaneously, I’d gone through fertility issues. It was heartbreaking, but I was forced to focus on me; to prioritize my health, well-being and entire life as a whole before the topic of conceiving a child ever happened again. Things weren’t looking good, and I sat my husband down for a talk; to tell him that maybe we should consider living a child-free life. I wasn’t prepared to sacrifice my health to have a baby.

Little did I know that when my husband and I had that talk, I was already pregnant. It was the greatest surprise. It ended up happening the natural way – something we were told there’d be zero to little chance of doing. It didn’t feel like any sort of accomplishment. Instead, it felt like a blessing. There I was, pregnant with my first child; a complete surprise as the odds weren’t in our favour. This, however, didn’t mean that complications didn’t arise. They did. Not because of cerebral palsy, but because of seizures. I experienced two of them in my otherwise perfect pregnancy. The baby that was inside of me turned out to be so strong. Neither seizure affected him by one bit.

Luckily, I had an amazing OBGYN who took great care of me. Following my son’s birth, I stayed seizure-free for more than a year. It was such a great accomplishment – for me. Through sleepless nights; through the physical difficulties and frustrations I’d gone through in taking care of a newborn due to my cerebral palsy; through the hormonal imbalances and postpartum depression… I still managed to stay seizure-free for an entire year. It was an utter disappointment when that first seizure following my pregnancy happened.

Nevertheless, I wasn’t ready to give up on my health. I had some watching my every move. What would I be telling him if I did? Ever since my son was born, I knew exactly how I wanted to raise him. I wanted to raise him to become a strong, independent, kind, empathetic, caring, emotionally intelligent man. It was just my luck that I had my father-in-law as example of the type of man I DIDN’T want my son to become. I wanted my son to embrace other people’s differences and uniquenesses; which is something that my father-in-law has always failed to do. That said, I started explaining to him the concept of my disability as early as 3 months old. I started explaining to him why my hands look different. I started explaining to him that despite his mommy’s hands looking different, she could still do anything, but it might be done differently. And she might need help sometimes, but everyone needs a little help sometimes. I made sure he was exposed to seeing my everyday life as a person living with a disability; to show disability in action, not just words. I also started showing him other physically disabled people in media.

We’re here to talk about the difficulties of becoming disabled after becoming a parent. I can’t relate to this particular pain. I became chronically ill BEFORE I became a mother, and that in itself, became the best thing that ever happened to me. Of course, I wish I didn’t have to go through the seizure disorder at all, but since I did, I’m surely glad that the timing of it all came years prior to me becoming a mother and being responsible for another human being. I had time to adjust and really get to know the new version of me before I became a mother to my son.

A diagnosis that occurs later in life changes a person’s entire life – no matter what the actual diagnosis is.  It significantly changes a person, impacting their emotional, social, and physical well-being. It can trigger a range of emotional responses, including fear, grief, anger, and denial, and may lead to feelings of isolation and a loss of identity. The illness can also affect social interactions, potentially leading to social isolation or changes in relationships. Furthermore, physical changes associated with the illness can impact self-image and daily life, potentially affecting work, finances, and social activities. To break things down more thoroughly:

Emotional Impact: 

• Emotional responses: Common emotional reactions include fear, anger, grief, and denial as individuals grapple with the diagnosis and its potential consequences. Some may experience guilt or shame about their illness, particularly if they feel they contributed to it. 

• Loss of self: The illness can become a central part of a person’s identity, leading to a feeling of losing their former self and a sense of powerlessness. 

• Social isolation: Some individuals may feel isolated from others, as friends and family may not fully understand what they are going through. 

Social Impact: 

• Changes in relationships: Social interactions may change as friends and family adjust to the new reality of the illness. Some relationships may become strained, while others may deepen. 

• Loss of social activities: Physical limitations or fatigue may prevent individuals from participating in previously enjoyed social activities, leading to social withdrawal. 

• Stigma: Some diagnoses carry stigma, which can lead to negative stereotypes and social isolation. 

Physical Impact: 

• Physical changes: Many illnesses cause physical changes that can impact appearance and self-esteem. 

• Pain and fatigue: Pain and fatigue can become daily challenges, impacting daily life and potentially leading to mood disorders like depression and anxiety. 

• Changes in lifestyle: Illness often requires significant lifestyle changes, such as dietary restrictions, medication management, or physical therapy. 

• Work and finances: Illness can affect the ability to work, leading to financial difficulties or changes in career paths. 

• Family roles: Illness can disrupt family dynamics, potentially leading to role reversals or increased responsibilities for other family members. 

Coping Mechanisms: 

• Seeking support: Connecting with healthcare professionals, support groups, or loved ones can be crucial for coping with the diagnosis. 

• Finding meaning: Some individuals find meaning in their illness through religious or philosophical perspectives. 

• Self-management: Developing self-management skills, such as medication adherence or exercise routines, can help individuals regain a sense of control. 

• Maintaining identity: It’s important for individuals to find ways to maintain their identity beyond their illness. 

I just can’t imagine having had to navigate a new normal of living with a chronic illness and having to adjust to a life that’s both physically and emotionally crippling while also being responsible for another human that’s fully dependent on you. To add to it, my husband also became ill, and we were both navigating our new normal simultaneously. Those were the toughest, but also most liberating years of our entire relationship. We didn’t know whether we’d ever get through those years, but we did – alive and stronger together; both as individuals and as a couple.

Fast forward to now, both my husband and I are still affected by our individual illnesses. He and I will never be 100%. The biggest difference between the initial diagnosis years ago and now is that our illnesses don’t take over our entire lives anymore. That’s why we’re able to navigate our new life as new parents successfully. Of course we made mistakes. All new parents do. But our respective illnesses didn’t affect our roles as parents to our son, and our son, in turn, was happy, healthy, and just a normal little boy.

Life as a whole is all about making mistakes and getting back up again. That’s something I keep telling my son, even now, each time he falls down. Each time he falls and is about to cry, I tell him, ‘It’s okay, my boy. We fall, we get back up again, remember?’ I’ve been telling him this so much that at this point, whenever I tell him this, he actually composes himself, gets up, and moves on to the next thing. It makes me so, so proud of him. Something such as this seems so small, but is oh so important; especially as a disabled woman raising a little boy – a future man. Maybe I’m being just a tad too serious about this, it’s something that I believe will make a big difference in his life. I I want him to be happy. I want him to grow up to be strong, but also emotionally mature. I want him to be kind and loving and empathetic. I want him to see people like me and not view them as weak. I want him to see people like me and not view them as less than.

That’s the beauty of having a pre-existing condition before having children and then raising children while navigating life with it – teaching the real values in empathy is already instilled in you. In many ways, it becomes the very first thing you teach your child. Just like hate is taught, so is ignorance. I didn’t have the same hardships as Christina Applegate in parenting a child just as she was diagnosed with MS. I had time to adjust. I had time to make sense of my sense of self. So did my husband. In all the years that our illnesses did take over our lives, we were adamant that we’d only even think of trying to conceive once we got acquainted with our new normalities; not any sooner. We didn’t want to bring another life into the world if we couldn’t take care of ourselves.

Being a parent who lives with a chronic illness means that sometimes you don’t get to be the parent you want for your child. At times, I feel like just as good of a parent as my father-in-law – a deadbeat, nothing to show for parent. It’s heartbreaking. You want to give your child absolutely everything you have, but you have nothing to give. You physically can’t give them what they need most, which is your time. After I suffer a grand-mal seizure, for instance, I’m bedridden for an entire week until my body fully recovers from the pain and soreness experienced due to the seizures, as well as the emotional and cognitive dissonance experienced at the hands of the seizures. Some symptoms like paralysis or weakness can take 1–2 days to fully resolve. Additionally, some people may notice changes in their thinking, mood, and energy levels for days.

With all that said, not being available for my son’s needs during that time feels emotionally crippling for me. Some time ago, my husband’s stepmother and I had a falling out because she overstepped her boundaries to a whole new level, including her calling me a bad parent. I know I’m a f*cking good parent, but during those weeks of recovery, I cry and I cry and I cry, questioning whether she was right. Luckily, though, I have a husband that reminds me how good I am, and I have a son that never fails to show how much he loves and appreciates me. His hugs and kisses will light up the whole world.

Being a parent is hard. Being a parent of a child with a disability is harder. Being a parent while also living with an illness is harder. Being a parent of a child with a disability while you yourself are living with an illness is indescribable. And doing all that while you have people around you that don’t support you is diabolical. It’s actually so disgusting that someone would have the audacity to call a new mother trying to figure sh*t out a bad parent. Give advice, sure. But to call someone a bad parent? F*CK YOU. I don’t care what your excuse is. I don’t care if you’re having a bad day; on your period; got into a fight with someone; whatever. You don’t call another woman names. You don’t try to destroy another woman and tear her down, especially when you claim to care. That’s not caring. That’s just trying to reclaim yourself as a controlling, manipulative piece of sh*t.

In a general sense, parenting with a chronic illness, or any illness for that matter, presents unique challenges, including physical limitations, emotional strain, and financial burdens, impacting both the parent and the child. Parents may struggle with daily tasks like lifting their child, preparing meals, or engaging in active play, leading to feelings of guilt and disappointment. Additionally, the illness can affect emotional well-being, causing stress, anxiety, and even depression. Financial strain can arise from medical expenses, reduced work hours, or the need for childcare, further complicating the situation. To break it down more thoroughly:

Specific Challenges: 

• Physical Limitations: Illnesses like chronic fatigue syndrome, fibromyalgia, or multiple sclerosis can make it difficult to perform everyday tasks like bending, lifting, or playing active games. 

• Emotional Strain: Parents may experience feelings of guilt, sadness, or frustration when they are unable to participate fully in their child’s life or when they are experiencing pain or other symptoms. 

• Financial Strain: Medical costs, medications, and potential loss of income due to reduced work hours can create significant financial stress for families. 

• Impact on Children: Children of chronically ill parents may experience emotional difficulties, social challenges, or developmental delays, especially if they are caregivers or if the illness is severe, according to a 2019 study. 

• Adapting Parenting Style: Parents may need to adapt their parenting style to accommodate their physical limitations, such as finding alternative ways to play or communicate with their child. 

Coping Strategies: 

• Open Communication: Honest and age-appropriate conversations with children about the illness can help them understand and cope with the situation. 

• Seeking Support: Connecting with other parents in similar situations, joining support groups, or seeking professional help can provide emotional support and practical advice. 

• Prioritizing Self-Care: Taking time for oneself, even in small ways, can help manage stress and improve overall well-being. 

• Creative Solutions: Finding creative ways to engage with children, such as playing games that require less physical exertion or creating a special fort, can make activities more manageable. 

• Utilizing Resources: Accessing resources like support groups, educational materials, and healthcare professionals can provide valuable information and guidance. 

• Accepting Limitations: Learning to accept limitations and focusing on what is possible can reduce feelings of guilt and frustration. 

• Seeking Financial Assistance: Exploring options for financial assistance, such as government programs or charities, can help alleviate financial burdens. 

My husband and I have both made peace with the fact that our parenting won’t ever look the same as the ‘norm’. We’ve made peace with the fact that our son won’t ever know what ‘normal’ looks like. Our family won’t ever be what he sees on TV or movies, for instance. This, however, doesn’t mean that he’s not showered with absolute love and adoration, because he is. My son knows how loved he is; by his parents, the family that he knows, the friends that are there for him and treat him like he’s a part of their own families….

Different doesn’t mean tragic. It can be hard, yes. But it’s not tragic. It can actually be quite beautiful, and I hope that Sadie, Applegate’s daughter, could see that about her mother’s illness one day. Just look at Christopher Reeve’s own journey as a parent following his 1995 horseback riding accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down. He was so worried about his capabilities and his role as a parent would look like in the aftermath, but his older kids, Matthew and Alexandra, confidently and proudly said that he even became a better parent after his accident. That’s not to say that I don’t empathize with her, because I most certainly do. I understand her and where she’s coming from because I, too, went through a very difficult situation of having to witness my mom’s illness take over her life. But I also witnessed my mom’s hard work in getting better, and this goes back to the very beginning of the blog entry – trying. There was a period in my life where my mom couldn’t be the mom I needed her to be. But through this period of time and grief, I witnessed my mom’s hard try her very best to be the best version of herself. I witnessed my mom never give up on herself, and that was what I appreciated the most about her. It’s also something I hope my own son sees in me. I hope he sees me the same way I see my mom – a strong woman who never stopped trying. And I hope that he never stops seeing his dad as he does now – as his hero.