Jeannie Mai: Breaking Down The Long-lasting Effects Of A Mother’s Betrayal – And Why Mama Mai Is Actually A Narcissistic Parent

In the midst of writing about Brooke Hogan’s estrangement from her father, Hulk, I was reminded of the very complex relationship dynamic between Jeannie Mai and her mother, publicly known as Mamma Mai. For those of you that don’t know, Jeannie is an Emmy Award-winning TV personality, actress, makeup artist, and fashion expert. She’s best known for co-hosting the daytime talk show The Real for eight seasons and her work on the makeover show How Do I Look?. Mai has also appeared as a fashion expert on Today, Entertainment Tonight, Extra TV, and Insider. Mai started her career as a makeup artist for celebrities like Alicia Keys and Christina Aguilera. 

I first got to know of Jeannie when she was 1/5 of The Real alongside Loni Love, Adrienne Bailon, Tamera Mowry, and Tamar Braxton in 2013. I fell in love with her bubbly, fun, sweet, and genuine personality that she fearlessly and authentically brought to the table. Everyone she talked about her mom’s tactics and make fun of her accent, I’d burst out laughing; so much so that I’d sometimes have tears in my eyes. And then when Mama Mai would visit the show, viewers always knew that she’d bring even more of the funny and hilarious dynamic to the show’s vibe.

There was really a time where I’d religiously follow The Real’s YouTube channel to get through my struggle with depression. I needed a laugh, and I always knew I could get it from watching the show; particularly in hearing Mama Mai related stories that came from Jeannie. They always seemed to have had such a wholesome, loving mother-daughter relationship, and I couldn’t get enough of those two. Then in a 2019 episode of the show, Jeannie confessed to her co-hosts that at one point, she and her mom, whose real name is Olivia TuTram, were estranged at one point when she was just a teenager. She said, ‘When I was 16, my mom and I, who you guys know is my ride or die, my best friend, my icon today — she and I had a major falling out. We disowned each other when I was 16 and literally until I was 24 we avoided each other like the plague. My family would try and trick us and I would come to a party and she would be there. When I tell you the Love & Hip Hop scene is nothing compared to what was happening with me and mom… throwing things at each other, the cursing, the words. This is honestly why I’m so devoted to God today. I didn’t know it, but there’s something there in that spirit between a mother and daughter and I needed my mom, but I was too proud to invite her back especially when she did me wrong. So, I prayed not knowing I was praying to God and I remember confronting her again and facing off with her with what she had done wrong. God replaced my ears with his and put my heart with his. I made up with my mom that day and completely gave up that hatred we had for eight years… and that’s why I’m stuck being a Christian now.’

On an episode of her YouTube show, Hello Hunnay With Jeannie Mai called ‘Why I Didn’t Speak to My Mom for 8 Years’, Jeannie revealed that she disowned her mother because when she told her that she was sexually abused by her cousin who babysat her from the age of 9, her mother didn’t believe her. Her mother was also in the video as they revealed what had happened between them. And Mama Mai – instead of apologizing to her daughter, she came up with excuses, like ‘I was young, I didn’t know what I was doing,’ ‘you were a mistake/accident,’ and ‘I loved him more than you (she pitied him because he had no parents).’ The video itself was truly hard to watch. The whole time, Jeannie was comforting and protecting her mother’s feelings when it should’ve been the opposite. Mama Mai didn’t show much remorse or empathy towards her daughter, and was quick to generate excuses in order to protect her image, which seemed more important than her daughter’s well-being.

Mama Mai then revealed to Jeannie that, in the years that they were estranged, she went to her abuser’s house and confronted him. At that moment, Jeannie broke down, asking her why she never told her this sooner and telling her that it was all she needed to hear from her; that her mother believed her and was on her side. I could barely get through the video. I was waiting and waiting and waiting for Jeannie to stick up for herself; to fight for herself; to confront her mother for her wrongdoings. Instead, Jeannie was that 16 year old teenage girl in a 40 year old woman’s body who needed her mommy.

The mother-daughter duo seemed to have worked things out, and Mama Mai continued to be a strong presence on Jeannie’s YouTube show. Everything was fine between the two…until it wasn’t. In February 2021, Jeannie posted an episode of Hello Hunnay with Jeannie Mai called ‘The Fight With My Mom.’ It was recorded through a Zoom call. It was in the aftermath of a fight the two of them had during the holiday season that lasted for weeks. Up until that conversation, they hadn’t spoken with each other. Jeannie was eager to work things out with Mama Mai, while Mama Mai was just bluntly justifying her actions and wouldn’t listen to anything Jeannie was saying. She heard what came out of her daughter’s mouth, but she refused to listen.

The fight in question was about a holiday party that Jeannie was hosting with her husband at the time, Jeezy. It was during the time when the pandemic was still going on. Jeannie wanted to be very careful and cautious about the situation at hand, and decided that it’d only be family members that would be invited to her and Jeezy’s house. Mama Mai came to the party, much to Jeannie’s surprise and anguish, she brought along two friends with her. Jeannie was very angered by her mother’s actions and reacted to it very negatively in a public setting. Mama Mai felt disrespected by her daughter, and in turn, retaliated. Mama Mai didn’t see the big deal in what she did. She said the friends that she brought were like family and didn’t go to parties a lot during the pandemic, and therefore, she had the right to bring them along with her. She said that it was solely Jeannie’s fault that they were fighting, and that she owed her an apology.

Jeannie did apologize for confronting Mama Mai in such a public manner when it should’ve been done privately, but she was still adamant that her mother wronged her, and rightfully so. Mama Mai still refused to listen to anything her daughter said. She’d talk over her and interrupt her ALL THE TIME. Even when Jeannie’s brother was added to the call and he told Mama Mai that she was being unreasonable, she still refused to listen. In Mama Mai’s mind, she was right no matter what, and because she was older, she had the authority to do whatever she wanted and treat her children any way she wanted.

In hindsight, watching that particular confrontation between Jeannie and Mama Mai brought me back to witnessing my husband’s relationship with my father-in-law. It was toxic, destructive, invasive, and cruel. Every single conversation between them would end up in a screaming match. It was as though my father-in-law would deliberately call my husband to solely scream at him and tell him that he was a loser and scream at him to do as he was told by him. One fine morning, my father-in-law called my husband, and yet again, a screaming match escalated between the two. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I came to our bedroom and screamed to my husband that our marriage was over; that I was filing for a divorce, and he needed to pack his sh*t by a certain amount of time. I remember it was a Friday. I gave him until that Monday.

It’d always felt like there were 3 people in my marriage; with my father-in-law being the third. After 2 years of marriage, I’d gotten tired of the third person, so I decided to end it. I told him couldn’t take it anymore; that I wouldn’t tell him to cut his father off, but that I couldn’t stay in the marriage either if things didn’t change. My husband knew I was serious because I hadn’t reacted in such a way – ever. By that point, we’d been together for 7 years. He begged me to stay. He went down one knee, cried, and begged me to stay. More particularly, he said, ‘Please don’t let my dad win.’ After much thought and consideration, I did eventually decide to stay in the marriage. And just as he promised me, my husband DID make the changes that he promised me he’d make.

I’m sharing all this with the greatest intention, and it’s to help make sense of the marriage dynamic between Jeannie and Jeezy. While watching that fight between Jeanie and Mama Mai, I immediately thought of Jeezy’s role in the entire shenanigan. It wasn’t much of a surprise to me that he was brought in the middle of their fight. Having witnessed myself my parnter’s codependent relationship with my father-in-law – one where it was drilled into him that he wasn’t good enough for anything – I could empathize with Jeezy and his position in the matter at that moment. It was one big mess between the mother-daughter duo, and Mama Mai refused to take responsibility for actions and actually understand that she overstepped her boundaries; much like my father-in-law, as well as my husband’s stepmother. This role that I undertook came with a lot of responsibility, as well as a lot of pressure, and it meant that every negative thought that was instilled to my husband by his narcissistic parents had to be untaught by me. In Jeezy’s case, Mama Mai was putting him in the middle of her with Jeannie and manipulated him to go against his own wife.

While I empathized with Jeezy in that particular situation, I just couldn’t fathom why in the world Jeannie would marry someone like him and have a child with someone like him. It’s especially true since, in her previous marriage to Freddy Harteis, whom she was married to between 2007 and 2018, she was very adamant that she didn’t want to have children. This, along with other factors, eventually led to the demise of their marriage. Harteis then quickly moved on with Linsey Toole, and together they have 3 children. Fans speculate that Harteis was unfaithful to Jeannie with his current partner as he went public with his new relationship just two months after Jeannie filed for divorce. The fact that there were pictures of the three of them spending time together while Jeannie was still married to Harteis also didn’t help in the slightest.

When Jeannie announced her pregnancy in 2021, Harteis was quick to slam his ex-wife. When someone commented on Instagram, ‘’I definitely think when you know you know in her case she didn’t want a baby with @thehollywoodhunter,’ he responded, ‘yep. I upgraded from trash to treasure a long time ago. Best decision I ever made. Congratulations. Being truly happy is an amazing feeling. Love my little family.’ This short, simple exchange made it so clear to me that the best decision Jeannie ever made for herself is not to have children with her first ex-husband. I can’t imagine my husband, in a case of a separation and divorce, calling me trash. Even through our separation, he always showed the utmost respect for me. I would’ve never had a child with him if he did. I wouldn’t be able to ever co-parent with him amicably if he ever called me names following him not getting what he wanted out of me. This would’ve also impacted our child and showed him the very wrong ways of treating women.

Jeannie met Jeezy in 2018 following her divorce from Harteis. They began a relationship thereafter that had been really fast-paced. They started dating in 2019, got engaged in 2020, got married in 2021, and had a child together, daughter Monaco, in 2022. By 2023, news of their impending divorce came to light. Jeezy filed for divorce in September 2023, citing irreconcilable differences. Jeannie found out about the divorce filing along with the rest of the world. Jeezy highlighted that the decision to file for divorce wasn’t impulsive.

It’s less common for men to file for divorce, which was why it was so surprising to hear that Jeezy was the one who initiated the decision to end the marriage. Generally speaking, men file for divorce for a variety of reasons, often related to feeling unappreciated, experiencing emasculation, or facing financial infidelity. Some men also cite a lack of intimacy, a decline in commitment, or unhappiness stemming from feeling disconnected from their partner. Additionally, some men seek divorce due to infidelity, substance abuse, or constant conflict in the marriage. To break it down more thoroughly:

1. Feeling Underappreciated and Unloved: 

• Men may initiate divorce when they feel their contributions to the household, emotional or financial, are not valued or acknowledged by their spouse. 

• This can manifest as a lack of affection, attention, or appreciation, leading to resentment and a feeling of being taken for granted. 

• Some men feel like their wives treat them as “piggy banks,” constantly seeking financial support without acknowledging their efforts. 

2. Emasculation: 

• Some men experience emasculation, where their wives undermine their sense of masculinity, autonomy, or value. 

• This can involve public criticism, belittling professional achievements, or overruling decisions, impacting their self-esteem and leading to feelings of powerlessness. 

3. Financial Infidelity: 

• Financial infidelity, such as dishonesty about finances, hiding expenditures, or having secret accounts, is another reason men file for divorce. 

• This lack of transparency and trust can severely damage the relationship. 

4. Lack of Intimacy and Affection: 

• A lack of intimacy, both physical and emotional, can be a significant factor. 

• Men may interpret a lack of physical affection as a sign of their partner’s lack of attraction or interest. 

• This can lead to feelings of rejection and a desire to seek intimacy elsewhere. 

5. Infidelity and Substance Abuse:

• Cheating is often cited as a reason for divorce, and while it’s often a symptom of deeper problems, it can be a breaking point for some men. 

• Substance abuse by a spouse can also lead to divorce, as it creates instability and dysfunction within the marriage. 

6. Constant Conflict: 

• Frequent arguments and a lack of peace within the home can also drive men to seek a divorce. 

• Men may prioritize their mental well-being and choose to end a relationship characterized by constant conflict. 

7. Mid-life Crisis: 

• Some men experience a mid-life crisis, often in their 40s and early 50s, which can lead to a desire for change and a re-evaluation of their life choices, potentially including divorce. 

• This may be more common in men than women, as women often have stronger support networks outside the marriage. 

8. Contagion Effect: 

• The likelihood of divorce can be higher if a close friend or family member gets divorced, suggesting a “contagion effect” where exposure to divorce can make it seem more acceptable or possible. 

9. Seeking Happiness: 

• Some men, especially those who have been unhappy in their marriage for a long time, may seek a divorce simply to pursue happiness and a fresh start.

I’ve spent probably half of this blog entry defending Jeezy. It’s easy to make assumptions on anything based on the information provided. Jeannie herself previously admitted on the Lovers and Friends podcast that she wasn’t an easy person by any means. She said, ‘I have a really hot temper. Not a lot of people know this; it’s just something in my family…but I didn’t notice it in myself until I was with Jeezy. It has to do with the type of relationship you have and the type of respect you have for that person to mirror things back to you. Here’s a person who is my equal, and when I would spew some of my hold habits and he was like, ‘Uh uh, like, that’s not flying here’ and also it would trigger him to come back at me with things where I was like, ‘Who the f*ck do you think you are?’ But I was triggering him, so through work, we learned that we both have certain habits.’

Hearing Jeannie speak of her hot temper was resonating for me. I understood exactly where she was coming from. I, too, have a hot temper. But unlike her, I’ve always had someone beside me who loved me and wanted the best for me. He challenged me. He didn’t allow the same toxic energy I was bringing home to continue on coming out as though it was normal and acceptable. With his help, I WANTED to work on myself; to better myself. And I want to emphasize that the key word here is help. He didn’t do the work for me. He still doesn’t. I, and only I, did the work; still do the work. My husband, as well as my son, are there to support and guide me through my journey; to motivate me to never stop working on myself.

Jeannie stated that her hot temper came from her own family history; with her mom having anger issues, as well as her grandmother having anger issues. But I’ll add another aspect to the reasoning behind her hot temper, and it’s her sexual trauma. Generally speaking, sexual trauma can significantly contribute to anger issues due to the intense emotional and psychological impact of the experience. Survivors may experience anger as a natural response to the violation, betrayal, and loss of control associated with sexual assault. This anger can manifest in various ways, including direct anger at the perpetrator, anger at oneself, or displacement of anger onto other areas of life. To break it down more thoroughly:

1. Anger as a Natural Response: 

• Violation and Loss of Control: Sexual trauma involves a profound violation of personal boundaries and a loss of control, which can trigger intense anger. 

• Betrayal of Trust: The betrayal of trust inherent in sexual assault can lead to feelings of rage and resentment. 

• Pain and Hurt: The physical and emotional pain associated with sexual assault can manifest as anger. 

2. Manifestations of Trauma-Related Anger: 

• Anger at Perpetrator: It’s common for survivors to feel anger directly towards the person who committed the assault.

• Self-Directed Anger: Survivors may also turn anger inward, blaming themselves for the assault or feeling anger at their inability to prevent it. 

• Displaced Anger: Anger may be directed at other people, situations, or even oneself in a way that is not directly related to the trauma, potentially leading to relationship difficulties or irritability. 

• Anger as a Defense Mechanism: Some individuals may use anger to protect themselves from feeling vulnerable or to avoid confronting painful emotions associated with the trauma. 

3. Long-Term Impact: 

• PTSD Symptoms: Sexual trauma can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anger can be a prominent symptom, potentially manifesting as irritability, difficulty controlling anger, or angry outbursts. 

• Relationship Difficulties: Unresolved anger can strain relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners. 

• Emotional Dysregulation: Trauma can impair the ability to regulate emotions, making it harder to manage anger effectively. 

4. Seeking Help: 

• Therapy: Therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapy, can help survivors process the trauma, manage anger, and develop healthy coping mechanisms, according to the Cleveland Clinic. 

• Support Groups: Connecting with others who have experienced similar trauma can provide a sense of validation and support in managing anger. 

• Self-Care: Practices like mindfulness, exercise, and journaling can help individuals regulate their emotions and reduce anger. 

If a woman doesn’t have the right person beside her to help her and challenge her in facing her own demons, she’ll never be able to better herself. I was lucky enough to have found the right person for me. Jeannie wasn’t. In hindsight, Jeannie’s first ex-husband was yet another version of her Mama Mai – someone who was only happy when she gave him what he wanted, and when she didn’t, he’d get angered, blame her for his own actions, and call her every name under the sun. Jeannie didn’t initially see the red flags because she was so self-conscious about her own life. She loved her mom, and saw the best in her even though she wronged her and had every reason to never bring her back into her life. And it was the exact same way with her first ex-husband. She was made to believe that he was the right person for her, when clearly, he wasn’t. She was going through the notions of choosing a partner that was another version of a parent that caused her so much pain and agony. In a sense, he did cause her the same amount of pain and agony as her mother did.

That’s never to say that Jeezy was the right partner for her, because he wasn’t. Right from the very beginning of their relationship, it was fairly clear that he wasn’t the right man for her, but she herself didn’t see it. She only thought of what he could provide for her; like financial stability, security, status, promotional gain, career gain, and so on and so forth. As to why she changed her mind about her decision not to have children, Jeannie revealed in a Hello Hunnay with Jeannie Mai episode that due to a combination of past trauma and falling in love with her then-husband, Jeezy. She initially believed she didn’t want children because of past sexual abuse and the resulting trust issues that made her feel she couldn’t protect a child. She revealed that Jeezy made her feel safe secure for the very first time in her life. During her pregnancy, Jeannie experienced vivid dreams about unsafe situations and past traumas. These dreams prompted her to confront her fears and understand the root of her hesitation towards motherhood. Jeannie realized that love, particularly in the context of a healthy relationship like the one she initially had experienced with Jeezy, could bring about significant personal growth and change her perspective on life. 

But, just as I mentioned previously, as much as Jeannie wanted to believe that Jeezy was the right person for her; and the person she was meant to spend the rest of her life with, he wasn’t. While details of their engagement and, wedding and marriage were kept mostly under wraps, their divorce felt like a public affair to remember. In her own divorce filing, Jeannie revealed that Jeezy abused her in their marriage. Her friends and relatives also detailed the abuse she’d endured at the hands of Jeezy in their character letters. In the document, Jeannie detailed her concerns for Monaco’s safety, should Jeezy be allowed to spend time with their child without the temporary order they’d previously agreed to be in place. Jeezy then posted on Instagram, ‘The allegations are not only false but also deeply disturbing, especially coming from someone I loved. This malicious attempt to tarnish my character and disrupt my family is ridiculous. It’s disheartening to witness the manipulation and deceit at play and at this time my main concern is being an active father to our daughter as I continue to fight for court mandated joint custody. Rest assured, the truth will prevail through the proper legal channels.’

Just recently, it was reported that Jeezy was granted joint custody of Monaco, which I personally found to be so diabolical. There were so many previous reports and claims of Jeezy not being a fit father. At one point, he was even arrested for getting into a physical altercation with his son. How could the courts ever be on the wrong side of the coin? How could the courts not see what’s right in front of them? I truly, wholeheartedly believe that by this decision, it’s not only Jeannie that’s set out to fail, but Monaco too; especially Monaco. Jeezy is a good provider. But he’s not a good partner or father. He’s not good at commitment or anything related to it. I don’t even believe he really wants to be a family man; but rather, he wants the idea of it. Mostly, because he himself didn’t have it. Like Jeannie, he, too, went through his own share of trauma, including enduring abuse at the hands of his mother.

But no matter the case, as well as what the future holds, I wish Jeannie and her daughter nothing but the best. And she seems to be on the right path. According to Jeannie herself, she’s now focusing on herself and her daughter. She’s focused on giving themselves a life that she never had for herself; one that’s filled with love, gratitude and compassion. Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need in your life. In fact, sometimes that’s ALL you need in your life.….