Alex Cooper: What Her Sexual Harassment Story Tells Us About The Abuse Of Power Seen In The Education System – And How Stories Like Hers Have Previously Been Told In Media

Alex Cooper is always the one asking questions and getting her celebrity guests to open up like they never have before on her podcast, Call Her Daddy. In June of this year, however, the renowned podcast host opened up like she never did before in her two-part docuseries, Call Her Alex, which debuted at the Tribeca Film Festival before streaming on Hulu on June 10. The documentary followed her mount a live show for her podcast, get married to her husband, Matt Kaplan, as well as interview Kamala Harris during her 2024 presidential run.

But the most borrowing, and perhaps the most important revelation in the documentary had to do with her life pre-fame, during her three-season run on the Boston University soccer team. It was a path she chose for herself specifically because she wanted to be trained by none other than Nancy Feldman, the head coach of the Division-1 organization. Cooper’s mother, Laurie, said in the documentary, ‘Boy, that turned. The whole thing turned.’ Cooper alleged that she was the victim of sexual assault at the hands of Feldman, who’s since retired from coaching in 2022, during her entire run at Boston University.

Cooper said, ‘I felt a lot of anger – anger at my coach, anger at my school, and anger at the system that allowed this to happen. I don’t think anyone could’ve prepared me for the lasting effects that came from this experience. She turned something that I loved so much into something extremely painful. I was determined to make a name for myself on that field, so when my coach started to pay extra attention to me, I figured it was probably because I was playing well. My sophomore year, everything really shifted. I started to notice her really starting to fixate on me way more than any other teammate of mine. And it was confusing because the focus wasn’t like, ‘You’re doing so well. Let’s get you on the field. You’re going to be a starter.’ It was all based in her wanting to know who I was dating, her making comments about my body, and her always wanting to be alone with me.’

Alex Schlobohm, Cooper’s roommate during that time in her life, confirmed that everything Cooper had said was true, as well as alleged in the documentary that, while reviewing game tapes, Feldman would fixate on Cooper’s physical appearance rather than her athletic performance. According to Cooper, Feldman would say, ‘We’re gonna rewind my tape every five seconds and we’re gonna talk about my hair and my body. Look at those legs. Everybody look at Alex in her uniform.’

Added Cooper, ‘I was attending BU on a full-tuition scholarship. If I didn’t follow this woman’s rules, I was gone.’ These rules included for Cooper to sit next to her so that Feldman could touch Cooper’s thighs. She said, ‘Every time I tried to resist her, she would say, ‘There could be consequences. And there were.’ One included Cooper being benched for most of a championship tournament after Feldman saw a man drop Cooper off on campus.

This wasn’t the first time Cooper spoke of her trauma, though it did mark to be the first time she was ever vulnerable and open about it. Beforehand, Cooper only alluded to her trauma in previous interviews with both Cosmopolitan and The New York Times. She told the latter that she wouldn’t delve into any details until she was “personally healed” from the situation. In the documentary, she continued, ‘It was this psychotic game of, ‘You wanna play? Tell me about your sex life. I have to drive you to your night class, get in the car with me alone.’ I started trying to spend as little time as possible with her. Taking different routes to practice where I knew I wouldn’t run into her, during meetings, I would try to sit as far away from her as possible. Literally anything to not be alone with this woman.’

My previous post greatly emphasizes the long-lasting effects of a mother’s betrayal. More specifically, in the case of Jeannie Mai’s mother’s betrayal when she didn’t believe her daughter when she revealed to her that she’d been sexually abused by a cousin who babysat her for years. This led to Jeannie being estranged from her mother for 8 years, starting from the time that Jeannie was 16 years old. It was during those years of her life that Jeannie worked her way up in her career. I went into great detail on how this affected Jeannie’s entire entire life up until now, both professionally AND personally, which you can read about in my previous blog entry – but of course, after you finish reading this one.

Jeannie’s story, though with much similar circumstances, saw very different results. Unlike Jeannie’s mom, publicly and affectionately known as Mama Mai, Cooper’s mom fully believed that everything her daughter had shared with her was true. Ahead of Cooper’s final year at BU, her parents contacted lawyers, who explained that everything she’d endured was a clear case of sexual harassment. But attorneys also allegedly warned them about possible fallout of pursuing legal action. Cooper and her parents documented each and every one of Feldman’s inappropriate behaviour, and the department still declined to penalize the coach. Cooper therefore quit her program, and Feldman continued to work at the University as a coach until her 2022 retirement. The city of Boston even declared December 11 “Nancy Feldman Day”.

It’s absolutely astounding how it all turned out. We all know that Cooper went on to have a successful career in the entertainment industry despite not having finished her degree. But this doesn’t change the fact that her career and success was greatly jeopardized by her opening up about what she’d gone through at the hands of someone who had a position of power of her; and yet, the person who caused her harm didn’t see any consequences whatsoever. On the flip side, there are so many people out there who make up stories of abuse. I personally know of two cases where such stories were made up. First, there was a case in my college where a female student came in to a professor’s office to tell him to upgrade her mark on an assignment. He told her no, and she, in turn, said that if he didn’t do as she told, she’d report him and tell the faculty he’d assaulted her. The office door was closed, so he had no choice. The second happened to a friend. It wasn’t necessarily a sexual behaviour, but an inappropriate behaviour that she was accused of. She worked as a daycare provider. One of the kids made up a story and told his mom of an inappropriate incident that never even happened. The mother reported it, and it resulted in my friend’s ECE licence being revoked. She’s now never allowed to worked in a daycare environment ever again.

Generally speaking, opening up about sexual trauma, while incredibly difficult, is crucial for healing and recovery. Sharing experiences, either with trusted individuals or professionals, can break the cycle of shame and isolation, leading to a sense of validation and empowerment. It allows for processing the trauma, challenging negative beliefs, and developing healthier coping mechanisms. 

Why is it important? 

• Breaking the cycle of shame and isolation: Sexual trauma can be isolating, and keeping it a secret can reinforce feelings of shame and self-blame. Sharing allows survivors to realize they are not alone and that their experiences are not their fault. 

• Processing the trauma: Talking about the trauma, even in small steps, can help survivors make sense of what happened, challenge negative beliefs, and begin to integrate the experience into their overall narrative. 

• Developing coping skills: Support systems, whether professional or personal, can provide tools and strategies for managing the emotional and psychological effects of trauma. 

• Reducing feelings of helplessness: Trauma can leave survivors feeling powerless and vulnerable. Opening up and seeking support can help them reclaim a sense of agency and control. 

• Preventing future harm: For some, sharing their story can help them recognize patterns of behavior or situations that may be harmful, empowering them to make safer choices in the future. 

Who to tell? 

• Trusted friends or family members: Choose individuals who are empathetic, supportive, and non-judgmental. 

• Mental health professionals: Therapists specializing in trauma can provide a safe space for processing the experience and developing coping strategies. 

• Rape crisis hotlines: Organizations like RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offer confidential support and resources. 

How to tell? 

• Choose a safe and private space: Ensure you feel comfortable and secure when sharing. 

• Set boundaries: Consider telling the person you’re disclosing to that you’d appreciate their listening without judgment or interruption. 

• Take your time: There’s no rush to disclose everything at once. Start with small steps and share at your own pace. 

Important Considerations: 

• It’s okay to not be ready to tell everyone: Choose carefully who you disclose to, especially at the beginning. 

• Negative reactions can happen: Be prepared for the possibility of unhelpful or invalidating responses. This is why choosing supportive individuals is crucial. 

• Healing is a process: Recovery from sexual trauma takes time and may involve ups and downs. Be patient with yourself and celebrate small victories. 

When society thinks of sexual assault, it’s usually thought of someone assaulting a an individual of the opposite gender. More particularly, it’s thought that, 9 times out of 10, a man is the one who’d sexually assault a woman. But what if I’m here to tell you that sexual violence can occur within same-sex relationships? Statistics indicate that a significant number of LGBTQ+ individuals experience it. According to Statistique Canada, sexual minority Canadians are more likely to experience unwanted sexual behaviors in both public and online spaces compared to heterosexual individuals. Research from the Canadian Women’s Foundation indicates, that 50% of bisexual women experience online harassment, compared to 21% of lesbian women and 18% of heterosexual women. Furthermore, LGB+ women are more likely than heterosexual women to experience physical or sexual assault by an intimate partner. 

In this particular instance, we’re speaking of someone using their position of power in the education system on a student. It refers to situations where individuals in positions of authority, such as teachers, administrators, or school staff, exploit their power to the detriment of students, colleagues, or the educational environment. This can manifest in various forms, including bullying, harassment, coercion, and manipulation, and can have serious negative consequences for those targeted and the overall learning environment. In Alex Cooper’s specific case, she understood that what she experienced at the hands of the person in power wasn’t right, and she had the people closest to her doing the best they could to protect her.

The situation itself didn’t turn out the way that it should have, of course. The system just wasn’t fair. It almost ruined her entire life. Luckily, she didn’t let the teacher that tried to ruin her life destroy her. She became a success story in her own way. So many victims, the real victims, of such abuse of power don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. They’re afraid. They don’t belie they’re worthy. But Alex Cooper wasn’t afraid, and she did believe she was worthy. It was the school’s responsibility to protect her against such treatment at the hands of someone employed by them, but they failed to do so. She was turned down. She was dismissed. No one believed her.

To add fuel to the fire, this type of abuse of power doesn’t just happen in the university or college level of the education system. It also happens in the K-12 levels. According to a study by C3P, over 500 students were sexually victimized by school personnel between 2017 and 2021. That’s 500 too many. The study identified that 71% of victims were female and 29% male. 74% of the school personnel who had such offences were coaches. Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook were the platforms most commonly used to facilitate victimization. These factors led to legal action and policy changes in various institutions. 

A member of of Stop Educator Child Exploitation said, ‘As children we had no voice and no power; school administrators and adult bystanders failed to protect us. As adult survivors, we feel strongly that we must speak out on behalf of current students.’ Another said, ‘This abuse has impacted us in terrible and life-altering ways. After discovering how similar our experiences were, despite being victimized by different teachers in different schools, provinces, and decades, we realized how similar and endemic sexual predation by school teachers is … We decided to share our experiences in order to put a spotlight on the danger in our schools, and to educate the public and policymakers.’

I myself had never experienced such abuse from a teacher or any other school personnel. On the contrary, I always felt protected by them, especially in the case where I felt threatened due to my physical disability. There were instances where I was physically, emotionally, and sexually harassed and assaulted by other students, and teachers were there to help support and protect my well-being. There were instances where I felt like my life was threatened, but I had teachers to help me cope with the trauma and stress I endured at the hands of bullies. It’s only thanks to those teachers who went above and beyond their job descriptions that I’m alive today.

While I was the lucky one – the fortunate one – so many others weren’t; aren’t; won’t be. Abusers typically look for the vulnerable targets; ones who have no power, no voice, no control. Students are easy targets. It could be for a variety of reasons, including their developmental stage, power dynamics within educational settings, and the prevalence of online harassment. Students, especially adolescents, may be navigating identity development and peer pressure, making them susceptible to harassment that enforces gender stereotypes or uses sexual information to exert control. Additionally, the anonymity afforded by online platforms can embolden harassers and make it easier to target students. To break it down more thoroughly:

Vulnerability Factors: 

• Developmental Stage: Adolescents are undergoing significant physical, psychological, and social changes, which can make them more sensitive to harassment and less equipped to deal with it. 

• Power Dynamics: Teachers, coaches, and other authority figures hold power over students, and this power imbalance can be exploited to engage in harassment. 

• Gender Stereotypes: Gender-based harassment can be particularly damaging to students struggling with their identities, and those perceived as not conforming to gender norms may be targeted. 

• Online Harassment: Social media and online platforms can provide anonymity, making it easier for individuals to engage in sexual harassment and cyberbullying. 

• Underreporting: Sexual harassment is often underreported due to fear of retaliation, shame, or disbelief, making it difficult to assess the true extent of the problem. 

Impact of Sexual Harassment on Students: 

• Psychological Distress: Sexual harassment can lead to anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues. 

• Academic Difficulties: Students who experience harassment may struggle to concentrate in class, leading to a decline in academic performance. 

• Social Isolation: Harassment can lead to social isolation as students may withdraw from their peers or avoid certain activities. 

• Physical Health Problems: In some cases, sexual harassment can also lead to physical health problems, such as sleep disturbances or eating disorders. 

Addressing Sexual Harassment in Schools: 

• Comprehensive Policies: Schools need to have clear, comprehensive policies that define sexual harassment, outline reporting procedures, and detail consequences for perpetrators. 

• Education and Training: Educational programs that teach students about consent, healthy relationships, and bystander intervention are crucial. 

• Support Services: Schools should provide access to counseling services and other support systems for students who have experienced harassment. 

• Promoting a Positive School Climate: Fostering a school culture of respect, inclusivity, and open communication can help prevent and address sexual harassment. 

Cooper sharing her story of survival not only showed how strong of a woman she is, but also sparked up an entire conversation on the subject of how the education system is failing its students. it’s not just failing its student in the education itself, as I heavily discussed in my blog entry with Kourtney Kardashian as the subject matter, but in the scenarios of abuse of power and authority as well. It’s there to make its students feel uninspired, belittled, and less than.

There have been several well-known school-based TV shows in the past decades. The most notable ones, at least to me, were Canada’s Degrassi and UK’s Waterloo Road. I specifically grew up watching Degrassi: The Next Generation, which originally aired between 2001 and 2015. It brought so many storylines to the table that resonated with many viewers. It all might’ve been fiction, but many of these storylines do happen in real life as well. Moreover, several storylines touched upon abuse of power between teachers and students. Because I mostly know Degrassi: TNG, I’ll be talking about that particular version of the saga.

Early on in the series, there was Paige, who began a relationship with the new student-teacher, Mr. Oleander. At the time, Paige was 16 years old. Matt, as she called him, was already in his 20’s. While teacher crushes among teenagers aren’t unusual, it’s an ethical no-no for the adult teacher to reciprocate the underage teenager’s feelings. Mr. Oleander, however, did fully reciprocates Paige’s feelings. The couple then got caught. The upper administration got involved. Paige was prepared to deny the situation, but found out that Mr. Oleander told the school administration that Paige was a crazy stalker who threw herself at him. He then convinced her to go along with the story in order to save his teaching career – at the expense of her future. Paige went along with his plan, but the team at the administration got suspicious and ended up firing Mr. Oleander. Nevertheless, she still continued to date him up until he abruptly left her to live in another country. He briefly came back to see her. Paige excitedly got all dolled up, thinking he came back for her. Instead, he broke up with her, and before he left, gave her a pack of weed. I remember watching that scene and screaming to my screen, ‘Punk!’

Another case of abuse of power was one between Sav and Ms. Oh, the new Media Immersion teacher at the school. They begin to spend time with one another, connecting through their shared love of music. What came after was a romantic connection. What was gross about it was how the show portrayed the relationship itself. We were made to believe that their relationship was okay – because Sav was 18, which was legal, while Ms. Oh was in her early 20’s. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t okay. Ms. Oh was in a position of power. She should’ve said no. The ‘relationship eventually fizzled. Sav went away to college, and Ms. Oh continued to teach. She never faced any consequences.

Finally comes the storyline between Tristian and Mr. Yates. Tristian was a gay student at Degrassi who was self-conscious and didn’t have a lot of friends. The one friend he did have and thought he could trust was Maya. She became suspicious that Tristian was having a sexual relationship with their teacher, Mr. Yates, when she saw them kissing, so she went to the principal and reported what she saw. When the principal questioned Tristian, he lied and said nothing was happening. The principal saw in him that he was denying his affair because he was trying protect Mr. Yates, so he immediately fired the teacher. Tristian, knowing that it was Maya, his best friend, was the one who reported the person he ‘loved’, confronted her. He didn’t speak to her for years thereafter. And even after they made up, they were never close as they used to be.

Did Maya do the right thing? Absolutely. She saw her friend in trouble, and did everything she possibly could to protect him. She knew exactly what the consequences would be if she told any one of what she’d seen. She knew there was a chance that Tristian would never speak to her again if she told any one of what she’d seen. But her friend’s safety was much more important to her than whether or not he’d ever speak to her again. Hence, she made a choice; the right choice. Tristian wasn’t speaking to her, but he was safe; and that’s all that mattered. To him, in his mind, what he and Mr. Yates had was love. But it wasn’t love. It was lust. It was Mr. Yates taking advantage of Tristian’s young, vulnerable mind and manipulating him into thinking that what they had was love.

The storyline that was the most similar to that of what Alex Cooper had experienced was when KC was sexually harassed by his coach. It started out slow and subtle. KC was just thinking his coach was being a great mentor, but he had other intentions. KC’s girlfriend became suspicious and tried to help any way she could, but he wouldn’t listen. He was vulnerable. He didn’t have any parental figures to guide him and protect him, and he saw that in his coach. Luckily, he saw that light at the end of the tunnel. It was when the coach took him to a hotel room and invited strippers to come over and ‘play’. KC then also saw a gun. He reported what he saw to the head administration, and luckily, they were there to protect KC, as well as the rest of the students. That was exactly how Boston University SHOULD’VE protected Cooper, but didn’t.

I keep emphasizing that it’s up to the teacher not to reciprocate a student’s infatuation with them. That’s exactly what happened in a storyline seen in Waterloo Road. It was in season 5, when Ros became infatuated with new teacher Jo, who was always openly gay. Even though she was in a relationship with Philip, another student, Ros became confused about her sexuality as she began to develop feelings for Jo. When Ros kissed Jo, Jo immediately was taken a back and rejected her. Ros, in turn, made false accusations against her and, therefore, jeopardized her career. The situation is handled positively in the end, but Jo ended up leaving her job at Waterloo Road nevertheless as it was devastating blow for her.

Sexual harassment, abuse of power, and the protection of students in the school system is something that’s not discussed enough. It should be taught. It should be trained. It should implemented. It should be done right. Let me rephrase that…It NEEDS to be taught. It NEEDS to be trained. It NEEDS to be implemented. It NEEDS to be done right. It NEEDS to be taken seriously. Alex Cooper opening up about her story won’t change her own circumstances. But it might change another student’s circumstances, and that’s what really matters. Change begins now…. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen – one day at a time.