Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Exploring Rape Culture Seen In The Entire Show – And Why Spike Attempting To Rape Buffy In Season 6 Actually Made Perfect Sense

Getting to write about Demi Lovato’s sexual trauma, as well as on Taylor Swift’s friendship demise with longtime friend and even collaborator Blake Lively greatly reminded me of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Let’s not forget that Swift was sexually harassed as well by DJ David Mueller, who groped her in 2013. He assaulted her by grabbing her bottom beneath her skirt as a photo was taken. The case went to trial, and she won a symbolic $1. For Swift, it was never about the money, but the point itself: that it WASN’T okay to do what was done to her. Following her win, Swift made a statement which read, ‘I acknowledge the privilege that I benefit from in life, in society and in my ability to shoulder the enormous cost of defending myself in a trial like this. My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard. Therefore, I will be making donations in the near future to multiple organizations that help sexual assault victims defend themselves.’

With the recent news of the Buffy The Vampire Slayer reboot news, I couldn’t help but revisit the original series. More particularly, I couldn’t help but revisit the subject of sexual harassment and assault faced by Buffy herself. The Slayer, played by Sarah Michelle Gellar, is a teenage girl chosen to be a warrior destined to fight vampires and other supernatural forces. She’s a seemingly ordinary teenager, but then discovers she is the Slayer, a line of young women chosen to fight vampires and demons. She grapples with the responsibility of this destiny while trying to maintain a normal life. Buffy has the support of her core group of close friends, known as the Scooby Gang, who help her in her battles. This includes Willow, a gifted witch, and Xander, a loyal friend with a knack for getting into trouble. 

Buffy was always meant to be seen as a bada** throughout the show’s run. She was the one who could never be defeated; no matter how hard one tried, she just couldn’t be defeated. We see her build a strong moral compass. She values honesty and determination, and social isolation she experiences as a Slayer allows her to grow and develop empathy towards others. No matter how lonely she got, she always knew she could count on Willow and Xander. Buffy showed the same support for her friends too. Most notably, she showed unconditional love and support for Willow when she came out to her and told her of her blossoming relationship with Tara.

Despite having an immense strength, Buffy does showcase a vulnerable side to her. Several of her vulnerabilities include physical limitations like susceptibility to wounds and spells, and emotional vulnerabilities stemming from her role and personal experiences. Her struggles with her Slayer identity, the burden of responsibility, and the isolation of her calling also contribute to her vulnerability. Furthermore, her traumatic experiences, such as her deaths and resurrections, have lasting psychological impacts. To break it down more thoroughly:

Physical Vulnerabilities: 

• Wounds: Buffy can be killed by excessive wounds, like any human. 

• Projectiles: She appears more vulnerable to projectiles like bullets or arrows. 

• Spells: Buffy is not immune to magic and can be affected by spells, especially those designed to weaken or harm her. 

Emotional Vulnerabilities: 

• Isolation: The Slayer’s burden often isolates Buffy, making her feel alone in her fight against evil. 

• Responsibility: Buffy grapples with the weight of saving the world, which can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout. 

• Trauma: Buffy experiences multiple deaths and resurrections, which leave her with psychological scars and a sense of displacement. 

• Self-Doubt: Despite her strength, Buffy doubts her abilities and sometimes questions her worthiness as the Slayer. 

• Romantic Relationships:Buffy’s romantic relationships are often complicated by her Slayer duties, leading to heartbreak and emotional turmoil. 

Specific Examples: 

• In “Prophecy Girl”, Buffy dies in battle with The Master, highlighting her physical vulnerability. 

• In “The Gift”, she sacrifices herself to save Dawn and the world, showcasing her willingness to endure pain for the greater good. 

• Her resurrection in Season 6 creates new challenges, leading to a sense of disconnect and prompting her to question her place in the world. 

• Buffy’s relationship with Spike, particularly his attempted assault, exposes her vulnerability to manipulation and violence. 

There were a few favourite moments of mine that came from Buffy, particularly because it showed that even the strongest woman can be vulnerable. Many times, vulnerability is seen as a weakness. I, however, beg to differ. Vulnerability is a powerful strength. It fosters deeper connections and personal growth. It allows for authentic self-expression, builds trust, and encourages empathy and understanding in relationships. By embracing vulnerability, individuals can cultivate courage, resilience, and a stronger sense of self. 

In Buffy’s case, her vulnerability fostered intimacy and connection by allowing her to share her true self, including her fears, insecurities, and imperfections. Her being able to share those vulnerabilities created space for others to empathize with her experiences and build stronger bonds based on mutual understanding.  Being vulnerable allowed Buffy to be true to herself, rather than hiding behind a facade of perfection, which led to greater self-acceptance and confidence. For Buffy, confronting those vulnerabilities and sharing them with others was a powerful catalyst for personal growth and resilience, as it allowed her to learn from her experiences and develop coping mechanisms. It took Buffy courage to be vulnerable, to expose herself to the possibility of judgment or rejection. Embracing vulnerability, therefore, is an act of bravery. 

There were many times throughout the original series, which ran between 1997 and 2003, where Buffy showed vulnerability, courage and bravery. The earliest memory I have is when Buffy loses her virginity to Angel, her virginity to Angel. The episode is titled ‘Innocence’, and rightfully so; for when a woman loses her virginity, in hindsight, she loses her innocence. Losing her virginity to Angel was what Buffy wanted. She loved him, and wanted to take the next step with him. The aftermath of that night wasn’t what she expected, though. Buffy woke up to finding Angel gone. It turned out that them having sex resulted in him losing his soul, and Buffy was left to deal with the consequences. In an attempt to make things less devastating for Buffy, he told her he didn’t care about her, and that he used her solely for sex.

But perhaps the most devastating thing to ever happen to Buffy was her mother passing away. It happened so suddenly and unexpectedly. It was Season 5 Episode 16. Joyce Summers died of a brain aneurysm. Buffy came home looking for her mom. She was eager to share something that had happened to her. It seemed like a regular Tuesday. But then, Buffy finds her mother’s lifeless body on the couch. Buffy’s face turned pale. She was shocked. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing. She tried to call for her; to call for her mom . ‘Mommy,’ she softly asked for Joyce to answer her. The girl who couldn’t ever be defeated by anyone in the world suddenly became helpless. All she wanted was to have the one person beside her that she couldn’t get back. She was suddenly left to live the rest of her life alone; and she was left to raise her younger sister alone too.

It showcased Buffy like never before. The episode deviated from the show’s usual monster-of-the-week format to focus on the raw, unfiltered grief of Buffy, her sister Dawn, and the rest of the Scooby Gang. It portrayed grief and mourning, with the characters experiencing a range of emotions, from shock and disbelief to anger and confusion. The episode highlighted the contrast between the fantastical world of Buffy and the mundane reality of death, making Joyce’s death even more impactful. On a side note, this episode marked Willow and Tara’s first on-screen kiss. Joss Whedon, the creator behind the series, fought for the kiss to happen, and even threatened to quit the series had the network didn’t allow for it to happen.

In the season 5 finale, Buffy sacrificed herself in order to save Dawn, her younger sister. close a portal to a hell dimension. This death was particularly significant as it was originally intended as the series finale. It highlighted the burden Buffy carried as the Slayer and her willingness to sacrifice herself for those she loved. The aftermath of this death was also explored in season 6, as the characters grappled with the reality of her absence and her eventual return. It was Willow’s magic who had Buffy return from the dead. It was done because Buffy’s friends missed her so much. But…

The decision to return her back from the dead wasn’t done on Buffy’s terms. She didn’t ask for it. It was made for her. Buffy’s friends brought her back to life because they were thinking of themselves and their own happiness rather than of her. Buffy’s sacrifice saved the world, and her friends used the Buffybot to keep up the illusion that she was still alive to protect Sunnydale. However, they knew it wouldn’t last long and agreed they would resurrect the Slayer. The thought of having the ability to control anything about her life; particularly with the fact that she was in heaven and her friends have pulled her out lead to her struggle with depression.

Much of season 6 was about Buffy’s struggle with depression and aiming to cope with her new ‘normal’. While her friends were static to have Buffy back, Buffy wasn’t. Her death marked her only moment of peace since becoming a slayer, and her friends took that away from her without her consent. Buffy’s deep depression was full of numbness, self-hatred, and led her to enter an abusive relationship with the one thing she should hate: a vampire. That vampire was Spike. He was in love with her. That love developed from an initial obsession and dangerous infatuation into a deep, albeit complicated, romantic love by the time he gained a soul in season 7, driven by his growing admiration for her strength and resilience. 

Spike wasn’t anyone Buffy would ever even take notice of under normal circumstances. But because she was in a deep state of depression, her mind was telling her to do things she would never have done. They begin a relationship that’s mostly all about sex and sexual desires. The relationship was often marked by conflict and pain, reflecting Spike’s view that “real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting”. Despite the challenges, Spike’s love for Buffy became a core part of his character. For a time, Spike viewed winning Buffy’s love as a “cure” for his dangerous obsession, highlighting the self-centered nature of his initial pursuit. 

Buffy and Spike were never meant to last. Neither of them was equipped to meet the others’ needs, either in a constructive or destructive way. Spike wasn’t capable to love Buffy the way she needed to be loved; the way she deserved to be loved. Their entire relationship was characterized by fighting, emotional turmoil, and toxicity, with Buffy realizing that she was only using Spike to deal with her own inner demons. That said, Buffy broke up with Spike. Spike, in turn, couldn’t accept the breakup with Buffy, so he attempted to rape her with the aim that she’d change her mind after having sex with him. That particular scene was absolutely brutal to watch. Even more so, the scene was brutal for the actors to film.

James Marsters, who played Spike, said he needed therapy following the making of the scene. He told on Michael Rosenbaum on his Inside of You podcast, ‘Buffy sent me into therapy, actually. Buffy crushed me. It’s a problematic scene for a lot of people who like the show. And it’s the darkest professional day of my life. The writers were being asked to come up with their worst day, the day that they don’t talk about, their dark secret, the one that keeps them up at night, when they really hurt somebody or when they really got hurt or made a big mistake of some kind, and then slap metaphoric fangs on top of that dark secret and tell everybody about it. One of the the women writers actually had come up with this idea, because in college she had gotten broken up with and she went to her ex’s place and thought that if they made love one more time, everything would be fixed. She kind of forced herself and he had to physically remove her from the premises, and that was one of the most painful memories of that time of her life. They thought that since Buffy was a superhero that they could flip the sexes, since Buffy could defend herself very, very easily from this. They thought that they could have a man do it to a woman and it would be the same thing. I went to them and I said, ‘You know, guys, we’re providing a vicarious experience for the audience. Everyone who’s watching Buffy is Buffy, and they’re not superheroes, so I’m doing this to every member of the audience, and they’re going to have a very different reaction.’ We got the scene in the can, and it was hell. I was in [my] personal hell. I don’t like sexual predation scenes, anything that has to do with it. I don’t audition for those things. If there’s a movie with that kind of material, I don’t go to see the movie. If it pops up on television, I’ve got to turn the television off before I break it. I have a very visceral reaction to that stuff.’

Sarah Michelle Gellar had the same testament as her costar regarding that scene, as well as season 6 as a whole. Although she’s watched much of the series with her family, she explained that ‘Seeing Red’ is one episode they skip. She told Hollywood Reporter, ‘I have trouble with [season] six. It wasn’t appropriate for them at the time, and I just don’t want to rewatch it.’ That particular scene was harrowing. Somehow, Spike, once a fan favourite, was ruined, and the relationship between him and Buffy wasn’t ever the same after that. Once she managed to escape him, Buffy angrily, with horror in her eyes, told him, ‘Ask me again why I’ll never love you.’ Spike, in turn, looked at her in defeat. He couldn’t believe what he’d just done to her; to the woman he loved.

So what is rape? By its own definition, rape is the unlawful sexual activity carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against a person’s will or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent because of mental illness, mental deficiency, intoxication, unconsciousness, or deception. When we think of the distinction of rape on the show, we think of that particular scene between Buffy and Spike. That wasn’t the only time we see an act such as this. Another depiction of rape in Buffy that went unnoticed and nowhere near as talked about. The moment in question is Faith’s rape of Buffy and Riley, Buffy’s ex-boyfriend, in season 4, episode 16 “Who Are You?”. It was when Faith sought vengeance on Buffy, so she switched bodies with her and sex with Riley. Riley only consented to having sex with Faith because he thought he was having sex with Buffy.

Consent is a word that’s used a lot in this blog entry. So how do you define it? It’s  a voluntary, enthusiastic, and clear agreement between the participants to engage in specific sexual activity. But consent doesn’t just have to be about sex. Remember, Buffy’s friends brought her back to life without Buffy’s consent. They didn’t even understand the severity of what they’d done until Buffy sang about it in the episode ‘Once More With Feeling.’ Were they wrong to do what they did? That’s really up for debate. They genuinely thought they were doing the right thing. They thought she was in hell. In their mind, they were rescuing her. Willow justified her actions as that.

This wasn’t the only case where consent wasn’t given to one’s deed with the body and mind. In their mind very same episode, Tara found out that Willow had used magic to make her forget of the fight they had earlier. Willow wanted to make things better for them, but in order to do so, felt she needed to play with Tara’s mind. Yet again, Willow justified her actions by telling Tara that she was only trying to help. In both scenarios, she was making things better for herself; not the other person. In both scenarios, she was gaining power and control over the situations. In many ways, Willow’s actions were no different than Spike’s; were no different than Faith’s. I commended Tara for standing her ground and breaking up with Willow when she found out what Willow had done, and I personally believe it should’ve stayed that way.

Neither one of their actions was justifiable. Going back to Spike, however, what he did was wrong; and there’s no doubt about that. Some fans have questioned whether what he did could be considered an attempted rape. But let me tell you, as a rape survivor myself, it certainly WAS attempted rape. He didn’t go to the bathroom with the intent to rape Buffy. He himself was shocked at what he’d done to her after she managed to escape his forced sexual advances. That in itself didn’t make it any more okay.

Some fans questioned just how necessary it was to include the attempted rape scene. I beg to differ. I believe that it was absolutely necessary. It was necessary in order to showcase the loss of control; exactly what happens when one loses that control and the consequences that come with it. Spike was never an ideal partner. Not for Buffy or anyone else for that matter. The intent behind the scene was for Spike to be motivated to become a better person. Whether that was what ended up happening is, again, up for debate.

As a rape survivor myself, I don’t give a sh*t about the rapist and what happens to them after the deed. No one could ever pay me enough for me to care about the person that raped me. That’s me saying this years after it happened; after many years of healing and working on myself. This mindset that I’ve now developed wasn’t always there in sight. There was a time where I felt lost, weak, and defeated. Seeing Buffy’s attempted rape storyline and its aftermath was important to me. It was especially important to me following my rape. It showed me that even the strongest woman could go through something as traumatic as an attempted rape. It was that scene that made me want to survive and live through it; because seeing Buffy do it made me realize that if she could, then I could too.

Buffy and I had something in common. We’d both been betrayed by men we least expected to betray us. I was raped by someone who I thought was my friend. Buffy was attempted to be raped by someone who told her he loved her. And though she didn’t love him back, she never actually thought he could ever do something like that to her. I myself never saw my rapist following that night. I’m sure he’d forgotten all about me, just like I wish I could forget about him. Buffy, on the other hand, did continue seeing him. After Spike’s attempted rape of Buffy, their relationship fractured, with Buffy feeling ashamed and needing to distance herself. Spike, guilt-ridden by his actions and increasingly desperate for her love, became the subject of her contempt, and she broke off their sexual relationship. Despite their past sexual relationship, the attempted rape created an insurmountable barrier, leading to a complete breakdown in their connection and forcing Buffy to re-evaluate her emotional involvement with him. To break it down more thoroughly:

• Buffy’s Shame: Buffy expressed shame and guilt over her sexual relationship with Spike, which contributed to her need for distance. 

• Spike’s Guilt: Spike was deeply remorseful for his actions, which intensified his desire for Buffy’s affection and love. 

• Breakdown of the Relationship: The attempted rape was a turning point, ending their sexual relationship and severing their connection. 

• Buffy’s Emotional Distance: Buffy established an emotional distance from Spike, unable to reconcile her feelings after the incident.

Who knows, maybe there are men out there like Spike who do feel the same shame and guilt that Spike felt after the attempted rape. I just don’t know any of them. What I do know is that I felt the exact same shame that Buffy did following my rape. I also felt utter disgust. Watching Buffy’s journey made me realize how admirable her strength truly was. I don’t think, even now, so many years after it happened, I’d ever be able to be in the same room as my rapist and not break down; either in tears or in anger. And yet, Buffy was able to.

Buffy was able to forgive Spike for what he’d done to her. She was able to be in the same room with him; sleep in the same bed with him without it being about sex. She was even able to hold his hand and tell him she loved him as he was sacrificing himself to save the world. He knew it wasn’t true. He remembered from that night that she told him she’d never love him. But he was grateful to her for saying it anyways. Many interpreted Spike’s response as him recognizing that her love, though genuine, was not yet the same level of consuming love he felt for her. He also wanted to prevent her from feeling guilt about his impending sacrifice. While some interpreted her words as a form of comfort, many fans believed her feelings were complex and that she did love him, though perhaps not in the way that he loved her. 

The writers intended for Buffy’s confession to be sincere, demonstrating the growth of her feelings for Spike, who was instrumental in her eventual victory.  The thing about Buffy and Spike’s love is that it’s very complex. Just because two people love each other doesn’t make them right together. Their love was genuine, but it didn’t come from the right place or at the right time. Their love story IS possible, but it’s not something to be romanticized. It’s possible to fall in love with someone who attempted to rape you. Some survivors continue to date their rapists following the fact. Research indicates that failure to acknowledge rape may have negative consequences both socially and emotionally. A rapist can change for the better. But it doesn’t mean that they should change for the better with you by their side. In fact, you both NEED to live separate lives, regardless of the fact that your rapist is a changed person. I do believe that Spike loved Buffy. And I also believe that Buffy eventually grew to love Spike. The thing about love is that you can love a person and not be with them romantically; end of. That in itself, I believe, was the point of their entire relationship.