Carrie Bradshaw: How Her 25+ Year Journey To Finding Love Wasn’t Ever About Finding The Love Of A Romantic Partner – And How She Found The REAL Love She was Looking For In Herself

As long as we’re on the subject of reboots and such, I think it’s the perfect timing for us to talk about And Just Like That…, the very unnecessary Sex And The City reboot that everyone loves to hate-watch; mostly because it makes great content for the internet. I’ve already previously written about Miranda and Steve’s relationship. I’ve written about Charlotte and Trey’s relationship. I’ve even written about Natasha Naginsky and her short-lived marriage to Big, Carrie Bradshaw’s one true love. And I wrote about Carrie herself. With the series finale of And Just Like That… having aired on August 14, there have been more developments since my last post, particularly when it comes to her relationship with Aidan. With that said, I think it’s about time we did an updated take on the matter. So here it goes.

Carrie was first introduced to us in 1998. She was a writer; a sex columnist. She made a living off of her love life. Any guy she ever dated and/or slept with was sure to have been written about. She had 3 best friends who loved her unconditionally, without judgement or any kind of personal agenda. They were Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. And even though she had people in her life who loved just she was, she was still looking for love; REAL love, as she put it.

Without that REAL love, Carrie felt like she had nothing. She was lonely without it. In many ways, she was basing her life’s happiness around her love life and whether or not she had a man in her life. It was evident when she was celebrating her 30th birthday. When Charlotte suggested that the four them be each other’s soulmates, Miranda and Samantha happily cheered for the idea while Carrie looked like she was about to break down in tears. But when Big came to celebrate with her, she couldn’t help but smile ear to ear.

Big was the one true love of Carrie’s life. No matter how many times he’d hurt her throughout the years, and no matter how hard she’d try to deny her feelings for him, she always came back for him. After years of an on-and-off relationship and backs and forths, the two finally got married in 2008. They lived a happy, domestic, quiet life. It was a life that Carrie had always wanted for herself – with Big. It’s the life she almost gave up when she kissed Aidan, her ex-boyfriend while she was on vacation with her friends.

As she got exactly what she wanted out of her relationship with Big, Carrie eventually became bored. She didn’t want to sit on the couch and watch TV everyday. She was looking for excitement in other places that wasn’t home, and found it in Aidan when they ran into each other by chance in Abu Dhabi. As soon as she kissed him, she realized that what she did was wrong and immediately told Big of what had happened despite her friends advising her not to. She couldn’t live with the guilt. Instead of getting mad at her, though, he was waiting for her at home with a black diamond ring at hand, stating that the ring signified something about their relationship that not many people had. It was a symbol of the uniqueness of the love between Carrie and Big since black diamonds are unusual. It symbolized hope for a change, and how learning about each other takes days, months, and even years, but love means being willing to change for the person you love. 

That was the entire premise for Sex And The City 2 movie. It was boring and dull, just like their relationship ended up to be. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. It’s just not what we, the fans, ever asked to see. Personally, I think we would’ve just been happy with the ending of the original Sex And The City series seen in 2004. But alas, we all got two movies and a television show that none of us ever asked for. There were plans to make a third movie, but those plans were scrapped when Kim Cattrall, who played Samantha Jones, refused to participate. The rest of the three main cast – Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis – still wanted to have their characters’ stories continued to be told, so And Just Like That… was born.

The third movie would’ve had Big die, and Samantha was to have had a weird storyline with Miranda’s son, Brady. Allegedly, Kim Cattrall hated the plot, and therefore refused to take part in the film. There were other reasons for her decision, of course, but we’ll talk about it another time. Right now we’re talking about Carrie Bradshaw, the fictional character. Cattrall’s Samantha Jones had a cameo in the season 2 finale, which didn’t include her having any face-to-face interactions with her former co-stars. This was her own rule and condition for appearing in the series. Her merely 2 minute cameo reportedly led to a $1 million paycheque. Samantha’s story led her to London after Carrie fired her as a publicist. In turn, Samantha fired Carrie, as well as Miranda and Charlotte, as a friend.

Friendship breakups are always hard, especially when it’s so out of the blue and for reasons that are so out of character. The sudden end of her decades-long friendship with Samantha was hard on Carrie. I think for her, it felt like a death; much like Big’s sudden death of a heart attack. And Just Like That… started off with Carrie finally being happy with the life that she was handed with Big. It was never meant to last, however, as by the end of the very first episode, Big died. In Carrie’s arms. Of a heart attack.

Much of the first season of And Just Like That… saw Carrie navigate her new normal as Big’s widow. It was a life she didn’t particularly picture for herself; not this soon, anyways. Big was always a mysterious figure. We, the viewers, only found out his real name, John, at the very end of the original Sex And The City series finale. Following his death, it turned out that there was more mystery left in him than Carrie ever bargained for. Like the fact that he’d left Natasha Naginsky, his second ex-wife that he cheated on with Carrie, $1 million in his will.

This left Carrie to complete a devastating task; an almost impossible task, which was to make sure that Natasha got the money that Big left her. And yet again, just as she did the first time around 20+ years prior, Carrie looked like a stalker doing it. Natasha, who since the cheating scandal that left her with a broken tooth has since remarried and had children, was confused as to why she’d be left with any amount of money from Big, let alone $1 million. She didn’t want to take that money and told Carrie to keep it. Carrie, however, insisted she take it. She knew exactly why Big left her that money. It was his way of apologizing to her for the way he’d treated her when they were married. He was finance guy. He wasn’t good with words. Instead, money was his way of showing his support and remorse.

My all-time favourite moment from And Just Like That… was from season 1 episode 6. It was when Carrie came to Anthony’s appointment with a plastic surgeon for moral support. The doctor, played by Jonathan Groff, assumed the appointment was for Carrie. She curiously asked the surgeon to give her an idea of what her face would look like had she been interested in his services. Through a computer photoshop program, the surgeon made Carrie’s face look at least 15 years younger. Carrie looked at her computer-generated image and softly said, ‘I liked the last 15 years,’ and decided not to proceed with the plastic surgery.

Carrie, of course, meant of her marriage to Big when she said she liked the last 15 years. It was a truly beautiful and touching moment of a grieving wife. So you can imagine my utter disappointment, disbelief, and even disgust, when in the following season, Carrie asked Miranda, ‘Was Big just one big mistake?’ She asked this just as she rekindled her relationship with Aidan. Carrie confessed to Miranda that she was starting to think that her DEAD husband was a mistake, just because she was having good sex with Aidan. She then told Che, her employee, that she made a mistake by choosing to end up with Big over Aidan.

ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

I just couldn’t believe that she could be so dismissive over Big. It only took her to experience an orgasm, or two, with Aidan for her to question her entire relationship and the life she’d built with Big. That bombshell of a question completely shattered the entire premise of Sex And The City universe. Now, I’m not saying that Big was this perfect person, or even the perfect choice for Carrie, but he was the one she chose for her life. And it only took her to have great sex with Aidan to question that life. This, to me, was very telling of Carrie’s character, and I didn’t like it; not by one single bit. It told me that Big was somewhat disposable to Carrie; easily replaceable and not of any value unless there was something in it for her. Even Miranda was stunned by Carrie’s confession.

After just 5 weeks together, Carrie was already meeting Aidan’s kids and having lunch with his ex-wife. She turned her whole life upside down to keep him; even selling her apartment because Aidan refused to go inside the building due to painful memories from their past relationships. He said to her, ‘When you said come back to your place, I thought you had a different place. At the restaurant, I thought, ‘How great. This feels really great.’ We’re back where we started. But this is where we ended with that f—king wall I couldn’t break through and those floors — remember the floors I redid? It’s all bad. It’s all in there.’ Carrie sold the apartment to purchase a a historic Greek Revival townhouse in Gramercy Park for her to, Aidan and his kids to move into. Aidan and his kids never ended up moving in, which leads me to discuss the breakdown of the relationship between Carrie and Aidan.

After Aidan saw that his youngest son was having a difficult time with his father being gone so much, he asked Carrie to wait for him for 5 years until his son turned 18. He didn’t ask her to end the relationship for 5 years, but to rather to put her life on hold and wait for him. He insisted that he still loved Carrie, and she reciprocated. They sealed their conversation with a kiss and yet another night of love-making before he left town in a cab. When season 3 rolled around, Carrie updated her friends, Miranda and Charlotte, on her relationship with Aidan. She revealed that the couple were sending each other blank postcards back and forth while trying to limit communication as Aidan focuses on his kids.

Carrie further explained, ‘I’m a big girl in a big city with a big house to furnish. I’ve got plenty to do up here while he figures stuff out down there. I mean, I have to wait six months for the fabric I ordered for the chaise, it’s on backorder. And I love Aidan almost as much as I love that fabric. So you know, it’s like my relationship is on backorder.’ So she obviously had a difficult time adjusting to her new reality when it came to her relationship with Aidan, but she was willing to wait for him. Charlotte herself couldn’t deny the shock she felt when Carrie told her of the 5 year waiting plan.

As she faced difficulties in her new situation with Aidan, she wanted to get clarity on the matter. She told Aidan, ‘I’m trying to give you the space to be fully there for Wyatt and the boys, but sometimes things happen and I want to tell you about them. You know, like the rats. I wrote this whole long text to you and I just, I felt like I couldn’t send it.’ In turn, Aidan said, ‘I gotta stay f***ing laser focused on the situation at home. But you can text me — little stuff, big stuff. Call me, if it’s important.’

After a very awkward visit to Virginia, where Aidan was from, Carrie began having a more realistic, less romantic outlook on her future with Aidan. Even the fact that Aidan slept with his ex-wife didn’t phase her. Aidan felt guilty for what he’d done, to which Carrie said to him, ‘Well, I didn’t agree to that. [I agreed] that I would be here waiting until you could be with me. … Sleeping with Kathy because you were upset, I understand. I’m just having a harder time understanding why we have not had this discussion until now.’ That said, Carrie assured Aidan that she didn’t want to sleep with other people, and they tried to move forward with their relationship.

It wasn’t meant to be, however. It never was. Because as soon as Carrie made a connection with another man, not necessarily a romantic one, Aidan found himself feeling threatened. Following a blowup argument, Aidan admitted that Carrie was right about his trust issues due to her past cheating with Big. Carrie called him out for being “jealous and suspicious,” but Aidan argued that his feelings were valid given their history. Carrie asked him, ‘How is it possible that I haven’t earned your trust by now? I have done everything to show you how fully committed I am to you. I have moved mountains and apartments. I have agreed to arrangements — arrangements that even you yourself couldn’t live up to. I was 100 percent in. 100 percent! … I can’t give you any more than I have. And it wasn’t enough.’

Watching that scene was impactful. It was one of the only two times I was actually rooting for Carrie. The first time also involved Aidan. It was when she refused to get married to him when he pushed her to do it because he wanted to tell the whole world that she was his. When she asked him who else’s she’d be, he went silent, as though she should’ve known the answer herself. And she did. Rightfully so, she told she couldn’t marry him to make him trust her, and she didn’t. Aidan broke up with her. He couldn’t cope with the mere thought of Carrie even having the option to leave him for Big, or anyone else for that matter. He wanted her all for himself, as though she was his property of some sort.

For viewers, Aidan seemed like the perfect boyfriend, and many agreed that she should’ve chosen Aidan instead of Big as her long-lasting life partner. That’s just not true. It never was. Time and time again, Aidan proved himself to be a bully and a toxic partner, starting with telling her to quit smoking at the beginning of their first relationship. He completely shoved Carrie’s needs aside in favor of his own, and what’s worse is that he always tried to make her the bad guy while doing it. He liked to wear the nice guy mask, but when the chips were down and push came to shove, Aidan would always cast it aside and show himself for what he really was, always has been, and always will be — a bully and a toxic partner.

Over the past 20+ years, Aidan proved himself to be a hypocrite, and his hypocrisy seemed to have only worsened as he’d gotten older (and not wiser). It wasn’t okay for Carrie to cheat on him with Big, but it was less of a problem that he slept with his ex-wife. It was okay for him to drunkenly call her for phone sex, but when she did the same, he shut her down because it violated the terms of their 5 year plan. It wasn’t also okay for him to have female friends, but it wasn’t okay for her to have male friends. If she did, even if it wasn’t Big, he’d feel threatened and automatically think she’d cheat.

Whenever Carrie was with Aidan, she was constantly on edge; always afraid that she was doing something wrong. That was the case even before she cheated with Big, but it escalated after the fact. That’s just not a way to live. Not for Carrie or anyone else in the real world out there. I’m not a relationship expert or a coach by any means. Heck, I don’t even think I’m good at relationships to begin with. I wholeheartedly believe that my relationship with my husband has only worked because of him; because of his kind, empathetic, loving, caring, supportive, and patient nature.

Nevertheless, I’m experienced enough to have an understanding of how Aidan’s treatment of Carrie isn’t anything that any woman deserves. A woman deserves a man, a partner in general, who will accept her; all of her. A woman deserves a partner who will love her, nurture her, and support her no matter what. A woman deserves a partner who will trust her; who will compromise with her; who will make her their priority. This is exactly where Aidan went wrong in his relationship with Carrie. He already proved he was capable of such selfishness over 20 years ago, and in his most recent rekindled relationship with Carrie, he proved that he hadn’t changed one single bit. In fact, his most recent relationship with Carrie ended for the exact same reason that it ended 20 years ago, and their breakup scene in And Just Like That mirrored their breakup scene in Sex And The City, when Carrie refused to marry him.

The most upsetting part about Carrie’s entire relationship with Aidan was that she was too blind, or too in love, to see that she deserved more than what Aidan offered her. Aidan’s nature was to make Carrie into someone that she wasn’t. He was a traditionalist, and expected Carrie to go along with whatever he wanted and expected of her to do. His was a dominator. His love for Carrie was always conditional. When Carrie didn’t give him what he wanted, he made sure to make her feel terrible about herself; guilty of her wrongdoings; questioning her every move. He never failed to shame her or gaslight her. This was the case 20 years ago in his 30’s, and that was the case more recently in his 50’s. Carrie could only bend herself to Aidan’s needs and whims so much before she broke. And she finally did…

For almost as long as we’d known Carrie Bradshaw, she continuously kept going back to the past. She couldn’t let go of her old wounds. We saw that in her relationship with Big, and we saw that in her relationship with Aidan. The entire premise of the original Sex And The City became the love triangle between Big, Carrie and Aidan. Of course, we know that she chose Big in the end, and we saw them build a beautiful life together despite all the hurdles they’d faced. So you can imagine just how frustrating it was, for me at least, seeing Carrie question her entire relationship with him after his death just because she had great sex with Aidan.

While both Sex And The City and And Just Like That… saw Carrie holding on to her past, the ending of her story saw her finally look ahead to her future. She finally found the strength to let go of Aidan and embrace the life that she deserved. Whether it’s a life with Duncan or a life alone, it’s unknown. But in hindsight, it doesn’t really matter, because in the end, we saw her finally choose herself. The ending made me reflect on Carrie’s 25+ year journey on romanizing love. Maybe that journey wasn’t ever about her choosing the right partner; but instead of her choosing herself. After decades of prioritizing romantic relationships, especially her tumultuous ones with Big and Aidan, this final act of self-prioritization allows her to focus on her own happiness and contentment without a partner. To break things down more thoroughly:

The End of the Romantic Cycle

• The Original Series: Throughout Sex and the City, Carrie’s life was largely defined by her search for love and her relationships, particularly her on-again, off-again dynamic with Big. 

• The Sequel Series: After Big’s death in the premiere of And Just Like That…, Carrie attempts to forge a new path, including a renewed relationship with Aidan. 

• The Self-Choice: In the Season 2 finale, Carrie decides to end things with Aidan, recognizing that she cannot be “100 percent in” and that their relationship wouldn’t provide the fulfillment she truly desires. This decision stems from her acknowledgment that she is not capable of giving him what he needs, and thus chooses to end the relationship rather than force it to work. 

Significance of Carrie’s Choice

• A Shift in Priorities: This marked a significant departure for the character, who had long been trapped in a cycle of romantic pursuits and validation through relationships. 

• Focus on Self-Love: The conclusion of the series sees Carrie single and content, having finally prioritized her own needs and happiness. This choice embodies the idea that true fulfillment comes from within, rather than from external validation through a romantic partner. 

• Aptly Named Series: The title, And Just Like That…, became a fitting backdrop for her eventual self-discovery and choice to be alone. 

To summarize this entire blog entry to a tea, Carrie’s journey to self-love, self-discovery, and self-acceptance is a great representation to every woman’s story. It’s an essence of what a woman goes through when she loses herself in a difficult moment in time. Life is long. As a woman, feeling a sense of belonging, accomplishment and acceptance can come and go. You can feel lost in your 20’s, in your 30’s and even in your 50’s and 60’s. Seeing Carrie lose herself in her own life tells us that it’s okay for us, as women, to lose ourselves in our life’s pursuit. What’s important is that we find ourselves in the end; and even more so, that we choose ourselves… and just like that, the sex columnist who was looking for love – real love – finally found the love she was looking for…in herself.