Mara Baylor: The Real Meaning Behind A Healthy Relationship – And Whether It Takes More Than Love To Make A Marriage Work

While discussing a woman’s journey to choosing to love herself in watching Carrie Bradshaw’s 25+ year journey to finding that REAL love that she was looking for, I came to the realization of how valuable and meaningful it can also be to choose the love of a partner and let someone into your life’s story. And I came to that realization while watching the 2019 romantic comedy, The Wedding Year, starring Sarah Hyland and Tyler James Williams, and co-starring the likes of Anna Camp, Jenna Dewan, and Wanda Skyes.

Mara Baylor, played by Hyland, is a woman in her 20’s, living a carefree lifestyle. At the start of the film, Mara is introduced as a photographer who works as a sales clerk at a high-end vintage clothing shop to make ends meet. Her best friend is Alex. One night, while out with Alex, Mara uses a dating app to select someone to go on a date with so she can get a free dinner. In this case, it’s Jake Harrison, played by Williams, as he claims himself to be a chef on his profile. While out to a high-end restaurant, he confesses that he’s not really a celebrity chef, but a cook at a diner, making minimum wage.

Jake takes Mara to the diner he works at and makes her dinner from scratch. As she eats the pancakes he made her, which she ends up loving, he tells her that he just finished culinary school and moved to Los Angeles from Virginia for a girl. Mara asks why he stayed after the breakup, he tells her it’s his plan to bring the south to Southern California. He then accuses her of using people for free food, so she suggests they sleep together, and they do, even though he’s initially shocked by her bluntness. Following that night, Jake and Mara begin a monogamous relationship, which is unusual for Mara, who’s afraid of letting someone in and consistently looks for flaws in the other person so as to have an excuse for her to leave. With Jake, however, everything seems to be drastically different. Mara even labels him as her boyfriend.

Soon after they begin dating, Mara and Jake get invited to a total of 15 weddings; two of which are Mara’s sister’s wedding and Jake’s brother’s wedding. Jake is calm and is particularly ecstatic to hear of the news of his brother’s news, as well as of his best friend’s nuptials. He’s even asked to be a best man at the wedding. Mara, on the other hand, has a much more cynical view on the matter, and with each wedding that she’s invited to, gets more and more anxious and nervous. One night on a random Tuesday, Mara wakes Jake from a deep sleep to play drinking game to narrow down the quantity. They agree to attend a total of 7 weddings together. That number, though brought a little bit of a relief, still worried Mara. For the most part, she worried about what attending so many weddings with Jake would mean for her and her new relationship; especially considering she’s never been a longterm relationship or a commitment type of girl.

At the first of the seven, Mara meets Nicole, the intimidating ex Jake had moved to Los Angeles for from his hometown. Mara makes a drunk spectacle of herself, as she feels threatened by Nicole’s magnetic presence and gorgeous appearance. At the second wedding, seeing that Alex is interested in Zak, another guest, Jake gets him an introduction. At Mara’s boss Ellie’s wedding, as Mara didn’t have eels at the rehearsal dinner and therefore not ill, she’s asked to be maid of honor. Mara reluctantly agrees and makes a little foolish speech where she messes up the groom’s name by naming him as Ellie’s ex-boyfriend, and giving out details that Ellie obviously would’ve rather kept private. Mara feels embarrassed, but Jake tells her he’s proud of her nonetheless. While dancing together, he asks Mara to move in with him. She agrees.

By the fifth wedding they attend together as a couple, Mara and Jake get an opportunity to stay overnight at a prestigious hotel – something they wouldn’t even dream of doing as anything remotely like this is out of their combined budget. Remember, they both work minimum wage jobs and don’t monetize on their dreams because they’re both afraid. It was during their stay at the prestigious hotel that Mara bravely tells Jake that she loves him. In turn, Jake asks Mara to marry him.

Mara says yes. More precisely, she says, ‘Holy shit,’ with a stunned/shocked/scared look on her face; one that Jake doesn’t see. At her sister’s wedding, Mara tells Mara tells her and Alex about their uncomfortable meeting with their parents. Mara’s sister tells her and Alex the reasons why she agreed to get married to her new husband, what they need to think about as a couple now that they’re married, and how it takes more than love to be married. As she said, it’s about choosing what’s important and what you can live without. It was everything that made Mara be so unsure of her decision to marry Jake, and whether she made the right decision to agree to marry him to begin with.

Despite her feeling uneasy about her future with Jake, Mara continues on with their plan to attend their next, final wedding, which is Jake’s brother’s wedding to his bride, Violet. Just as soon as Mara meets Jake’s family, they automatically start talking about making plans for Jake and Mara to move to Virginia and having kids. Mara’s uneasy about the entire ordeal, as neither of those things were anything she and Jake ever discussed in regard to their future and life after marriage. Seeing Violet on the run, Mara immediately runs away from Jake’s mom’s nonstop questionnaire about her future with Jake to alerts Jake and Robbie, his brother, of the runaway bride situation. The three of them follow Violet to a burger joint, where Mara finds her binge-eating. She’s freaked out how baby obsessed his family is, and tells Mara to run away while she still can – another instance of putting Mara in an uneasy headspace on her future with Jake.

After the long flight to Los Angeles, the tired couple finds Mara’s car not functioning. As she and Jake await mechanical assistance, she asks him where he sees them in five years. Describing a house in Virginia with a room that could eventually be converted into a kid’s room, Mara says she doesn’t see herself as the marrying type and feels too much pressure from him. She asks him what he thinks their future would look like, and none of his plans included her photography career. Not wanting to give up on her dream of a photography career, she gives the ring back. The breakup was heartbreaking for both of them. And yet, it was the best thing for them. Mara takes her photography passion seriously and builds a website with the aim of her photographs. Jake moves back east, getting a proper chef’s job, and gets a positive review from a food critic. In hindsight, the breakup was exactly what they needed.

Still reeling from her breakup from Jake, Mara randomly surges her Facebook while working on her photography website and stumbles upon photos of Jake and Nicole, his ex-girlfriend, spending time together. Assuming that they’re sleeping together, Mara goes back on the same app that she met Jake to have a random hookup. She finds herself a guy to hook up with and make her happy for one night. She leaves his house the next morning without the intention of ever seeing him again, to which he’s gutted by, as he obviously wanted something more. As she’s in an Uber on her way home, Alex calls her to announce his engagement to Zak. He also asks Mara asking her for her blessing to invite Jake to the wedding, seeing as he was the reason they were together to begin with. Mara, knowing just how hard it would be for her to see Jake again, gives Alex her blessing.

While Mara’s at home, her sister comes knocking at her door unannounced. With tears in her eyes, she tells Mara she’s divorcing her husband. Confused, Mara reminds her that she was the one who kept telling her that it took more than love to make a marriage work. Her sister tells her, ‘It can, but it shouldn’t.’ This New Testament on marriage coming from her sister greatly makes her think and reflect on whether she made a mistake letting go of her relationship with Jake. But no matter how hard it was for her to even think about Jake, Mara showed herself to be a great friend for Alex in his wedding prep to Zak, which she only had a month for.

At the wedding festivities, Mara, as the maid of honour, gave a speech; and unlike her speech at Ellie’s wedding, it came from her heart. It was funny, sad, touching and very moving. It gave an idea on how much she loved her friends, as well as her changed view on love in general. Jake came just in time to listen to Mara’s speech. Thereafter, Jake approaches her. They both apologize, congratulate each other for their successes, tearfully admit they still love each other, and he puts the ring back on her finger. Soon after, they adopt a rescue dog.

It was a happy-ending to Mara and Jake’s love story. But it wasn’t your typical rom-com happy-ending that you see in cheesy movies such as this. You see, there’s much more to it than one, as a viewer, would think or even expect. I resonated with Mara more than I thought I would. I was just as cynical of marriage, and monogamous relationships as a whole, just as she was. Heck I still am cynical of weddings, and I have no understanding as to why people do it in the first place. And yes, I realize this is coming from a married woman.

My husband was cynical of marriage too when we met and started dating. We were two people with the same exact notion of weddings and marriage who got together and became a couple. I remember the first wedding we ever attended together as a couple. It was a an entirely ridiculous money-grabbing hoopla. We sat there, looking at our surroundings thinking the same exact thing: ‘This is the stupidest thing we’ve ever witnessed.’ We promised ourselves, as well as each other, that we’d never get married in this manner… ever.

We didn’t even want to get married. We planned to stay together as boyfriend and girlfriend. Live together, build a life together, but not make things legal. I had the same views on relationships as Mara. I don’t believe in monogamy. I didn’t see the need in it. I was just happy having sex here and there with no strings attached. I didn’t even want my husband as a long-term partner. I saw him as a fling who’d be in the picture for 6 months, tops. This way of thinking of relationships stemmed from my history with men. There was never a single person in my past that ever treated me right; that ever treated with kindness, respect, compassion and dignity. My personal life, before I met my husband, was filled with abuse and turmoil.

That said, being with my husband was scary for me; much like it was for Mara to be with Jake. All the relationship milestones we shared together were firsts for me. I was petrified. He was good to me, I was just waiting for the day that he’d hurt me; but it never did. Six months turned into a year. A year turned into two. Two turned into three. And three and a half years into our relationship, he asked me to marry him. It was on April Fool’s. Of course I thought he was joking. He’d always been open with me about his feelings for me and his intentions for our future.

He loved me; there was no question about it. Marriage, however, was completely off the table. He was too traumatized from his parents’ divorce; just like Mara was. And just like Mara, he, too, had the same feelings of his parents’ relationship; in that his parents should’ve never been together in the first place. His mom deserved better, he said. And he did too. He certainly deserved more than what he got from his father. One thing he wish for in his life was to have had a better father. He always wondered what his life would’ve looked like had he decided to grow up with his mother following his parents’ divorce instead of staying with his father. But you can’t continue living life filled with regrets; so instead, he tries to look for the positives. For one, he would’ve never met me and built the beautiful, domestic, wonderful life that we’ve been so fortunate enough to have shared together had he chosen to live with his mom. For if he did, he would’ve lived in Israel.

Let me tell you, the price that my husband payed to have created the family that we created wasn’t low by any means. Was that price worth paying? If you were to ask my husband now, especially with our son by our side, he’d definitely say that it was. But to say that it took a long time for him to get to that point would be a definite understatement. The peace that comes with coming to terms with the decisions you made when you were a child that affect you into adulthood takes a heck of a lot of work. And it took him a lot of work. We were lucky enough that our relationship was able to survive him working needing to work on himself. A lot of relationships don’t, and that was exactly the entire point of The Wedding Year. Working on yourself before getting involved in a long-term relationship creates a stronger foundation by ensuring you are emotionally available, have healthy self-esteem, know your boundaries, and can contribute positively to the partnership rather than relying on it for validation or fulfillment. It allows you to be a more mature, independent, and self-aware partner, which benefits both you and your partner by fostering a more balanced and fulfilling connection. To break things down more thoroughly:

Why Working on Yourself is Important

• Emotional Availability: You can only share with a partner what you have within yourself. Focusing on your mental well-being and individual needs makes you more available to offer emotional support and presence to your partner. 

• Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: A strong sense of self-love and self-worth is crucial for navigating relationship ups and downs without letting it erode your self-perception. You’ll be less dependent on your partner’s validation. 

• Maturity and Self-Awareness: Understanding yourself—your needs, limits, and patterns of behavior—is a sign of maturity that builds a healthier foundation for any serious commitment. 

• Independence: A healthy relationship involves two whole people, not two halves trying to make a whole. Cultivating your own interests, friendships, and life outside the relationship makes you a more interesting and capable partner. 

• Better Conflict Resolution: Knowing your own triggers and emotional patterns helps you manage conflict more constructively, preventing small issues from escalating into major problems. 

• A More Positive Contribution: Instead of just expecting to receive, you can actively bring your best qualities—kindness, love, and generosity—to the relationship, helping it to flourish. 
• Preventing “Pouring from an Empty Cup”: If you haven’t fulfilled your own needs for joy and fulfillment, it’s hard to give effectively to your partner. Taking care of yourself ensures you can contribute to the relationship without depleting yourself. 

What “Working on Yourself” Means

• Understanding Your Needs and Boundaries: You should know what you need and what you can and cannot accept in a relationship. 

• Developing Self-Love: Practice self-care and schedule time to do things that bring you joy to nurture yourself and your needs. 

• Addressing Unresolved Issues:This can involve dealing with past emotional baggage, attachment issues, or unhealthy patterns of behavior that could sabotage a relationship. 

• Cultivating Your Own Life:Pursue your own hobbies, professional goals, or any activity that helps you find individual joy and fulfillment. 

As Mara’s sister kept insisting throughout the entire movie, it takes more than love to make a marriage work. In many ways, she was right. She was also right when she said it SHOULDN’T take more than love to make a marriage work. It takes commitment, communication, and compromise to make a marriage work. It takes priority, pursuit, partnership, purity and purpose to make a marriage work. It takes attention, affection, and appreciation to make a marriage work. It takes resilience, respect, and responsiveness to make a marriage work. It takes not giving up on another to make a marriage work; to love someone so much that you never want to stop trying to make your marriage work. But the #1 rule in all of this is that marriage isn’t about your happiness anymore. It’s not about getting all your needs met through the other person. Your spouse is your partner; not your cookie-cutter addition to your life. If you want to be the center of the universe, then there’s a much better chance of that happening if you stay single.

Marriage is about loving someone for exactly who they are without trying to change them into a version of what you want them to be; and vice versa. To go back to our previous blog entry’s discussion, which you can read AFTER you finish this one, this is exactly why Carrie and Aidan’s relationship was never meant to last; not 25 years ago and not now either. In their final fight, which led to their final breakup, Carrie told him she “was 100% in” after having “moved mountains and apartments” for him, and delivered one final blow: I can’t give you any more than I have, and it wasn’t enough.’ And it really wasn’t…

Absolutely nothing Carrie ever did was ever enough for Aidan. To him, she was that cookie-cutter version of his future that Mara was talking about; one that she didn’t want to be for Jake. The longer they were together, the more it became apparent that they just weren’t all that compatible. It was more than just about his trust issues following Carrie’s cheating with Big. The first red flag was him telling her to quit smoking when they first started dating. From the get-go, Aidan was absolutely wrong for Carrie. He wanted to change her. He pushed her to do things she wasn’t ready for; like meeting his parents early in their relationship. Or forcing to come with him to his country house when he knew she was a city girl and wouldn’t enjoy anything remotely like this.

Carrie was clearly willing to go beyond her comfort zone for Aidan; in season 4 of the original Sex And The City series, she agreed to get engaged and live together, both firsts for her. But when she set one boundary – she wanted to wait a while before they tied the knot – he had a hissy fit and dumped her. EVERYTHING about their relationship had to go in Aidan’s pace, and if it didn’t, he’d guilt-trip her, gaslight her, shame her, or dump her. He only wanted to marry her so he could feel like he owned her over Big following her cheating.

But even after Big was gone and there was absolutely no way he could ever get in the way of their rekindled relationship, 20+ years after the fact, Aidan proved himself to be the same childish, stubborn, controlling man that he’d always been. With that said, whenever she was with him, Carrie always seemed on edge. She was always afraid she’d done something wrong; questioned her every move; and climbed mountains and changed everything about her life just to please him.

Executive producer Elisa Zuritsky told Line TV of Carrie and Aidan’s relationship and eventual breakup, ‘It wasn’t a fiery debate in the room. I think it really came down to the way the previous season ended, with Aidan’s family proving to be such an obstacle. It did feel like too much to ask of those two people, especially with their baggage.’ Executive producer Julie Rottenberg chimed in, saying, ‘I think we all knew their problems were systemic enough that they would not survive.’

When it was time to actually film that final breakup scene between Carrie and Aidan in And Just Like That… producers began to question their decision due to the actors’ chemistry. Rottenberg added, ‘I think part of it is Sarah Jessica and John Corbett have such an incredible bond and chemistry and relationship as both actors and as the characters. I got a little panicky. ‘Should we not be doing this? Should we not be breaking them up?’’ Luckily, the original plan was kept and the two were broken up. Carrie and Aidan were never meant to last because of deep-seated trust issues and different lifestyles and values, leading to their inability to truly commit to one another despite their history and attempts at a reconciliation. Aidan struggled to overcome Carrie’s past infidelity with Big, while Carrie found Aidan’s conventional, family-oriented, and home-focused lifestyle too stifling for her city-girl personality. To break things down more thoroughly:

Fundamental Mismatches

• Different Lifestyles: Aidan preferred a conventional, home-based, country lifestyle, contrasting sharply with Carrie’s love for city life, shopping, and constant socializing. 

• Conflicting Values and Personalities: Carrie was a selfish individual who struggled with commitment, a trait she shared with Mr. Big. Aidan was more traditional and family-oriented, which created an inherent conflict with Carrie’s desire for independence and freedom. 

Trust and Commitment Issues

• Infidelity’s Lingering Shadow: The most significant obstacle was Carrie’s past affair with Mr. Big, a betrayal that deeply eroded Aidan’s trust and remained a major point of contention in their relationship. 

• Unresolved Trust Issues: Even years later, Aidan struggled with trust issues, refusing to go into Carrie’s apartment due to negative memories. 

• Carrie’s Inability to Fully Commit: While Carrie wanted the relationship, she was often resistant to the commitment Aidan desired, even developing panic attacks when trying on wedding dresses. 

Systemic Problems

• Unsuited for the “Real World”: The producers of And Just Like That noted that their problems were “systemic,” indicating their fundamental incompatibility made a lasting relationship unlikely. 

• Aidan’s Own Baggage: Aidan’s own trust issues, including his later confession of sleeping with his ex-wife, further complicated their reconciliation, making the relationship unsustainable for both parties. 

• Carrie’s Attraction to Big: Ultimately, Carrie’s personality and moral compass were more aligned with Big, and she struggled to shed her “Big” persona even while attempting to be with Aidan. 

Carrie never really had a true partnership in Aidan. Not now and not 20 years ago. Maybe subconsciously, she always knew he wasn’t for her, and that was why she cheated on him with Big. On the surface, Aidan seemed to be like the perfect man for Carrie. But he wasn’t. He was far from perfect; no matter how many times he claimed to be as such. He was never perfect. His trust issues following Carrie’s cheating only elevated that in him. He never loved Carrie for who she was. He loved her for what he could turn her into.

Jake was different. He never claimed himself to be perfect. He was honest about his flaws from the very moment he met Mara, and in turn, Mara accepted him in spite of them, as well as for them. She did so even though she regularly never got close enough to anyone as she always looked for flaws in them before she could ever label them as a boyfriend. And he… he accepted and loved her for exactly who she was. And that’s exactly why they worked. Each wedding they attended brought them closer together as they navigated the challenges of being wedding guests and decided whether their relationship could lead to a lasting commitment. Mara’s biggest challenge was accepting herself and that she’s not her parents, and that her relationship with Jake is nothing like her parents’…if she doesn’t let it be.