Perrie Edwards: The Hardships Of Going Through Infertility And Pregnancy Loss – And What Another Person Can Do (And Not Do) To Make A Woman Feel Better And Less Alone

I’ve been writing a heck of a lot about women’s issues on this blog. After all, that’s our niche. More specifically, we’ve talked about relationships (romantic and otherwise) infertility and motherhood. These subjects have been heavy on my mind as of late. All in all, I have good people around me. I have a core group of friends that I feel so blessed to be surrounded by. I have a healthy relationship with both my parents. I have a beautiful relationship with my husband that’s lasted 14 years. I have a beautiful son that never fails to amaze me. I’ve made it my mission to prioritize my mental health every single day I get to get up in the morning.

Life is good; really, really good. But it doesn’t mean that there aren’t moments of sadness; moments of guilt; or of discretion. Because there’s all of that. It’s not constant, but it’s there nonetheless. At times, it floats like a moving river; never seeming to end. I don’t constantly think about it, but when I do, the feeling of pain is numb and almost impossible to describe. Mostly, it feels like a failure. I know I didn’t fail. I know my body did. And yet, there’s always the ‘what-if’s’ in the back of my mind.

It was the month of April. I was looking forward to the future. It looked bright. Suddenly, everything turned out to be gloomy. I miscarried. It sucked. As soon as my doctor confirmed the miscarriage, my mind immediately went back to a dark period in my life, which was when I’d gone through infertility. It was a painful time in my life. It was the time where I suffered 6 miscarriages in 4 years. Getting pregnant with my son seemed like an impossible dream; but it happened, and it was a miraculous experience. It was even miraculous that the pregnancy went smoothly considering I suffered two grand-mal seizures in the later months of the pregnancy.

My husband and I weren’t planning to have a second child; at least not this year. I personally didn’t even know if I wanted a second child. My husband, on the other hand, is very eager to become a father again. He feels he has so much love to give. Getting pregnant earlier this year was most definitely a surprise, especially considering just how much time, effort, and let’s not forget, money, it took us to have our first. But nevertheless, it was a happy surprise. We were both excited for another little miracle in our lives; and a forever best friend for our son. That surprise was shattered, however, once I went to the doctor. I didn’t know I was actually pregnant. I only suspected because my period was late by two months, and suddenly, out of nowhere, I started bleeding again. It was at the doctor’s that it was confirmed I was pregnant and suddenly miscarried.

I initially thought me missing a period was due to my PCOS diagnosis or me missing ovulation for the month. I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t even want to go to the doctor’s. I only went at my husband’s request. The news didn’t affect me physically in any way. Emotionally, however, I became numb. Like the previous times, I was disappointed in myself. I felt like my body failed me, as well as my husband. Only this time, it was worse, because I also felt like I failed my son.

Earlier this month, former Little Mix singer Perrie Edward’s revealed she was pregnant with her second child. She already has a 4-year-old son, Axel, with her partner, English footballer Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, whom she’s been with since 2016. This was truly happy news, especially since she recently revealed to Paul C Brunson on his We Need To Talk podcast last month that she’d suffered a miscarriage at 24 weeks after getting pregnant not even a year after her son’s birth. She said, as she held back her tears, ‘I was rehearsing for the last Little Mix tour, and I thought, I don’t feel good. Every symptom under the sun. I was like, I think I’m pregnant. We went for what was a 20-week scan, but we were actually 22 weeks, and that was just the worst day of my life. Like, horrendous. I just knew something was wrong in the scan. I’ve never experienced an out-of-body experience where everything goes in slow motion. So then I remember sobbing. Alex was injured at the time and couldn’t really drive. He was struggling to drive, but I couldn’t see straight. I was just distraught. We basically lost the baby at 24 weeks.’

Edwards also revealed that her son was also a rainbow baby. She suffered a miscarriage very similar to mine. She did a test which showed to be positive. She then got her period, and like me, didn’t think anything of it. She thought it was a false positive. Her doctor confirmed that it was, in fact, an early miscarriage that she’d suffered. Of the her losses, she told the relationship expert, ‘I haven’t necessarily not shared it with people because I’m ashamed of it or anything. It’s just that it’s such a personal thing to go through, and it’s really hard.’

Watching Edwards’ interview made me tear up a little bit. Finally there was someone I could relate when it came down to my infertility journey. For years, I felt alone. I felt ashamed. I felt disconnected from the world. Suddenly, I felt I had a friend in Edwards. I felt there was someone who understood exactly what I’d gone through. I almost wished I saw her in person just so that we could have an actual conversation about it. I’d never done it with anyone; at least not with anyone who could relate to my struggles. I’d never gone through a loss late in the pregnancy like Edwards did, but I did have a scare following a seizure. I was 18 weeks pregnant with my son, and when the nurse did the ultrasound, she couldn’t hear the heartbeat. She called someone in for a second opinion, and the other person did hear it. Nevertheless, those 5 minutes in between seemed like the longest 5 minutes of my life. I was already preparing myself, as well as my husband, to have an abortion.

Pregnancy loss can be very lonely. It IS lonely. The loneliness stemming from infertility and pregnancy loss is a profound and multifaceted experience, often amplified by social stigma, the isolating nature of the infertility journey, and the feeling of being misunderstood by others. This isolation is compounded by the grief associated with “disenfranchised” loss, which isn’t always socially acknowledged, and by the emotional burden of failed treatments and dashed hopes. The continuous cycle of anticipation and disappointment, along with the lack of comprehensive support from healthcare and society, contributes to feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and profound isolation that can impact relationships and overall well-being.  To break it down more thoroughly:

Why infertility and pregnancy loss lead to loneliness

• Stigma and social expectations: Infertility challenges societal norms that expect everyone to become a parent, leading to feelings of shame and isolation, and causing people to withdraw from social situations where their struggles might be revealed. 

• Disenfranchised grief: The loss of a pregnancy, especially an early one, can be a “disenfranchised” grief, meaning it’s not openly acknowledged or socially supported, leading to deeper feelings of isolation. 

• The journey itself: The process of infertility treatment can be an isolating and emotional roller coaster of hope, disappointment, and financial strain, impacting both the individual and their relationships. 

• Lack of understanding from others: People who have not experienced these challenges may not understand the depth of the emotional pain, which can make it difficult to connect with friends and family. 

• Witnessing others’ fertility: Seeing others easily achieve pregnancy can heighten feelings of loneliness and anger, creating a sense of being left out. 

Impact on relationships and well-being

• Strain on relationships: The emotional toll of infertility and loss can lead to conflicts or strain within a couple’s relationship, or cause feelings of distance from friends and family. 

• Emotional and psychological effects:Loneliness contributes to other negative emotions such as anxiety, depression, feelings of inadequacy, helplessness, and a sense of loss of control. 

• Long-term effects: For some, the experience can become a chronic life stressor, negatively impacting self-esteem and the ability to move forward with life’s transitions. 

Finding support

• Connect with others: Seek out support from professional counselors, support groups, or spiritual fellowships that can offer understanding and connection with others who have similar experiences. 

• Communicate with loved ones: Openly share your feelings and the difficult nature of the experience with trusted friends and family to foster practical support and companionship. 

• Advocate for better care: It’s critical for the healthcare system to provide more compassionate and comprehensive support to help individuals cope with the challenges of infertility and loss. 

With all that being said, I can’t imagine being Perrie Edwards in a situation of being pregnant and having gone through pregnancy loss. It was already hard for me to go through something like this, and it’s with the fact that absolutely no one, with the exception of my loved ones and those of you reading my blog and following me on social media, who the f*ck I am. Edwards, on the other hand…

She not only had to go through pregnancy and pregnancy loss publicly, but while she was on tour, performing in front of thousands and thousands of people, who were filming her, posting videos of her, and writing articles about her, every single night. While she was going through a private battle, she was making people happy. While she was going through a private battle, people were making assumptions about her and commenting on her changing body when she herself wasn’t ready to make her pregnancy and then loss public. How cruel is that?

Luckily, Edwards had her two Little Mix bandmates, Leigh-Anne Pinnock and Jade Thirlwall by her side during that period of time. Jesy Nelson had already left the group by that point. Also luckily, she had a wonderful partner by her side, which is far more than could ever be said about her ex-fiancé, Zayn Malik, former member of One Direction, who famously broke up with her over text when she was at the airport after 4 years of dating. In the same interview with Paul C. Brunson, she called the relationship toxic.

A recent article by Glamour UK, which was liked by all three members of Little Mix on Instagram, titled, ‘The Perrie Edwards Pregnancy Speculation Needs to Stop,’ was praised by Edwards in the interview. She told Brunson, ‘You can look at it two ways, I guess, with the whole pregnancy thing. It’s a blessing. It’s beautiful. People love pregnant women, and they kind of just want to be like, ‘You’re pregnant. You’re glowing.’ But at the same time, it’s a very vulnerable thing for women. It’s a very private thing for women. If you speculated one of your friends was pregnant, you wouldn’t shout it on their Facebook or their Instagram and be like, ‘Oh my god, you’re pregnant!’ You just wouldn’t do it for everyone to see, I don’t think. I think we kind of have to navigate it a bit better with that situation because yes, it’s beautiful and it’s exciting and it’s speculation and ‘Is she pregnant?’ ‘I don’t know. I want to know.’ But at the same time, you don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors with women. And pregnancy’s scary. It’s worrying.’

All I could at that particular moment in the interview was giggle. Not because I necessarily found it funny, but because all I could think at that moment was, ‘Gosh, I had some very sh*tty friends in the past!’ All these friends of mine could do was speculate. One time, I attended a party and it was the first time I didn’t drink alcohol after deciding to stop due to change of lifestyle for health purposes, particularly to manage my seizure disorder better. Automatically assuming I was pregnant, one friend screamed, ‘Congratulations!’ The entire party attendees heard and clapped cheered.

The moment left me heartbroken; completely shattered. All I wanted to do was leave and break down in tears. I wanted to scream. But nothing – absolutely nothing – came out. The numbness took over my entire being. What my friends didn’t know was that I’d suffered a miscarriage not long before that. But with the fact that none of them knew, why would they make assumptions? Why would they even comment on me possibly being pregnant? Why did they think they ever had the right to say ANYTHING concerning it? I saw that friend who wrongfully congratulated me on my ‘pregnancy’ years later. The subject of drinking and health came up, and I reminded her of what she’d done. She didn’t even realize that she’d done anything wrong at that moment, which in hindsight, was kind of the problem. She apologized, and we moved on. She’s one of the few people I’m still friends with from my past, and I’m glad to have her in my life. Others weren’t that apologetic for their wrongdoing, if at all.

Following the airing of Edward’s We Need To Talk episode on YouTube, many women couldn’t help but praise the singer for using her platform to open up about such a private subject. Women everywhere took to the comments to express how important and honest it is for Perrie to share her story, as well as for the host to create such a safe space for her to do so. A top comment on YouTube reads, ‘Thank you, Paul, for giving Perrie a safe space. What a woman she is.’ Another commentator wrote, ‘What an incredible woman so brave to speak about her experiences and share her challenges so an inspiration! I loved this podcast with Perrie..it was such a great listen! As always Paul is so genuine, kind and sensitive to his guests… a fabulous pod!’ A third user echoed the sentiment by writing, ‘What an amazing interview. How brave Perrie was to share her experience on miscarriage it’s such a taboo subject and a lonely place.” And another wrote, ‘This is such a considerate interview. Perrie is such a well-spoken woman. I am so glad she found the secure love she so much needed.’ One popular comment talked about how hard it must’ve been to go through the pregnancy losses in the public eye, writing, ‘In any other job, you wouldn’t go to work if you thought you were miscarrying your baby. To have to get glammed up, go on stage, dance,perform and smile is absolutely insane. This really has to stop.’

Clips of Edwards opening up about pregnancy loss also became popular on TikTok, getting an average of 7 million views across the social media platform. With a top comment with over 30k likes reading, ‘And this [is] one of the many reasons why no one should ever speculate on whether a woman is pregnant.’ Another comment read, ‘Thank you perrie for opening up about this. I had a stillbirth at 24 weeks, nothing prepares you for it. So so brave to talk about this x.’

I myself couldn’t thank Perrie Edwards enough for so courageously opening up about her pregnancy losses. I can’t emphasize enough just how much of an impact she made with this interview alone. I also have to praise Brunson, because the empathy that he showed her as she broke down in tears while talking about her losses was absolutely uncanny. This one interview did so much. Edwards’ openness about her miscarriage and fertility journey is important because it reduces the stigma surrounding these experiences, showing that these struggles are common and can happen to anyone, including public figures. Her story normalizes the emotional rollercoaster of infertility, helps others feel less alone, and raises awareness for the silent battles many people face. Her willingness to share encourages others to speak up, fostering a more supportive environment for those navigating similar difficulties.  To break it down more thoroughly:

Reducing Stigma and Fostering Connection

• Normalizes the Experience: Many people keep their fertility struggles and pregnancy losses private, contributing to a sense of isolation. By sharing her story, Perrie Edwards demonstrates that these experiences are not uncommon and can affect anyone, regardless of their public image. 

• Combats Silence: Her decision to share, particularly the traumatic experience of a 24-week pregnancy loss, highlights the need to break the silence surrounding miscarriage and infertility. This openness helps to validate the grief and emotions of others. 

Raising Awareness and Encouraging Support

• Provides Hope: Her journey, which included both early miscarriage and later pregnancy loss, serves as a powerful narrative of endurance. It reminds others that despite the pain, there can be hope and a path forward. 

• Discourages Speculation: By openly discussing her pregnancy loss after fans speculated about it, she also implicitly addresses the harmful nature of guessing about a woman’s health and fertility, emphasizing the need for privacy and compassion. 

• Creates a Supportive Community: Her story connects with others who have experienced similar challenges, offering comfort and reassurance that they are not alone. She encourages others who feel lost or alone to find support and communit

I said it before and I’ll say it again – and again and again and again: Thank you, Perrie, for so bravely and courageously opening up about your pregnancy losses. I couldn’t thank you enough. It must’ve been so hard, but now, thanks to you, women like me, as well as myself, feel less alone. We feel heard. We feel understood. We feel unashamed. And thank you, Paul, for not only giving Perrie the platform to do so, but for also showing her kindness and empathy at that very moment.

You can watch Perrie Edwards’ full interview right here:

Let’s remember to always be kind to one another – both in person and on the internet. We never know what another person goes through behind closed doors. Your kindness and understanding might be just what the other person needs to feel better. It’s just as simple as that.