Katie Holmes: The Real Strength That It Took Her To Leave Tom Cruise And The Church Of Scientology – And Why It’s Important To Never Forget It Even Though She Wants The World To

Just as I was in the midst of writing my previous blog entry with Jennifer Lopez’s marriage to Ben Affleck crumbling, the exes were seen happily posing together at the premiere of her new movie, Kiss of the Spider Woman, which he produced. Affleck and Matt Damon’s Artist Equity production company co-produced the movie. Just as a refresher, especially for those who’ve been living under a rock these past 20+ years, Lopez and Affleck, known as Bennifer by media outlets, dated back in the early 2000’s and were engaged during her ‘Jenny From The Block’ era, but broke up days before they were set to wed. Years later, in 2021, following her breakup with Alex Rodriguez, they reconnected and became a couple again. By the following year, they were engaged and got married that summer. By 2024, they were separated.

Despite the breakup, the duo stayed on good terms. They were even seen spending time with each other’s children following the separation. Lopez was even seen vacationing with Affleck’s oldest daughter, Violet, following the split. That said, their public reunion at the Kiss of the Spider Woman came as a surprise. You don’t usually see former spouses happily posing together and supporting one another for the entire world to see. Then again, it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise, really. We just have to keep reminding ourselves the beautiful co-parenting relationship Affleck has maintained with his first ex-wife, Jennifer Garner.

Of Lopez’s performance in her newest project, Affleck told E! News at the film’s premiere, ‘Jennifer is incredible in this movie. She’s fabulous. And it’s an enormously difficult—it’s all these masters, so it’s not edited in such a way where you can make a little mistake here and there in the dance. It’s singing and dancing and acting and also trying to hold together these multiple tones in the movie. That’s just probably the maximum level of difficulty for a performer. She pulls it off with grace and aplomb and she’s wonderful. I love her performance in the movie. She’s amazing, spectacular, and I’m thrilled to be a part of it. This role, she was just clearly born to play. It’s a genre that she’s always wanted to do her whole life.’

To be honest, Lopez and Affleck looked happier during their latest public appearance than they ever did when they were together. Finally, Affleck showed his big smile. Sometimes, two people are better off as friends who live separate lives and still have love for one another rather than be married. That’s more than could ever be said about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. The former couple, who have a 16 year age gap, divorced in 2012 after 5 years of marriage, with the proceedings concluding in just 11 days. Holmes filed for divorce, reportedly to protect their daughter, Suri, from the constraints of Scientology, according to Cruise’s own statements during a deposition. The settlement granted Holmes primary custody of Suri, while Cruise was to pay significant child support (reportedly $400,000 annually until Suri turned 18) and cover health and educational expenses. To break things down more thoroughly:

Divorce and Custody

• Quick Settlement: The divorce was finalized unusually fast, in less than two weeks, which was seen as a testament to the parties working together. 

• Primary Custody: Holmes received primary physical custody of their daughter, Suri, and moved with her to New York City. 

• Visitation Rights: Tom Cruise was granted visitation rights but reportedly did not exercise them, according to multiple sources. 

Financial Settlement

• Child Support: Tom Cruise agreed to pay $40,000 per year in child support for Suri, which was set to end when she turned 18. 

• Educational & Health Costs: The settlement also stipulated that Cruise would cover Suri’s healthcare and educational expenses. 

• Gifts: Holmes was allowed to keep the valuable gifts she received during the marriage, including a jewelry collection. 

Reasons for the Divorce 

• Scientology: A major factor cited, even by Tom Cruise himself, was Katie Holmes’ desire to protect their daughter from the influence of Scientology. 

• Holmes’ Motivation: Holmes reportedly wanted freedom for herself and her daughter from the unique environment and constraints of Scientology. 

Aftermath

• Lack of Contact: After the divorce, it was widely reported that Tom Cruise had little to no contact with his daughter. 

• Holmes’ Perspective: Katie Holmes stated that she did not want the divorce to define her and that the settlement allowed her to move on with her life and raise her daughter on her own terms. 

While my previous post was mainly about Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise’s (second) ex-wife, and her impending divorce from her now-ex, country music star Keith Urban, her former marriage to Cruise, as well as her relationship with their shared two children, Connor and Isabella, who are now adults, following their divorce was also discussed. Let’s just say that Kidman hasn’t had the closest relationship with her older children since she and Cruise divorced in 2001, and it all has to do with Scientology – a cult which Cruise hasn’t been a part of.

And yes, Scientology IS, in fact, a cult. Some governments, scholars, former members, and media sources have described Scientology as a cult, while the Church of Scientology itself claims to be a religion and a new religious movement. While recognized as a religion in the United States, its practices have been criticized for being manipulative, profit-driven, and harmful, with accusations of fraud, extortion, and harassment of former members by the organization. To break it down more thoroughly:

Reasons for Cult Accusations:

• Profit and Exploitation: Critics and former members allege that Scientology is a manipulative, profit-making business that extracts large sums of money from its members. 

• Controlling and Abusive Practices: Reports detail practices like intense self-criticism, denouncement of others, and enforced discipline, alongside the hounding and harassment of members who attempt to leave. 

• Deceptive Recruitment: Some former members claim that new recruits are not always told the truth about the organization’s true nature, according to CMU School of Computer Science. 

• Legal Judgments: A Paris court convicted the Church of Scientology for fraud in 2009, a decision upheld by the French Supreme Court. 

Differing Perspectives:

• Official Stance: Scientology.org presents itself as a religion and a movement for the dissemination of Scientology’s practices. 

• International Recognition: While a religion in the United States, Scientology is considered a dangerous cult by some governments and courts, while others (like the German government) classify it as an unconstitutional sect. 

• Public Perception: A 2012 poll indicated that 70% of Americans do not consider Scientology a real religion. 

Leah Remini, who was best friends with Jennifer Lopez until just a couple of years ago when she didn’t attend Lopez’s wedding to Ben Affleck in 2022, made an entire show exposing Scientology and the cult that it is. She’s stated that Scientology doesn’t genuinely improve people, but rather makes them better Scientologists, and it comes at the expense of family and personal well-being, causing victims psychological torture and ruin. She’s made claims that the church exploits members’ desires to be better people, demanding total focus on Scientology and leading to the widespread dissolution of families. Remini has described the church’s culture of surveillance, harassment, and mandatory “knowledge reports” on members, even family members, and views its control over members’ lives as psychological torture.  

Not much is known about Holmes’ personal life now, 13 years after her divorce from Cruise. It’s not even known if she’s dating at all now. The last time she was publicly seen was last month when she reunited with her Dawson’s Creek co-stars, minus James Van Der Beek, for a one-night only special event. She was glowing and looked absolutely radiant; even without makeup, and fancy clothes. She looked happy and healthy. Then there’s a new film trilogy to look forward to coming from her as an actress, writer and producer – Happy Hour –which will also feature Joshua Jackson, who played Holmes’ boyfriend, Pacey, in the 90’s teen drama. The story will follow two former sweethearts who cross paths years later, dealing with careers, families, and rediscovering their connection.

Things are definitely looking good for Holmes. But no one could ever forget her time with Cruise. It was 2005 when they first met. Cruise couldn’t contain his excitement. He was so happy during that period in his life that he jumped on Oprah’s crunch during his interview on her daytime talk show. The moment is carved in media’s history books. He exclaimed at the time, ‘I’m in love. I’m in love and it’s one of those things where you want to be cool, like, ‘Yeah I like her,’ that’s not how I feel. I wanted to meet this person, and I met her and she’s extraordinary.’

When people think of Cruise, they probably think of his Mission Impossible movie series and other classics that he’s done over the past few decades in his career; but more so they think of THAT moment. Holmes also looked happy during that time in her life. She couldn’t stop smiling ear-to-ear. Later in 2005, Holmes became pregnant with Cruise’s baby. Suri was born in April 2006, and the couple were married in November of that year. Cruise’s older children reportedly called Holmes ‘Mom’ during their marriage.

While things looked blissful for Holmes on the surface, the truth of the matter still remains that she’d suffered years of abuse at the hands of Cruise. It’s a fact because being brought into a cult – any cult – IS a form of abuse. And while she was lucky to have left the Church of Scientology swiftly when she divorced Cruise in 2012, the abuse didn’t end with the divorce. The decision to divorce Cruise was made in order to protect their daughter, Suri, from the organization’s influence and to reclaim her own independence and career. Holmes converted to Scientology during her relationship with Cruise but later felt it hindered her professional and personal life, leading to her calculated exit to ensure Suri’s well-being.  To break things down more thoroughly:

During the Marriage

• Conversion and Influence: After meeting Tom Cruise in 2005, Holmes, who was raised Catholic, began studying Scientology. 

• Daughter’s Future: Holmes expressed anxiety about her daughter Suri’s future and the potential influence of Scientology. 

• Career and Identity: She also felt that her identity as “Mrs. Tom Cruise” had overshadowed her own career, and she became determined to regain her independence and pursue her career goals on her own terms. 

The Divorce

• A Calculated Escape: Holmes filed for divorce from Cruise in 2012, and sources close to her indicated she feared intimidation by the Church of Scientology and Cruise’s potential abduction of their daughter. 

• Cruise’s Admission: In a 2013 deposition for a lawsuit against Bauer Publishing, Cruise confirmed that Holmes’s decision to divorce was partly to “protect Suri from Scientology”. 

• Gag Order and Custody: The divorce was settled quickly, with Holmes gaining full custody of Suri. It has been rumored that the settlement included a stipulation that Holmes was to remain silent about Scientology and Cruise to effectively remove Suri from their influence. 

After the Divorce

• A New Chapter: Holmes has since focused on her career and living her life on her own terms, a journey that has been seen by many as a symbol of resilience and strength. 

• Suri’s Freedom: Suri Cruise is now 19 and is not a practitioner of Scientology, indicating a separation from the faith. 

The 2000’s was the time when Cruise became heavily involved with Scientology. Following his breakup with Penelope Cruz after a 3 year romance, getting himself a girlfriend became an entire audition process. Questions during the audition included: What do you think of Tom Cruise? Marc Headley, a Scientologist who watched some of the video tapes when he was executive producer of Golden Era Productions, Scientology’s in-house studio, previously explained, ‘It’s not like you only have to please your husband—you have to toe the line for all Scientology. You can’t do anything to displease Scientology, because Tom Cruise will freak out.’

It was a test that Holmes passed with flying colours. Her age, 24 at the time, made her the perfect candidate to be Cruise’s girlfriend. She was already an established actress by that point, but still, nothing compared to Cruise. He’d gone on to make more than 30 films and reign as one of Hollywood’s top stars for nearly three decades. His films over the years have grossed almost $7 billion worldwide, and his last one, Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocol, brought in $700 million on its own. This year he was listed by Forbes as Hollywood’s highest-paid actor, with earnings of $75 million. These numbers could make any young woman, especially one in her 20’s vulnerable enough to go forward and be part of a cult. As of now, it’s rumoured that Knives Out actress Ana de Armas, who’s 37 and coincidentally also dated Ben Affleck before he got together with Jennifer Lopez in 2021, is next in line to win Cruise’s heart.

In 2016, Radar Online reported that Holmes took a deal in the divorce agreement between herself and Cruise. Their sources claimed that Holmes would be forever suppressed from talking about Cruise or Scientology, and that she wasn’t allowed to date anyone publicly until 2017. This claim very much aligned with how Homes’ personal life played out in the public eye following the divorce. The outlet reported of the divorce negotiations, ‘Katie signed a clause in her quickie divorce settlement that prevents her from embarrassing Tom in various ways, like talking about him or Scientology, or publicly dating another man for five years after the divorce. She’s allowed to date, but she cannot do so in a public fashion, and she’s not supposed to let any boyfriend near their daughter, Suri.’

It was exactly during that 5 year period that Holmes was in a relationship with Jamie Foxx. They began dating in 2013. It was a union that was mainly kept out of the public eye, making their first public appearance as a couple in May 2019, after six years of dating, at the Met Gala. Only three months later, their breakup was made official. At the time, it was reported that the relationship had simply ran its course. But… it’d be understandable if they actually broke up because of the pressure they’d faced in their relationship to keep it as private as Holmes was legally obliged to by Cruise and the Church of Scientology. To be fair, this type of scrutiny would put a toll on any relationship. By having Holmes legally obligated to follow such a rule, robbed her of her own public story; robbed her of the ability to be in a ‘proper’ relationship of her own.

A year after her split with Foxx, Holmes went public with her new relationship with chef Emilio Vitolo, Jr., who runs New York City restaurant Emilio’s Ballato, a spot frequented by stars like Lenny Kravitzand Taylor Swift. During their time together, it seemed as though they were EVERYWHERE flaunting their love for each other. As someone who’s not a fan of PDA, I found it kinda gross. At the same time, I understood her eagerness to flaunt her love after practically being held captive for years and not being able to do in her relationship with Foxx. She and Vitolo were like two teenagers in love. But by 2021, their romance fizzled. Thereafter, Holmes was in an eight month romance with musician Bobby Wooten III, and that was the last known relationship of hers.

In an interview with People magazine, Holmes once said, ‘I don’t want that moment in my life to define me, to be who I am. I don’t want that to be what I’m known as. I was an actor before, an actor during and an actor now.’ Holmes is an actress and filmmaker in her own right, and was very much successful in her career before she ever met Tom Cruise. The entire millennial generation is a fandom of the woman that is Katie Holmes. She’s done some great works of art in her career that’s spanned for almost three decades, and Dawson’s Creek marked to be just the beginning for her blossoming career. It never seemed like she ever wanted to be on Tom Cruise’s level of success or fame. She just simply wanted to make her mark in the entertainment industry; to create great content that others would enjoy and resonate with. To think that she almost didn’t get to play Joey on the show that made her a star is crazy, though. She was asked to come to Los Angeles to audition, but had a conflict of interest, so she had to turn it down. She said, ‘I was doing my school play, Damn Yankees. And I was playing Lola. I even got to wear the feather boa. I thought, ‘There is no way I’m not playing Lola to go audition for some network. I couldn’t let my school down. We had already sold a lot of tickets. So I told Kevin and The WB, ‘I’m sorry. I just can’t meet with you this week. I’ve got other commitments.’’ Luckily, Kevin Williamson, the creator of the show, allowed her to audition via tape.

No matter how much Holmes wants the world to forget that she was ever with Tom Cruise, it won’t. Even after we’re all long gone from this earth, the world will still know her as Tom Cruise’s ex-wife – the one who escaped the cult that is Scientology. It didn’t come easy, but by the world not ever forgetting that she was with Tom Cruise, she’s showing women everywhere that it’s possible. It’s possible to get out of a cult and get out of it alive. It’s possible to start your life completely over. It’s possible to find the light at the end of the tunnel – just like she did. It didn’t come easy for her, but she did it. Her primary focus in it was her daughter. She meticulously planned the divorce, using burner phones and multiple law firms to keep her intentions private and blindside Cruise and the church. She secured sole custody of Suri, allowing her to grow up away from the Church’s control.  To break things down more thoroughly:

Reasons for the divorce

• Protection of Suri: Holmes’s primary concern was Suri’s future and preventing her from being influenced by and pressured into joining the Church of Scientology. 

• Control by the Church: Holmes felt she had no privacy and was under constant scrutiny from the church, and her anxiety grew when she learned Cruise planned to send Suri to a Scientology training compound. 

• Desire for a new phase of independence: Holmes was also seeking to come into her own and start a new phase of independence, according to The New York Times. 

Holmes’s meticulous planning

• Secrecy: Holmes formulated a detailed strategy for leaving the marriage, intending to file for divorce months before informing Cruise. 

• Use of burner phones: She used disposable phones to contact her lawyers in different states and avoid being tracked. 

• Strategic divorce filing: Holmes deliberately filed for divorce in New York, a state where family law judges are less likely to grant joint custody in contentious divorces. 

Divorce settlement 

• Custody of Suri: Holmes received sole custody of Suri, who was to primarily live with her in New York. 

• Financial support: Tom Cruise agreed to pay for Suri’s education and related expenses, including her college fees. 

• Respect for beliefs: Both Holmes and Cruise issued a joint statement expressing their commitment to working together as parents and respecting each other’s beliefs.

Katie Holmes is more than just an actress, a director, a writer and producer. She’s more than just a face that’s easy to make fun of and mock. She’s a survivor. That’s exactly why it’s important for the whole world to never forget that she was once with Tom Cruise…