Francia Raisa: Uncovering The True Nature Of Her Friendship With Selena Gomez Following The 2017 Kidney Transplant – And What It Means To Women Looking For Lifelong Female Connections

We uncovered the severity and troublesome, and yet compelling character arc of Megan Morrison from The Arrangement, a show that’s rumoured to be based on Katie Holmes’s marriage to Tom Cruise, in the previous blog entry. And while uncovering her story, we also discussed her friendship with Shaun, Megan’s best friend who later became heavily associated with the Scientology-like institution that Kyle West, Megan’s husband, was under.

Shaun wasn’t just a friend to Megan. She was her sidekick. She knew EVERYTHING about Megan, and was always there was for her anytime she needed; even if her being there supporting Megan cost her entire career. By the end of the series’ run, Shaun chose to be fully involved with the institution that Megan was aiming to take down. That said, the friendship between Megan and Shaun was fractured; over. If you want to know more about how everything unfolded, you can read all about it in my previous blog entry, but only after you’ve finished reading THIS one!

Right now, I want to focus on Francia Raisa and her fractured relationship with one-time friend, Selena Gomez. The two were recently in the news as Gomez got married to Benny Blanco on September 27th, Raisa nowhere in sight. Raisa addressed rumors of a feud between the two, calling them merely ‘rumors’, and she also referenced Gomez’s then-upcoming wedding to Blanco. Per subtitles translated from Spanish, Raisa said, ‘I know she’s getting married, and I’m very happy for her. And look… she has a life and she is already a billionaire and I am grateful that I could do that for her. Look, from the beginning the doctors told me, it’s a donation. If you are going to donate a dollar to St. Jude or somewhere else, you’re not going to call to say, “Hey, what are you doing with my dollar?” It’s a donation and it’s something nice that I was able to do. I am grateful that I am alive and I can say that I have saved a life. No one knows what’s going on, and neither she nor I are talking about it. One day, maybe we will address it.’

In 2017, Raisa donated her kidney to Gomez, who struggled with lupus. Those diagnosed with the disease have hyperactive immune systems that can attack their healthy tissues and organs. After 5 years of battling the disease in private, Gomez was in need of a kidney transplant for survival. Raisa was tested and was a match. To add some statistics to the mix, 60%of all people with lupus, and as many as 2/3 children with lupus, will develop. Research also suggests that Hispanics with lupus have an even higher risk for this potentially fatal complication. Gomez is of Hispanic descent on her father’s side.

In 2023, while appearing on Apple TV+’s documentary, Dear…’ Gomez said of that time in her life, ‘My best friend. Her name is Francia. She said, ‘No, I am absolutely getting tested.’ And within three days, she went to get tested, and she was a match. And it was one of those moments where I felt watched over. I know I was so so so lucky. I understand that that doesn’t happen for a lot of people, and I know the outcome of some of those situations and how serious they are, so I do not take it lightly that it’s happened to me that way. I will never ever, ever be more in debt to a person than Francia. The idea of someone not even second-guessing to be a donor was unbelievably overwhelming.’

Once the news broke of Gomez’s condition and kidney transplant, she became a symbol of hope for those struggling with the same illness. Raisa, on her part, became a symbol of kindness. Gomez went on to dedicate her Woman of the Year award to Raisa in 2017. By 2022, however, the friendship between the two became stagnant after Gomez said in an interview with Rolling Stone that she didn’t have many famous friends and only listed Taylor Swift as one of them. When E! News reported on it in an Instagram post, Raisa reportedly commented, “Interesting,” and then later deleted it.

Rumours began to swirl that the two weren’t friends anymore and that the reason for it was that Raisa stepped in to let her feelings known after she found out that Gomez was drinking and smoking following the transplant. Over the years, however, neither Gomez or Raisa ever confirmed or denied the rumours. In fact, neither of them ever spoke of the status of their friendship, even though Gomez showed nothing but gratitude towards her once-close friend, who she met in 2007, for her selflessness in donating her kidney.

Generally speaking, a kidney transplant is harder on the donor because it involves major surgery with risks like infection, blood clots, and pain, and a small chance of long-term health issues such as higher blood pressure or kidney problems. Unlike the recipient who receives a new organ, the donor must undergo a procedure to remove their own kidney, leaving them with only one and creating a lifelong dependency on a single, remaining organ. To break things down more thoroughly:

Risks and challenges for the donor 

• Surgical risks: As with any major surgery, risks include pain from the incision, infection, pneumonia, blood clots, and a very rare chance of death. There is also a slight risk of injury to other organs during the procedure.

• Long-term health risks: Living with a single kidney carries a small risk of developing future health issues. These may include a slightly increased risk of high blood pressure, a higher incidence of kidney failure, or a slight risk of developing a disease of the remaining kidney. 

• Emotional and psychological impact: The process can be emotionally challenging. Donors may experience stress, anxiety, or depression related to the surgery and the uncertainty of the recipient’s outcome. Some donors may also experience regret or resentment if the transplant fails, although most report being satisfied with their decision. 

• Physical limitations: While the body can function with one kidney, the donor is left with a permanent reliance on that single organ, increasing the stakes for any future injury or illness that may affect it. 

• Post-operative recovery: Donors typically have a hospitalization of 2 to 4 days and face a recovery period that can include discomfort, nausea, and constipation from general anesthesia, as well as managing pain at the incision site. 

Factors that make it more difficult for the donor 

• Major surgery: The donor must undergo the significant stress and risks of a major abdominal surgery to have a kidney removed. 

• Permanent health change: Living with one kidney is a lifelong change that the donor must accept and manage. 

• Emotional burden: The donor carries the emotional weight of being responsible for another person’s health, and the donor’s own well-being is subject to the same risks as any other surgical procedur

Fans everywhere who’ve followed Selena Gomez, Francia Raina, and their friendship wondered whether or not Raisa would be in attendance at Gomez’s wedding to Benny Blanco. Taylor Swift, Camilla Canello, Ed Sheeran, Halsey, Jennifer Stone, David DeLuise, Maria Canals-Barrera, Paul Rudd, Steve Martin, and Martin Short were seen at the wedding. But not Francia Raisa.

And so, it was official: Francia Raisa wasn’t in attendance for Selena Gomez’s big day. David Henrie, Gomez’s Wizards Of Waverly Place co-star, wasn’t there either, but he was invited. He was, in fact, planning to attend the nuptials, and he voiced his excitement about it in a previous interview, but had work commitments that he couldn’t get out of. It’s unclear whether Raisa was invited or couldn’t make it to the big day, but in December 2023, she revealed the status of their relationship by saying, ‘We hadn’t spoken much in six years. Especially [in] the last year, we didn’t speak at all.’ She also emphasized that they “never really had beef with each other,” noting how nothing caused a direct rift between them. In 2024, she told E! News, ‘Nothing happened… but we needed that time apart. [It’s] one of the best friendships that I know. [We] go a year without talking, and then when [we] see each other again, it’s like [we] never went a day without talking. So, that’s where it’s at.’

Since 2017, since Gomez announced that she was diagnosed with lupus and had undergone a kidney transplant, it seemed as though Raisa’s entire career was overshadowed by being Gomez’s kidney donor. The world, at least most of it, knows her as Selena Gomez’s kidney donor, but in actuality, she’s so much more of than that. She’s an actress in her own right. She starred in TV shows like The Secret Life Of An American Teenager, Grown-ish, and How I Met Your Father. She’s been in the entertainment industry for a whole 20+ years; and yet, she’s still mostly known as Selena Gomez’s kidney donor.

This fact in itself would bring on a lot of pressure on a person – any person. But to be in the public eye and have everyone watching your every move, especially when your name is associated with someone who’s on Gomez’s level of fame and success, is a pressure on a whole other kind of dimension. It’s also pressure on Gomez herself. Not because this has any effect on her career – because it hasn’t put any pressure on her career in any way – but rather, it’s brought pressure on her personal life and relationships as well.

Generally speaking, friendships may not last due to a lack of communication, differing values, or a breakdown of trust. Other factors include changing life circumstances that create distance, unspoken rules that lead to hurt feelings, and underlying competition or jealousy that undermines equality and support. To break things down more thoroughly:

Communication and respect 

• Poor communication: Friends may be unwilling to address conflict directly, leading to unresolved issues. 

• Lack of respect for boundaries: This can include disregarding personal time constraints or overstepping emotional boundaries. 

• Problem dumping: A friendship can falter if one person consistently complains without showing concern for the other’s feelings. 

Shifting expectations and dynamics 

• Changing life stages: Drifting apart due to different life experiences or milestones like marriage, career changes, or having children. 

• Unspoken rules: Unwritten expectations within a friend group can lead to hurt feelings, exclusion, or a sense of not being able to be your true self. 

• Higher intimacy expectations: Women’s friendships are often characterized by high levels of intimacy, which can make them more fragile if trust is broken, even by small things. 

Competition and trust 

• Competition and jealousy: Societal pressures can foster competition, particularly around career and relationship success, leading to resentment instead of support. 

• Breakdown of trust: This is often a key factor, especially in friendships that are built on a high degree of intimacy and emotional closeness. Gossip can erode this trust. 

• Lack of reciprocity: Tension can arise from a perceived imbalance in the friendship, where one person feels they are putting in more effort than the other. 

Other factors 

• Differing values: Significant political or personal differences can cause rifts if a friendship can’t withstand them. 

• Influence of social media: Social media can amplify feelings of competition by showcasing others’ achievements, creating a sense of inadequacy. 

Female friendships are truly complicated and even more so, difficult to maintain. Jane Fonda once said of female friendships, ‘Women’s friendships are very different from men’s friendships. And they’re very important to our health. Because you guys, you kind of sit side by side and watch sports or cars or women. Women sit facing each other eye to eye, and they say, ‘I’m in trouble. I need you. Can you help me?’ We are not afraid of being vulnerable.’ Fonda went on to say that her ‘favourite husband once said to her, ‘You don’t make new friends after 60,’ to which she was, ‘That what you have to do is you have to be intentional. Like, I never used to be intentional. I would meet Sally Field, for example, but not pursue – well I did pursue you.’ Field was sitting by Fonda’s side during the interview. Fonda then continued, ‘You have to pursue people that you want to be friends with. And you have to say, ‘I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend.’ And it works. People hear that and then stick around, and you develop new friendships.’

Lily Tomlin, Fonda’s best friend and frequent co-star, chummed in during that same interview, ‘I don’t really like people that much. I try to avoid them.’ Field added, ‘I don’t either. But those who are intentional, you just can’t get rid of them.’ I resonated with Tomlin’s words so much. I, too, don’t like people that much, and I, too, try to avoid them as much as humanly possible. But I even I can’t deny that female friendships ARE important and necessary… even in spite the complexities that come with them.

Some of my best memories are the ones I made with my female friends – in different stages of life. They each represented different aspects of my life, and even if they’re no longer in my life, they still mean a lot to me because without them, I don’t know where I’d be now. The friendship that saw the most longevity lasted a whole 10 years. She was my college best friend. She was there for me through thick and thin at that time. I am the friend I am today because of her. Over the years that we were friends, we slowly started drifting apart. Our lives became too different for us to be able to maintain the magic we once shared. I was in a longterm relationship with my husband; I was involved in a car accident; I became ill with a chronic disease that overtook my entire life.

No matter how hard we tried, our friendship just wasn’t sustainable enough anymore. We started seeing each other less and less. Then we started speaking to each other and less until we both became completely silent – both phone conversations and text messages. Years later, she and I attempted to reconnect. We saw each other again. It was good to see her. But it just wasn’t the same anymore. We didn’t have the chemistry we once had; the one that connected us and united us in our relationship. We still follow each other on social media, but we don’t see each other nor speak to one another; and honestly, that’s okay. Our friendship had just run its course. There was no big fight. There was no dramatic event that happened between us. We simply became too different to sustain what we once shared.

No matter the case – and no matter what happens in the future between us – I’ll always have love for my one-time best friend. Nevertheless, having love for someone doesn’t mean they need to be in your life. With that being said, I think that’s EXACTLY what happened between Selena Gomez and Francia Raisa. The fact of the matter is, Gomez’s health journey hasn’t been easy, and it didn’t end with the kidney transplant either. Her journey includes managing physical and mental health conditions, notably an autoimmune disease, lupus, and bipolar disorder. Lupus led to a kidney transplant in 2017, and while it’s now in remission, she continues to manage other related conditions like anxiety and depression. Gomez has also been open about her struggle with SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), which causes digestive issues.  To break things down more thoroughly:

Physical health 

• Lupus: Gomez was diagnosed with the autoimmune disease in 2015. Lupus can cause the immune system to attack its own tissues and organs. 

• Kidney transplant: Her lupus led to kidney damage, requiring a kidney transplant in 2017 from Raisa. In May 2024, she shared that the lupus is in remission and her transplanted kidney is functioning well. 

• SIBO: Gomez has stated she has SIBO, which is a condition involving an overgrowth of bacteria in the small intestine. Symptoms can include bloating, abdominal pain, and digestive issues. 

Mental health 

• Anxiety and depression: A year after her lupus diagnosis, she was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which she has noted can be linked to both the disease and certain medications. 

• Bipolar disorder: In 2020, Gomez was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after experiencing a psychotic episode. She has stated that the diagnosis brought a sense of relief and understanding. 

Impact on life 

• Pregnancy: Due to the health risks, Gomez has stated she is unable to carry her own children. She has mentioned exploring other options for starting a family, such as adoption or surrogacy. 

• Body image: She has been open about body image struggles and the effects of weight fluctuations related to her conditions and medications, speaking out against body shaming. 

• Social media: To protect her mental health, she has taken breaks from social media, even letting her assistant post for her at times. 

It’s a lot for a woman to cope with. That’s never to say that Raisa herself hadn’t gone through hardships in her life. Surely, she did. I’m just speaking from the standpoint of a woman whose life turned upside down at the hands of her health. It truly isn’t easy, and the best thing to do in this situation is to have good people around you; ones that add value to your life and being. Like Reese Witherspoon once said when prompted by a question about how she fit friendship into her busy life, ‘Editing. Edit your friendships. Everybody out there over 40 knows. If you aren’t adding to my life, get the heck outta my life. My grandma used to say people are radiators or drains. Stick with the radiators.’

Gomez isn’t 40 just yet, and neither am I. And yet, it’s a testament to women everywhere of all ages – to edit your friends. It’s true: Raisa did donate her kidney to Gomez. It was a good deed; a selfless act of true kindness. But it doesn’t make it that Gomez owes her to be in her life in any shape or form if that’s not what she wants. And Raisa… she has her own life too; her own personal struggles; her own responsibilities; her own career; her own life.

It’s totally okay for two people to drift apart – even if one person donated a kidney to the other. It’s okay for two people who were once inseparable to not have each other in their lives anymore. It’s okay for two people who were once inseparable to not include each other in special life events like weddings. What’s important is to have love for one another and have the memories once shared instilled in each other’s hearts; and I do believe that that’s exactly the status of Selena Gomez and Francia Raisa’s relationship status as of now…