Kim Kardashian: What We Can All Take Away From Her Interview On Call Her Daddy On Divorce And Motherhood – And What The Best Thing You Can Do In Life

I recently got to watch sexologist Jessica O’Reilly’s TED Talk from 10 years ago. Before you judge, it’s a real job, being a sexologist, much like being a writer and a blogger. The Ted Talk was about marriage and the science of monogamy. O’Reilly spoke of the three components that made marriage possible. These were for two people in the marriage having the ability to connect on an emotional level, giving each other room to grow, and having sex. This heavily reminded me of Kim Kardashian, particularly her previous marriage to Kanye West, now known as Ye. Kardashian and Ye were married between 2014 and 2022. They first got together in 2012 after her separation from Kris Humphries. They had their first daughter, North in 2013, and then they had 3 more children throughout their marriage.

My previous post was all about Taylor Swift and the epiphany of modern love and marriage. She and Travis Kelce aren’t married just yet as of the publishing of this blog entry, but they’re most certainly #CoupleGoals when it comes down to modern, healthy relationships. KimYe, as they were known in the media, were not. In fact, I think they represented exactly what NOT to be in a marriage. They weren’t a good couple, and they were doomed right from the start for a number of reasons. These include there being a lack of stability, safety, and disagreements over his public behavior and mental health struggles. In her Call Her Daddy interview Kardashian told Alex Cooper that she felt unsafe emotionally and financially; that there was a sense of unpredictability and frustration, with West airing their personal issues publicly as key reasons for their divorce. To break things down more thoroughly:

Key issues in the relationship 

• Lack of safety and stability: Kardashian has stated she felt a lack of safety, both emotionally and financially. The “unsettling feeling” of not knowing what to expect each day was a major factor. 

• Mental health and public behavior: West’s public sharing of his mental health struggles, particularly bipolar disorder, contributed to the marriage’s problems. Kardashian also recalled specific incidents, such as West giving away their Lamborghinis during a mental health episode. 

• Publicly aired issues: Kardashian was hurt by West “airing out a lot of personal stuff” and speaking negatively about her family. She felt that if someone felt that way about her family, they shouldn’t be together. 

• Inability to compromise: Kardashian felt West was unwilling to make necessary changes for a healthy relationship, which she believed made the marriage “toxic” at times. She also expressed that she had to “save herself” to be a better mother to their children. 

I remember watching an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians where Kim broke down in front of her sisters as her marriage to Ye was on the verge of a breakdown. It was truly so, so sad. I felt for her. But even more so, not only did I feel for her as a woman and a wife, but as a mother now too. When you have a child, you do everything in your power to make sure they’re protected. You even stay in a marriage that obviously doesn’t work because you want your child(ren) to have a sense of belonging and familiarity. You want them to feel like they have a family – a home with two loving parents.

In the episode, Kim felt like she was, in her own words, a ‘f*cking failure’. It was her third marriage that was on the brick of ending. I was so happy when she told Alex Cooper the exact opposite of that; that her marriage to Ye WASN’T a failure despite it ending in a bitter divorce. Staying in an unhappy marriage for the children is never the answer to children’s happiness. It can lead to a toxic home environment, emotionally harmed children by exposing them to constant conflict, and modelling unhealthy relationship dynamics that they may replicate in their own lives in the future. Children can sense tension, and witnessing parental conflict can cause anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and behavioral issues. Instead, a more peaceful divorce where parents can co-parent amicably can be better for a child’s long-term well-being. 

Negative effects on children 

• Emotional and psychological harm: Children are perceptive and can sense tension, stress, and conflict. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. 

• Modeling unhealthy behaviors: By witnessing a dysfunctional or loveless marriage, children may learn that such a dynamic is normal, which can negatively impact their future relationships. 

• Poor conflict resolution skills: Growing up in a high-conflict home can prevent children from learning healthy ways to manage conflict and can lead them to adopt destructive habits like avoidance or aggression. 

• Emotional neglect: Unhappy parents may become emotionally unavailable, leading to feelings of neglect and a parentification of the child (where the child takes on a caretaker role). 

What children actually need 

• A stable, loving environment: Children need a stable environment where they feel loved, but this does not require their parents to be married to each other. 

• Mentally healthy parents: Parents who prioritize their own emotional health can create a more positive and healthy family dynamic. 

• A good divorce is better than a bad marriage: Studies show that children can adapt to a divorce, especially if the parents can avoid an adversarial process and co-parent successfully. 

What to do instead 

• Focus on creating a stable environment: If a divorce is unavoidable, focus on making the transition as peaceful as possible. This can lead to a more mentally healthy and well-adjusted family. 

• Seek professional guidance: A therapist or family counselor can provide guidance for making the decision and navigating co-parenting after separation or divorce.

Following Kardashian’s separation from Ye, she went on to date comedian Pete Davidson. He’s a comedian and actor, and he’s the son of Scott Davidson, a firefighter who tragically lost his life on 9/11. They were together for roughly 9 months, and honestly, I thought they were great together. If Ye didn’t get involved as practically the third person in their relationship, they could’ve stayed together for the long haul. But alas, things didn’t turn out that way. Davidson is now in a relationship with Elsie Hewitt, and the two are expecting their first child together.

Nevertheless, looking back, they were good together. Davidson brought out the best in Kardashian; especially after being in a marriage with such a troubling person. Ye is a truly remarkable human being, but he’s also an ill human being. It’s important to remember that what Kardashian has gone through post-divorce was borderline abuse at the hands of her ex-husband; and it was for the reason that he couldn’t handle that fact that the woman he’d hurt the most was moving on with her life and was actually happy. We don’t know if the abuse had ever gotten physical, but we do no one thing, which is that Ye had used his influence, including his significant social media following, to threaten and stalk Kardashian and her then-boyfriend.

The escalation of Ye’s controlling behavior included sharing private text conversations on social media, urging his fans to yell “Kimye forever” to Davidson in public and “love-bombing” Kardashian with truckloads of flowers, as well endless appeals on social media for her to bring the family together again.  He then purchased a home next to Kardashian’s. Just one day after Kardashian was finally awarded a divorce and “single” status by the court, Ye responded with a music video depicting a Claymation version of himself burying Davidson in his backyard. 

Due to the wealth, celebrity, and social media presence that was involved in the situation, it was seen most frequently as another entertaining gossip column entry; one to be used for mockery. In reality, there was absolutely nothing funny about it. It was dangerous – for Kardashian AND Davidson. For many people experiencing abusive behavior from a partner, leaving the relationship is the most dangerous time. Control tactics tend to escalate, and the potential for violence, aggression, and yes, homicide increase, as well. Not only did we see Ye engage in social media outbursts, ridicule of Kim’s new partner, and vile, disgusting threats to harm him – all while showering her with praise, gifts, and pleas to return to him – he also did something else we see often in these situations – refused to grant her a divorce. 

To no one’s surprise, Kardashian’s and Davidson eventually split. Though the official cause of the split was made to seem like it was just that the relationship had run its course, it’s much too obvious that the real reason might’ve been Ye’s own personal demons. Let it be known that Ye’s abusive behaviour, at least the one that Kardashian had endured so publicly, only ended once the relationship between her and Davidson broke up and Ye married Bianca Censori, a woman much younger than him – 18 years his junior. This makes her the perfect victim for Ye – someone he can manipulate, control, and shamelessly bully.

The abuse that Ye showcased didn’t just come through to his romantic partners. No one could ever forget his treatment of Taylor Swift over the years, starting all the way back in 2009. The long-running feud between them stems from Ye interrupting Swift’s 2009 MTV VMA acceptance speech, which resurfaced and escalated in 2016 when West released the song Famous with a controversial lyric about Swift. The conflict deepened after Kardashian posted edited videos of a phone call between the two on Snapchat, which appeared to show Swift approving the lyric. Swift denied having consented to the specific lyric, and the public fallout continued for years, significantly impacting both artists’ public images. While they had seemingly made amends before the 2016 incident, the song and the leak reignited the drama.  

• 2009 MTV VMA incident: Ye interrupted Swift’s acceptance speech for Best Female Video to say that Beyoncé deserved the award. 
• 2016 Famous conflict:
  • West released his song “Famous,” which included the lyric, “I feel like me and Taylor Swift might still have sex / I made that bitch famous”. 
  • Swift’s team stated she had not approved the lyric, and she later called it a “misogynistic message”. 
  • West and Kardashian claimed they had a phone call where Swift gave her consent. 
  • Kim Kardashian then posted edited video clips of the call on Snapchat that seemed to show Swift agreeing with the lyric. 
  • Swift responded by emphasizing that she was never shown the full context of the lyric and the video didn’t exist showing her approval. 
• Aftermath:
  • The controversy led to public backlash and negative media attention for Swift, which she later described as “career death”. 
  • Swift referenced the incident and the associated public shaming in her music, particularly on her 2017 album Reputation. 
  • In 2020, a full video of the phone call leaked, which proved that Swift had not approved the lyric and further supported her side of the story. 
  • Most recently, in 2024, Swift released a song called thanK you aIMee that alludes to the feud and includes a subtle dig at the couple by capitalizing letters to spell out the names “K” and “I” and “M”. 

Recent developments: 

• In recent years, the conflict has continued with new, though unrelated, instances of West targeting Swift. 
• In 2024, West posted sexually explicit messages about Swift on social media, leading to Swift taking legal action and filing a “cease and desist” order.

It’d be easy to put the blame on Kardashian for her treatment of Swift at the time that she posted the video in question back in 2016. But let’s not forget that Kardashian was a victim too in that situation; even more so than Swift herself. She was, what I call, ‘under Ye’s spell’. She failed to see the real harm she was causing Swift at the time as, in her mind, the only right thing to do was to take her husband’s side and support him no matter what. Kardashian had all the power and influence to do what she did at the time and control the narrative, whereas Swift didn’t. Following her split with Ye, however, Kardashian’s take on Swift seemed to have shifted. She even called Swift’s songs ‘cute’. In the world of the Kardashian empire, this could be considered a great compliment.

In her conversation with Alex Cooper, Kardashian opened up like she never did before about her personal, including of her dwelling divorce from Ye and its aftermath. She said, ‘When you have kids, it’s definitely harder to leave than it is to stay. It changes everyone’s life, forever. When someone has their first mental break, you want to be super supportive and you want to help figure that out. When someone isn’t willing to make changes that, I think, would be super healthy and beneficial, it makes it really hard to continue on in a relationship that can be toxic. Once my mental health starts to get affected and then I can’t parent the way that I need to and I can’t be present and focused. There’s got to be one of us that can. I had to save myself in order to be a better mom for everyone.’

Kardashian went on to admit that she felt dissociated during her marriage. She said, ‘There were so many times where I was just really quiet and just trying to figure it all out. An over a decade relationship with four beautiful children is not a failure. You can’t think that way. You can’t live that way. You can’t worry about what everyone’s going to say and I have to come home to myself and I have to be happy. I have my kids to raise, I have a life that requires a lot of my attention and my kids just really need me right now. I don’t know how I would fit something else in. So I’m just not looking and it would have to be someone super special for me.’

When I first listened to Kardashian’s interview and heard her say that, at the time of this blog entry’s publishing, it’s been a whole couple of months since her children saw their father, my mind went wild. This was especially relevant as right before watching her Call Her Daddy interview, I watched Marilyn York’s Ted Talk from 5 years ago on what representing men in divorce cases taught her about fatherhood. As someone who grew up with two parents at home and with a mother who struggled with depression, I always knew just how important having a present father is for a child’s development and well-being. Even in adulthood, it’s just as important.

York is a attorney who emphasizes the critical and often underestimated role of fathers in child development, citing the negative outcomes for children raised without them, such as increased risks for incarceration, suicide, and school dropout. She advocates for recognizing fathers’ contributions in society and family court, critiquing the system for being biased against fathers and calling for legal and social changes to better protect fathers’ rights and children’s access to their fathers. To break things down more thoroughly:

Key arguments on fatherhood 

• Essential for child development: York argues that fathers are crucial architects of their children’s emotional and mental well-being, providing discipline, teaching life skills, and fostering independence. 

• Disadvantaged position: She believes fathers are the disadvantaged parent in family courts and society, often lacking leverage and facing bias, though laws are slowly improving. 

• Negative outcomes of absent fathers:Citing statistics, York points to a correlation between fatherlessness and a higher likelihood of negative outcomes for children, including homelessness, dropping out of high school, and youth suicide. 

• Advocacy for fathers’ rights: She advocates for legal and societal changes to protect fathers and children, suggesting support from employers and encouraging mothers to facilitate the father-child relationship. 

Platform and visibility 

• TED Talk: York gained significant attention for her TED Talk, “What Representing Men in Divorce Taught Me About Fatherhood,” which has been viewed millions of times. 

• Law firm: She established Nevada’s only men’s rights family law firm, where she and her team exclusively represent men in divorce and family law cases. 

• “Father’s love advocate”: While some label her a “father’s rights advocate,” she prefers “father’s love advocate,” emphasizing love and connection over just rights. 

By no means am I saying that Kardashian and Ye’s children are disadvantaged. Not in the way that York described it anyway. For instance, York talked about how those who grew up without a father in their lives have more of a chance of becoming homeless, and we all know that this will never happen to the West kids. And yet, them being privileged doesn’t change the fact that they’re missing out on a relationship with their father by no fault of their own; and not their mother’s. Their strained, almost non-existent relationship with their father is all Ye’s doing.

Ye has struggled with bipolar disorder for years, stemming from his mother’s sudden death in 2007. He’d publicly discussed struggling with bipolar disorder, which he has described as causing significant challenges but also contributing to his creativity. He’s spoken about his experiences with episodes of highs and lows, the feeling of being “sprained” or “ramped up,” and has sometimes viewed his diagnosis with a complex mix of struggle and perceived “brilliance”. His family has publicly linked his public outbursts to the disorder, and he acknowledged his diagnosis after initially attributing his symptoms to sleep deprivation.  To break it down more thoroughly:

• Description of the illness: Ye has spoken about how living with bipolar disorder affects him, using metaphors like having a “sprained brain”. He has also noted experiencing intense “highs” where he feels a heightened connection to the universe. 

• Public perception and challenges: His public struggles have led to both controversy and commentary, with his family and others attributing some of his behavior to manic episodes. He acknowledges the difficulties his condition causes but also sees a link between it and his creative output. 

• Acceptance and coping: After initially downplaying his diagnosis, he has since accepted it and even has a sense of purpose to show that it is possible to live a life with mental illness. He has expressed the importance of open conversations about mental health, especially within the Black community. 

• Treatment: While public figures like Ye often face intense scrutiny, the standard management for bipolar disorder involves a combination of medication (such as mood stabilizers) and therapy. Untreated episodes can become more frequent or severe over time. 

While bipolar disorder is a difficult condition to overcome and endure life with, it’s certainly not impossible. Other stars living with bipolar include Selena Gomez, Mariah Carey, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Pete Wentz, among others. It seems that, over the years, Ye has made his bipolar diagnosis as a means of an excuse for his behaviour and treatment of others. That said, I certainly do believe that putting distance in the fatherly bond between him and his children would be best. This is the case for the children AND Kardashian herself.

As she just turned 45 just a couple of days ago as of the publishing of this blog post, Kardashian’s really seems to be like she’s on top of the world. She’s proven that she’s more than just a reality star who got her start by filming a sex tape with her then-boyfriend. She’s a businesswoman. She’s a law degree graduate. She’s an actress, with her latest project being All’s Fair, a Ryan Murphy creation co-starring Naomi Watts, Sarah Paulson, Glenn Close, Niecy Nash, and Teyana Taylor. She’s now worth $1.7 billion. She doesn’t need a man like Ye telling her what to do or how to live her life. She doesn’t need a man like Ye to hold her down from achieving everything she’s ever accomplished.

Ye was actually the one who encouraged Kardashian to begin her law studies, so I’ll give him credit where credit is due. But this was at a time where he was on one of his ‘episodes’. Of course there were good, tender moments between them. Otherwise they wouldn’t have been married for as long as they were and had four children together. The truth still remains, however, and it’s that no matter how hard things might be, the best thing you, as a woman, can do for yourself is live life…for yourself. No matter how much love you have for another person, taking care of you is what’s most important. As a woman, the hardest thing you can do is leave your marriage, but it can be also be the BEST thing you can do…