Britney Spears: When The Phrase Be Careful Who You Marry And Have Children With Holds True – And How She’s Still Paying The Price Of Marrying The Wrong Person 20+ Years On

While we were on the topic of divorce and motherhood in the previous post on Kim Kardashian, I couldn’t help but reminisce about Britney Spears’ former marriage to Kevin Federline, AKA K-Fed. For the sake of this blog entry, we’ll call him K-Fed. He recently published his memoir, You Thought You Knew. To that, I’d simply respond to him with a ‘You thought we cared’ tagline. And it seems like the rest of the world thought the same as the book failed to even make Amazon’s Top 500 charts. On the flip side, Spears, who hasn’t released new music in almost a decade, has been topping the charts since her ex-husband’s book release, with 8.9 million streams in a single day. Even more so, fans around the world have been supporting her by purchasing her 2023 book, The Woman In Me, even more than once.

If you were a fan of Spears in the 2000’s, you’re old enough to know just to what extent she’d been scrutinized by the people that were supposed to protect her. This included K-Fed and Justin Timberlake. Mind you, I’m talking about the years before her conservatorship came in effect in 2008, which was terminated in 2021 thanks to the #FreeBritney movement. At the time, she was in a relationship with Sam Asghari, who she married in 2022. They divorced in 2024. In an Instagram post from a couple of months ago, Spears called the marriage a ‘fake distraction’ from what was happening to her. She wrote in the now deleted post, ‘We’re just people, so fragile and human. The hardest years of my life were my two sons gone for those three years. I was cut off from calling or texting. I remember in shock, my secret to survival was denial and a lot of tears. It’s weird, me and Sam were married, but it almost felt like a fake distraction to help me deal with it…’

Asghari filed for divorce in August 2023 after just 14 months of marriage. Despite the filing, he had nothing but kind words to say about his ex, who he started dating in 2016 after starring in her Slumber Party music video. He wrote in his Instagram story following news of the split, ‘We will hold onto the love and respect we have for each other, and I wish her the best always.’ After Spears called their marriage a distraction, he responded by telling People via his rep from BAC Talent, ‘Our marriage was very real to me. It may have been short, but we were together for seven years. I was in love with her, will always have love for her, and wish her the best always.’

Asghari went on to share Federline when news broke of his memoir about Spears. He told TMZ, ‘He was a professional father, so it would be the first book that would tell you how to be a professional father.’ Federline responded by telling Entertainment Tonight, ‘I have a hard time even having any kind of respect for Sam because what type of man gets involved in a situation like the one he got himself into with her? When me and Britney were together, he was probably 10 or 12 years old, so he doesn’t understand where the roots of this thing are. I was with her before all of this happened, right? There was a real, true relationship there — and I’m not saying that theirs wasn’t. But I’m still looking at him as a man, and you’re judging me as a father, and you’ve never had kids. It doesn’t matter what he says, it matters what my children say.’

And Britney…

Following the release of K-Fed’s ‘memoir’, Spears’ rep released a statement which read, ‘With news from Kevin’s book breaking, once again he and others are profiting off her and sadly it comes after child support has ended with Kevin. All she cares about are her kids, Sean Preston and Jayden James, and their well-being during this sensationalism. She detailed her journey in her memoir.’ The singer later wrote her own statement on X, ‘I have always pleaded and screamed to have a life with my boys. Relationships with teenage boys is complex. I have felt demoralized by this situation and have always asked and almost begged for them to be a part of my life. Sadly, they have always witnessed the lack of respect shown by own father for me. They need to take responsibility for themselves. With one son only seeing me for 45 min in the past 5 years and the other with only 4 visits in the past 5 years. I have pride too. From now on I will let them know when I am available. Trust me, those white lies in that book, they are going straight to the bank and I am the only one who genuinely gets hurt here. I will always love them and if you really know me, you won’t pay attention to the tabloids of my mental health and drinking. I am actually a pretty intelligent woman who has been trying to live a sacred and private life the past 5 years. I speak on this because I have had enough and any real woman would do the same.’

We also can’t forget about Jason Alexander in this whole mix. And no, I’m not talking about Jason Alexander who played George Costanza on Seinfeld. I’m talking about Jason Alexander, Spears’ first husband, whom she was married to for a whopping 55 hours. He wrote on his Instagram earlier this month, ‘It’s easy to point fingers now, to talk about Britney’s struggles like you were just some innocent bystander watching it all happen. But that’s not what went down. You were her husband. You were supposed to be her protector. You were there for all of it. You weren’t trying to pull her out—you were feeding off it. If you’re going to write a book, at least have the guts to tell the truth about your part in it. The nights you partied. The times you turned your back. You played the game, And now, you want to act like the mature one, like the man who held it all together? Britney has been through enough—and it’s always men trying to profit from her story while ignoring the damage they helped cause. You want to tell your side? Fine. But don’t pretend you were the victim or the hero. Be real. Be accountable. Because those of us who were really there—who actually cared about her, not the fame—we remember how it really went down. And we’re not buying the rewrite.’

If you were a Britney fan in the 2000’s and following her life all the way through the 2010’s, you know that absolutely everything that Alexander mentioned about K-Fed was absolutely true. It’d be very hard to believe that he ever loved Britney and not after her money. When they were married and Spears was a new mom, he’d leave her alone with the kids to party and cheat on her. His book description states, ‘Kevin Federline: dancer, father, accidental pop culture icon. His star rose electrifying stages alongside Pink, Destiny’s Child, Aaliyah, and more. But it was his turbulent marriage to pop superstar Britney Spears that made him a household name and triggered a relentless media storm, reducing him to a caricature in a world that barely knew him. What you thought you knew was only half the story.’

My main question after reading this was, ‘Has he actually worked since his marriage and divorce from Britney Spears?’ Like, I could maybe believe that he worked his a** off as a dancer before he got involved with Spears, but after… not so much. For the past 20+ years, the world has known him to be Britney Spears’ ex-husband, and he’s been living his life off being just that ever since. He tried being a DJ. He tried being a rapper. None of it worked for him. No one cared for what he had to offer. Now that his $40,000 per month alimony and child support payments have stopped, he decided to, yet again, take everything he could get out of his former life with Spears at her expense for financial gain. Not to mention that in the initial divorce settlement, he walked with an estimated $1-1.3 million. In the book, he mentioned that the money he gained from Spears was gone in an instant because of… high cost of living.

Luckily, we, the general ppublic, knew better than to purchase K-Fed’s memoir – if you can even call it that to begin with. The book is just Britney’s story from 20+ years ago, told by a villain. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part of it all is that he’s alienated the kids and turned them against their mother. This in itself showcases just how true it is when a woman is told to be careful who she marries and chooses who the father of her child(ren) will be. Generally speaking, women should be careful who they marry and have children with to ensure a stable environment for themselves and their offspring, as the chosen partner will become a co-parent, a role model, and a lifelong commitment. Choosing an emotionally mature and responsible partner is crucial because a poor choice can lead to a difficult co-parenting relationship, financial hardship, and negative emotional impacts on children due to conflict or parental absence. Additionally, it is important to consider the potential partner’s character, mental health, and their views on parenting, as these will directly influence the family dynamic and the child’s upbringing. To break it down more thoroughly:

Importance for the child

• Role model: Your partner’s behavior, values, and how they treat others will serve as a primary example for your children.

• Co-parenting stability: Choosing a partner who is not suited for parenthood can create a lifelong source of conflict, chaos, and emotional distress for the child.

• Genetic and mental health: A partner with hereditary mental health issues can potentially pass those conditions on to their children.

• Future opportunities: A stable family environment is linked to better outcomes for children, including financial stability and emotional well-being. 

Importance for your life

• Lifelong commitment: Marriage and having children are significant, long-term commitments that require a partner who is emotionally mature and responsible enough to contribute fully.

• Emotional well-being: A partner who is dishonest, emotionally immature, or absent can create resentment and unhappiness, affecting your mental health.

• Partnership and support: A good partner will support you and your goals, while a poor one may make you feel trapped and unsupported.

• Financial stability: The financial health of a household is often impacted by the decision-making and earning capacity of both parents, especially for single parents who may have fewer resources. 

What to look for in a partner

• Emotional maturity: Look for someone who is responsible, supportive, and present, and can handle the demands of raising a child.

• Shared values: Ensure you have similar values regarding family, finances, and parenting to avoid major conflicts in the future.

• Mental and physical health: Consider the partner’s overall health and any potential hereditary issues that could impact your children.

• Respect and trust: A partner who is dishonest or manipulative can create a toxic and unstable environment. 

A 2016 HuffPost article written by Buyisiwe Dlamini had the tagline, ‘Leave fuckboys in 2016.’ That’s exactly what K-Fed has been… a fuckboy. And if you’re wondering exactly what that is, a fuckboy (n) is an immature man who oppresses women sexually, mentally and emotionally. K-Fed did exactly that. To add to it, he oppressed her financially as well up until their children turned 18. He keeps on insisting that he wrote his new book for the sake of the safety of his children, as well as of Spears, but who are we even kidding here? He told Vanity Fair, ‘Look, I feel like she has the right to tell her story, and I don’t know how accurate all of it was, but I think a lot of people will stay silent on it because they just want to see her get better. Like I said, everybody has a right to tell their story.’

And he’s right. He’s absolutely right. Everyone has the right to tell their story. The thing about it is, however, that the entirety of the book isn’t K-Fed’s story. It’s Spears’ story in K-Fed’s own perspective. The one thing the two agreed on, as in comparison to Spears’ own version of events in The Woman In Me, was how they met, which was on a night out at Hollywood club that turned into a smaller group hang in the pool at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where Spears had a bungalow. Spears recounted in her book, ‘Kevin Federline was holding me. That’s the thing I remember best. We met at a club called Joseph’s Cafe in Hollywood, where I used to sit at a table in the back. Right away, from the moment I saw him, there was a connection between us—something that made me feel like I could escape everything that was hard in my life.’ On the other hand, K-Fed wrote, ‘Honestly, at the time, in my twenty-five-year-old mind, I was just thinking about smashing that.’

Spears wrote in her book that she didn’t know that, when she and K-Fed met, he already had a toddler and a baby on the way with Shar Jackson. K-Fed had a different recollection. He wrote in his book that he told her straight away, and that she was fine with it. According to him, she said, ‘That’s cool,’ when he told her. After a few months together, Spears and K-Fed got married in September 2004. Soon after, she became pregnant with their first son, Sean Preston, and Jayden James was born just two days before Sean’s first birthday. In her book, Spears recalled her second pregnancy being a lonely time. When I think of Spears being pregnant with Jayden James, I think of her being photographed at the restaurant where she was trying to hide while holding her then newborn son. She was visibly crying. She reportedly asked for help, but instead she was simply laughed at and mocked. Photographers bombarded her trying to get a picture. She almost dropped her son in the midst of the chaos, and the public laughed at her and judged her motherly self.

Of that time in her life, Spears wrote that K-Fed was too busy to be there for her as he was working on a rap album, which ultimately failed. She described, ‘Sometimes I’d drop by the studio where he was working and it seemed like a clubhouse. I could smell the weed wafting out of the studio door before I even walked in. When I found him, he had his head shaved. … He really thought he was a rapper now. Bless his heart—because he did take it so seriously.’ K-Fed, on the other hand, had a much different story. He wrote that SHE was the one doing drugs during her pregnancy. He then admitted to Vanity Fair how what he wrote in his book would come off. He said, ‘I want people to know that I played a part in all of this as well, right? I’m not pointing fingers here, and in the book, I’m saying these things because I was trying [to come] from a place of understanding. I understand that she was out partying. And I understand all of those things because I was doing them too. So I share the blame in that, 100%, you know? The difference is, I knew what was important to me with the kids, and I knew that whenever I had my kids, none of that was happening. Nothing was going on that would affect my parenting.’

K-Fed continued on telling Vanity Fair, ‘I just hope she knows that there’s people out there that have been vilified, that actually really do care, people that know exactly what’s going on, and it doesn’t matter. There’s people that still care and people want to see greatness happen with her. I mean, who would I be as a father if I didn’t advocate for my sons’ mom?’ As an outsider looking in, I couldn’t help but laugh at the audacity of this man; this loser of a man. Even Perez Hilton, famed celebrity gossiper who’s known to be…not the nicest, chummed in. He said, ‘Kevin Federline swears he only has good intentions toward Britney Spears, despite what she and her fans may think after the release of his scathing memoir!… Sorry, what???’

Exactly!!!

There seemed to have been only one person in Spears’ life during that time that was there for her without any agenda or any anterior motives whatsoever, and that was Paris Hilton. She was there for Spears during her postpartum depression. They were photographed hanging out and Hilton was seen helping Spears take care of her children. Spears seemed to be truly happy in Hilton’s company. They remained close over the years, with Hilton publicly supporting Spears during the #FreeBritney movement, attending her wedding to Asghari, and she even shared that they still see each other, sometimes with their children. Spears also expressed gratitude for Hilton’s kindness during a difficult time in her memoir, and Hilton was moved by her friend’s words.  

In his new memoir, K-Fed shared what his ‘final-straw’ was in his marriage to Spears. He wrote that it was her night out with Hilton, where they were photographed getting into a car with Lindsay Lohan. He wrote, ‘I was in Miami for work, trying to stay focused on my commitments, and I got a call. It was her, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan on the line, drunk as hell, begging me to come over. I could hear Preston and Jayden crying in the background. It had to be three or four in the morning. That call was the final straw. I’d already seen the photos in the tabloids, the ones of her out with them all night, partying at Paris’s Malibu place. But hearing my kids crying while she was doing God-knows-what? That was it. Any deep-seated sliver of hope that I’d held onto, that we might still somehow pull it together for the kids, died right then.’

Maybe if I didn’t have a child of my own, I would’ve half believed. But I do, and therefore, I just think he’s an utter scammer; a fool, more like. I remember my first year postpartum as the hardest thing I ever had to endure. I didn’t know if I could get through it. I was fortunate to have had the support of my husband, my parents, and my friends. One friend in particular would come see me once a month at least for a girls’ day out. It became a ritual for us. She and I are no longer friends for reasons that are unknown to me, but I’ll be forever grateful for what she’d done for me at the time. That’s exactly why I believe that Spears’ friendship with Hilton was the one genuine relationship she’s ever had, especially at the time.

The worst type of prison a woman can get trapped in is when she marries the wrong man and has children with him. The worst prison in the world is one without peace; without support; without a kindred spirit. Britney Spears became trapped in one, and it didn’t end in her getting divorced. On the contrary, it just began. Now, more than 20 years later, she’s still paying the price. Simone de Beauvoir once said, ‘The curse which lies upon marriage is that too often the individuals are joined in their weakness rather than in their strength, each asking from the other instead of finding pleasure in giving.’ All K-Fed has done is take, and that’s the sad reality of Spears’ choice to marry and have children with someone like him.