Erika Kirk: How She Redefined Womanhood In The Conservative World – And Then Turned A Complete 180 Once She Married Charlie Kirk

Two months ago, on September 10th, the world seemed gloomy when Charlie Kirk, an American right-wing political activist, entrepreneur, and media personality, was assassinated in cold blood while on stage at Utah Valley University in Orem, Utah, for a TPUSA event, “The American Comeback Tour”. The shooter, 22-year-old Tyler James Robinson, who was reportedly dating a transgender person. He was subsequently charged with aggravated murder, felony discharge of a firearm causing serious bodily injury, two counts of obstruction of justice, two counts of witness tampering, and commission of a violent offense in the presence of a child.

Kirk’s assassination hit hard, especially the world of politics. Even those that didn’t know who Charlie Kirk was at the time of his death were devastated. I myself had no idea who he was until that fateful September 10th day when he was assassinated onstage in front of 3,000 people who came to hear him speak. Now that I do know who he was, I have no idea how I should even be feeling about him or his death. Death is, of course, inevitable. And yet, no one deserves to die the way that he did. Not even he himself – the person who believed others deserved to die the way that he did.

Perhaps the one single thing I agreed with Kirk was that, like President Trump, he was a big supporter of Israel. After Kirk was assassinated, Trump said of Kirk, ‘No one understood or had the heart of the youth in the United States of America better than Charlie.’ This was a man who advocated for gun rights, condemning abortion, holding up women as wives and mothers — and men as heads of households. He was praised for being a a charismatic leader who helped shape his generation of conservatives and “was a champion of everything we believe.”

Of the future of the Gen Z generation, Kirk said in 2024, ‘Democrats have given hundreds of billions of dollars to illegals and foreign nations, while Gen Z has to pinch pennies just so that they can never own a home, never marry, and work until they die, childless. You don’t have to stay poor. You don’t have to accept being worse off than your parents. You don’t have to support leaders who lied to you and took advantage of you for your vote.

As a Gen Z himself, Kirk used his influence and power to advocate all things he believed in, particularly to rail against liberal viewpoints on subjects as varied as gun control, climate change, the civil rights movement and 2SLGBTQ+ issues. But let’s also not forget about his views on abortion. This was a man who publicly stated that if he found out his 3 year old daughter was raped at the age of 10 and that rape resulted in a pregnancy, he wouldn’t have her get an abortion. What might’ve ticked his Tyler James Robinson to do what he did, though, were Kirk’s views on gun-related deaths and transgender Americans…

During an April 5, 2023, appearance at the Salt Lake City campus of Awaken Church, Kirk said that  gun related deaths were a positive thing to happen in order to ensure the continued existence of the second amendment to the U.S. constitution, which is the right to keep and bear arms. He said, ‘It’s worth it to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year, so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God-given rights. That is a prudent deal.’ And moments before he was shot, numerous livestreams of the event showed an audience member asking him how many mass shooters in the last 10 years have been transgender Americans. He said, ‘Too many’.

Finally, there were Kirk’s views on the Civil Rights Act of 1965. At a December 2023 political conference hosted by his Turning Points USA group, Kirk called Martin Luther King Jr., “awful” and “not a good person”. To be more precise, he said that the Civil Rights Act, outlawed discrimination on the basis of race, colour, religion, sex and national origin, and prohibited segregation.  In his own words, he said, ‘I have a very, very radical view on this, but I can defend it, and I’ve thought about it. We made a huge mistake when we passed the Civil Rights Act in the 1960s.’ The conservative politician argued the statute had brought about what he said was a “permanent” bureaucracy meant to promote diversity, equity and inclusion.

This really made me angry. Even more so, because this has to do with my own personal life, as well as my son’s, Kirk’s views on people with disabilities angered me. Of autistic people, he asked, ‘If there is nothing wrong with autistic kids, why do they need to be medicated?’ But they do!!!!!! I have two cousins who are autistic, and they both function in their daily lives using medication. Why is that such a bad thing??? There shouldn’t be any shame in that, but it’s people like Charlie Kirk, and those who support his beliefs, who bring that shame to life. In general, Kirk looked down upon anyone who was different than him. He made an emphasis on disabled people being DISabled and asked why they even get government assistance.

It’s safe to say that if my life depended on Charlie Kirk, I wouldn’t be where I am today. But it’s not just Charlie Kirk who views disabled people as less than. Society in general views disabled people in the same exact way as he did, mostly through a pervasive system of prejudice and discrimination known as ableism, which devalues people based on societal standards of “normal” ability and functionality. This manifests in stereotypes, physical and social barriers, and systemic inequality that limit potential and inclusion. To break it down more thoroughly:

Key ways disabled people are perceived as inferior include:

• Negative Stereotypes and Stigma: Disabled individuals are frequently stereotyped as dependent, incompetent, asexual, or tragic figures who are to be pitied. These assumptions lead to inaccurate judgments about their personal characteristics and capabilities, rather than focusing on their actual potential and skills.

• Paternalism and Infantilization: Paternalistic attitudes treat disabled adults like children, assuming they lack the capacity to make decisions in their own best interests. This can lead to actions such as speaking to them in a condescending manner or dismissing their opinions and experiences.

• Invisibility and Exclusion: Disabled people are often excluded from full participation in society, whether in the labor force, social interactions, or access to public services. Inaccessibility in the built environment (e.g., lack of ramps or elevators) and digital spaces further reinforces this exclusion, making them feel invisible or like outsiders in their own lives.

• The “Inspiration” Trope: When disabled people are acknowledged, it is often through the “inspiration porn” trope, where they are valued only when seen as “inspiring” for overcoming basic challenges that non-disabled people take for granted. This suggests low expectations and a belief that a disabled person’s life is inherently tragic unless they achieve something extraordinary.

• Systemic and Institutional Ableism: Ableist beliefs are embedded in institutions, systems, and policies, leading to structural inequality. Examples include:
  • Employment Disparities: Disabled people face lower employment rates and pay, often due to employer assumptions about their capabilities or a lack of reasonable accommodations.
  • Healthcare Disparities: Healthcare providers may hold negative attitudes about the quality of life with a disability, leading to inadequate care or the dismissal of a disabled person’s needs.
  • Legal Injustices: Disabled individuals often face difficulties in legal situations, finding they lack credibility in the eyes of the law or facing discrimination when attempting to access support.
• Focus on the “Medical Model”: The prevailing view has historically been the medical model of disability, which frames disability as an individual flaw or abnormality to be fixed or cured, rather than a social issue caused by environmental and attitudinal barriers. This puts the burden of change on the individual, rather than society. 

These attitudes and practices create an environment where disabled individuals are constantly subjected to messages, both overt and subtle, that they are “less than” their non-disabled peers, leading to profound impacts on their well-being, opportunities, and sense of self-worth. 

If I’m being completely honest, knowing what I know now about Charlie Kirk and everything he stood for, I’m surprised that he even THOUGHT of courting a woman even remotely similar to the one that eventually became his wife – Erika Lane Kirk. She’s now the CEO of Turning Point USA, American nonprofit organization that advocates for conservative politics on high school, college, and university campuses, co-founded by Charlie and his mentor, Bill Montgomery, his mentor. He passed away in 2020 at the age of 80 due to complications from Covid-19. The organization is considered to be one of the most powerful conservative youth groups in the nation, and Erika was appointed CEO following Charlie’s assassination.

Before she became Charlie Kirk’s wife, however, Erika was an accomplished woman in her own right. She previously won Miss Arizona USA in 2012 and participated in Miss USA 2012. She founded Everyday Heroes Like You, a nonprofit supporting under-recognized charities, and BIBLEin365, a faith-based initiative that promotes reading the Bible. She’s also the founder of Proclaim Streetwear, a clothing brand, and BIBLEin365, a ministry project. She also hosts the Midweek Rise Up podcast. She holds a degree in American Legal Studies from Liberty University, where she is studying for a doctorate in biblical studies as of 2025. Also as of 2025, she works as a real estate agent. It’s notable to note that she’s now doing all this as a single mother. It doesn’t matter that she has a lot of money. It doesn’t matter that she might have more help and resources available than the average person. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s now doing all this as a single mother to two little humans.

In her marriage to Charlie Kirk, Erika Kirk played the supporting role of “submissive” spouse. She became everything he wanted and expected a wife to be. Most people tend to forget is that this is a woman who started a nonprofit organization when she was a teenager. It’s because she echoed Charlie’s message on women’s roles: Women shouldn’t pursue their own careers while raising children, and men who chose to be stay-at-home dads were “probably gay”. Erika’s own father was a stay-at-home dad.

Days after Charlie was assassinated, Erika vowed, ‘The movement my husband built will not die. It won’t. I refuse to let that happen.’ But this man stood for everything she didn’t; or at least she didn’t before she met him. They met when he interviewed her for a job, and the only reason she didn’t get it was because he wanted to date her. Thereafter, he went on to joke that he only married her because she started a nonprofit organization when she was a teenager. Now that she’s eEmerging from her husband’s shadow, Erika is poised to become a more visible face of the anti-feminism movement alongside the likes of Phyllis Schlafly, Alex Clark, Candace Owens, and Riley Gaines—the last three of whom have been or currently are affiliated with Turning Point USA.

When Erika explained her meet-cute to her daughter, she said to her, ‘Then I realized that Mama was beautiful and smart and elegant and Christlike, so I said, ‘Forget this job interview, I want to date you.’’ There’s something so seriously wrong with what she said. Erika was already a beautiful, smart, and elegant woman before she ever met her husband. By that point, she’d already achieved what most people, women OR men, don’t even begin to comprehend. I wish she saw in her what she really is and not what her husband made her out to be; what she made herself into to make him look good in a case of his beliefs of what a woman should be.

Charlie’s views on women, particularly Erika, seemed somewhat hypocritical in some cases. In 2018, Erika launched her Proclaim Christian streetwear brand—which now sells baby blankets, adult clothing, luggage tags, leather bookmarks, engraved straws, beanies, and socks. Charlie appeared alongside his wife in the marketing photos for some of the merchandise—as well as the promotional art for her podcast—a somewhat blurring of their personal and professional lives. So did it mean that it was okay only for his wife to not be a stay-at-home mom and a trophy wife?

In her first public statement following Charlie’s assassination, Erika said, ‘Charlie always said that when he was gone, he wanted to be remembered for his courage and for his faith. Most of all, Charlie loved his children, and he loved me with all of his heart. My husband laid down his life for me, for our nation, for our children. He told me, if he ever did run for office, that his top priority would be to revive the American family. I honestly have no idea what any of this means. I know that God does, but I don’t. All the evildoers responsible for my husband’s assassination have no idea what they have done. What do you tell a three-year-old? She’s three. I said, ‘Baby, daddy loves you so much. Don’t you worry. He’s on a work trip with Jesus, so he can afford your blueberry budget.’ Thank you all again, who love my husband, who supported him, who wrote him an email every single day during his radio show, he read all of them, all of them. God bless you all. And God bless America.’

I’m not a big believer in God or the bible. I don’t even know if God exists to begin with. But that’s just me. I respect other people’s views, and it makes no difference to me whether I agree with those views. Heck, I even respect that Charlie Kirk viewed anyone that was ‘different’ than him as less than. I also respect that Erika Kirk might’ve made herself seem smaller for the sake of her husband. But I do agree with one thing she said, and it’s as follows: ‘Your wife is not your servant. Your wife is not your employee. Your wife is not your slave. She is your helper. You are not rivals. You are one flesh working together for the glory of God.’

Charlie Kirk fought actively against the Gen Z generation being the most unmarried and childless generation. Marriage, he believed, could be an antidote to isolation, mental illness and spiritual drift. Charlie, as he found in Bible teachings, believed that man should not be alone. That man can benefit from a divine helper. He had that in Erika. As she explained during a service, Charlie wrote her a love note every Saturday and ended it with, “How can I better serve you as a husband?”

A marriage is NEVER a 50/50 partnership. It’s just not a realistic methodology for a healthy, long lasting marriage. Instead, it’s better to aim for a 100/100 mindset where both partners give their best effort and trust the other to do the same. This approach focuses on generosity and interdependence, recognizing that responsibilities will shift over time and that a couple’s collective effort is more important than trying to balance contributions perfectly at all times. The goal is mutual support and a shared commitment to the partnership’s success, not keeping score. To break it down more thoroughly:

• Focus on 100/100, not 50/50: Instead of dividing responsibilities 50/50, aim to give 100% of your effort, trusting that your partner is doing the same. This approach encourages generosity and abundance rather than a transactional, me-first mentality.

• Flexibility is key: The contributions of each partner will naturally shift based on circumstances, like career changes, illness, or life stages. A 50/50 split is rigid and doesn’t account for this reality.

• Interdependence over strict equality: Marriage is a partnership of interdependence, not a contract with equal parts. Sometimes one partner will carry more of the load, and the other will need to do the same at different times.

• Measure by overall support: The success of a marriage is measured by how both partners feel supported, loved, and cared for, not by how equally chores or tasks are split. The focus should be on the collective good of the partnership.

• Avoid “keeping score”: Constantly calculating your contributions can lead to conflict and resentment. A healthy partnership requires you to be so busy contributing that you don’t worry about whether your partner is doing their “fair share”.
• Open communication is crucial: When the balance does feel off, it is important to use “I” statements to express your needs, rather than making accusations. The goal is to recalibrate the effort, not to win an argument. 

My own marriage isn’t a 50/50 partnership. There are days where it’s 80/20. There are days where it’s 60/40. There are days where it’s 70/30. And vice versa. The best way I can put it into words is that we both put in what each of us has it in us on a particular day, week, or even month. What we learned is that life is just so unpredictable. From the very beginning of our relationship, my husband and I made a pact that we both put in our best efforts every single day, whether it’s 50/50, 8020, 60/40, 70/30, whatever. As long as we put in our all, we’ll be okay.

Maybe Charlie Kirk was “the perfect husband”. Erika Kirk certainly thought so despite his ideologies on women and people in general. If the world was run by Charlie Kirk, we’d all be going back in time – by centuries. He didn’t deserve to die the way he did, but he viewed that people like me deserved to die the way he did or be treated the way they did many, many years ago. What makes me so disappointed in all of this is that Erika Kirk, a woman who’s completely redefined womanhood in the conservative world in her own right, drastically changed who she is and what she stands for to be the wife that her husband expected her to be. Not only that, but she’s now using her voice, power, and influence to continue her husband’s legacy and everything HE stood for.

Erika Kirk once said, ‘Most women want a man to follow his dreams and be successful. The most powerful women will be part of their struggle, survive it, succeed together and build an empire.’ While that’s true and I wholeheartedly support her testament, the exact same could be said about men supporting women, which Charlie Kirk had failed to do…