Rebecca Gayheart: What The Dismissal Of Her Divorce To Eric Dane Says About Them As A Family Amid His ALS – And How Love Between Two Former Spouses Can Morph Into Something More Beautiful

In recent celebrity news, Rebecca Gayheart opened up about her personal life like she never has before; or at least in a long while. For those who don’t know, Gayheart is a model and actress who rose to fame as the “Noxzema Girl” in the 1980s. She transitioned to acting in the mid-90s, landing a fan-favorite role as Dylan McKay’s doomed wife on Beverly Hills, 90210. Her role as Brenda Bates in the 1998 slasher film Urban Legend cemented her status as a horror icon. She’s (legally) married to former Grey’s Anatomy actor Eric Dane. Of their union, Gayhart previously told Flaunt, ‘It’s probably one of the least interesting stories in the world. It went basically like this: ‘You wanna go out?’ ‘Yeah, sure.’ Ten months later, we were married.’

Gayheart filed to divorce Dane in 2018 after 14 years of marriage, citing the typical ‘irreconcilable differences’ as the reason. In March 2025, however, she filed to withdraw her petition to divorce. This decision was made not because they were getting back together, but rather to avoid adding more stress to the situation at hand for them. The situation at hand was Dane being diagnosed with ALS, as he made his battle with the illness public in April. He shared at the time, ‘I have been diagnosed with ALS. I am grateful to have my loving family by my side as we navigate this next chapter. I feel fortunate that I am able to continue working and am looking forward to returning to set of Euphoria next week. I kindly ask that you give my family and I privacy during this time.’

ALS, also known as Lou Gehrig’s disease, is a rare degenerative disease that causes progressive paralysis of the muscles. Patients first experience twitching or weakness in a limb, often followed by slurred speech. According to the Mayo Clinic, because the disease affects the nerve cells in the brain and spine that control muscle movement, patients slowly lose their ability to speak, eat, walk, and breathe independently. There’s no cure, and patients are expected to live three to five years following their diagnosis. Bryan Randall, Sandra Bullock’s longtime partner, passed away in 2023 following a three year battle with the disease.

Randall made the decision to keep his illness completely private. It was only made known to the public that he was ill following his death. This was a decision that he made early on in his diagnosis. Bullock stayed by his side until the very end. While appearing on Red Table Talk in 2021, the actress gave an insight on their relationship, ‘I found the love of my life. We share two beautiful children— three children, [Randall’s] older daughter. It’s the best thing ever. I don’t wanna say do it like I do it, but I don’t need a paper to be a devoted partner and devoted mother. I don’t need to be told to be ever present in the hardest of times. I don’t need to be told to weather a storm with a good man. He’s the example that I would want my children to have. I have a partner who’s very Christian and there are two different ways of looking at things. I don’t always agree with him, and he doesn’t always agree with me. But he is an example even when I don’t agree with him. I’m stubborn but sometimes I need to sit back and listen and go, ‘You’re saying it differently but we mean exactly the same thing’. It’s hard to co-parent because I just want to do it myself.’

Throughout the years of us being together, my husband and I have both been on the other side of the fence as caregivers and the ones being taken care of. First, my husband became ill with an autoimmune disease, and a couple of years later, I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. Those were the toughest years we’d ever endured in our entire relationship. With full confidence, I can tell you that being a caregiver is much harder than being ill yourself. To watch the person you love the most become someone you don’t recognize is an experience that’s hard to put into words. Whatever they go through is out of your hands, and that’s the hardest thing to accept. But to watch the person you love slowly become a vegetable like Sandra Bullock watched her partner become… I can’t even imagine, and I don’t even want to imagine it.

Being a devoted partner to someone with ALS, like Bullock was to Randall, involves a balance of providing care, maintaining the emotional relationship, and prioritizing your own well-being to avoid burnout. The role shifts over time from mutual reliance to a patient/caregiver dynamic, which requires open communication, adaptation, and a strong support network. To break it down more thoroughly:

Navigating Relationship Changes

• Communication is Key: Open and honest communication about feelings, needs, and concerns is vital for both you and your partner. Speech-language pathologists and other healthcare team members can help find alternative communication methods as the disease progresses.

• Redefining Intimacy: Physical and sexual intimacy will likely change. Be open to exploring new ways to express affection and maintain a physical connection, as intimacy is an important component of emotional well-being.

• Focus on the Person, Not Just the Patient: Your partner is still the same person they always were. Continue to engage in activities you both enjoy (even if adapted), share laughter, and focus on creating positive memories.

• Acknowledge Role Shifts: It is normal to grieve the loss of your former roles and shared future plans. Understand that the change in dynamics will present challenges, but satisfaction and happiness are still achievable with work and support.

• Be a Team: Attend doctor appointments together and work with the healthcare team to understand the care plan and make joint decisions. 

Practical Support and Caregiving

• Educate Yourself: Learn as much as possible about ALS and its progression to be better prepared for providing care and advocacy.

• Offer Specific Help: Instead of asking “How can I help?”, offer to do specific tasks like bringing meals, running errands, or assisting with physical therapy exercises (after consulting with a professional).

• Coordinate Support: Recruit friends and family to help and consider setting up a care coordination group to manage tasks and schedules.

• Utilize Professional Resources: Look into skilled nursing visits, occupational therapy, and physical therapy services, which can often be covered by insurance. 

Prioritizing Self-Care

One of the best ways you can help your partner is to stay healthy yourself, mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

• Seek Support: Join an ALS caregiver support group to connect with others who share similar experiences.

• Take Breaks (Respite Care): It is essential to take time for yourself to recharge. Explore respite care options or ask others to step in so you can exercise, meet friends, or engage in hobbies.

• Consider Counseling: Caregivers often experience depression and anxiety. Don’t hesitate to seek professional counseling or therapy.

• Maintain Your Own Health: Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep to avoid caregiver burnout. 

While Randall made the decision to keep his battle with ALS private, Dane has done the complete opposite. Since making his battle with ALS public, the actor has extensively used his platform to advocate for the deadly disease and find a cure. Now, for the first time, his (estranged) wife opened up about the new family dynamic on the Broad Ideas with Rachel Bilson and Olivia Allen podcast. She said, ‘He is our family. He is your father. We show up, and we try to do it with some dignity and some grace and just get through it. We will get through it the best we can. It’s super complicated for me. We’ve been separated for eight years. The kids live with me 100 percent of the time. There’s been a lot of other stuff. I’m trying to stay optimistic, though, about it all. I don’t know if I’m doing it well or if I’m doing it in the wrong way or the right way. I’m just showing up. I’m showing up and I’m trying to be there for them. I guess time will tell. I am definitely experiencing growth as a person, as a human being. It’s all very humbling. I think one piece of this that I hope I’m passing on to my kids is the idea that you can show up for someone and be there for them, but you also have to show up for yourself. This is life. Life, sadly, is just moments, good and bad strung together. You never know what you’re going to get and we should treat today as a really special day. This isn’t a dress rehearsal. This is it. Whatever we’re doing today, this is our life.’

If there’s one thing I can take away from all this is that love doesn’t have to end after divorce. It can morph into something different; maybe even something better; more beautiful. Loving a former spouse can look like prioritizing their well-being, even if a romantic relationship is over. It can involve maintaining a close friendship based on mutual respect, openly communicating about fears and needs, and co-parenting children with a unified front. Some people also find a non-traditional path to renewed love, while others choose to redefine their connection as a form of deep, platonic companionship. To break it down more thoroughly:

Defining a new kind of love

• Prioritizing well-being: A core aspect is a continued desire for the ex-spouse’s happiness and success, separate from any romantic or sexual feelings.

• Friendship and respect: Even after a romantic relationship ends, a strong bond can form based on mutual liking and respect, as shown by couples who become close friends after a divorce.

• Redefined relationships: The nature of the relationship can shift to accommodate different needs, such as companionate relationships without sex, or a non-traditional long-distance arrangement. 

Practical applications

• Co-parenting: This involves working together on major decisions for the children, supporting each other’s parenting efforts, and presenting a united front for them, even with new partners present.

• Courageous communication: Rebuilding or maintaining a connection requires the willingness to have honest, open conversations about past issues and future fears to build trust and intimacy.

• Protecting the past: Some couples may choose to keep the details of their past relationship private, respecting the shared history and the sacrifices they made. 

Emotional considerations

• Self-reflection: Before attempting any form of reconciliation or a renewed connection, it is crucial for each individual to heal and understand their own identity first.

• Love vs. being “in love”: It’s important to distinguish between a deep, loving care for a person and romantic “being in love,” which includes passion and sexual desire. 

Love doesn’t have to be between two people in a romantic relationship. Love can be between a parent and their child, between grandparent and grandchild, between aunt, uncle, niece and nephew, between siblings, between cousins, and yes, between former spouses. Ending a marriage doesn’t have to be viewed as a failure. Ending a marriage doesn’t have to mean that the love is gone. It can mean that the love that two people shared changed into a different type of love – a platonic love; a love shared between two co-parents.

Divorce doesn’t have to be about animosity. It can mean that two people love each other but aren’t right for one another. It can mean that two people love each other but aren’t meant to live together. It can mean that two people love each other but aren’t IN love with one another. When a love story ends – whether it’s a marriage or a fling – there isn’t always a villain and a hero. Sometimes, you look at the person next to you over a cup of coffee and quietly realize that particular chapter in your life has closed, and that’s okay. You can fall in love with your best friend and then fall out of love with them. Ultimately, the one person that SHOULD be your best friend and the love of your life is YOU. You and only you should be a priority.

The act of divorce can even be an act of love. Society loves telling us and making us believe that divorce is a failure, a scarlet letter that marks you as someone who couldn’t make it work. For most of us, the word “divorce” is a word tangled up with pain, a let-down, and heartbreak – a tragic end to the dream of “forever.” In actuality, divorce is a choice to prioritize happiness, respect, and love, even if that means walking away from the life you once planned. It takes courage to choose your happiness instead of holding on to something that obviously just doesn’t work. Staying in a marriage where both partners are unhappy doesn’t make you stronger or braver. It just prolongs the pain – both your pain and the pain of your child(ren).

Gayheart and Dane, though separated, are still legally married. It’s unclear whether Gayheart moved on romantically, but Dane has. He’s been dating filmmaker Janell Shirtcliff on-and-off for three years. Despite the former couple still being legally wed, what we’re discussing here is still applicable to them. Even making the mere decision to not be with your partner and break up your family can be a difficult process to overcome and make sense of. The legalities of ending a marriage are just one aspect of it. And yet, it’s a big aspect of it. It’s an aspect that’s not only financially draining, but emotionally and mentally as well. Sometimes, it’s even physically draining. Heck, I even know of someone who developed an epilepsy diagnosis following his divorce.

While Gayheart stated that her decision to call off her divorce proceedings from Dane even though they weren’t getting back together stemmed from wanting to be an example to their daughters of showing up for someone you love, it might’ve also been a strategic decision for her to be able to make medical decisions on his behalf in a case of him not being able to. If you recall, Khloé Kardashian temporarily called off her divorce from Lamar Odom in order to make medical decisions on his behalf when he almost died and left in a coma following an overdose. Although the divorce was put on hold for medical and supportive reasons, Kardashian made it clear that this did not mean they were reconciling romantically. And they never did. To break down the situation more thoroughly:

• Reason for calling off the divorce: Kardashian and Odom had both signed divorce papers, but a judge had not yet signed off on the paperwork. This meant they were still legally married, and Kardashian, as his wife, could make medical decisions for him.

• Medical emergency: Odom was hospitalized in October 2015 after being found unresponsive at a brothel. He was in a medically induced coma, and Kardashian rushed to his bedside.

• Clarification on reconciliation: Kardashian publicly stated that her decision was purely for medical reasons and that she was not getting back together with Odom romantically.

• Continued support: She remained by his side as a support system, and the divorce proceedings were put on hold while he recovered. 

And then there’s someone like Kris Armstrong, who divorced her first husband Brandon Smith after a car accident left him with severe brain damage. She became his legal guardian and caretaker, and later remarried her current husband, James, who’s an active presence in Brandon’s care. Kris has played an active role in Brandon’s caregiving needs since the 2008 accident, and together with James, built a unique family dynamic. Brandon is a part of their family, and Kris says the kindness and love within the family have been a bright spot throughout their journey. Their story has since gone viral.

At the time of the accident, Armstrong was just 23, and she and Smith were married for two years. She told CBS News, ‘They were unable to tell me if he was alive or not. By the time they called me, it had already been, like, seven hours since the accident. He was in a coma, and we didn’t know when — or if — he would wake up and what would happen. His memory, which really he’s never fully gotten out of…was like 10 seconds long. This is when it really became clear that I went from being a wife to a caregiver. When someone has a severe traumatic brain injury in a big way, you lose that person, but you gain somebody new. And it took me a long time to realize that. I had made vows that I would be with him in sickness and health, and I took that very seriously. I didn’t stay married to him, but I wanted to take care of him. I took him to appointments. I advocated for him. I visited him almost daily. I took care of financial issues and managed all of his health care, his Medicaid, his Medicare, all of that.’

Since she went viral, Armstrong had gotten some harsh criticism for her choices. More particularly, for leaving her first husband following his car accident and remarrying another man and having a family with him. I personally found it to be so utterly disgusting that complete random strangers on the internet felt the need to even comment on a situation they knew absolutely nothing about. I mean, who is ANYONE to judge someone for how they live their life?

It’s like Rebecca Gayheart said herself, there’s no right or wrong way to live your life. There’s only doing what’s best for you. This means prioritizing your well-being and long-term happiness by making choices that align with your needs, values, and goals, even if they go against societal expectations or what others may want. This involves self-care, setting boundaries, and focusing on your physical and mental health to build a life that is fulfilling for you personally, not for others. To put it lightly:

Key aspects of “doing what’s best for you”

• Focus on your own needs and values: It’s crucial to listen to your own needs and define what is important to you, rather than trying to meet external expectations.

• Prioritize well-being: This includes taking care of your mental and physical health, as well as making choices that contribute to your long-term happiness.

• Set boundaries: Saying “no” to things that don’t serve you, even if they come from people you care about, is a necessary part of prioritizing yourself.

• Pursue passions: It means making time and effort for the activities and passions that bring you joy and fulfillment.

• Embrace your own path: Understand that what’s best for you is unique, and there is no single “right” way to live or achieve happiness.

• Take small, sustainable steps: Instead of overwhelming, rigid goals, focus on small, daily micro-behaviors that support your well-being and move you toward your desired feelings.

• Don’t confuse it with selfishness: Honoring your own path and making choices for your own well-being is not selfish; it’s necessary for personal growth and can ultimately allow you to give more to others. 

So just remember: You do you, even if others judge you for it because ultimately, it’s YOUR life, and your life only. Someone will always have something to say about the decisions you make, but at the end of the day, these decisions won’t affect them. They’ll affect you. Only you have a say whether what you do is right or wrong. The end…