Love Life began its premise by telling the story of Darby Carter, played by Pitch Perfect’s Anna Kendrick, and her journey to finding her ‘happily-ever-after’ – whatever the fuck that means. The story began in 2012 at a karaoke bar. It was where Darby met Augie for the first time. They connected immediately and exchanged phone numbers following them spending the night together. She hadn’t heard from him in several days that followed. Being agony, Darby asked her roommates, Sara and Mallory, and Jim, Sara’s long-term boyfriend, about whether to text him first.
Augie finally texted Darby back, and a relationship between them blossomed. Several months passed by, and Augie shattered Darby’s heart by telling her he’d have to move for a job he’d always dreamed of – to report on the Obama re-election campaign. Before he left, he attended Darby’s boss’ wedding with her. It was where they say ‘I love you’ to each other for the very first time. This brought some hope to their future, and they discussed potentially continuing a long-distance relationship until he came back.
The plan didn’t come through, however in the long-run. A year later, Darby became romantically involved with her boss, Bradley, who’d just recently divorced his wife. All he was doing was feeding off of her insecurities, as he was older and more successful than she was. During the relationship, she developed an interest in photography. The difference in age and maturity between Darby and Bradley became more and more evident as more time passed and the longer they were together, but especially when she gets drunk at his father’s wake and embarrassed them both. Following their breakup, she purchased a photo from a former classmate and began building an art collection.
A year following the end of her breakup with Bradley, Darby ran into Augie again, who revealed he’d quit his job and was now preparing to travel the country with his new girlfriend. She wished both of them well and went her way as if it didn’t matter to her. But it did, and it mattered to him. Seeing Darby again brought back memories of their time together, and when his girlfriend wasn’t looking, Augie scrolled through her Instagram. She did too. Nevertheless, neither of them did anything more than that. They moved on with their lives as if the interaction and what they both felt for one another didn’t matter.
After a string of a bad flings and one-night stands, Darby met Magnus. He seemed perfect to her. He was a chef. He was fun, successful, affectionate, and great with Darby’s mom. He quickly moved in with Darby and her friends. Shortly thereafter, Darby got a promotion at work just as Magnus got fired from his job. This sent him to a deep depression. In his mind, it was always supposed to him to be the provider and breadwinner; not the other way around. He began to watch sports and drink a lot, and Darby started to resent that she was supporting them both. After a fight, Magnus seemed motivated to look for a job, but he left the house one morning and didn’t return for 24 hours. Darby, scared and worried, went through his stuff and found a birthday card from another woman, past-due bills, and credit card debt. She discussed Magnus with Sara and Mallory, who described Magnus as shady and a flirt. When he finally came home, he revealed he’d gotten her name tattooed on his chest and he, with so much desperation, asked her to marry him.
Before she gave an answer to the marriage proposal, Darby decided to go to therapy. She wanted to discuss her relationship with Magnus and understand her fear of rejection that’s made her a people-pleaser. After the therapist asked her to recount the first time she felt rejection, Darby described her first relationship as a teenager, during one year she spent at boarding school. While stuck there over Thanksgiving break, feeling unwanted by both her parents, she had an intense fling with fellow student Luke Ducharme. After the break was over, Darby felt neglected by Luke. It was later revealed that Luke had hooked up with Darby’s roommate. Darby, feeling at a loss for words, told her roommate she had cancer. The news spread throughout the school, Luke took her back, and Darby was showered with affection and support. When she was caught in her lie, she’s humiliated and leaves school to return home. At the therapy session, however, Darby completely downgraded the events that happened then, saying she was just a stupid teenager.
Darby’s therapist didn’t believe that it was just a stupid teenage thing that happened back then and encouraged Darby to come back for another session. Darby, however, decided to continue her relationship with Magnus. She accepted his proposal and got married to him. The troubles between them only escaped further when, 8 months after getting married, Magnus frustrates Darby by pursuing a wrongful termination lawsuit against his previous employer, without much luck. Darby had a chance encounter with Luke, her high school boyfriend. He offered to help Magnus as a lawyer, free of charge. Magnus, in turn, was rude and aggressive when Luke told him the case didn’t have much merit.
After a major success at work, Darby told Magnus she wanted a divorce. In response, Magnus threatened to self-harm and belittled Darby. They fought, mostly with Magnus doing the screaming and shouting, but Darby stood her ground. She stopped caring. She stopped feeling guilty. She stopped trying to tell herself that the person next to her would ever become a better version of himself. She needed to be happy, and the person next to her wasn’t the one that made her happy; not in a long while. Magnus was emotionally manipulative and financially irresponsible, which created an unhealthy power dynamic and prevented both individuals from growing. To break down why their relationship failed more thoroughly:
- Financial Imbalance and Ego: The relationship dynamic shifted dramatically when Magnus lost his job as a chef and Darby started achieving career success. Magnus’s ego was hurt by no longer being the primary provider, and instead of finding a new job, he became a “deadweight couch potato” who was happy to mooch off Darby’s income.
- Irresponsibility and Lack of Ambition: While Darby was working hard and making strides in her career, Magnus spent an entire year fixated on a baseless wrongful termination lawsuit that no lawyer would take seriously. He refused other job opportunities to focus on this “legal battle,” showing a lack of responsibility and a disconnect from reality.
- Emotional Manipulation and Abuse: As the relationship deteriorated, Magnus displayed manipulative and emotionally abusive behaviors, including gaslighting and picking fights. He was described by some viewers as having a fake charm that wore off and an inability to admit when he was wrong, leading to a toxic environment.
- Communication Problems and Secrets: Early in the relationship, Magnus hid serious financial problems from Darby, a major breach of trust and an indication of poor communication from the start.
- Lack of Mutual Support: Magnus showed little interest or support for Darby’s professional achievements; his fragile ego couldn’t handle her being the center of attention. The relationship ultimately failed because it stopped being a partnership and became a miserable situation that Darby needed to escape to find happiness.
Following her divorce from Magnus, Darby made it a priority to focus on a different type of love; the love of family and friends. She focused her time and effort on mending her fractured relationship with her mother. Growing up, her mother was overbearing and critical, this narcissistic behaviour escalated into Darby’s adulthood. Darby was desperate to have a better relationship with her; to feel the closeness from her mother that she’d had no trouble showing to her younger brother.
Darby was then shown to care for her friends. It was at Mallory’s Bachelorette party where Darby started noticing a drastic change in Sara’s behaviour. She wasn’t the Sara that she once knew and loved. Sara was drinking and smoking. She went as far as driving drunk at night. She herself couldn’t believe she did such a thing. Nevertheless, she kept telling herself that she was fine and that it was just a one-time thing. But it wasn’t, because the following night, she did drugs again and stole from another woman at a night club.
After a confrontation erupted between Sara and the woman where security guards had intervened, Darby got her to safety. Sara admitted she stole money from the woman. She also opened up to Darby about why she was on such a troubled path. It had a lot to do with her breakup with Jim. He wanted to move in with her to a house he inherited from his aunt. He wanted ti build a life with her; have a future with her. But she got scared and broke things off with him. She realized she made a mistake and wanted to get back together with him, but he rejected her. He didn’t want to be with friends with her anymore either.
All Darby had done for her friend was show the support and empathy that no one else in her life did. Following their heart-to-heart, she told Sara she needed to go to rehab. Sara agreed. The next morning, Darby made arrangements with a rehab facility that would take her last minute and had her sister come take her there. But Sara didn’t even remember the events that had happened the previous night. Feeling completely helplessly defeated, Darby tearfully told her that if she didn’t go to rehab right that second, their friendship would be over. Sara refused to go, and that was the end of their friendship.
Despite ending her friendship with Sara, Darby stayed friends with Jim. Two months after Mallory’s bachelorette party, Jim invited her to his and his new girlfriend’s Thanksgiving dinner, which she attended. He told her Sara was in rehab. Augie was at the dinner party too, and even though it’d been a while since they last saw each other, it felt like no time had passed. They started dating again. At first the relationship seemed perfect; almost too good to be true. But after Darby took Augie to a work party at the gallery she worked at, he made some comments that embarrass Darby in front of a co-worker, she began to question whether they really were a good fit and whether being ‘comfortable’ with each other was enough.
Jim was the one she went for advice to, and he gave her the ultimate relationship 101 rule – if they weren’t bringing out the best in each other, it was okay to end things. Darby found out she was pregnant, but she took Jim’s advice seriously nevertheless and ended the relationship with Augie on good terms. They were both not feeling that the relationship was good enough for them to stay together. Darby kept the baby, and she and Augie became great friends and co-parents to their son Theo.
Motherhood was hard on Darby, especially as a single mother. But she had a lot of support from her own mother. On her first night away from Theo, Darby attended Sara’s wedding. Not to Jim, but someone completely new. Someone Darby hadn’t even met before. From the very moment she stepped foot at the venue, it became evidently clear that she and Sara weren’t as close as they used to be. They barely knew each other anymore. But the love between them was still there. They repair their friendship and have a heart-to-heart at the reception. Darby was seated by a man named Grant and, encouraged by Sara, Darby spent the entire evening hanging out and talking with him. Darby invited him to her hotel room, where they kissed. Grant went out to get some drinks from the corner store, but Darby fell asleep while he was gone and he couldn’t get back into her room. Grant left his number and a kind note, but it was implied she didn’t call him. She hesitated because she didn’t think he’d be interested in a dating a single mother like herself.
Some time after Sara’s wedding, Darby and Grant had a chance encounter. They went for a long walk and connected the same way they did at Sara’s wedding. The narrator then revealed that Grant was the person that Darby spent her forever with. Lastly, Darby was seen celebrating a success story at work, finally content with her life. It was a happy ending, but also the beginning of something totally beautiful and scarce. It wasn’t a rom-com typical ending, but a beautiful story of a woman’s journey to finding her own ‘happily-ever-after’; one that society tells women to against all odds.
Like Marcus in my previous blog entry, Darby’s search for love entailed her struggle to love herself. She struggled to accept herself just as she was – flaws and all. That’s why in her search for love, she felt like she needed to change who she was in order to be loved by the other person. This was most definite in her relationship with Bradley. When she was with him, she constantly felt like she wasn’t accepted by him for who she was, and tried so hard to be the version of herself that she just wasn’t. In the end, that was exactly why they broke up.
The same could be said in her marriage to Magnus. Darby didn’t necessarily marry him because she wanted to. She married him because she wanted so desperately to be loved, and she felt that he was the best she could get. She married him not out of love, but out of lust. He was obviously so wrong for her, but Darby felt it was what she deserved. She wasn’t happy with him. He brought out the absolute worst in her. She wasn’t happy made to feel guilty for her accomplishments and success. All he did throughout their relationship was make her feel like she wasn’t worthy of being who she was.
Generally speaking, divorce can be seen as a power move because it is an individual’s way of reclaiming personal agency, control, and independence when they feel powerless or constrained within an unhealthy or toxic marriage. It is a deliberate action to take charge of one’s life and future. To break down the powerful move that is ending a marriage more thoroughly:
- Regaining Control: In an unhealthy marriage, a person may feel they lack control over decisions, finances, or their environment. Filing for divorce allows them to make independent choices and manage their life on their own terms.
- Escaping Unhealthy Dynamics: Divorce provides an escape from ongoing conflict, emotional abuse, or manipulation. Leaving such an environment can lead to a significant reduction in chronic stress and improved mental and physical health.
- Defining Self-Worth: Individuals who felt defined by their spouse or their role within the marriage can use divorce as an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. They can rebuild their identity and self-confidence outside the context of the failed relationship.
- Achieving Financial Independence: For those in a marriage with constant money arguments or financial abuse, divorce can lead to the ability to manage personal finances without compromise, fostering a sense of control and stability.
- Prioritizing Well-being: By initiating a divorce, an individual prioritizes their own happiness and well-being, acknowledging that a stable, calm, and healthy environment is better for themselves and any children involved, even if it means ending the existing family unit.
- Mobilizing into Action: The anger and frustration that can build up during an unhappy marriage can be a productive force, mobilizing an individual out of denial and into the decisive action of ending the marriage.
Darby’s marriage to Magnus was means of her settling for less than she deserved. Her divorcing Magnus was a power move. It was her finally making the realization that she deserved more than what Magnus had to offer her; and even when Magnus said that he was going to kill himself if she divorced him, she didn’t care. Not anymore. He wasn’t actually going to kill himself. He was just looking for ways to get her to stay; just like he did when he asked her to marry him. Throughout their entire relationship, Magnus used manipulation and guilt to control Darby, and in her reaction to Magnus doing it again when she told him she wanted a divorce was her means of gaining her power back. She married him because she feared being alone, but in her marriage to him, she realized it was better being alone than with someone like him.
Perhaps the biggest twist in Darby’s story was her deciding to keep her baby even though she didn’t want to be romantically involved with Augie anymore. I wish we got more of backbone into her decision to keep the baby and how she and Augie got to be in such a healthy place in their co-parenting relationship. But because the show was so fast-paced, we didn’t get to see that. She had every reason for her not to keep the baby, and I selfishly thought she’d decide to have an abortion when I first saw the series. I mean, she was in her late 20’s, she was living in a tiny New York apartment, she’d just broken up with her boyfriend, she’d just started to see success in her career. Why the fuck would she want to add a baby into her mix?
Despite Darby’s life going on a path she didn’t expect, she was happy. Even without a man in her life, she was happy. Throughout their entire relationship entire season, Darby was eagerly searching for love. She yearned for someone to love her the way she wanted to be loved. By episode 10, however, it all changed. She let go of the notion that she had to look for love. She finally loved herself enough to realize that. This was the exact moment that love came to her in the most unexpected place and with the most unexpected person. Not only did he accept her, but he accepted her son as well. And somehow….
….that was everything.
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