Christina Haack: The Real Consequences Of Rushing Into Marriage – And How Marrying The Wrong Person Can Lead To A Woman’s Downfall

More often than not, divorce is seen as a failure. Somehow, society has made us believe that success is defined by a relationship’s longevity, even if that relationship doesn’t bring either person joy, growth, and happiness. Statistics show that in the 1970’s, 91% of women were married by the time they’re 30. Today, it’s only 32% of women who are married by 30.

Women are now able to choose their own paths in life, which is part of the reason why divorce rates are lower. The older we get, the more we know what we want. That being said, it doesn’t mean that we don’t make mistakes and marry the wrong person even with age and experience. Just look at Christina Haack. For those of you that don’t know, Haack is an investor and TV personality. Most recently, she divorced Josh Hall, her third husband. She was previously married to Ant Anstead and Tarek El Moussa. She has three children – two with El Moussa and one with Anstead.

Haack has been gravely shamed online for the number of times that she’d been married and divorced. But what if I told you that this in itself was a feminist choice? A woman getting divorced, no matter how many times, portrays her pursuit of autonomy, self-discovery, and equality outside the confines of a traditional, often patriarchal, institution of marriage. From a feminist perspective, normalizes a woman’s right to seek happiness and fulfillment on her own terms, free from societal pressure to remain in an unfulfilling or toxic relationship.  Divorce is now actually something that’s portrait as a positive outcome in media. To break it down more thoroughly:

• Challenging Patriarchal Norms: Historically, a woman’s identity and economic security were tied to her husband; marriage often meant moving from being her father’s property to her husband’s. A film depicting a woman choosing divorce directly challenges this archaic notion, presenting her as a fully formed individual with agency, rather than an appendage to a man.

• Prioritizing Self-Worth and Happiness: These films often show the emotional and personal journey of a woman who decides her happiness and potential are worth more than maintaining an unhappy marriage. Her decision to leave is a radical act of self-care and self-assertion.

• Highlighting Unequal Power Dynamics: Movies like Marriage Story can, upon deeper inspection, reveal how even in contemporary contexts, marital arrangements might favor the husband’s career and ambitions, marginalizing the wife’s desires and talents. The divorce process becomes a way for the woman to reclaim her own narrative and achieve her own goals, such as Nicole’s character achieving her directing dreams.

• Exploring Economic and Social Independence: As women gained more economic opportunities, divorce became a realistic option. Films may explore the real-world challenges women face during divorce, including the potential for economic disparity, but ultimately frame her journey toward self-sufficiency as a triumph of female independence.

• Building a Support System: Movies like The First Wives Club show women uniting and supporting one another through the divorce process, highlighting the power of female solidarity and community in overcoming adversity. 

A woman deciding to get a divorce is a means of her choosing herself. A woman’s decision to get a divorce is a feminist statement, celebrating female autonomy and the redefinition of “happily ever after” to include personal fulfillment and independence, not just a successful marriage. 

Haack, on her part, previously opened up to People about her life post-divorce, well as filming The Flip Off with her now-ex-husband . In October, she said, ‘I don’t look at it as starting over, and especially for the fourth time. That just makes me want to cringe. It does feel like a fresh start in that for once I’m actually in control of my destiny, and that feels really good. I’m not going to say I have it all together. I’m still learning. I’m still a work in progress. And I’m grateful for my mistakes. In all honesty, I didn’t want to film the show with Josh. We hadn’t been getting along in a long time, and I’m not talking about weeks, like years. The network knew I didn’t want to and I had even told Tarek I didn’t want to. He joked and said, ‘Whatever. You guys are just going to split up in episode two and then the show will go on and everything will be fine.’ I’m really good at letting go of the past, and so is Tarek. Through the years we have obviously had talks, and we’ve apologized to each other, but not on camera and not like that. Everyone was crying: the camera operators, the production crew. It was emotional.’

Not only did Haack’s relationship with El Moussa mended following her split from Hall, but with Anstead as well. Following their own divorce, the former couple were involved in a messy custody battle over their son. Later, however, Anstead later appeared on The Flip Off following her separation from Hall. In the same interview, Haack said of their relationship now, as well as her overall co-parenting relationships with her exes, ‘When Josh and I split up, Ant and I immediately had a heart-to-heart and he said, ‘I want to co-parent Hudson like you and Tarek do,’ basically. It’s been great. We go to soccer games. We sit next to each other at school. And thank God, because that would make me so sad if growing up, Hudson didn’t get to have those things with us. My relationships with everyone improved [after splitting from Hall], and we have a bigger appreciation for each other. I think my kids love that they know that anyone can come over here. It’s not weird at all. It’s wonderful.’

Now in a new relationship with CEO Chris Larocca, Haack shared that she now has a new lease on life and her future with her boyfriend. She said, ‘We’re not even discussing getting married. We’re not discussing getting engaged. We’re taking things slow. I promise. We’re not having children together. We’re not in a rush. We don’t have a timeline. He’s a super busy man. He has his own life, his own friends, his own career, and he’s pragmatic. I used to be obsessed with the future and what that looked like. But right now there’s a lot of amazing things going on in the present.’

When you look at Haack’s social media platforms, you’ll see that most of her content involves her time spent with her kids, her boyfriend, her first ex-husband and his new wife. Things weren’t always as smooth-sailing between them. In fact, there was a lot of animosity involved between the former spouses and El Moussa’s new wife, Heather. They’d even gotten into a public fight at their son’s soccer game which was captured by paparazzi. Following their breakup, Haack and El Moussa continued filming their show, Flip Or Flop until 2022. Much of the time, there was nothing much tension between the exes and it was surmising that they could even be in the same room together.

This animosity mostly took place during Haack’s marriage to Hall, which leads me to conclude that Haack’s toxic relationship at the time was to blame for everything that happened between her and El Moussa. The saddest part about it was that their kids were right in the middle of their drama. And you might say to yourselves that Haack was to blame for everything that had happened and all the hurt that was brought to everyone involved. But that’s just untrue.

If there’s anything we can all take away from Christina Haack, it’s that it’s so important to never settle for the wrong person. When a woman is married to the wrong person, she may experience unhappiness, conflict, and constant disappointment, which can lead to emotional and psychological distress. Potential consequences include a lack of connection and shared goals, a feeling of living a superficial life, and the stifling of personal aspirations. In some cases, this can lead to physical symptoms and a general sense of misery or being “trapped”. To break it down more thoroughly:

Emotional and psychological impacts

• Unhappiness and disappointment: A core feeling of unhappiness and constant disappointment is a common outcome.

• Lack of connection: There may be a significant lack of emotional connection, leading to feelings of isolation or being misunderstood.

• Superficiality: A person may feel they are living a “superficial life” and acting happy for appearances, even when they are not.

• Stress and anxiety: The relationship can be a source of restlessness, anxiety, and stress, which may affect a person’s mental health.

• Stifled growth: Aspirations and personal goals can feel “down the drain” as the relationship becomes a distraction from self-actualization. 

Behavioral and social impacts

• Conflict: Marriages to the wrong person are often characterized by increased bickering and conflict.

• Avoidance: A partner might avoid their spouse or seek distractions to cope with the unhappy situation.

• Difficulty in family life: It can be hard to create a stable and happy home environment, which impacts the entire family.

• Fantasizing: A person may spend a lot of time fantasizing about a different life or what it would be like to be with someone else. 

Physical impacts

• Physical manifestations of stress: The emotional pain can manifest physically, affecting posture or other aspects of a person’s well-being. 

Long-term consequences

• Burnout: Repeatedly trying to work on the relationship can lead to emotional burnout.

• “Trapped” feeling: Some people feel emotionally and practically trapped in an incompatible or unhealthy marriage.

• Difficult decisions: Deciding to end a marriage can be an enormous and difficult decision, but it may be the healthiest choice for both individuals involved. 

Looking back, all the signs were clearly there that Hall wasn’t the right person for Haack. Maybe he’s right for someone else, but in Haack, he brought out the worst in her, and this very fact affected absolutely everything around her, including her co-parenting responsibilities with the fathers of her children.

Hall was a man who had zero respect for the person he was married to, and it showed just in the couple of episodes he appeared in on The Flip Off. Then, in a heartfelt moment, Haack revealed to El Moussa that she and Hall had broken up after a fight that happened off-camera. The scene was a beautiful moment between two exes mending fences and apologizing to one another for their wrongdoings. In a sense, it was an olive branch for a new beginning. Haack later revealed that there was an entire story behind that scene. She told People, ‘Tarek told our attorney and told the network for me that Josh would no longer be a part of the show. They said ‘No problem. That’s fine.’ They just said, ‘We need Christina to have a scene where she tells you, Tarek, that Josh is no longer going to be a part of the show.’ [The producers] didn’t tell me anything. They just said, ‘Tarek’s coming over. We want you to tell him that you and Josh broke up.’ But for me, [the scene] was never really about Josh. It was more about me and Tarek and everything that’s happened since then. I think that scene lasted probably an hour and a half in reality and everyone was crying: the camera operators, the production crew. It was emotional. Through the years we have obviously had talks, and we’ve apologized to each other, but not on camera and not like that. I don’t think he expected me to go there. We’ve both taken ownership for our responsibilities. We’ve known each other since we were 22 and I respect him. He’s a hard worker. He’s a great dad. He’s come a long way in our relationship. Both of us have a lot of gratitude and both of us have a lot of respect for each other.’

Perhaps the best outcome that came out of the divorce between Haack and Hall was that they never had children together. She’s not obligated to ever have anything to do with him again. In her conversation with El Moussa about her separation from Hall, she said she felt like she was in a tornado. That’s no way to live. That’s no way to share a life with someone. A sense of healing comes from letting go of a relationship with the wrong person, and that’s exactly what seems to have happened for Haack.

So many women in the world had been married to the wrong person in their lifetime. It wasn’t just Haack. BuzzFeed has an entire article published in December 2022 where they had people share their insights on when they realized they were married to the wrong person. Most of the people who shared their insights had gotten married in their 20’s. When Haack married Hall, she was already well into her 30’s. She got engaged to Hall just months after getting together with him in 2021. It’s not merely enough time to get to know someone, let alone know whether the person is right for you to spend your lifetime with.

Though she initially pushed back against the criticism of her fast paced relationship with Hall, Haack later reflected on her choices, acknowledging a pattern of rushing into relationships. She did the very same thing when she married Anstead in 2018. Society has been unkind to women on defining their success in the past, but that success is no longer defined by marriage as modern perspectives emphasize personal fulfillment, career achievements, and other individual goals. While marriage can be a source of support and happiness for some, forcing it as the sole definition of success is seen as a restrictive and outdated stereotype that should be challenged. The current view is that success is a personal choice and can include a combination of personal, professional, and relationship goals, or none at all. To break it down more thoroughly:

Traditional vs. modern views

• Traditional view: Historically, a woman’s success was often measured by her marital status and ability to build a home and family.

• Modern view: Many now believe a woman’s success is defined by her personal choices and fulfillment, which may or may not include marriage and family. 

Why this shift is happening

• Personal choice: Today, it is widely accepted that women should be free to define their own success, free from obligation or pressure.

• Challenging stereotypes: The idea that a woman’s achievements are incomplete or dependent on a male partner is being challenged. Support for a partner is seen as a partnership, not a prerequisite for a woman’s success.

• Focus on individual fulfillment: A woman’s hard work, persistence, and personal growth are now seen as key components of her success, regardless of her marital status. 

Success in marriage and beyond

• Mutual support: A successful marriage can be a source of strength that allows a woman to grow and thrive personally and professionally.

• Beyond the relationship: A woman can be successful in her career and personal life independently of her relationship status. Her success does not need to be “footnoted with someone else’s name”. 

A woman’s success and happiness shouldn’t be defined by a specific old-school, outdated timeline. A woman should define her own success and happiness rather than society telling her what her destiny should look like. Marriage doesn’t guarantee success or happiness. On the contrary, marrying the wrong person guarantees a great deal of suffering. We saw a glimpse of what had happened in Haack’s case and the negative way marrying Hall impacted her entire life and her relationships with others.

Warren Buffet once said, ‘You want to associate with people who are the kind of person you’d like to be. You’ll move in that direction. And the most important person by far in that respect is your spouse. I can’t overemphasize how important that is. Marry the right person. I’m serious about that. It will make more difference in your life. It will change your aspirations, all kinds of things.’

Successful individuals in the entertainment industry that are well-respected include Oprah, Bill Gates, Barack Obama, Beyonce , and Jay-Z. What do they all have in common? Yes, they are all successful, but more importantly, each of them is married to someone who supports their success and celebrates with them. Moreover, in a 2011 interview with Oprah, Barack Obama shared, ‘Obviously I couldn’t have done anything that I’ve done without Michelle. You were asking earlier what keeps me sane, what keeps me balanced, what allows me to deal with the pressure. It is this young lady right here… Not only has she been a great first lady, she is just my rock. I count on her in so many ways every single day.’

Haack didn’t get that kind of affirmation in Hall throughout their marriage. He didn’t support her. He didn’t cheer her on. He didn’t care for her achievements. He only cared about himself. He made it very, very clear just in his appearance on The Flip Off. Who you marry determines your motivation and drive. And it’s not just who you marry that matters, but also the type of relationship that you have with them. Haack, in the first episodes of her series with El Moussa and his new wife, which is now filming season 2, Haack looked emotionally drained whenever she was around Hall; like she couldn’t wait to not be in his presence. It was sad to watch.

Despite it being more normalized for women to not get married, there are still women like Haack who feel pressured to define their success and happiness in their lives on marriage. They still feel like they have to live their lives based on a timeline. The fact of the matter is, however, it’s better to be alone than be married to the wrong person. Period! Haack is now living her best life, and she’s living it WITHOUT a husband. She’s finally free of her greatest demon, which was Hall, the person she spent most of her time with and the one person in her life that was holding her back from her happiness.

By rushing into marriage to Hall, Haack was self-sabotaging her own worth. A successful woman has self-confidence and doesn’t allow others to undermine them. She supports and uplifts other women in their environment. She proactively looks for ways to highlight her work and contributions. She focuses on details, like avoiding unnecessary pleasantries. Now that she’s finally free of Hall, Haack is doing EXACTLY that, and it’s the most beautiful thing to witness from the outside perspective. Marrying Hall led to Haack’s downfall. But leaving the marriage and leaving the notion that she was on some sort of timeline led to her greatest successes.