Bethenny Frankel: The Outdated Idea That Getting Married Is About Love And Romance – The Importance Of Taking Precaution And Signing A Prenuptial Agreement Before Your Wedding

If there’s anyone out there in the world who married the wrong person, it’s reality star and former talk-show host Bethenny Frankel. She was married to Jason Hoppy, and their divorce lasted a whopping 10 years, much longer than the actual marriage did. In an interview with Alex Cooper on Call Her Daddy earlier this month, Frankel said of the divorce, ‘I have seen my mother slit her wrists. I have lived my whole life chasing her into bathrooms, trying to catch her throwing up. I’ve been around guns, the mafia, the race track. I’ve been through everything. I have seen everything. Nothing compares to what my divorce was for 10 years. It was so traumatic. It was 10 years of my life, I lost hair. I thought I would never survive it. I didn’t want to. I had to because of my daughter. I literally thought I’ll never be happy again. It was torture. Literally, the only thing that got me through was saying, ‘One day I’ll be able to help people.’ It was millions of dollars — that’s not even important. … It was torment from one minute to the last minute of the 10th year. Every woman needs to know, do not f*** around and find out. It was the worst thing that I could ever wish upon a person.’

Frankel’s words, in a nutshell, are the mere truth that Emma Watson expressed in her interview with Jay Shetty in explaining the reason why she still wasn’t married now that she’s in her 30’s. She called the pressure to be expected to get married at a certain as violent. She got a lot of heat online for her choice of words, but I, in my previous post, thoroughly explained why she was exactly right. You can read all about it in my previous blog entry, but only after you read THIS one.

The pressure for a woman to get married doesn’t just apply to her age as the reason. It’s simply just expected to get married of her, and if she’s of a certain age, there’s the pressure and assumption that she needs to rush into it because women are on a timeline to have children. Unlike men, they can’t have children when they’re 85. Frankel was already in her 40’s when she married Hoppy.

Divorcing Hoppy after a 2 years wasn’t a walk in the park for Frankel. In 2017, Hoppy was arrested after he allegedly threatened Frankel after showing up at Bryn’s school. Hoppy was issued a six-month order, which barred him from contacting his ex-wife. Frankel sued Hoppy for custody in 2019 and a judge signed off on their divorce. Details about the custody agreement haven’t been made public as of today.

Mostly, their 10 year battle had to do with custody of their daughter, and even though she never spoke negatively of Hoppy in front of her daughter, Frankel knew her daughter felt the bad energy. She told Cooper, ‘Just because you’re not saying it in front of the child, and it doesn’t mean they don’t feel. You should never, ever say a bad thing about the other parent, ever, because it is the worst thing you could do to a child. I have navigated it by always telling her that she is loved, and letting her know a lot about what my childhood was like, because everybody has something and things make you stronger.’

I honestly can’t even imagine being in Bethenny Frankel’s daughter’s shoes. It’s disheartening and disgusting. I wouldn’t be surprised if she refuses to ever marry in the future as she grows older. While the divorce battle was mostly about her and had to do with her parents’ fight for custody of her, all it did was end up hurting her. Details of their divorce which ARE public include key points including Bethenny stopping spousal support payments (alimony) in 2016 due to their prenuptial agreement, a drawn-out custody fight for their daughter Bryn (finally settled with Bethenny getting primary custody), and disputes over their marital apartment, which involved complex trust issues. While a full financial settlement was reached in 2016, ending the lengthy process took until 2021, with Bethenny eventually no longer paying child support either.  To break things down more thoroughly:

Key Aspects of the Settlement:

• Spousal Support: An appeals court ruled in 2016 that Bethenny didn’t have to pay Jason spousal support (around $12,000/month) because their prenuptial agreement waived such claims.

• Custody: After years of battling, Bethenny was awarded full legal and primary residential custody of their daughter, Bryn, by 2021, ending child support obligations.

• Marital Apartment: The Tribeca apartment was a major point of contention, with legal battles over trust documents and ownership, eventually resolved as part of the overall settlement.

• Finalization: Despite financial agreements being settled in 2016, the divorce wasn’t officially finalized until January 2021. 

Long & Bitter Battle:

• She even sued her own attorneys over trust documents she felt were improperly drafted, impacting the settlement. 

• The divorce, filed in 2013 after their 2010 marriage, was notoriously lengthy, with Frankel calling it traumatic and describing it as surviving a “gnarly, nasty ordeal”.

A divorce lawyer once said, ‘There is no peace at home when the woman is emotionally, mentally, and financially drained and neglected by her husband. Men settle where there is peace, but women create peace only when they are treated with love, respect and care. You can’t expect a woman to build a sanctuary when her spirit is tired, her heart is wounded, and her soul feels unseen. A peaceful home starts with how you treat the woman who holds it all together.’

Frankel’s divorce is an important one for women everywhere to understand. It’s a cautionary tale emphasizing the need for financial and legal preparedness and highlighting the emotional toll of highly contested separations. There’s absolutely nothing romantic about two people getting a divorce. It’s a breakup of a family; a tormented end to a promise to stay together and be united forever. But just like there’s nothing romantic about divorce, there’s nothing romantic about marriage either, and it shouldn’t be treated as such.

Marriage is a legally binding business contract, not just a romantic commitment. Marriage is a legal contract which creates rights and obligations, not just a romantic bond, defining financial responsibilities, property division, and spousal support, especially in case of divorce or death, with formal marriage contracts (prenups) customizing these terms for certainty, protecting assets, and avoiding costly disputes, requiring written agreements, voluntary consent, full financial disclosure, and often independent legal advice to be valid. To break it down more thoroughly:

Key Aspects of Marriage as a Legal Contract

• Default Legal Framework: Without a specific agreement, marriage law dictates how assets, debts, and support are handled upon separation or death.

• Customization (Marriage Contracts/Prenups): Couples can create marriage contracts (prenuptial/postnuptial agreements) to set their own financial rules, protecting premarital assets, businesses, or defining spousal support.

• Financial Clarity: Contracts address how property is divided, household expenses are shared, and spousal support (alimony) is paid.

• Protection & Certainty: They offer predictability, reduce emotional conflict during divorce, and save time and money on litigation. 

Requirements for a Valid Marriage Contract
For a contract to be legally binding, it generally must: 

• Be in Writing & Signed: A verbal agreement is insufficient.

• Voluntary Consent: Both parties must enter the agreement freely, without duress or coercion.

• Full Financial Disclosure: Honesty about all assets, debts, and income is crucial.

• Independent Legal Advice (ILA): Highly recommended (though sometimes not legally mandatory) to ensure both parties understand their rights.

• Reasonably Fair Terms: Unconscionable or grossly unfair contracts may be challenged. 

Beyond Divorce: Other Legal Implications

• Inheritance Rights: Spousal rights affect wills and estate distribution.

• Decision-Making: Spouses often have rights to make medical or financial decisions for each other if incapacitated.

• Tax & Benefits: Marriage status impacts tax filings, social security, and insurance benefits. 

While I put an emphasis on the business that comes with marriage, I was reminded of a particular segment I watched on the daytime talk show The Real, which aired between 2013 and 2022. It was when they spoke of prenuptial agreements and the importance of signing them before getting married. Tamera Mowry and her husband Adam Housley signed a prenuptial agreement before they got married in 2011 to protect the money she made, particularly the money she made on Sister, Sister, as well as to protect Housley’s family money from his winery. Jeannie Mai signed a prenuptial agreement before before getting married to her then-husband Freddy Harteis to protect his family business, but not herself, which in her 2018 divorce, bit her in the ass.

Adrienne Bailon, who wasn’t married at the time, went on to argue against signing a prenuptial agreement because, in her words, there was nothing romantic about signing one. She said that she’d never marry someone who’d ever put through such agony of a divorce like the one Jason Hoppy put Bethenny Frankel through. Tamar Braxton quickly chimed in. She talked about her parents’ divorce and emphasized how her mother said that when she divorced her father, who she’d been with she was 15, became unrecognizable to her after they divorced. Braxton herself didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement with her then-husband Vincent Herbert. Following her departure from the daytime talk show, Braxton divorced Herbert. Their separation was chronicled on the 5th season of their reality show Tamar & Vince, and to say it was volatile would be a great understatement, which again, goes to my previous point that there’s no such thing as a good divorce. Nevertheless, Braxton walked away from the divorce with what she came with rather than fight him for monetary gain. They now share joint custody of their son, Logan.

Braxton had gone through a lot of turmoil in her personal life following her divorce from Herbert, and was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety in 2020. As to why she decided to divorce Herbert, she previously wrote on Instagram, ‘Sometimes we stay ‘married’ for face value or to say ‘we did it’ but the truth is…it couldn’t be more broken &further apart than we are NOW!…even on an anniversary!. You can say he did this, she did that, I put up with ‘this’ & I’ve suffered & endured ‘this’ for so long..but the TRUTH is that this was your choice 2 stay we get so caught up in WE are ‘winning’ in love that we are LOSING a battle that doesn’t have ANYTHING 2 do with us! I decided I didn’t want to be married for the sake of saying so. I wanted to have a relationship. Someone to share my/our dreams, our successes, our failures, our past, present & future with…& not finding out shit online…some of us have been living a LIE.’

Choosing to get married is about choosing the person you’re with to (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with. Choosing to get a divorce is about choosing yourself. This especially holds true for women deciding to walk away from a marriage. A toxic marriage often erodes a woman’s self-esteem and identity. Getting out means starting the crucial process of rediscovering her self-worth, identity, and personal agency, often by re-engaging with old hobbies, friends, and passions. Exiting a toxic dynamic allows a woman to begin healing from the emotional abuse, manipulation, and trauma (such as gaslighting, isolation, or verbal attacks) that characterized the marriage. This often requires professional support through therapy or counselling. And I hope that it was exactly what Frankel did through her own divorce proceedings. Exiting a toxic marriage can be a powerful catalyst for a brighter future and profound personal transformation. To break it down more thoroughly:

• Empowerment: Overcoming the challenges of leaving a toxic situation often leads to a deep sense of empowerment and resilience.

• Healthier Relationships: With healing, a woman is better equipped to establish healthy boundaries and recognize red flags, enabling her to form healthier friendships and potential future romantic relationships.

• A New Beginning: Getting out provides a chance to redefine her life on her own terms, pursue personal and professional goals that may have been suppressed, and establish a life free from abuse and fear

All Frankel wanted was to have a new beginning when she initially separated from Hoppy in 2013. She wanted her freedom; her sense of identity; her independence. Hoppy wouldn’t give that for her without a fight; a long, nasty, hostile fight. There’s even a phrase which states, ‘You don’t truly know someone until you divorce them,’ and it perfectly sums up Jason Hoppy and his treatment of Frankel following their separation. The phrase suggests that the extreme pressures and conflicts of a marital breakup reveal a person’s true character, bringing out hidden traits like selfishness, control, or disrespect that aren’t visible in calmer times, making the end of a marriage a profound, often harsh, test of character for both partners. While some find this holds true as people fight for their interests, others feel a person’s core nature is seen in hardship like illness or financial struggle, not just conflict. In Frankel’s case, it was a fight for financial gain and her and Holly’s daughter was used as a weapon in the entire 10 year battle fight.

No matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you want to believe you’ll be with that person forever and never even consider divorce, and no matter how much you want to believe they’ll never, ever screw you over, you HAVE to be careful; you HAVE to be smart. Signing a prenup is for protection purposes. But it’s not there to just protect yourself, but your loved ones too. Signing a prenup is there to provide financial clarity, protecting pre-marital assets, family businesses, and inheritances, and reducing future conflict by setting clear terms for asset division, spousal support, and debt responsibilities in case of divorce or death, creating a transparent financial foundation for the marriage. It acts as a roadmap for handling finances, ensuring both partners understand their obligations and preserving wealth, especially in second marriages or blended families, making the separation process less costly and emotionally draining. To break it down more thoroughly:

Key Benefits of a Prenup

• Asset Protection: Safeguards property, inheritances, and family heirlooms you bring into the marriage.

• Financial Clarity: Establishes clear rules for handling debts, assets, and financial responsibilities during the marriage.

• Reduced Conflict: Minimizes disputes and legal battles during a potential divorce by pre-determining outcomes.

• Business Protection: Protects family businesses or significant business interests from being divided.

• Estate Planning: Ensures inheritances are distributed as intended, protecting them for future generations.

• Blended Families: Provides clarity and security for children from prior relationships. 

Why It’s More Than Just “Planning for Divorce”

• Promotes Open Communication: Forces couples to have honest, detailed discussions about their financial situations, goals, and concerns.

• Creates Transparency: Requires full disclosure of assets and liabilities, building trust.

• Practical Financial Planning: Handles the “business side of marriage,” ensuring financial expectations are aligned from the start, not just in case of failure. 

Important Considerations

• Full Disclosure: Both parties must provide complete financial information for the agreement to be valid.

• Legal Advice: Both spouses should have separate, independent legal representation.

• Fairness: The agreement must be fair and not unconscionable to be enforceable in court. 

Four years after her divorce was FINALLY settled, the trauma didn’t end for Frankel. She’s still struggling to cope; to move on; to find her happy. She even said that going through her divorce battle was worse than watching her mother go through a mental illness. That’s telling. At least, it is to me. In my own life, there was absolutely nothing worse than having witnessed my mom’s struggle with a mental illness, so I can’t even imagine what Frankel must’ve gone through in her divorce to say that having gone through what she had with Hoppy was worse than what she’d gone through with her mother.

If only she’d signed a prenup. If only she hadn’t gone into the marriage to Hoppy blindly. Things would’ve gone much, much differently than they did. Frankel’s life and, in essence, her career, was overshadowed by her divorce proceedings. She made the mistake of not being careful, and she paid a great price for it. But now, she’s using her struggles as a strength. She’s using her platform and influence as a voice of reason. And that’s absolutely fucking beautiful. It’s not only beautiful, but it’s necessary as well.

Time and time again, even now in 2025, when women get proposed to by their partners, they tend to get lost in their love bubble. Women become too emotionally invested in the romanization of planning the “perfect wedding” that they completely forget about everything that comes thereafter. While the idea of getting married isn’t lovely and all, the actuality of the matter is that getting married isn’t just about love and romance. It’s a legal entity, and it’s one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s a powerhouse of a struggle. It’s a partnership built on trust, communication, compromise, and shared growth, not just passion. It’s a formal, public declaration of your bond. It signifies a deeper commitment beyond romance, focusing on building a life, raising children, and offering mutual support. But even more significantly so, marriage is a legal framework for shared assets, joint bankruptcy, and parental rights (like school access), providing stability. 

According to societal trends, we assume getting married validates and makes more authentic a relationship when in reality, it does nothing of the sort. In actuality, getting married doesn’t validate shit. Marriage doesn’t make a man any more committed to you than he already is. It won’t make him any less of a dirtbag to you than he already is or will be. If anything, it’ll give him more of a role in controlling and manipulating you; making your life seem like a complete hell – like Hoppy did for Frankel. Even with her own career, money, and ambition, she was still controlled by a man because she wasn’t careful.

Ladies, please be careful. Be careful not just in who you marry, but exactly how you go about marriage as well!