Clare Edwards: When The “In Sickness And In Health” Phrase Doesn’t Apply In A Relationship – And Why It’s Totally Okay

Esme song wasn’t the first character in the Degrassi franchise to have struggled with bipolar disorder. Before her, Eli Goldsworthy, played by Munro Chambers, struggled with the disease. Unlike Esme’s very open-ended and incomplete character on the show, we got to see Eli’s journey to healing and recovery following his mental breakdown. Though he and Maya, Esme’s main nemesis, never actually met (I don’t think), their stories collided in season 12 of Degrassi: The Next Generation. It was Eli who found Cam’s deceased body after he committed suicide at the school property. Can was Maya’s boyfriend at the time of his death.

Finding Cam’s body triggered Eli. It led to a significant psychological trauma, a relapse into substance use, and an exacerbation of his existing mental health issues. It put him in an immediate state of shock. As a response, he pulled his girlfriend, Clare Edwards, away before she herself could fully process the scene and see the body, telling her to call emergency services. The graphic nature of the discovery (implied to involve a significant amount of blood, likely from self-inflicted cuts) led to recurring nightmares. He had a particularly intense dream where his room was engulfed in blood. He struggled to process his emotions and was in denial about the severity of the situation. He tried to avoid talking about Cam and decided the best way to cope was to “have fun” as a means to distract himself.

Eli’s inability to cope with the aftermath of finding Cam’s body led to a relapse into drug use, specifically smoking marijuana and taking MDMA at a party. This resulted in erratic behavior, such as streaking through the school hallways while high. When a friend suggested the greenhouse might be haunted, Eli chillingly replied, “No… just me,” which indicated a deep internal feeling of being permanently scarred by the event. The trauma compounded his existing struggles. He began seeing a counsellor to help manage his reactions and was convinced he attracted death after also losing his first love, Julia. She passed away the year prior of him coming to Degrassi. The aftermath of finding Cam’s body forced Eli to reflect on his own past struggles and dark thoughts, acknowledging that it “could’ve been me” in a similar situation the previous year, which helped provide some perspective on his own recovery.

Mr. Simpson, or Snake as longtime fans know him, who by that time was the principal of the school, was there to listen. He empathized with Eli because he, too, was in the very same situation when he was the one to find Claude’s, a Degrassi student, in the school washroom deceased body after he’d shot himself. Much like Eli, he went through a wide range of emotions in the aftermath of finding Claude even though the two never actually met before. At the time, he was a student at the school. Eli’s coping mechanisms, particularly his avoidance of the topic and drug use, put a strain on his relationship with Clare, who wanted him to open up and talk about it. But he didn’t want to. He could only face speaking of it with Mr. Simpson. He was so desperate to avoid facing the consequences in the aftermath of him seeing Cam’s body that he didn’t even want to include him in his class graduation video. In the end, however, he did.

This very event in Eli’s life served as a major turning point for his character, highlighting the severe and lasting impact of trauma and the different ways individuals cope with such a profound loss. It also put an emphasis on one’s healing journey through trauma and grief; that it’s not a one way street. The journey is continuous and constant. This wasn’t the first time we saw Eli hit rock bottom. It also happened on the one year anniversary of Julia’s passing. By that point, he was already dating Clare.

Eli was introduced as a quirky, opinionated new student who drove a vintage hearse that he named Morty. He quickly formed a strong connection with Clare, and their relationship (known as “Eclare”) became a central plot point. Their initial storyline revolved around a video project for English class where they filmed a modernized Romeo and Juliet. Even though he obviously liked, Eli initially hesitated to get close to Clare. He eventually revealed to her that his first love, Julia, died in a car accident after they had a fight and she biked away in the dark. The guilt over her death heavily influenced his fear of abandonment and intense, possessive behavior in relationships, which we saw later in season 10. He got into a heated rivalry with a school bully named Fitz, who showed romantic feelings towards Clare. The conflict escalates, involving various schemes, a physical fight, and a knife incident at the school’s “Vegas Night” event.

Fitz’ actions led to Eli’s mental breakdown. When Clare attempted to distance herself from Eli due to his intense behavior, he became paranoid and desperate to keep her. In the season 10 two-part finale, “Drop the World,” Eli, feeling rejected, intentionally crashed his beloved hearse, Morty, after Clare told him they should break up and that she didn’t even like his car. He was hospitalized, and Clare officially ended the relationship when she realized he intentionally crashed the car to be hospitalized as he knew she’d come. His actions scared her, and she couldn’t handle him being in her life anymore.

I honestly couldn’t blame Clare for ending her relationship with Eli; for being scared of him. Being in a relationship with someone with bipolar disorder brings hardships like an emotional rollercoaster of unpredictable mood swings, irritability, and potential anger, creating instability and stress for the partner, often leading to caregiver burden, self-sacrifice, loneliness, hypervigilance, strained intimacy, and difficulty building trust due to extreme shifts in behavior, requiring immense empathy, clear communication, and professional support to navigate effectively. To break it down more thoroughly:

Emotional & Behavioral Challenges

• Emotional Rollercoaster: You experience unpredictable highs (mania/hypomania) and lows (depression), making daily life feel chaotic and draining.

• Extreme Mood Shifts: Partners can go from energetic and impulsive to withdrawn and lethargic, creating confusion and insecurity.

• Irritability & Anger: Manic or depressive episodes often bring intense irritability, short fuses, and hurtful words or actions, causing partners to feel they’re “walking on eggshells”.

• Unpredictability: You may constantly worry about when the next episode will strike, leading to hypervigilance and stress. 

Impact on the Partner

• Caregiver Burden: The partner often becomes the primary caregiver, giving up their own time, energy, and needs to manage the illness, leading to self-sacrifice.

• Loneliness & Powerlessness: Feeling misunderstood, unheard, or unable to help can lead to profound loneliness and feelings of powerlessness.

• Empathy Fatigue: Over time, even recognizing it’s an illness can wear thin, and partners may struggle to maintain empathy, while the person with bipolar feels constantly judged as “the illness talking”.

• Erosion of Trust: Mood shifts can alter feelings and perceptions, making consistent trust difficult to build. 

Relationship Dynamics & Intimacy

• Intimacy Issues: Depression can reduce sexual desire, while mania might bring hypersexuality or reckless sexual behavior; medication can also impact libido.

• Communication Breakdown: Difficulty expressing needs, heightened sensitivity, or destructive communication patterns can arise.

• Isolation: Partners may become socially isolated as the disorder consumes their lives or the person with bipolar withdraws. 

Navigating Hardships

• Education: Understanding bipolar disorder is crucial for providing support.

• Professional Help: Therapy for the individual and couples counseling are vital.

• Crisis Planning: Create plans for mood episodes, including code words and agreed-upon support strategies.

• Self-Care: The partner needs support to avoid burnout and maintain their own identity and well-being. 

On the other side of the coin, there was Holly J. Sinclair and Sav Bhandari. Holly J. went from being known as a “queen bee” at Lakehurst High to a more compassionate and ambitious student at Degrassi Community School, eventually graduating and attending Yale University. Portrayed by actress Charlotte Arnold, she’d characterized as an overachiever who matures significantly, learning to be a better friend and person, despite her initial arrogance and struggles with family money issues. Sav was much different than Holly J. He was known for being a level-headed, music-loving student from a traditional Muslim background who often struggled with his parents’ rules, particularly regarding dating.

Sav and Holly J. were never supposed to be a serious couple. They first got together with the intention of them ever getting serious about each other. But they did. They slowly developed real feelings for each other. They had one of the most solid relationships ever seen on the show. We’re going to exclude Declan, Holly J.’s ex-boyfriend, getting in the way of their happiness when he aimed to get back together with her and raped her. Sav, even though he was hurt by knowing that Holly J. slept with Declan, still wanted to be with her, and after she explained herself to him, they got back together and their relationship went back to normal.

The next big hurdle in their relationship was Holly J.’s illness as she faced kidney failure and was in need of a transplant ASAP. Sav was there to support her through everything; through her new “normal”. He was good to her and did everything he could to be a good boyfriend during such a difficult period in her life. There was just one problem, though, and it was that she wasn’t feeling it with him. She wasn’t in love with him. Most of the time she wasn’t with him, she seemed bored out of her damn mind; like she would’ve much rather been somewhere else. Confused about her feelings, she decided to do a pros and cons list in regard to her relationship with Sav. The only con on the list was that she wasn’t “feeling it”. Her two best friends, Anya and Fiona, made her realize that that one con on her list was the most important one.

Knowing full well how Sav’s parents felt about him having a White girlfriend, Holly J. decided to take matters into her own hands and tell his mother that she was Sav’s girlfriend to get him to break up with her. Her plan failed as Sav’s mother was truly impressed by Holly J., much to Sav’s utter shock and happiness. That was when she finally got to courage to be honest about her true feelings about him and their relationship. He didn’t fight it. Even though he was heartbroken, he understood and went along with it. As Holly J. said herself, there was always meant to be an expiration date for them. He just had hopes that it was just an outdated phrase that had no meaning to them anymore.

Watching the season 10 finale episode of Degrassi made me think a lot about the “In sickness and in health” phrase. It’s used in marriage ceremonies when the two people getting married are asked, “Do you take the ___?” All main characters in the series were teenagers, so we’re obviously not talking about marriage here (even though there were some instances of teen marriages). Nevertheless, the phrase is still important to articulate in non-marital terms as well. My husband and I proved the phrase to be right in our own relationship before we got married. First, when he became ill with an autoimmune disease, and then when I became ill with a chronic illness. We both stayed by each other’s sides.

That said, I do believe that it’s not always the best thing for two people to stay together when going through an illness. It can sometimes be better to be single while managing a significant illness because it allows you to concentrate fully on your health and recovery without the added stress of relationship dynamics and expectations. To break it down more thoroughly:

Key reasons include:

• Focus on Self-Care: Being single allows you to prioritize medical appointments, rest, and treatment without feeling guilty or needing to negotiate schedules with a partner.

• Reduced Emotional Strain: Managing an illness is emotionally demanding. A relationship, even a good one, requires emotional energy that you may need for yourself. This reduced strain can lead to improved mental well-being.

• Avoidance of Caregiver Stress: In a relationship, the partner often takes on a caregiver role, which can create imbalances and stress for both individuals. Staying single avoids placing this burden on someone else and the potential resentment or burnout that can arise.

• Independence and Control: You maintain complete control over your daily routine, environment, and healthcare decisions. This sense of independence can be empowering when much of your life is already being dictated by an illness.

• Prevention of Codependency: It helps prevent the development of unhealthy codependent dynamics where your well-being becomes excessively intertwined with another person’s presence or actions.

• Authentic Support System: Being single allows you to rely on a broader support system of friends, family, and medical professionals, rather than depending solely on a partner. This diversity of support can be more resilient and less overwhelming for any single individual.

The very last thing Holly J. needed during her last months as a high school student was a boyfriend. Even if she did, in fact, love Sav, it wouldn’t have made sense for her to have someone else be her priority when she should be prioritizing herself. She was going through a heck of a lot during that time. Not only was she going through a health crisis, but she also found out that she was adopted and was getting to know her biological mother throughout the process.

While Holly J. and Sav never looked back on their romantic path following their breakup, Clare and Eli did. After a year apart, they got back together. That one year, however, made all the difference for them both – as individuals. That year apart was necessary for them both in order to grow and learn who they were as people. Eli needed to figure out how to navigate life as a person living with a mental illness. Clare needed to figure her own shit out following her parents’ divorce. There was a lot of turmoil in their lives, and there was absolutely no way they could’ve made each other a priority during that time. It was only when they were BOTH ready to make the other a priority that they got back together.

Eli and Clare’s time apart was interesting. I’d go as far as saying it was more interesting than their relationship itself. During their time apart, Clare started dating someone new, Jake, who ended up becoming her stepbrother when her mother married his father. Eli worked on his mental health and started taking medication, which resulted in him becoming a completely different person. He wasn’t the possessive, controlling, and manipulative person that Clare broke up with. Instead, he was calm and collected, which pissed Clare off because she’s just assumed he didn’t give a shit.

In actuality, Eli did care. He turned his attention into making art by writing a school musical. He based his subject matter on his relationship with Clare. It became more than just a project for him as a way to deal. It became his “baby”. Of his writing process, he said, ‘No matter how much all of you want a happy ending, you can’t have it! I tried to write one, but it’s impossible. I rewrote and rewrote, but things kept changing. And I hurt people, and I…I knew they were hurting, but I didn’t stop…because your mind tricks you…it tricks you into thinking that things are fine, well they’re not fine, nothing’s fine, it’s all WRONG! I’m all wrong. So that’s it. There’s no happy ending.’

A beautiful thing to say for someone to have said. But even more so, a true testament about stories of life in a nutshell. For the most part, movies and TV shows have ‘happy endings’. Very rarely do they not, and when they don’t, it comes as a surprise. Real life doesn’t work like that. In real life, a ‘happy ending’ marks a new beginning. A new beginning marks a new construction to the continuation of the story, as well as the ‘happy ending’ that everyone seems to want.

Clare and Eli’s story was vital to Degrassi’s narrative. It served as a catalyst for serious discussions about mental health, boundaries, and personal resilience. Of course they got their ‘happy ending’ by the end of the series’ run, but their arc was more about the journey rather than their ending itself. Their story was magnified by their own individual experiences and growths. While often messy and “tumultuous,” their on-again, off-again dynamic felt authentic to the high school experience, generating strong feelings among viewers. To break it down more thoroughly:

Character Development and Mutual Growth

• Eli’s Mental Health Journey: Eli’s character arc heavily focused on his struggle with undiagnosed bipolar disorder after his ex-girlfriend’s death. Clare was often his main support system, and their relationship explored the realities of loving someone with severe mental health issues, showcasing the challenges and the necessity of therapy and medication.

• Clare’s Expansion of Horizons: Clare began as a somewhat sheltered, rule-abiding “perfectionist”. Eli’s introduction into her life, with his dramatic flair and “free-range” family environment, pushed her outside her comfort zone. Visually, this was shown through changes in her style, and plot-wise, through her challenging authority and breaking rules.

• Balancing Impulses: Together, they balanced each other out: Clare was able to “rein-in” some of Eli’s more dangerous impulses with rationality, while Eli encouraged Clare to break free from her self-imposed “box” and embrace life more fully. 

Realistic Portrayal of Teenage Relationships 

• Believable Chemistry: The actors’ strong on-screen chemistry made the connection and history between the characters feel incredibly real and intense, making their “epic” romance a central and believable focus of the series for many seasons.

• Tackling Difficult Topics: The relationship didn’t shy away from dark themes, including Eli’s emotional manipulation, stalking, and car crash in season 10, which was explicitly framed as a troubling and potentially abusive dynamic rather than a romantic one. This provided a narrative that addressed the unhealthy aspects of obsessive, “Twilight-esque” romance.

• Shared Trauma and Support: They bonded over significant life events and trauma, including the death of Adam Torres, Clare’s cancer diagnosis, and her eventual miscarriage. Their ability to support each other through these hardships demonstrated profound moments of genuine love and care that resonated deeply with the audience. 

Clare and Eli getting back together by the end of season 11 didn’t mean that Eli’s mental illness was going away. It meant that Eli did the work on himself that needed to be done in order for him to be the person that Clare needed him to be. It meant that he understood her boundaries and he did the work on himself that was necessary in order for him not to break those boundaries.

If there’s anything I could take away from that particular relationship, it’s that “In sickness and in health” is a truly dumbfounded, outdated phrase. It’s one that applies ONLY when the person who’s ill never gives up on themselves and is willing to work through their turmoil. Love isn’t enough to make a relationship work between two people, especially when an illness, or even two, is involved. And in Holly J. and Sav’s case, just because someone’s there for you to support you through your illness doesn’t mean it’s a good enough reason for you to stay in that relationship. If you don’t love the person, you don’t love them. It’s okay to leave. It’s okay to live your life; your truth.