Jenny’s Wedding – All The Things That Made The LGBTQ Movie So Flawed – The Telling Of A Completely Different Tale To Make The Story A Little More Impactful

Perhaps the most underestimated LGBTQ film is 2015’s Jenny’s Wedding, starring Katherine Heigl and Alexis Bledel. Not many people liked the low budget film. In fact, I’d even say most people hated it. Rotten Tomatoes gave it a 20% rating. IMDB holds a better rating – 5.6 out of 10. One Reddit user bashed the entire film for being “too straight”. I can attest to that. It WAS too straight indeed. The female leads are straight in real life and had never been with women themselves, so they probably couldn’t fully connect with their characters. But, like To My Shore, the BL Chinese drama that was the subject matter in my previous blog post, Jenny’s Wedding wasn’t about LGBTQ love.

Instead of it being an LGBTQ issue, it was a parental issue that was the essence and the heart of the movie. And by it being a parental issue, I mean that the movie was about parents not willing to accept their adult child’s choices as for how to live their own life. In a nutshell, the movie followed Jenny, played by Heigl, who’s planning her wedding to Kitty, played by Bledel, her longtime girlfriend. Jenny lead an openly gay life with everyone except her conventional family. They initially think Kitty was Jenny’s roommate. When they find out who she really was, they found themselves at risk of losing their daughter forever. Jenny’s father, especially, has a tough time coming to terms with his daughter’s revelation.

Of course, the movie had a happy ending. Not only does Jenny’s dad come to the wedding, he walks her down the aisle too, along with Jenny’s mom. Over the closing credits a picture is shown of the whole family, including Jenny and Kitty with their new baby. In her review of the film, Jeannette Catsoulis of The New York Times noted that, ‘One of the many irritants in this trite, well-intentioned lecture on tolerance: The audience is always several moves ahead of the script.’ I really can’t say it’s not true. Mostly because it is.

The premise for Jenny’s Wedding was surely very much predictable, and annoyingly so. And yet, the story was an important one to be told. So much so that an Indiegogo campaign was set up to aid in post-production with Donoghue and her crew asking $150,000 to cover the costs of music, titles, colour and sound. Not everyone agreed with this testament as the campaign ended on April 12, 2014, having only raised $96,691. Maybe the failure to have met the numbers had to do with the general public not agreeing with the movie’s subject matter. Not everyone is going to accept two women in love. Not even in 2014, when the movie was being made.

Jenny’s Wedding wasn’t about gay love. Instead, it was about a family going against their own beliefs they built their entire lives on to support their daughter. Not everyone was able to do that. This leads me to (over)analyze the reason for this very fact. You see, it’s hard for parents to accept their adult children’s choices due to deep-seated instincts to protect, control, and guide, coupled with deeply held expectations for their child’s success and happiness, often clashing with generational differences in values, lifestyles, and priorities, leading to fears of their child failing or struggling, and difficulty relinquishing the parental role. This struggle often stems from a natural fear for their child’s well-being, questioning their own parenting, and a lack of understanding of their child’s evolving world and independence.  To break it down more thoroughly:

Core Reasons for Difficulty:

• Deep-Seated Protective Instincts: Parents are hardwired to protect their children from harm, making it difficult to stand by as they face challenges they can’t control.

• Unmet Expectations: Parents often have specific visions for their child’s career, partner, or life path, and deviations feel like underachievement or failure.

• Generational Gaps: Different values, beliefs, and approaches to life (career, family, finances) between generations create friction and misunderstanding.

• Loss of Control: The shift from directing a child’s life to a more advisory role is a significant identity change, and some parents struggle to let go.

• Fear of Failure & Worry: Parents worry their children will get hurt, make poor financial decisions, or not achieve the happiness or success they envisioned.

• Questioning Their Own Parenting: When children struggle, parents often blame themselves, wondering if they were bad parents or didn’t do enough, as discussed in FaithGateway.

• Identity Shift: Parents may feel lost as their role changes from primary caregiver to someone outside their child’s daily decisions, struggling with their purpose, say Dr. Rachel Glik. 

Traditional and acceptance were the main themes of Jenny’s Wedding. The plot almost had nothing to do with Jenny being a lesbian, but rather, it had everything to do with everything surrounding her being a lesbian. Ironically, the very least interesting aspect of the movie was Jenny being a lesbian. Instead, it was Jenny’s sister’s, Anne, played by Grace Gunner, Meryl Streep’s daughter, storyline.

Unlike her sister, Anne lived a traditional life; one that her parents approved of. But she wasn’t happy. She settled. She always felt that Jenny was their mother’s favourite. It was almost like for a life with a man to please her parents. But it wasn’t. She didn’t even know Jenny was a lesbian. She was just living a life that she was told all her life was “the right way” by marrying young; by marrying the first man who ever looked at her.

The most important scene in the entire movie was when Anne saw her yard. It wasn’t taken care of; much like her marriage. The yard was seen as neglected and full of dead grass, which served as an “excruciating” and “blunt-spoken” metaphor for her failing marriage to her “layabout” husband. Anne repeatedly said lines such as, “Happy people don’t have dead grass!” It was a heavy metaphor to describe an unhappy marriage built on tradition. Here was a woman who went by the book – married to a man with two kids. And then there was Jenny – a woman who refused to live by the book for a life she didn’t want.

Throughout the entirety of the film, I was hoping to see more of Bledel’s character, Kitty. But she was barely there; only seen in 3 scenes or so. She was mostly a disposable character, which is a shame because there’s so much that could’ve been done with her to make Jenny’s story a little more appealing. Like, I was hoping to see Kitty’s background and how her family reacted to the mere idea of her marrying a woman in comparison to Jenny’s family. I would’ve much liked to see Jenny’s relationship with Kitty’s family and whether they embraced her with open arms in comparison to how Jenny’s family reacted to Kitty being more than Jenny’s roommate.

In my own experience, I’ve been the Kitty in my relationship with my husband. Maybe that was the reason why I wanted to see more of Kitty. My relationship isn’t an LGBTQ one, and yet, my husband and I had gone through exactly what Heigl’s Jenny and Bledel’s Kitty went through. And while the movie had a happy ending, with Jenny’s father fully embracing Jenny and her being in a lesbian union, our story looked much, much different. Then again, who’s to say that Jenny’s father actually accepted the union anyway? After all, we didn’t see what happened AFTER the wedding itself.

I understood Jenny’s situation with her parents because I’d witnessed it myself in my husband. His father never approved of someone like me. Not because I’m a man, but because I’m disabled. He never saw me as being worthy of my husband. So much so that when we were put in a situation where we’d be forced to be in the same room, he wouldn’t even acknowledge me. It was like I wasn’t even there. Whether he ever acknowledged wasn’t my problem. I never made it my problem. My one and only priority was always my husband and his happiness. That was where me being the Kitty in the story comes in. Or at least the Kitty that I’d wished was portrayed in the movie.

From the very beginning of our relationship all those years ago, I knew loud and clear what my role was in my husband’s life. I was the cheerleader, the confidant, and the support system that he never, ever got from anyone in his life. At times, it put a lot of pressure on me. But no matter how difficult it might’ve gotten, it was always worth it. It was my job to show him that not everything, nor everyone, in his life had to be toxic. Most importantly, however, it was my responsibility to provide him a sense of stability; a sense of belonging; a sense of family. And that was exactly what I did.

The very few people who watched Jenny’s Wedding had the very same opinion on the role Kitty played in the movie, as well as just how little time she had on-screen. She was sidelined because the story focused primarily on Jenny’s family’s reaction to her coming out. That in itself was such a shame. Reasons often cited for why Kitty should have had a bigger role include:

• Lack of Character Development: Kitty was a “washed out character with little to no back story and emotion”. Viewers knew she was a teacher and Jenny’s partner of five years, but little else about her life, past, or personal struggles, making her feel more like a plot device than a fully realized individual.

• Focus on the Family’s Reaction: The central theme of the movie was Jenny’s family coming to terms with her sexuality and the wedding, rather than the actual relationship between Jenny and Kitty. This narrative choice left Kitty in the background, minimizing her perspective and experience as the person marrying into this difficult family.

• Minimal Chemistry: Many reviewers noted a lack of on-screen chemistry between the lead actresses, which may have contributed to the character feeling like an “afterthought”. More screen time dedicated to developing their dynamic could have made their relationship more believable and emotionally resonant.

• Missed Opportunities for Depth: The film missed opportunities to explore Kitty’s own experiences, such as her potential struggles with her own parents’ reactions to her sexuality, which could have added significant depth to the story. 

Ultimately, the argument for a bigger role for Kitty stems from the feeling that the film marginalized the very relationship the story was supposed to be about, making Kitty a supporting player in her own wedding story. 

Watching Jenny’s Wedding felt like I was watching my father-in-law as the main lead. I didn’t like it. In fact, I hated it. Who in the world would want to see a person standing in the way of one’s real, true happiness as the main character? I know that if a movie was ever made about my husband’s life with me, I wouldn’t want to see that my father-in-law for most of the movie. He’s not even in my husband’s life; not anymore. Nor was he ever much of a presence in his life even when he was.

The ending of Jenny’s Wedding felt forced. Not because of the festivities or what they meant for Jenny and Kitty’s new marriage. But rather because it was almost impossible to believe that Jenny’s father showing up was a happy occasion. He didn’t seem too thrilled to be there, and she wasn’t too happy to see him show up to walk her down the aisle. She was almost disappointed to see him show up. It was almost like she would’ve preferred that he didn’t. In many ways, that ‘happy ending’ wasn’t happy at all.

Truthfully, I resonated with the ending of Jenny’s Wedding. That was the one scene that really made me see the entire movie differently. The very little details were what made the difference for me. It was the fact that neither Jenny nor her father were happy; each for different reasons. It was a scene I’d seen and witnessed at my own wedding. My husband wasn’t happy for his father to be present at our wedding. He didn’t even want him to be there. I insisted that he be there. And his father… he never moved his mouth to hide his feelings of disgust and disappointment all throughout the wedding.

There’s a great difference between a parent choosing to approve their adult child’s partner and accepting them. Approving of an adult child’s partner implies a positive endorsement and agreement with their choice, while accepting their partner means acknowledging the relationship’s existence and treating the individual with civility, despite personal reservations. To break it down more thoroughly:

Key differences include:

• Approval indicates that you genuinely like the partner, feel they are a good match for your child, and actively support the relationship.

• Acceptance is about respecting your child’s autonomy and their right to choose their own partner, regardless of whether you personally agree with their choice. It is a commitment to maintaining a civil relationship for the sake of family harmony [1]. 

In practice:

• If you approve, you likely actively welcome the partner into family activities, express affection, and might even sing their praises to others.

• If you merely accept the partner, you might be cordial and polite during family functions, but you may not seek out their company or feel a deep personal connection [1]. 

Essentially, approval is about your feelings towards the partner, while acceptance is about your respect for your child’s judgment and the boundaries of your relationship with them.

My father-in-law surely never approved of me and my relationship with my husband, nor did he ever accept me. My husband knew exactly what his father’s reaction would be to dating someone like me. That’s why he only introduced me to him (or him to me) a whole year into our relationship. My father-in-law reacted to meeting me EXACTLY how my husband thought he’d react; even worse. None of that mattered, however. None of the reasons my father-in-law had ever made known to my husband never made a difference as to how he felt about me. In fact, I think the more my father-in-law voiced his feelings towards me, the more my husband wanted to be with me.

President Donald Trump had previously said some very questionable things about marriage, children and family in the past. One thing that he did say about family that perfectly described the essence of life and all its glories is that ‘the family you create is more important than the family you come from.’ It’s especially true for those whose family background looks similar to that of my husband’s. To my husband, his father is just a man he shares genetics with. He was his father, but not a dad. He was someone who gave my husband a roof over his head, but nothing more. No support, no guidance, no care, love, or respect. That was something he’s received from MY parents. Now, years into our relationship, he views my parents as parental figures in his life.

Generally speaking, the family you create is often seen as more important because it’s a choice built on love, respect, and shared vision, giving you agency to foster a healthier, more supportive environment, break negative cycles from your past, and build a legacy reflecting your own values, whereas your family of origin is a given where your influence is limited and sometimes includes toxicity or dysfunction that you don’t have to repeat. You have primary responsibility for the well-being and peace of your nuclear unit, making them your top priority to ensure their happiness and stability, which is a defining act of adulthood. To break it down more thoroughly:

Reasons the created family takes precedence: 

• Agency & Influence: You have more control in setting values, building traditions, and shaping the environment in your created family.

• Choice & Love: It’s a chosen bond based on mutual love, respect, and feeling at home, rather than just blood.

• Breaking Cycles: It allows you to consciously avoid repeating negative patterns from your upbringing, creating a healthier legacy.

• Primary Responsibility: Your immediate partner and children are your direct responsibility for their daily safety, happiness, and growth.

• Loyalty to Where Love Lives: Loyalty belongs to the people you wake up with, fight for, and protect daily, fostering a sanctuary of trust. 

The role of the family you come from:

• Your family of origin is your foundation and shapes your story, but it doesn’t have to dictate your future or overshadow the family you’re building.

• Setting boundaries with them is crucial for protecting your new family unit and preventing guilt from disrupting your home. 

In essence, while your birth family is part of your history, your created family is your present and future, demanding your primary focus to build a life of love, support, and intentional growth. 

While the ending of Jenny’s Wedding saw Jenny get married to the love of her life and celebrate the special occasion with her entire family, in real life, it wouldn’t be the end of the “problem” in the story of Jenny’s father’s inability to accept Jenny’s choices and her relationship with a woman. If it were real life, this would’ve marked yet another beginning. There would’ve been a continuation to the story. Just because he came to the wedding didn’t necessarily mean he accepted the union; just like my father-in-law never accepted my husband’s union with me. He came to our wedding, but that didn’t mean he accepted me being in my husband’s life. So much so that my husband went no-contact with him. It’s now been two-and-half years, and those years have been the best in my husband’s life – his words, not mine. These have been the years that he finally feels free from his own demons. And may – just maybe – that was Jenny’s fate. It certainly seemed so at the end of Jenny’s Wedding. She would’ve gotten married regardless of whether or not her father showed up, and maybe – just maybe – it would’ve been better if he hadn’t. Who knows. I know that I didn’t want anyone who didn’t support my union with my husband at our wedding. My husband didn’t either. That was why he didn’t want his father there in the first place. Judging by the photos I have of his grumpy old man face from our special day, maybe I shouldn’t have insisted that he should be there to celebrate our love… a love he didn’t believe in; a love he’s NEVER believed in.