I was recently reminded of an incident that happened to me when I worked as a freelance writer. I worked with a client who resided in United Kingdom and operated his business there as well. I didn’t work directly with him, though. Instead, all communication throughout the project was done through his assistant. Not once did I actually speak to my client after our initial introductory phone call.
It was one of my bigger projects that I worked really hard to get. It was one of those projects that I would’ve gotten a lot of money for had it all worked out. Obviously, just by what you’re reading, the project was a bust. I could simply just say it didn’t work, but in all honesty, there’s a lot more to the story. The assistant and I had a fairly good working relationship for a while until it all just deteriorated into nothing but anger and frustration. One day, though, she completely snapped and told me, ‘Wishing all the luck in the world to anyone who works with you. I hope you enjoy your money that you got for the work you’ve barely done.’
I was so astounded by what I’d heard. The scenario was absolutely uncalled for. My client knew that 100%, so he called me to apologize for his assistant’s behaviour. I accepted his apology, but I vowed not to continue working with him. So I gave him the money back, minus the amount I’d already worked for, and we went our separate ways. It wasn’t about the assistant nor was it about our conflict, per say. It was rather about the conversation I had with the client when he apologized. When he apologized, he told me his assistant had cerebral palsy and that was why she was acting the way that she did.
I was utterly disappointed in my client’s excuse for his assistant’s behaviour. That’s all it was – an excuse; a terrible one, if I were to put it nicely. I couldn’t work with someone who used cerebral palsy as an excuse for someone’s behaviour. I have cerebral palsy myself, and I never behaved the way my client’s assistant did. If I ever did, I certainly didn’t use cerebral palsy as an excuse for that behaviour. Cerebral palsy should never be a reason for someone to feel like they’re entitled and that the world revolves around them.
This is why I never understood people with cerebral palsy. I could never relate to them. There was a period in my life, when I was a teenager, where I was solely friends with people with disabilities, particularly cerebral palsy. My parents sent me to camp for kids with disabilities every year starting at the age of 12. They encouraged me to become friends with the other kids because they thought I’d relate to them. I did as my parents suggested. I became friends with the kids who were like me. Instead of feeling like I was part of something special, I felt like a complete outsider. I wanted to have fun, go on adventures, and learn new things everyday. But all my friends and I ever did was go to the movies, go out to dinner, and talk about disabilities. After about 10 years of friendship, I grew tired of the same old routine. So I started meeting new people, and that included a new boyfriend who’s now my husband.
My husband gave me everything I was lacking at the time, and therefore, my friendships were becoming more and more distant. By the time my husband and I were together for a year, I’d stopped seeing or even hearing anything of my old friends. By now, they’re all just a distant memory. I guess I could say that there could be so many reasons why my old group of disabled friends and I are no longer friends. Our lives went into completely different directions. Mostly, it was because I was growing and changing as a person and as a woman, whereas my friends stayed at the same place as they were in when we were all 12 years old. They still saw themselves as those ‘disabled kids’, whereas I saw myself as an ever-changing, ever-growing woman.
I don’t regret being exposed to the disabled community, specifically the cerebral palsy community. Though I’m technically a part of that community myself because I have cerebral palsy, mentally and emotionally, I don’ feel like I belong there. I don’t put the disabled label on myself even though society does. Instead of saying to myself or anyone else that I’m a disabled a woman, I just say, ‘I’m a woman.’ That I am, and I’m proud to be one.
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