Kristel Candelario: When Postpartum Depression And Distress Aren’t Good Enough Reasons For A Mother To Murder Her Child

Postpartum depression has been something that’s on my mind for the past 17 months – ever since my son was born. I’ve written A LOT about the topic on this blog. I even wrote about male postpartum depression while relating it to ‘Jane The Virgin’, a show which starred Gina Rodriguez, Justin Baldoni, Brett Dier, and Yael Grobglas. Before I became a mother myself, I thought that the first year was the easiest. I thought that all it entailed was feeding the baby and changing it’s diaper. And yes, I referred to any baby as ‘it’. I was naive and, for the lack of a better word, ignorant. The first year was the hardest, and I don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have the support that I did during that time.

Three months ago, the worst case scenario of what could happen to a woman if her postpartum depression isn’t treated properly by medical professionals hit home. A friend I was extremely close with for years, someone who was the closest person to me aside for my family, was charged with murder for the death of her 6 month old son. Hearing the news was shattering. A friend initially told me about it. He sent me the article that was the first to report it. The title of the article was telling. I kept hoping it was a different woman who had the same name. But I saw my friend’s house pictured in the article, and that’s how I knew that it was, in fact, who I was told it was. My husband and I used to be at that house regularly. We made some great memories there.

Hearing the news and seeing the article with her name in it with the words, ‘Mother Charged with The Murder Of Her 6 Month Old Infant’, brought back so many of those memories – the good, the bad and the ugly. I hadn’t seen her since right before the pandemic. Our friendship drifted due to the complications and clashes I had with her husband. To put it as nicely as I possibly can, he wasn’t very nice to me throughout the years that we were friends. By the end of 2019, I’d had enough. I knew I had to put myself first, so I put a distance between us. Nevertheless, I never truly ended my friendship with her. We kept in touch throughout the years, and never missed each other’s special occasions, such as birthdays, in the years that followed. By New Year’s 2024, I was I was ready to see her after all that time. I was going to message her on New Year’s Day, but I got my period that day.

It was a missed opportunity that I’ll never be able to get back. Even if she gets out of jail at some point in her life, how could I ever be friends with someone who I know murdered her child? My (former) friend was always a good person, and she wouldn’t hurt a fly. Now, she hurt a person; her own child. I know that she wouldn’t hurt her son just because. Back when I knew her, she was always family-oriented. She nurturing and was always the one who took care of everyone. She had that motherly trait in her down to a tea. I always thought she’d make a great mother to someone one day.

The last time my (former) friend and I talked was when she was pregnant and my son was a few months old. She was so excited. She was even excited to have the weird cravings that she had, as well as the toughest parts of pregnancy, such as nausea. She was telling me all about her struggles with infertility, and even said reading this blog, particularly my blog posts about infertility and what I went through, helped cope. I was so moved by her words. My writing helping at least one person, and one person I was extremely close with, is what this entire blog is all about. But I also now feel like I failed the last time I talked to her. She was asking me so many questions about motherhood and taking care of a newborn, and I gave all her all the advice I could give her based on my own experience back when my son was just born.

And then, my (former) friend asked me what I thought at the time was the stupidest question on the face of the earth. She asked me, ‘What’s your favourite part about motherhood?’ I had trouble answering this question. I contemplated so hard whether I should tell her the truth or lie through my teeth. Sadly, I chose to lie through my teeth. I gave her the most bullsh*t answer humanly possible. I told her that watching my husband’s bond with our son was the most favourite thing about motherhood. Now, more than a year after I birthed my son and more than a year since my hormones were scattered all over my body, I can honestly and truthfully say that watching my husband’s bond with my son is my favourite thing about motherhood. It is, as well as watching my son grow and witnessing his big personality, is my all-time favourite thing about motherhood. But back then, all I could ask myself was, ‘What the f*ck did I get myself into?’ and ‘Why did I want this so much in the first place?’ At times, I’d forget I even had a baby in the house and would be utterly surprised when I heard him cry. It’d take me a while to get up to be with him to either change his diaper, feed him, or just comfort him. I was physically here, but mentally, I was in a whole other world.

What I think happened to my (former) friend was that she was well in over her head. She had this idealization of what motherhood would look like, and then when she finally became a mom, it was anything but what she thought it’d be. She didn’t have enough help available throughout the 6 months that her son was alive, and she wasn’t properly treated medically, and by the time her son was 6 months she cracked, and her postpartum depression elevated to postpartum psychosis. I’m in no way bashing anyone who’d been in her life at the time; not her parents, and not even her husband. Sometimes, it’s impossible to help someone in need. Postpartum depression is a complicated and evil disease.

I recently came across an episode of a medical drama series (No, not ‘Grey’s Anatomy’) where a baby was left in a hot car by her mother. It’d be so easy for anyone to judge the mother in this situation. How could a mother leave her own child in a hot car? And there were some people in that particular story-line on the show that did, in fact, judge the mother. What those people who judged didn’t know was that the woman who left the baby in the car saw her mother suffering a seizure. When she left the car, she was in distress trying to help her mother get through the seizure safely. By the time she realized she left her baby in the car, it was already too late. Despite the best efforts from doctors and nurses, the baby died at the hospital. The mother will have to live with the guilt of losing her child this way for the rest of her life.

Some might say that it’s just a story-line I saw on TV. I didn’t even watch the entire episode; only 9 minutes of the story-line in its entirety. No matter the case, no matter how fake we think fictional story-lines are, these things can happen in real life. These things HAVE happened in real life. There have been so many – too many – cases of good people, good parents, leaving their babies in hot cars. Some babies have survived, and others sadly didn’t. A father left his baby in the car after he parked it at a subway station to go to work. He was driving the baby to daycare, but due to being tired, he completely missed the daycare and went straight to the subway station. Luckily, he realized in time and called his wife and the police so that they’d get the baby out. Another father wasn’t so lucky. By the time he realized he’d left his baby in the car, it was too late. The guilt was too much for him to handle, and he ended his life by suicide.

But then again, there was a woman named Kristel Candelario. She’s the infamous Ohio mother who left her 16 month old daughter in a playpen for 10 days to go on vacation to Puerto Rico and Detroit in June 2023. In March 2024, she was found guilty of murder and was sentenced to life in prison. This particular story is utterly heartbreaking. I will never understand how Candelario could leave her daughter, her own fl<o-lll;esh and blood, unattended, with no food or water, for 10 days. I can’t imagine what the little girl must’ve gone through. The video footage shown during trial was devastating to watch. Her last cries for help before she passed…left me speechless.

Candelario and her legal team argued that the mother, who also has a 7 year old daughter, that her reason for this senseless crime was that she’d been struggling with postpartum depression. She stopped taking her prescribed medication, and that affected her ability to make decisions for herself and her baby. Her lawyer, David Derek Smith, emphasized that Candelario abruptly stopped taking her prescribed. I probably would’ve believed this argument had there not been a 9-1-1call and details of what Candelario did once she returned home and saw her daughter dead. It had been determined that Candelario changed her daughter’s clothing and her diaper either before, during, or after she called 9-1-1 as to make it look like she was near her daughter the entire time, and that those 10 days never even happened. Luckily, the police were quick to catch her lies.

Candelario showed no remorse and no accountability for her actions. While she was in jail, she spoke with her mother and happily spoke of her plans of the future. She couldn’t stop laughing and smiling at the thought of her future. She was happy. She actually thought she was getting out of jail. And yet, during trial, we saw a completely different person in Candelario. For most of the trial, she looked down and broke down in crocodile tears. Candelario’s family, her mother and older daughter in particular, were nowhere to be found at the trial. No one was even there to make a victim’s statement for the little girl. The people who worked on the case showed up to make their victim statements on the little girl’s behalf. It was gut-wrenching to listen to those who’d worked on the case be so emotional and distraught. No one that claimed to have loved her came to defend her and speak on her behalf to defend her, so those that only met her and got to know her after her death came to the rescue.

I can’t say I fully blame Kristel Candelario’s parents and 7 year old daughter giving the jury victim statements. This was still their daughter and the young girl’s mother who was on the line of going to prison for murder. They still love her. They still want to think highly of her. They still want the best for her. They still want her to be at home with them. All that while knowing that she committed that unthinkable crime. They were there in the courtroom not to get justice for the murder of their granddaughter and sister, but to support Kristel Candelario. It’s a very tricky and conflicting situation.

Once all was said and done, it was Kristel Candelario’s turn to speak. She told the judge that God, as well as her daughter, has forgiven for what she’d done. My take on the matter as I watched that specific clip, ‘How does she know that God forgave her for what she’d done?’, as well as, ‘How the f*ck does she know that her daughter forgave her?’ Her daughter was scared , literally to death, and the one person that was protect her wasn’t there to do so. This wasn’t the first time she left her daughter, as she previously left her with neighbours for days at a time. If only she’d left her daughter that fateful June week with a neighbour… her daughter would’ve lived. He daughter would’ve lived to see herself be two years old now. That little girl fought for her life…FOR DAYS.

I don’t know anyone, no mother and no father, who’d be sick enough to leave their child, their helpless little child, all alone for 10 days. I can’t imagine any mother’s postpartum depression be so bad that she chooses to leave for vacation and simultaneously leaving her child to die a slow, painful, and torturous death. There’s a lot that I believe is caused by postpartum depression. But not this. I’m basing it on both Kristel Candelario leaving her child alone for 10 days, as well as her actions thereafter. Her lawyers didn’t believe her either. They were just doing what they were paid to do. But they said themselves there was no excuse for their client’s actions.

I want to discuss the matter of the Kristel Candelario’s lawyer’s argument in the case, which was that his client abruptly stopped taking her anti-depressants and, therefore, couldn’t make decisions that were good for her and her daughter’s health well-being. No, I don’t believe it was an argument that was applicable to Kristel Candelario’s case of murdering her child. But it IS an argument nevertheless. During the first year following my epilepsy diagnosis, my neurologist at the time was doing anything but his job at getting me healthier. I was going from one prescribed medication to another, because no matter what medication I was taking, my condition had only worsened. It wasn’t thte seizures that made it worse, but rather everything around it. My brain was fried, and that’s an understatement. I couldn’t do anything but lay down on the floor and just stare at the ceiling. I couldn’t see situations as they were just as they were happening, I was lacking an understanding of my surroundings, and just like Kristel Candelario’s lawyer argued for her, I had trouble making decisions for myself. It was only due to my own research that I found out that I was mistreated by that same doctor for years. Instead of abruptly stopping in-taking medications, I was supposed to slowly decrease the dosages before completely stopping in-taking them; completely stopping. My condition was getting worse BECAUSE of that mistreatment by my doctor. Nevertheless, my condition never got to a point where I murdered my child by leaving him to go on vacation. No matter how bad my health got, I’d never decide to do that and risk the life of a helpless child – MY child.

When Jury found Kristel Candelario guilty of murder, the judge had some things to say to after sentencing her to life without parole. These words included that unlike her daughter, Candelario will still be much better off. At least she, unlike her daughter, will have access to food and water, as well as a washroom, throughout her time in jail. And that’s the reality of it. Justice might’ve been served for the little girl, but her mother will still not know the suffering she’d endured during the last days of her life by the hands, or lack of, her own mother.

This case affected everyone around the world, particularly mothers around the world. It certainly affected me. The bond between a mother and child is the most sacred one there could ever be. It’s built on love and trust. Kristel Candelario betrayed her daughter by failing to do the bare minimum as a mother. Prosecutors called it the most gruesome death they’d ever seen. This wasn’t just an oversight. It was a per-meditated murder. During the few days that her daughter was alive and fought for her life, Candelario could’ve called someone to look after her and get her help. She didn’t.

Whenever I hear stories of mothers killing their children, I try my hardest to give the mothers the benefit of the doubt. It’s especially true after I became a mother myself. As a mother that’s gone through postpartum depression herself and survived, what I learned from this case is to take baby steps one day at a time. I know that I’m a good mother. I know I’m doing the best I can. I know that my son is happy in my presence. I know that my son is in good hands. I keep telling myself these things over and over again, for as to never forget that I’m doing a f*cking good job; a much better job than Kristel Candelario did as a mother.