Even though my previous post was meant to be about Olivia Munn and her previous battle with cancer, I heavily talked about Anne Hathaway and her ‘Love & Other Drugs’ character, Maggie. Hathaway did a very good job portraying someone who’s in the early stages of her Parkinson’s Disease. She brought to life all the emotions a woman goes through while living with an illness that takes over your life. That type of grief is immeasurable. The fact that Hathaway consulted with someone who actually struggled with the crippling illness to prepare for the role made me appreciate her even more as actress and her dedication to her craft.
Hathaway has been busy making a wide range of movies in recent years. Having two kids didn’t stop her from working. Even being pregnant while having a small child didn’t stop her from working as she filmed 2020’s ‘The Witches’, which also co-starred her ‘Devil Wears Prada co-star, Stanley Tucci, while pregnant. We should normalize women being able to navigate their work while also navigating their personal lives; and we shouldn’t be speaking about it as if it’s something surprising. Gal Gadot filmed the second ‘Wonder Woman’ movie while being 8 months pregnant and having two young daughters at home.
Hathaway’s most recent movie to be released is Amazon Prime’s original movie, ‘The Idea Of You’, which co-stars Nicholas Galetzine, who’s line of work includes 2021’s ‘Cinderella’ with Camila Cabello, ‘Purple Heart’ with Sofia Carson, and ‘Red, White And Royal Blue’ with Taylor Zakhar Perez, as well as the recently released TV series, ‘Mary & George’ with Julianne Moore. ‘The Idea Of You’, which is based on the 2017 novel of the same name by Robinne Lee, follows Solene, played by Hathaway, a 40 year old single mother and a business owner, unexpectedly falls in love with a 24 year old, pop star, Hayes Campbell, played by Galetzine.
Solene and Hayes meet at Coachella when Solene mistakes Hayes’s trailer for a public washroom. Hayes is immediately smitten by Solene, and appreciates the fact that she saw him for him and who he is rather than for his celebrity persona. Solene has zero expectations that she’ll ever see Hayes again, but Hayes has other ideas. With a lot of determination and persuasion on his part, Hayes tracks Solene down in LA at her gallery. He says he’s there to buy art for his new apartment, but it’s obvious he’s there for Solene. Nevertheless, Hayes does end up buying Solene’s entire gallery. Thereafter, Hayes and Solene bond and open up to each other about their respective past and lives.
At her house, Hayes makes advances at Solene, but she’s reluctant. She obviously wants him, but the fact that she’s older than him is something that she can’t stop thinking about. After much hesitation, however, she impulsively decides to go for what she wants, and what she wants is a night of passionate sex. She flies to New York to meet Hayes at his hotel room to have just that with no intention of seeing him again thereafter. But Hayes has other plans. After their night of passionate sex, they bond even more than they have before, and the morning after, Hayes invites Solene to join him for the European leg of his band’s tour. Solene tries to come up with every excuse possible not to join him, but Hayes wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Solene ends up having the time of her life travelling all over the world with Hayes. Their little bubble comes to an end, however, during a day at the pool where Solene hangs out with Hayes, his bandmates, and a couple of 20 year old women who made Solene feel truly old. These girls tell her that she wasn’t the first older woman that Hayes dedicated a song to during his set. In fact, they tell her that he does so regularly. Solene is made to feel embarrassed and leaves back for LA to her ‘real life’. When her daughter, Izzy, finds out through the press that her mother was dating Hayes, Izzy encourages her mother to continue the relationship with him.
The entire world finds out about the relationship, and let’s just say, people definitely had opinions about the age-gap relationship. Initially, Neither Hayes nor Solene are fazed by the attention. They continue on with their relationship and their happiness despite the world’s opinions about them. Nevertheless, the attention gets to be too much on Izzy as she endlessly gets bullied at school for her mother dating a 24 year old. When Solene sees that her personal life is too much for Izzy to handle, she breaks up with Hayes. In turn, Hayes asks Solene revisit their relationship in 5 years, when Izzy becomes an adult and is old enough to handle the chaos. Solene doesn’t say no, but encourages him to find his happiness, even if it’s not with her.
The film time jumps to 5 years following the events of Solene dating Hayes. She’s now an empty-nester as Izzy is in Chicago for school, and she still owns the gallery. As she watches TV she stumbles upon ‘The Graham Norton Show’, where Hayes performs a beautiful song, presumably about Solene, as a solo artist. It then cuts to Norton interviewing Hayes, where Hayes is asked what his next plans are. Hayes answers the questions by telling Norton that he plans on travelling to LA as he has a special someone waiting for him. We then see Solene at her gallery working at her desk. She hears sounds coming from the entrance, so she goes to check on her employees, but sees Hayes standing there, keeping his promise from 5 years ago. He turns around and smiles at her lovingly. She smiles back and cries happy tears.
Fade to black.
And again, the movie was based on Robinne Lee’s 2017 novel of the same name. The movie had some minor changes, but these minor changes were very much pivotal when it comes to storytelling. For one Hayes was 24 in the movie, whereas in the book, he was only 20. That means that he couldn’t even drink in the book. Solene lives a simple, normal lifestyle in the movie. She drives a Subaru and lives in a house that aims to be lived by the middle-class. Though, she does wear upper-class clothing that doesn’t fit her lifestyle. In the movie, however, everything about her SCREAMS lavish, from the clothes she wears, the car she drives, the house she resides in, and her friends. Maybe that change was made so that we, the ‘simple audience’, could relate to the movie more than not through the lives we live and our own lifestyles. And finally, the biggest change the movie made was the ending.
In the movie, Hayes comes back to LA 5 years after Solene breaks up with him, just like he promised. The end scene mirrored the scene where Hayes comes to Solene’s gallery for the very first time after they met at Coachella. Though not directly shown or spoken, it’s very much implied that Solene and Hayes get back together in the end. The book’s ending was completely different. It was heartbreaking. Solene ends her relationship with Hayes just like she did in the movie, but there’s no happy ending. There’s no time jump in the book. Solene goes as far as telling Hayes that she never loved him in the first place, but rather loved the idea of him. With that being said, we see Hayes moving on with his life following the breakup,whereas Solene is struggling to move on and get over Hayes.
Fans of the book were heartbroken by its ending, and that’s why the characters of Solene and Hayes got their typical rom-com Hollywood happy ending in the movie. The author of the novel wasn’t necessarily happy about the changes made. While being interviewed by Entertainment Weekly, Lee said, ‘It’s America — Hollywood’s going to do what they’re going to do, and they’re going to throw a happy ending on everything. I don’t know why. You hope they’ll keep to what you’ve written because it meant something to you, but you also have to think about the box office and viewers and what their audience is going to want to see. I have not even spoken to Michael [Showalter] (the film’s director) yet,” she said. “My husband’s a producer on this, and he’s spoken to him, and so he has reported back to me about Michael’s changes, so I know some of the reasons he did things he chose to do. The book is a book, and the movie is a movie.’
What does this all mean?
By changing the ending to its entirety, in addition to making the small, and yet very vital changes to the story-line, the entire premise of what Lee was aiming to convey in her acclaimed book. ‘The Idea Of You’ wasn’t meant to be a rom-com. On the contrary, it was meant to be a love story told by Solene’s point of view. The story was raw, emotional, and heartbreaking. It told the real truths of what a 40 year old woman can go through following a trauma and having to start her life all over again. There was nothing funny about it. Instead of it being a love story between Solene and Hayes, I’d say it’s a love story between Solene and Solene, and her journey to loving herself and finding herself in 40’s. Hayes, is a big part of her story, but not the main part of her story.
With that being said, Lee was absolutely right. The book and the movie should be seen as two different entities. The movie was inspired by the book just like the book was inspired Harry Styles and his relationship actress and director, Olivia Wilde. Or rather, Styles’s relationship with the late TV presenter, Caroline Flack, who dated Styles when he was 16 years old. That’s predatory behaviour. So is Sam Taylor-Johnson getting together with Aaron Taylor-Johnson when she was in her 40’s and he was only 18 years old. But predatory behaviour aside…. Why is an older woman dating a younger man so controversial?
Men date younger women all the time, and it’s not seen as controversial. In fact, it’s celebrated. Remember the time when Hilary Duff started dating Good Charlotte frontman, Joel Madden back when she was 16 and he was in his 20’s? And what about Al Pachino and Noor Alfallah? Or Mick Jagger and Melanie Hamrick? Both PPacino and Jagger are in their 80’s and have small children with their young girlfriends. Ageism and sexism is still very much in existence. Society is much kinder to men. ‘The Idea Of You’ certainly did its best to showcase that.
But why?
Why is it more acceptable for older men to date younger women than it is for older women to date younger men? Hugh Jackman, who will reprise his role as Wolverine in the newest ‘Deadpool’ movie with Ryan Reynolds, was married for 27 years to Deborra-Lee Furness, a fellow actress who’s 13 years his senior. She was considered to be an old hag when they were married. Priyanka Chopra is 10 years older than her husband, Nick Jonas, and people have A LOT of opinions about their relationship. The truth of the matter is, however, it makes a lot more sense for an older woman to date a younger man than an older man to date a younger woman… hear me out:
- Scientifically, women live longer than men, so the age difference makes more sense in the long run for the woman to be older than the man in the relationship if they want to grow old together.
- Women are in their sexual prime in their 40’s It’s the age range where they want to explore more of their sexuality, and what’s a better way to do that than with a man who’s in his 20’s?
- Younger men keep older women young; not just on a sexual level, but on an emotional level as well.
- Sometimes, it’s not about finding a life-partner, but rather finding an adventure and fulfillment in one’s self.
- A man in his 20’s can be mature enough to date an older woman. He can be mature enough to be on the same level as the older woman that he dates, depending on the life he’s lived and the lifestyle that he has, and the experience he’s gotten.
The last point made me think a lot about the Netflix Norwegian TV show, ‘Home For Christmas’. The series series was centres around a 32 year old woman, who works as a nurse, ending up falling in love with a 19 year old young man after a night of sex. Long story short, the two have a great sexual connection. The morning after they have sex in his VERY nice house, he makes her breakfast and we get to know that his parents are practically never home and he’s had to raise himself from a very young age. She’s interested in him and wants to get to know him beyond just the sex. He, however, tells her he’s leaving for a year to travel. He also tells her he doesn’t feel right to be with her as she’ll want kids in the near future – something he doesn’t see happening for a while for himself. It’s a mature breakup, and it’s definitely not something you’d expect from a 19 year old. Some 30 year old men aren’t as mature as that 19 year old.
The second season of the show time jumps a year. The 32 year old woman has been in a relationship with another man, but breaks up with him after she finds out that he cheats on her. She doesn’t waste any time, though, in finding ‘the one’. She goes on a spree of dates with men her own age, but finds it hard to connect with any of them on a deeper level. With some, she just seems bored out of her mind. On one of those dates, she bumps into her 19 year old ex. He’s back in town and is having dinner with his family at the same restaurant as she is. She obviously wants to be with him, but the age difference is stopping her. Not even the age difference, but the fear that she has of what other people will think. With the encouragement of her family and friends, however, she realizes that other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter and rushes to see him to tell him how she feels.
Just like in the ‘Idea Of You’, their story gets a happy ending. Both movie and TV show are realistic. Both love stories could have happy endings. The main reason why Solene and Hayes break up is because of Solene’s daughter, and I get that. If I weren’t with my husband, I’d totally be open to dating a man that’s 10 years younger than me. I’ve seen very mature and interesting 20-something year olds, and I’ve also seen very immature and unstable 40 year olds. I’ve come to realize that age has nothing to do with that. If my relationship had a negative effect on my son, I’d break up with that significant other just like Solene did with Hayes. No matter what, my son and his happiness comes first, and if any situation I’m in disrupts that, this situation will no longer serve me.
And so…
I’d like to leave this with a few quotes from ‘The Idea Of You’ the describes the mere idea of an older woman dating a younger man absolutely perfectly.
“Never be afraid to embark on the journey of self-discovery.”
“The beauty of life lies in its unpredictability, in the way it can surprise you when you least expect it.”
“There is beauty in vulnerability, for it allows us to connect deeply with others.”
“The magic of love lies in its ability to make us feel alive, to awaken the deepest parts of our souls.”
“Follow your passions relentlessly, for they are the compass that guides us toward fulfillment.”
“The greatest love stories are not scripted, but written with the ink of genuine emotions and shared experiences.”
“We do not find love; it finds us when we least expect it, in the most unexpected places.”
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