It Ends With Us: When Greed Takes Over And The Real Message Of Your Art Is Lost

We’ve been talking a lot about domestic violence A LOT on this blog, and it’s because it’s something that’s affected my life in a great way. It affected me more than cerebral palsy and epilepsy ever did. For contact, I was raped when I was 18 years old by someone I thought was my friend, and I survived two intimate partner violence (IPV) relationships before I met my husband.

I’m very proud of how far I’ve come since I experienced my first sense of emotional hardship all those years ago. A lot has happened since then, and I’m not the same girl anymore. It took me a long time to heal, but I did it, and I did it all on my own. And it’s not that I’m encouraging those who’ve been through the same or similar situations to go through their healing journeys in solitary like I did. It’s not the path I would’ve chosen for myself either. It just how it worked itself out.

My healing journey was long. I never felt that I met anyone I could relate to. I never felt I I could talk to anyone about my trials and tribulations; or at least I couldn’t talk to anyone because all anyone would ever do is tell me what they think I should do, what I should think, how I should feel without even really seeing through me or understanding my stance on the matter. Whenever I was around a crowd of people, I felt like the most isolated person in the world. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s always better to just not speak on the matter at all. I have nothing to prove, but I have everything to hide. No one can help me, and no one can save me…. except for me, myself and I.

And because I couldn’t relate to anyone in real life, I looked for someone to relate to in media. The most powerful performance I’d ever seen would have to be Karen Gillian as Jane Lockhart in 2013’s ‘Not Another Happy Ending’. To be more particular, it was when Jane tells her phone pal that she was raped and her father overhears every single word she says. That was how her father found out that she was gang raped. The scene was so powerful. It was beautiful. It was heartbreaking. It was unbearable.

Another modern film that I connected to recently was ‘It Ends With Us’, which starred Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. The movie is based on the book of the same name by Colleen Hoover. I personally know Lively from ‘The Sisterhood Of The Travelling Pants’ and ‘Gossip Girl’, as well as being Ryan Reynolds’ wife. Baldoni, of course, starred as Rafael on ‘Jane The Virgin’. I knew that even before I ever got a chance to watch a single episode of the show when it was on Netflix.

But it wasn’t because of the movie or the book itself that I got so invested in either one. It was rather the promotional tactics for the movie that got me so interested. When a movie is being promoted, we usually see all the actors posing together at premieres, doing interviews together, and speaking highly of each other. This one was different, however. When the time came to promote the movie, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni did two completely separate promotional tours for the film, and Lively seemed to have gotten the rest of the cast to take sides.

‘It Ends With Us’ tells the story of a young woman, Lily Bloom, played by Lively, who comes from a history of abuse. She witnessed her father abuse her mother when she was a young girl, and she told herself that she’d never be in the same situation that her mother was in. Though her relationship with her first love, Atlas, didn’t work out, she thought she found her ‘happily ever after’ with Ryle, a neurosurgeon. Their relationship seemed to be too good to be true. Their relationship was stable and loving, but it was when Atlas reentered Lily’s life that Ryle’s demons became evident. Ryle’s charm faded and he became abusive. He physically, emotionally and mentally abused his wife. He even raped her. The two have a daughter together, and it was when she was born that Lily found the strength to leave her abusive relationship.

The movie is very different than the book. One key difference is that Lily and Ryle were aged up. In the book, Lily was 23 and Ryle was 30, whereas in the movie, the characters were in their mid-30’s. This got a lot of fans angry, but Hoover said that this was done on purpose as she felt that she made a mistake while writing the book. She said, ‘Back when I wrote It Ends With Us, the new adult [genre] was very popular. You were writing college-age characters. That’s what I was contracted to do. I made Lily very young. I didn’t know that neurosurgeons went to school for 6-12 years. There’s not a 20-something neurosurgeon. As I started making this movie, I’m like, ‘We need to age them out, because I messed up.’ So, that’s my fault.’

Despite this big change that got fans angry, the movie was a massive success. It grossed big numbers, and was #2 at the box office, only behind ‘Deadpool & Wolverine’. This made Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds make history as the first couple in 34 years to top the US box office since Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. This success didn’t come without its own set of criticism and harshness, particularly towards Blake Lively herself, who also produced the movie. As I mentioned before, Justin Baldoni, who not only starred in the movie, but directed it as well, did an entirely separate promotional tour for the movie than Blake Lively and the rest of the cast did. Somehow, Hugh Jackman made it into Lively promotional tour too.

The two stars didn’t even speak of one another in their respective promotional tours. Baldoni only briefly spoke of Lively when he said that if the second book, ‘It Starts With Us’, were to be made, Lively was the one who should direct it. In his words, she’s ready for the challenge. His words said one thing, but his face said absolutely another. It was an intense moment to watch on video. He was really trying to keep his straight face intact while saying something nice about a co-star, but it was obvious that too much damage has been done by that point.

‘It Ends With Us’ only cost $25 million to make, and made a whopping $180 million. That’s a massive profit, and it’d only be a smart business decision to make a second movie based on the sequel book, ‘It Starts With Us’. Of the matter, an insider said, ‘It’s hard to imagine Justin wanting to work with Blake – or vice versa – after all this bad blood. Whatever started this feud, there certainly has been no obvious rapprochement between the pair.’

Hoover, on her part, has sided with Lively, and it’s been proven to be a terrible business decision as Baldoni’s company bought the rights to her books. It could’ve been something great; something amazing; something that’s life-changing. And when I say life-changing, I mean both for the filmmakers and everyone involved in making the film financially speaking, as well as all of us who are domestic violence survivors emotionally speaking.

The fact of the matter is that ‘It Ends With Us’ is actually a good movie. You could tell that Blake Lively really took her role seriously. She didn’t just read the book. She studied Lily to the core. I could feel her pain. I could feel her fear. I could feel her sadness and disappointment. And I could feel her relief, her strength, and her courage when she ends her relationship with Ryle for good after the birth of their child. It’s her marketing that’s the real problem. She’s been marketing the movie as a rom-com; as a movie you go see on a girls’ night out. And not only that, but there was zero trigger warning. Instead of using her platform to advocate for the end of domestic violence, she’s been using it to show off her fashion sense and to promote her business ventures. It’s a real missed opportunity for everyone involved, as she took everyone under her wing. She only made a single post about resources women in DV can use in US, but it was too late as it was obvious she only made the post for the sole reason of being called out for being so out of touch.

Meghan McCain, who’s the daughter of John McCain and former co-host of ‘The View had her share of things to say about Lively. On her ‘Citizen McCain’ podcast, she said, ‘If you’re taking on the responsibility of telling the story about a woman in a domestic violence situation, you have to be respectful that you’re representing victims millions and millions of women and men who are victims of domestic violence. I was very surprised at some of her responses. I think the tone she’s setting in a lot of the press with this, saying, put on your florals and come together, girls.’

Lively’s co-star, Brandon Sklenar, who played Atlas in the movie adaptation of ‘It Ends With Us’, came to Lively’s defence and posted a statement on Instagram that read, ‘Colleen and the women of this cast stand for hope, perseverance, and for women choosing a better life for themselves. Vilifying the women who put so much of their heart and soul into making this film because they believe so strongly in its message seems counterproductive and detracts from what this film is about. It is, in fact, the opposite of the point.’

I really do try to support women any way I can. In this case, however, I can’t. I can’t even fathom supporting Blake Lively. I feel it’s important to note that Colleen Hoover based ‘It Ends With Us’ on witnessing her own parents’ abusive relationship. She didn’t understand why a strong woman such as her mother could stay with her abusive father. With that said, Hoover turned to writing to understand her mother’s point of view, and that’s how ‘It Ends With Us’ was born.

A beautiful art was created out of something so tragic. But then, greed stepped in. Hoover started thinking of money and how she could make more of it rather than advocating for the actual message of her art. Of course, rom-coms are a money making machine amongst women. It certainly will make more money than a dark romance with a subject matter as heavy as domestic violence marketed as that. Hoover wrote the book with good intention, but sold it with greed, and you can see that in how, along with Lively, she promotes the movie. She should’ve been on the other side promoting it with Justin Baldoni, but….money over everything.

There are a lot of rumours going around as to why Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni are feuding. Some say it’s because of creative differences of what they wanted the movie to look like. Others say that Lively felt Baldoni fat shamed her when he asked for her weight due to his concern for a certain scene where he had to lift her up as he’d experienced back issues. There are people even saying that the entire feud is a sham, and it’s done so as to not romanticize Baldoni’s abusive character.

To add to that, the movie doesn’t have a trigger warning at all. Only at the very end of the end credits there was a message that read, ‘If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, help is available. Visit www.nomore.org for more information and support.’ But it’s a little too late, isn’t it? Many movie-goers leave the theatre by the time the end credits roll. The message isn’t fully received by the audience.

What’s even more important is that the audience isn’t given a warning of its subject matter at the very beginning. Statistics show that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men are victims of domestic violence that includes physical violence, rape, and stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime in the United States alone. ‘It Ends With Us’ is targeted for women to go on a girls’ night out. Women going into the movie are thinking they’re seeing a typical, predictable rom-com with your very typical storyline and happy ending. And an hour into the movie, they’re seeing violence. That’s not what they came to the movies for. They didn’t come to be triggered. Women (and men) have the right to know exactly what the movie is about, and they have the right to choose whether they want to stay in the theatre. It’s the filmmakers’ responsibility to let people know exactly what they’re coming to see.

It’s not on Justin Baldoni. He’s been the one who’s done nothing but advocate for domestic violence victims and survivors. All he’s been doing the entire promotional tour is bring awareness to exactly what the movie is all about. I wish Blake Lively and Colleen Hoover would stop treating it like it’s a Barbie movie. It could’ve been something truly amazing. It could’ve changed people’s lives, particularly women’s lives. It could’ve given them hope. That’s what Justin Baldoni’s intent has been, and it shows. Instead, we’re talking about girly sh*t that shouldn’t even matter.

And if this feud between Justin Baldoni and Blake Lively is, in fact, used as a marketing tactic, then it’s certainly done its jobs. The numbers don’t lie. I just wish the women behind the movie treated it with just even a tiny bit more care. The official TikTok account for the movie puts it, ‘Grab your friends, wear your florals.’ I’m a woman living with PTSD. I’m a woman who’s survived domestic violence. I’m a woman who’s traumatized. Yes, I’m married and have a child, but it doesn’t mean the trauma doesn’t have an effect on me so many years later. I still get triggered. Had it not been for Justin Baldoni’s promotional tour, I probably wouldn’t have known what the book and movie was about. He was my trigger warning.

Baldoni said he made the movie for the real-life Lily Blooms. I’d like to think it was made for me – to make me feel seen, to make me feel like I’m not alone, and to make me feel less misunderstood. He certainly understood the assignment – in making AND promoting the film. With that said, I’d like to end this long a** essay by thanking Justin Baldoni for making such beautiful art, and for understanding that sometimes, bringing awareness to a cause is more important than making the big bucks.