Jennifer Lopez: The 5 Most Important Lessons On Love, Marriage, And Divorce – Based On Bennifer’s Entire Relationship

A lot of familiar faces were present at the Toronto International Film Festival. I was lucky to be in the same room, even from afar, with the cast of ‘The Last Showgirl’. My three previous blog posts were about that mesmerizing, unforgettable experience I got to witness on September 6th. You can read all about it, but not before you read THIS entry. People like Katy Perry (another previous blog entry subject matter), Orlando Bloom, Andrew Garfield, Florence Pugh, Rebel Wilson made appearances at the Toronto’s biggest and most anticipated annual event. But the one celebrity that was the most anticipated and talked about who attended TIFF was none other than Jennifer Lopez.

J.Lo has been in the news quite a lot lately. I’ve written about her before on this blog. Particularly on how a woman can strive in one career path, but fail in another. You can read my in-depth analysis on that too, but again, not before you read this blog entry. Since I posted that blog post, a lot has happened to J.Lo. She’s still working like crazy. She was at TIFF to promote her new movie, ‘Unstoppable’, which was produced by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. Damon was there too and was even photographed supporting Lopez and holding her hand, whereas Affleck skipped the big event. It was also recently announced that she will star in a new Netflix rom-com, ‘Office Romance’, with former ‘Ted Lasso’ star, Brett Goldstein.

Lopez’s personal life has been making headlines as of late as well, and not in a good way. Most recently, we’ve been reminded that she was once, many moons ago, was in a relationship with Diddy. He and Cassie’s relationship was the subject matter of a previous blog entry as well here. And when I say J.Lo dated Diddy many moons ago, I mean 25 years ago. But she’s had quite a dating history over the past few decades. She’d been married 3 times; engaged 5. Her longest marriage was with Marc Anthony. She was married to him between 2004 and 2014, and together they have two children, Max and Emme, born in 2008. But before she was married to Anthony, J.Lo was in a relationship with Ben Affleck, better known as Bennifer by the media.

Bennifer was the IT couple in the entertainment industry back in the early 2000’s. They met while filming 2003’s ‘Gigli’, which was…a disaster, and that’s just a nice way of describing just how bad the movie was. Media outlets couldn’t get enough of them. They were the most talked about, the most photographed couple of their time. Lopez’s music video for ‘Jenny From The Block’ was based on the attention that the couple was getting at the time, particularly from the paparazzi. They were supposed to get married in 2003, but due to the couple, particularly Affleck, not being able to handle the media attention, which was the reported reason as per media outlets, the wedding was cancelled. The couple officially split in January 2004.

Both moved on after the breakup. As previously mentioned, Lopez married Marc Anthony and had two children with him. And following her divorce from Anthony, Lopez was in relationships with her backup dancer, Casper Smart, who is 18 years her junior, and Alex Rodriguez. Rodriguez was 1 out of her 5 engagements, but the two broke up before walking down the aisle in 2021. Affleck, on his part, married Jennifer Garner in 2005 following his split from Lopez. The two, who were labeled by the media as Bennifer 2.0, were married until 2015, and had 3 children together, Violet, Fin, and Samuel. After his divorce from Garner, Affleck proceeded to date Lindsay Shookus, a television producer, and Ana de Armas.

Lopez and Affleck became single again around the same time, and all of a sudden, reports emerged that they were dating again in 2021. Millennials who grew up in the early 2000’s were rejoiced. The internet was buzzing. Media outlets were rejoiced too. And of course, we can’t forget how happy it made the paparazzi. They were certainly busy at work. In fact, Whitney Port, who starred on ‘The Hills’ in the 2000’s along with Lauren Conrad, revealed some brand new information, which wasn’t so new as it was practically public knowledge, about Jennifer Lopez. On her ‘Whit Whit’ podcast, Port said to her husband, Tim Rosenman, ‘I’m pretty sure J.Lo the other day was riding her bike to go get a scoop of ice cream for a paparazzi shot, don’t you think that’s what she was doing?’ Rosenman responded, ‘A tra-billion percent. She did not even go in. She was there for the exterior. Is that weird?’ To which Port said, ‘She’s already as famous as you can be. Why does she need to stoke the flames of her own fame? Seems unnecessary. I feel like that’s her vibe. She’s papped everywhere. And she’s always looking hot. And I think her continually looking hot in cute settings is what keeps the machine going.’ They both then agreed that Lopez is a workaholic and addicted to attention.

Why is this relevant?

Though Port was practically the face of reality TV back in the 2000’s with ‘The Hills’ and ‘The City’ thereafter, she was never nowhere near as famous and as sought-out celebrity as J.Lo, she still has some knowledge about that lifestyle. I do believe that J.Lo works with paparazzi to take her photos. All her ‘candid’ photos just look too good to be true. She never looks surprised for her pictures to be taken, she never looks messy, she never looks angered that her privacy is invaded. Instead, she always looks like she’s ready and prepared for her pictures to be taken. And yet, it’s common knowledge that celebrities work together with paparazzi to get their ‘candid’ pictures taken. Not all celebrities do that, but a lot of them do. Back when Camila Cabello and Shawn Mendez were dating between 2019 and 2021, rumours were swirling that their entire relationship was fake and that they staged their paparazzi pictures the entire time they were dating. I have to admit, all their photos looked staged, and I did have a sense that they were overdoing it at showing just how in love they were. But maybe it’s just me. I have my own relationship to think about.

But as long as we’re on the subject on relationships, we’re still not yet done discussing Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. As I mentioned before, the two got together in 2021 following their respective breakups. By 2022, they were engaged AND married. They first got married in Vegas in July 2022, and held a wedding celebration with family and friends on August 20th at the same venue they were initially going to hold their wedding in 2003. It was their time to shine as a couple. They couldn’t be happier. Their children couldn’t be happier. And Lopez’s mother even said at one point that the wedding should’ve happened in 2003 in the first place.

But not everyone was on board for the union. For one, Lopez’s best friend and ‘Second Act’ co-star, Leah Remini, didn’t attend her wedding. It was reported that it was because Remini was dropping her son off at college. Personally, though, I don’t buy it. Neither did the public, so it seemed. One even commented, ‘It’s okay, she’ll attend the next one.’ I thought it was absolute GOLD. Another person who voiced their concern on Lopez’s relationship with Affleck was Jane Fonda. Lopez and Fonda starred together in the 2005 rom-com, ‘Monster-in-Law’. Fonda made a cameo in Lopez’s musical film, ‘This Is Me…Now: A Love Story’, which ended up being her $20 million dollar gamble because no one would finance it. Rotten Tomatoes gave the musical film a rating of 73%. This rating is somewhat questionable. I attempted watching, but I could only get through 7 minutes of it. No amount of weed could get me to finish the entire thing.

”The Greatest Love Story Never Told’, which was a documentary chronicling the making-of process of ‘This Is Me…Now: A Love Story’, was something much, much different. It was the first time that I, or anyone for that matter, had ever seen J.Lo be so vulnerable. It was refreshing to watch. The documentary showed just what a tough time Lopez had getting anyone to agree to make an appearance in her musical film. People like Taylor Swift, Vanessa Hudgens, and many more declined her invitations. Their reasons for declining were all scheduling conflicts, but Lopez knew better. She knew that the real reason was that they all thought her idea was absolutely crazy. Personally, I think they were right. Anthony Ramos was supposed to appear in a number for the musical, but backed out when he made the assumption that the number, which showcased J.Lo being in an abusive relationship was about her ex-husband, Marc Anthony. Ramos and Anthony are friends.

Not all was lost for Lopez, though. Celebrities like Sofia Vergara, Derek Hough, Trevor Noah, Keke Palmer, and Kim Pertaas made appearances. Though she did end up making an appearance in the musical film, ‘The Greatest Love Story Never Told’ showed just how hesitant Jane Fonda was to be a part of it, but for the reason of scheduling conflicts. In a phone conversation with Lopez, Fonda says, ‘I want you to know that I don’t entirely know why, but I feel invested in you and Ben, and I really want this to work. However, this is my concern. Like, it feels too much like you’re trying to prove something instead of just living it. You know, every other photograph is the two of you kissing and the two of you hugging.’ To which Lopez responded with a laugh, ‘That’s just us living our life.’

Fonda later told Lopez’s manager, Benny Blanco, ‘I believe that everyone in the entire world is pulling for this relationship and this love. And the idea of how you present that is so sacrosanct, so important. It should be handled in a way that you aren’t overly flaunting it, so much so that it creates any form of criticism or resentment.’ She wasn’t wrong. We were all rooting for Bennifer. We all wanted to see them grow old together. But…to no avail. On August 20th, on what would’ve been their second wedding anniversary, Lopez officially filed for divorce. She listed April 26 as the date of their separation, which made a lot of sense since rumours began swirling that there was, as they say, trouble in paradise, since Lopez attended the MET Gala alone at the beginning of May.

Getting down to business…

Lopez certainly wastes no time when it comes to getting herself out there. She worked extra hard during the summer moths making sure that she was seen in public and photographed. She was even photographed with Ben Affleck’s daughter, Violet, and her friend without the presence of either Affleck or Garner back in July. It wasn’t so weird or eye-opening when the photos were just published, but now that we know that Bennifer were broken up already by that point, it sure is. But it was great to see that Lopez didn’t define her relationship with Affleck’s children just based on the fact of whether they’re together or not. You divorce spouses, not children, and I’m glad to see that she’s taking this mantra literally; even with the children that aren’t even hers. Earlier this month, Lopez and Affleck were seen together for the first time following their divorce announcement, and they were seen together with 4 of their 5 children. Lopez was even photographed hugging Affleck’s son, Samuel.

Let’s make one thing clear: there’s absolutely no denying that Lopez is a good mother and a good motherly figure. You could just tell by seeing her with her and Affleck’s children; especially after their separation and divorce. One Instagram user commented that we’re forgetting that she’s never seen with Alex Rodriguez’s two kids. That might be true, but the fact of the matter is, they might not have wanted to continue a relationship with her following their father’s breakup with her. We don’t know the full story after all. Nevertheless, no matter her flaws, J.Lo is a good mother and a good mother figure. There’s no argument there.

But…

Though there’s no argument of her role as a mother, there’s much to discuss regarding J.Lo’s personal life. More specifically, there’s much to discuss her relationship with Ben Affleck, and how it became more of a business opportunity for her, a 20 year business opportunity at that, rather than an actual love nest. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I fully believe that J.Lo wasn’t in love with Affleck. I do. I believe that he was the only man she truly loved in her life based on the history we know of. But I do believe that Lopez is a true opportunist. I believe she took every opportunity she could to monetize her relationship with Affleck, and she didn’t care how he felt about it.

Affleck was always known to be an ultra-private person. Following his first split with J.Lo, he and Jennifer Garner made it their mission to keep their relationship and family life as private as possible. They even made it a law that paparazzi is forbidden to take photographs of celebrities’ children. Their daughter, Violet, spoke publicly about what a toll it takes on her mental health when she’s being followed by paparazzi. As of 2014, it’s become a law that paparazzi isn’t allowed to publish photographs of celebrities’ children. Media outlets are now, by law, required to blur out children’s faces in published photos. Their only exceptions is photos that celebrities post on social media, as well as public events. And I have to say, media outlets have been doing a great job in the years since. Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are known to be notoriously private about their family life. So much so that wed never seen a single photo of their two children. And when they took their girls to this year’s Olympics in Paris, a public event that allows photos of children to be published online, their kids’ faces were STILL blurred out.

MUCH RESPECT

This dedication for Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to make this happen was motivated by something that happened to the family in 2009 when Garner was followed by a longtime stalker, Steven Burky. He was arrested in December of that year after he attempted to blend in with the paparazzi’s taking photos of her outside her daughter’s school. Burky pleaded not guilty by reasons of insanity. In 2010, he was ruled insane and sent to a mental institution instead of prison, and was ordered to stay away from the Affleck-Garner Family for at least 10 years if released.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but if someone I loved had gone through such traumatic experience as Ben Affleck had been through with his ex-wife and children, showing care and and empathy towards my partner would’ve been the least I could do. I would’ve also compromised. Relationships are all about compromise. It’s not just about you anymore. It’s also about the other person. When you have children together, the children come first. And when you’re with someone who has children from a previous relationship, they come first as well.

Ben Affleck appeared in the ‘The Greatest Love Story Never Told’ documentary’, and we got to see glimpses, a more initiate and in-depth look into his relationship with J.Lo. In my previous post about her, all I did was praise the documentary, which was released earlier this year. I still stand by the praise. But after analyzing it further, especially after Bennifer’s second split, I just couldn’t help but wonder if there were red flags in their relationship all along. It just seemed pretty clear that he was doing all the compromising in the relationship, but not her. And when she told Jane Fonda during their phone call that it was just them living their lives…If I ever met her in real life, I’d tell her, ‘No, girl. It was just YOU living YOUR life without considering him and his needs.’ And when she made fun of him and degraded his abilities and work as a director was cringe. It was meant to be playful, but turned out to be cringe. Men like it when women make them feel like a man, and I don’t think Lopez has ever understood that in her personal life because she’d adamant at showcasing just how much of a powerful, independent woman she is.

But we can’t forget the moment in the documentary where Lopez shows everyone in her team all the letters and emails Affleck wrote to her throughout their relationship. Those were intimate and sacred; at least to him, but certainly not to her. He obviously had a problem with it. He was obviously embarrassed by it. But she didn’t give a f*ck. And that’s the biggest problem in her personal life- she doesn’t give a f*ck. That, I think, is the main reason why her relationship with Ben Affleck didn’t work out. It’s something we can all learn from. Married or not, we can all take away a lesson or two from Jennifer Lopez’s failed relationships, especially the one with Ben Affleck. To make it easier, I decided to make a list. So here it is:

• Take your time and don’t rush the relationship.
• Your partner isn’t there to fix your or solve your problems.
• Kindness goes both ways in a relationship
• Compromise is everything
• Keep your relationship private

And if you’re not ready for these 5 things, then maybe you’re not ready to share your life with someone else.