Mary Bonnet: The Teen Mom, Rape Survivor, and Girl Boss We All Need To Guide Us Through

Mary Bonnet was named as one of Variety’s 40 Most Powerful Women on reality TV. And rightfully so. She deserves the recognition. I don’t think the same could be said about most of her ‘Selling Sunset’ co-stars. But to really understand why exactly I’m saying this, and I’m saying this very confidently might I add, I think you have to understand who Mary is as a person by getting to know her life and history. Before we do, though, I’d like to continue the conversation from the previous post on Bre and Chelsea’s beef and include Mary’s take on the entire situation.

While opening up to E! News, Mary said, ‘think Bre did the right thing. If it were me, I would want somebody to come tell me. I think she handled it with grace. She was sensitive about it. They’ve had their beef in the past. Bre’s not the kind of person that—if she wanted to be rude, she’ll be rude. She’ll lay it out there. But I like Bre a lot. She’s just a very straight shooter, and I respect that. It’s not an easy thing for anybody to hear. and it’s very common for people to blame other people because you don’t want to blame the person that actually hurt you. So it’s a common thing I think that happens, but I don’t think it’s Bre’s fault at all.’

In my previous post, I argued whether or not Bre was a good friend, as well as whether or not she was a good entrepreneur. To find out my final answer, you’ll have to fully read the post. In this post, I’ll say that Mary sees the positivity in the situation, whereas I see the other side of things – what is the general motive of Bre telling Chelsea about her husband cheating on her? Let’s just say, I think Mary is a much better person than I am. This side of who she is – this kindness and compassion towards others by her corner – is what makes her so likeable.

Bonnet, whose maiden name is Fitzgerald, married her much-younger boyfriend, Romain Bonnet, in season 2 of ‘Selling Sunset’. Her son, Austin, was at hand to walk her down the aisle. That’s about the only time Austin appeared on the show. We do see him on Mary’s Instagram from time to time, and she does talk about him occasionally on the show. Not necessarily about him, but about her becoming a mother and having him at the age of 16. Yes, you read that right. Mary Bonnet became a teen mom at age 16. Of that time in her life, particularly when she told her parents of her pregnancy after having sex with her boyfriend at the time only a handful of times, Bonnet wrote in her book, ‘Selling Sunshine: Surviving Teenage Motherhood, Thriving in Luxury Real Estate, and Finally Finding My Voice’, ‘My parents were devout Catholics and didn’t believe in premarital sex. It was when my dad stared at me blankly, tears pouring down his face, that I died a little inside. His intensely visible disappointment nearly tore me apart. I knew I’d broken his heart. And, in that moment, I started to cry too.’

Bonnet was relieved when she finally told her parents her secret, but she still felt embarrassed and ashamed. In turn, her parents encouraged her to give the baby up for adoption. In her book, Mary writes, ‘My mom was much more vocal about it than my father was, but neither of them wanted me to ‘ruin’ my life by becoming a teen mom. And as others began to find out—like the parents of kids at school—they weren’t very kind about it. I had a huge scarlet letter emblazoned on my chest, which was mortifying for my family.’

In the book’s acknowledgment, Bonnet calls her son, who was born in 1997, her biggest blessing and the biggest accomplishment. And her having her child at 16 wasn’t the only thing she wrote about in the book. In the book, Bonney also writes about her sexual assault trauma, two divorces and a miscarriage. When opening up to People Magazine as to how she hopes to inspire others, she said, We don’t really know why things happen when they happen, and it feels like it is just unfair and it’s hard to get through. Later in life now, I’ve realized that it was something that was just setting me up for having a thicker skin and to not care, just keep moving forward and not care what people say or think. Most likely, whatever that situation is will have taught you a lesson or will have made you a stronger person or made you ready for what is yet to come. had to really put myself back in situations that I never want to be back in again and really think about it to describe the situations properly. I had to talk to my therapist quite a bit to make sure I was handling it okay.’

I wish I knew…

I really wish I knew of Mary Fitzgerald in my younger days. I needed someone like her in my life to guide me through the storm. If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ll know that I’m a rape victim; or to be more precise, a rape survivor. I was raped when I was 18 years old by someone who I thought was my friend, someone I thought I could trust; similarly to Bonnet. And after that fateful night, I had a pregnancy scare. I ended up not being pregnant, but the mere thought of having a baby before I turned 20, and a baby fathered by my rapist, scared the absolute sh*t out of me. I didn’t have anyone to talk to or guide me through the situation. I couldn’t talk to my mother. During that time, I remember having a conversation with my grandma about what I’d do if I found out I was pregnant. When I told her I’d consider abortion, she said to me, almost angrily, that my statement meant that I wasn’t ready to have a child.

And she was right. I wasn’t ready to have a child at the time. The universe was on my side as the sex didn’t result in a pregnancy. But that wasn’t the end. My next pregnancy scare was with my now-husband. At the time, we weren’t ready to have children. We were children ourselves. We were newly dating, both in school, and both living with parents. We were using protection, but it broke. The situation wasn’t ideal, but at least I had the support of my boyfriend this time around; his full, full support. He even went with me to the director’s appointment for the pregnancy test. And yet again, I didn’t feel I could talk to my mother about it. But at least I had the support of my partner, and it only made our relationship stronger.

What Mary represents…

And so, with that said, I wish I had Mary (Fitzgerald) Bonnet at the time, especially when I was 18 and scared that I’d be pregnant and have yo raise a baby that would be fathered by my rapist all alone, to tell me that it would all be okay; that I’d survive; that I’d succeed; that I wouldn’t be a failure; that I wasn’t a bad person. I wish I had someone tell me that it wasn’t my fault that someone had raped me; that I’d be just fine; that there are good men out there; that I’d find myself a man that would treat me right; that I’d get my ‘happily ever after’. I wish I had someone tell me that sex doesn’t have to feel gross; that it CAN be about love making. I wish I had Mary (Fitzgerald) Bonnet, or even someone like her, to tell me all that. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I think she mentioned in a previous season that her second husband had actually passed away.

Earlier seasons saw Mary’s relationship with Romain progress into what it is now. In season 1 of’Selling Sunset’, Romain proposed to Mary, but not with a traditional diamond ring. Instead, he chose something cheaper because he just didn’t have enough money in the bank to give Mary something that, for instance, J.Lo would want in an engagement ring. Nevertheless, Mary loved it, and of course as we know now, accepted his proposal. The one single person who seemed to have an issue with the ring was Christine, who was Mary’s closest friend at the time. She was extremely vocal about it, as she’s always been about absolutely everything, on the show and otherwise. But Mary didn’t let Christine’s opinion. She’s always shown that she’s her own person.

As of now, Mary and Christine aren’t friends. They were seen together at an event back in June with other ‘Selling Sunset’ cast members, pas and present, and they even posed for photos together. But they aren’t friends. Nevertheless, as Christine went through a domestic violence incident with her husband that also involved her son, Mary reached out to her for friend. In an interview to promote her book, she told US Weekly, ‘I feel terrible about what she’s gone through. I did reach out. I sent her a text just saying, ‘Hey, I’ve been through this before and I just want to express my love and concern and stuff. I hope you and your son are doing OK. Let me know if you need anything.’ My intention isn’t to rekindle some big friendship, but I mean, I’m there for anybody that’s going through a hard time. What it was in the beginning, I’ve always missed it. I adored her, and I think that’s why I stuck around for so long. I kept hoping that something was going to change and hoping that I could help fix things or something. I’ll always love Christine.’

This, to me, represents forgiveness and kindness. And when I say forgiveness, I mean not forgiving the other person, but rather forgiving oneself. This is something that I myself need to work on. And I realize that by seeing Mary and getting to know her more personally, even if it’s through a screen and a book. At the end of the day, not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. Some people are meant to be in your life for a season; for a reason. It doesn’t mean that they’re bad people. It just means that your time with them is up. In my past, I used to be so angry at those who were no longer in my life. To me, it felt like I was left behind; like I was abandoned; like I was betrayed. Now, though, I realize that that’s just the reality of life. Some were there for a season. Some were there was a reason. And that’s totally fine.

In life…

Life is all about stages. The people you have in your life is also dependent on where you are in your life. My friends now that I’m a mother aren’t the same as they used to be in my early 20’s during my crazy partying days; nor do I want them to be the same even. The people I’m looking for to spend my time with aren’t the same as they used to be in my 20’s during my partying days. I’m not looking to party. I’m looking to make meaningful connections. Im looking for people who can also be good to my son. I’m even looking for acquaintances just to go to coffee shops with to gossip about absolute nonsense.

The most pivotal time in my life was during the first few years following my epilepsy diagnosis, the time that almost killed me, as well as the time of my infertility. These two life events were happening simultaneously. That was the time where I had the most changes happening in my life, including old friends leaving and new friends joining. I had multiple miscarriages and I suffered seizures so strong, I thought i could die. No medical help was doing its job. On the contrary, any medical help made my condition worse.

A previous season of ‘Selling Sunset’ saw Mary get pregnant by Romain, and soon after, suffer a miscarriage. When appearing on The Squeeze’ Podcast with Taylor and Tay Lautner, Mary opened up as to the medical realization of why she suffered the miscarriage. She said, ‘I was tired a lot, but as far as looks go, you couldn’t tell at all. I found out that I have a septum in the middle of my uterus. So my son, turns out he’s a complete miracle because unless I have that surgically removed, I can’t carry a baby. I had no idea. All through all of the treatments that I’ve done: I’ve done in vitro, I’ve done all these things. No one thought to tell me. They just took the money, and they didn’t even tell me that I have the septum that was going to prevent me from actually carrying full term.’

This leads to…

…a whole new conversation to be had. I previously wrote a blog post with Adrienne Bailon as the subject matter, where we spoke about the hardships of going through fertility treatments – the physical, emotional, AND the financial toll it takes on couples and women (as well men who are part of the LGBTQ community). Bailon has said that it cost her no less than a million dollars to conceive her son, Ever, via IVF and a surrogate. It’s no secret that fertility treatments are expensive. But take a patient’s money away knowingly that the patient won’t be able to conceive or that a pregnancy will end in miscarriage anyway? Women’s bodies have certainly become a money making machine for the medical system, and it doesn’t matter where you’re getting the fertility treatments done – what country, state, province, etc.

Mary’s openness on her fertility struggles reminded me of a specific storyline on ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’. I grew up watching the early seasons, with Emma Nelson being the main protagonist of the entire show. But I decided to give the later seasons a try as well. The storyline that I’m referring to is one of the last storylines of the entire show, where Claire, Darcy’s little sister and the main protagonist of the last of the series, Claire. Season 13 of the series saw Claire battle the big C – Cancer.

I’m not even going to discuss the storyline to its entirety. It’s too complicated, just like any other ‘Degrassi’ storyline, and too long to go through. The history of it all also doesn’t actually relate to Mary. It’s relevant because following Claire’s battle with cancer, she finds out she’s pregnant. The pregnancy was a complete surprise and a shock. After debating on what she should do, whether to keep the baby or not, Claire decides to keep the baby. But it’s only after she’s told that her pregnancy is practically a miracle as a lot of women have trouble conceiving following a battle with cancer.

It’s true. It’s very tough to conceive following a cancer diagnosis; both for men and women. Many women are encouraged to freeze their eggs before they go through chemo, and men are encouraged to freeze their sperm. Another of Mary’s former ‘Selling Sunset’ co-star, Heather Rae El Moussa, previously Young, went through IVF to conceive due to her husband’s previous cancer battle. Just like Claire, she miraculously ended up getting pregnant naturally. Claire ended up losing the baby almost half way through the pregnancy.

We last saw Claire when she was an 18 year old student; a little older than Mary was when she had her son. It would’ve been very interesting to see where she is now as an almost 30 year old woman and get the answers we, well, I more like, would want answers to. Mostly, I’d want to know if she had the baby in her 20’s that she so longed for in her teens, and if not, whether she was planning to, or having trouble conceiving like Mary did and going through science to get there.

That’s the thing about the Degrassi franchise. We get to see the characters through high school, but we don’t see what their lives are like thereafter. We got to see some characters like Paige, Marco and Ellie in college, and a few characters from ‘Degrassi Junior High’ and ‘Degrassi High’ like Spike, Snake and Joey transferred over to The Next Generation, but nevertheless, most characters aren’t seen after their high school days. I’d personally love to know where all of them are in life as adults.

But we’ll talk more about the Degrassi franchise in the next few posts. And we’re still not finished discussing ‘Selling Sunset’ either. Throughout this blog post, we discussed Christine Quinn and the domestic violence she’d been involved in with her son at the hands of her husband. With that said, in the next post, we’ll be discussing Claire’s best friend, Allie, and the abuse she’d endured at the hands of her husband -yes, husband (!) – Leo.

In the meantime…

Of writing ‘Selling Sunshine: Surviving Teenage Motherhood, Thriving in Luxury Real Estate, and Finally Finding My Voice’, Bonnet opened up to People Magazine, ‘Writing ‘Selling Sunshine’ was a profound journey filled with a whirlwind of emotions. Reliving my past and opening up about deeply personal experiences, ones I had never shared on TV or really with anyone, was incredibly challenging. Uncovering memories I had long tried to forget was painful, yet it was also an empowering and healing process. What sustained me through this emotional rollercoaster was the hope that my story might help even one person overcome their own obstacles and rise above them. It was vital for me to show how an ordinary girl from Indiana, who became a single teenage mom, could persevere and reach for her dreams. If I can do it, so can you.’

Not like I think she’ll EVER read this, but I’d just like to sincerely thank Mary Bonnet for being so honest, open and vulnerable. Writing the book wasn’t done in vein. She’s the mentor and guidance we all need. Someone like me, someone who’s been through a lot of what she’d gone through, NEEDED to hear this from someone like her. I needed to hear that despite my trauma, despite my many trials and tribulations I’d be just fine; even without much support. I’ll be okay. I’ll get to the other side. I’m much stronger than I think I am. I’m much wiser than I think I am. Though I’ve said throughout this entire blog post that I wish I knew of Mary’s story back then in the past tense, I had to hear this NOW too. And I’m so glad that now I have an example to go by; to know that even if I fall, I’ll always get back up. Trauma isn’t something that is over and done with. It’s like a moving river. It comes in waves. The grief that the trauma has given you affects you throughout your life for the rest of your life. But you always get back up again no matter what. That’s what Mary Bonnet has taught me – through seeing her on screen and on paper. I’m that ordinary girl that she’s talking about. So… THANK YOU.