Nikki Bella: Is It Better To Be With The Wrong Person To Fulfill Your Desire To Have Children Than Be With The Right Person And Make The Sacrifice Of Being Childless?

I heavily discussed the topic of abortion and abuse in my previous post. It was very long and very heavy. The main subject matter was Lola Pacini, a fictional character on ‘Degrassi: Next Class’, played by Amanda Arcuri. Degrassi is already a heavy show, which includes some pretty interesting, but serious subject matters, which includes school shootings, parental abuse, mental health, illness, and even rape. Lola had a couple of interesting storylines that made her the great person that she is, which I spoke of thoroughly in my previous post about her. But my ultimate favourite storyline of hers, which was the main reason why I wanted you to write about her in the first place, was her abortion story.

There was just something about seeing the strength that it took for Lola to make this brave, courageous decision so confidently that made me resonate with her. And another heavy subject in my previous post was abuse. We’ve been discussing it fairly frequently on this blog. This time, we talked about Liam Payne of One Direction. He died this month at the young age of 31 after falling off a third floor balcony. Many people believe it was due to a drug induced psychosis. Others believe it was suicide. No matter the case, a young man died, and it’s absolutely tragic. And even though he’s dead, we just can’t step away from the fact that he’d abused and manipulated a woman he claimed he loved, maybe even two or three or even more. No matter the number, even to abuse one woman is enough.

It’s public knowledge that he abused one woman, and that’s Maya Henry. Payne dated her between 2019 and 2022. The two were engaged at one point. According to Henry, the abuse began after the engagement. It’s no surprise to me, though. Abusers have to work their magic. They’re charming and sweet at the very beginning. Their true colours only come out when they know they got them. Think of ‘It Ends With Us’ as a reference. I wrote multiple posts about the movie as well back in August. You can check them out too after you finish reading this one. Henry wrote a fictional book based on her own experience dating the former boy band member. One of his friends begged her not to release the book. He said if something were to happen to him, she’d be blamed for it. To my utter surprise, though, his fan base has been very supportive of her.

I was so happy to see that One Direction were so quick to support Henry despite the fact that they idolized Payne. They didn’t let their adoration for him slide the fact that he abused a young, vulnerable woman. She wasn’t even 18 when they started dating. She’s 23 now. During the time that they were together, Henry got pregnant. But Payne forced her to have an abortion. She said if it were completely up to her, she would’ve kept the baby. And even though the public and One Direction fans, or as they call themselves, Directioners, were kind and supportive of Henry, things weren’t the same for Payne’s girlfriend at the time, Kate Cassidy. She and Payne were in Argentina earlier this month to attend Payne’s former bandmate, Niall Horan’s concert. It was a reunion to remember. What was supposed to be a 5 day trip turned into two weeks, and Cassidy left Argentina on October 12th without Payne. That was when he checked in to the hotel where he died 4 days later. Commentators were very quick to judge and blame her for Payne’s death, saying she should’ve stayed with him.

That’s the real problem with our society. We’re quick to judge, blame, and question women non-stop. That’s why so many of us feel the need to apologize for things that aren’t even our fault in the first place. I’m continuing to ramble on from my previous post, but I really can’t help myself. It makes me fume with rage. Maya Henry and Kate Cassidy are young women who were in relationships with an addict. His choices were his choices alone. They’re not responsible for the choices he made, and they shouldn’t have been. We also can’t forget that Payne was also in a relationship with Girls Aloud member, Cheryl. Together they have a son, Bear, who’s now 7 years old. The two initially met when Payne was 14 and Cheryl was 24. Payne was a contestant on ‘The X Factor’, and Cheryl was a judge. They reconnected years later following Cheryl’s divorce in 2016 and became a couple. There was no grooming involved. Payne was well into his 20’s when they reconnected, and he was living and working for an industry from a young age that was meant for the life and the kind of an adult. But the outside world is always quick to make assumptions and put the blame on women. She was called an abuser, a groomer, amongst other things. And those are things that Bear will have access to in the future, if not now.

It’s no question that Payne was a caring father. Despite their breakup in 2018, he and Cheryl remained on good terms and co-parented their son. When paying tribute to him, Payne’s ex-girlfriend, Danielle Peazer, whom he dated between 2”10 and 2013, wrote, ‘His most important role and something he was the most proud of out of all of his monumental successes was that he was a father. The thought that there is a now a child growing up without one of their parents is heartbreaking and unfair. To Liam’s son Bear, as well as his parents and sisters, my love, thoughts and strength goes to you. The magnitude of this loss is incomprehensible and I will continue to support you in any way I am able to.’ In July 2023, Payne talked about fatherhood and even thanked Cheryl for giving him the space he needed to get sober. He said in a video uploaded on YouTube, ‘Time with Bear’s been really, really great, honestly. More than anything, I want to say thank you to him and his mum for giving me a little bit of freedom to go and get well in that moment because I had to. There’s no point in trying to be a dad when you’ve got nothing to teach and I don’t think up until this point, I really had much to say to him other than just [what] came from deeply and loving him very deeply.’

I think we can all agree that Liam Payne might be a sh*tty partner, but he’s a damn good father. It’s possible for a man to be a sh*tty partner but a terrific father. It’s even possible for a man to be a sh*tty person but a terrific father. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes. At least one of his exes had something nice to say about him, and they’d even been in touch two weeks before that fateful fall. And you might be wondering how someone can be so loving to one partner, but then have a pattern of abusive behaviour towards others. I have an answer for that. You see, Payne started dating Peazer before the fame; before One Direction. Payne said himself that being in a boyband f*cked him up. Drugs, alcohol and mental health battles will change a man; and not for the better. Let’s also keep in mind that Maya Henry was almost a decade younger than him and started dating him before she turned 18. There’s a sense of power there too. Kate Cassidy is 25 now, and based on the reports I read, he wasn’t too kind to her either. According to news outlets, following her departure from Argentina and right before his death, Payne hired hookers for tens of thousands of dollars. A man who treats his woman right wouldn’t do that while he’s in a loving relationship with her.

Getting to write about Payne as a man and as a father reminded me of Nikki Bella and Artem Chigvintsev. Bella, whose real name is Stephanie Nicole Garcia-Colace, is a former WWE wrestler and a two-time champion alongside her twin sister, Brie. Chigvintsev is a former ‘Dancing With The Stars’ professional dancer. The duo met when they were partnered together on the long running reality TV competition in 2017. They started dating in 2019, became engaged and had a child, Matteo, together in 2020, and married in 2022. All seemed blissful between the two. They seemed like a happy family. On August 26th, they celebrated their two year wedding anniversary and posted pictures of themselves looking as happy as ever. Only three days later, however, Chigvintsev was booked into Napa County Jail on a felony domestic violence charge which involved him inflicting corporal injury on a spouse. Two weeks later, on September 11th, Bella filed for divorce.

Their split is still ongoing, and the details are actually heartbreaking. Since his arrest, prosecutors decided not to file criminal charges against Chigvintsev last month. In a statement obtained by E! News and People Magazine, he said, ‘I am incredibly relieved and grateful that the domestic violence charges against me have been dropped. This has been an extremely difficult time for me. I am thankful that the truth has prevailed. (Matteo) is my world, and being his father is the greatest blessing in my life. All along, my main concern has been for him. I am committed to continuing to provide him with the love, support, and care he needs as we move forward. I am hopeful that securing an equal custody arrangement will help us move on. I want to express my deepest gratitude to my family, friends, and legal team for standing by me during this challenging time. Your support has been invaluable, and I am thankful to everyone who believed in me and saw the truth for what it was. I look forward to moving past this chapter and focusing on what truly matters—continue being the best father I can be.’

Following the decision not to file charges against Chgvintsev, the DA’s office released an official statement from Napa County District Attorney, Allison Haley, which read, ‘The decision to not file charges against Mr. Chigvintsev was made after a thorough review of the criminal investigation and careful evaluation of the evidence presented to the DA’s Office. While we take every arrest seriously and stand firmly against domestic violence, we have an ethical obligation to only file charges when supported by the evidence. We are required to prove any and every criminal charge ‘beyond a reasonable doubt’ which is the highest standard in the American criminal justice system. If the available evidence doesn’t rise to this level of proof, then we cannot ethically file charges.’

In the divorce, Bella requested full legal and physical custody of Matteo, with Chigvintsev being given visitation rights. In addition to that, Bella requested that spousal support be terminated for both herself and her soon-to-be ex-husband. Chigvintsev, on the other hand, requested joint 50/50 legal and physical custody of Matteo, as well as spousal support from Bella. In a statement to E! News and People Magazine, Chivintsev’s lawyer, Ilona Antonyan, said in a statement, ‘My understanding of the investigated facts surrounding the 8/29/24 incident have led me to conclude from the beginning that Artem was not the primary aggressor. I believe that to be true even if the burden of proof would be the preponderance of evidence, which is the standard of proof in family court. He was protecting himself and Matteo.’ One person that didn’t take the news of Chigvintsev’s charges being dropped was his former sister-in-law. A day after the charges were dropped, Brie Bella posted an Instagram Story which read, ‘The truth always comes out in the end, no matter how hard anyone tried to hide it or stop it. Lies are just a temporary delay to the inevitable.’ Both spouses have restraining orders filed against each other, and a new court date for the divorce filing is set for December.

On their latest episode of their joint podcast, ‘The Nikki and Brie Show, which aired on October 21, Brie said while speaking to listeners, ‘You know, Nikki’s going through it, but I’m her sister, and I feel like in this weird way, I’m going through a lot with her. You know, you’re going through something really, really hard, and what I tell Nikki — this is the hardest thing you’re gonna go through in your life right now. And just know, it does get easier, but you have to go to this hard place, and you have to find strength. It’s just so incredible the way all of you just have come and showed your support for Nikki. Like, I can’t even tell you what it means to her. Soon enough, Nikki will be back on the show. I know I always say soon, and I’m sure that drives a lot of you crazy, but I swear — soon.’ And on an October 4 episode of their podcast, Brie said of supporting her sister, ‘All you wanna do is help. You want it to stop, but you realize it’s not your trauma, especially if you’re not the one dealing with it and you’re seeing someone else [deal with it]. It’s not for you to fix.’

It’s a very sad situation. Divorce is never easy on anyone. It’s good to know that Nikki Bella has the support of her family, particularly her sister. We don’t know the full story here. We weren’t there on that fateful August 29 night. Both parties are say the other was the aggressor. Chigvintsev has pictures as proof of him being hurt. Bella doesn’t. Some commentators are saying that Bella couldn’t have been the aggressor as she was a professional wrestler. She could take him down in a heartbeat. I really don’t want to judge a situation I know nothing about. Of course women can be the ones who abuse, and I’m in no way trying to diminish that. And maybe he was abusive too. It takes two to tango. No matter the case, it’s a sad situation. And no matter who was or wasn’t the aggressor, they did the right thing by ending the relationship rather than staying and trying to work it out when it’s already too broken to be fixed. There’s nothing left to fix when domestic violence comes into play. And by ending the relationship when they did, they’re showing their son a positive lesson to be had – that domestic violence will not be tolerated. It’s an important lesson to learn at a very young age, for as not to begin a cycle of abuse for the next generation. Kids learn by seeing rather than being lectured or such.

But divorce is especially hard for the kids involved. They’re always the ones in the middle, and it makes no difference what the reason is for the divorce really is. It could be domestic violence, cheating, finances, or lack of, etc. Witnessing parents divorce isn’t easy, and it’s something that will affect the child for the rest of their lives. No matters the trials and tribulations between the two of them as former spouses, I hope that Nikki Bella and Artem Chigvintsev’s son will have healthy relationships with them individually. With that said, though, hearing the news of their marital problems reminded me of Nikki Bella’s previous relationship with actor and former WWE wrestler, John Cena.

John Cena and Nikki Bella were together between 2012 and 2018. They were engaged to be married, and had set the wedding date for May 2018, but broke things off that April. Of their split, Bella said to ET in 2022, ‘You almost wish it was bad, because it’s so much easier to walk away. It’s so much harder to walk away when it’s loving. I think a lot of women get into that situation and it’s like, ‘But I love this person, but I don’t know if it’s right for my life,’ and that’s a hard thing about life, is we meet amazing people, but sometimes we’re just meant to live a different life. I kept praying so hard and then I just got this feeling so deep in my gut of, like, ‘I need to walk away.’ And no one thought I would, but it was hitting me so hard. I just knew that I didn’t want to bring a child into a relationship that I didn’t know if this life was right for them and I went with it, and then Artem came waltzing into my life. This is when I know how God is good and believing your gut and intuition and following through that good things happen.’

With everything we know of Nikki Bella’s personal life, I couldn’t help but wonder whether it’s better to marry the wrong person and have the child(ren) you always wanted or marry the right person and make the sacrifice of not having children because the other person doesn’t want them? Since his split with Bella, Cena has moved on himself. In 2020, he married Shay Shariatzadeh, and they both decided not to have children. When appearing on the ‘Club Shay Shay’ earlier this year, he spoke of his decision more thoroughly. He said, I have a certain curiosity about life, and I also know the investment that it takes. As somebody who’s driven, many times stubborn and selfish, I try to approach the world with kindness and curiosity … but I don’t think I’m personally ready, nor will I ever be, to invest the time [needed] to be a great parent. I want to live life for all it is. I still have a lot to do.’ And after having open conversations with his current wife about the matter, they ultimately found that they were both on the same page.

I’d like to just say that it’s so wrong to assume that Bella couldn’t be a domestic violence victim just because she’s a WWE champion. It’s also wrong to assume that Chigvintsev couldn’t be a domestic violence victim just because he’s a man. No matter the case, they’re wrong for each other, and now there’s a child involved. In her quote on her breakup with Cena, she said that he was the right man for her, but the fact that he didn’t want to have children took its toll. She wasn’t ready to give her desire to have children up for the right man. With that said, she had a child with the wrong man. In life, the hardest thing a woman can do is choose a life-partner. What I came to realize is that if I were in a situation where I had to choose between ending up with the right partner and sacrificing my semester of having a child or ending up with the wrong partner and having a child with them, I’d choose the sacrifice my desire of having a child.

I previously wrote on this blog about how my husband initially told me that he didn’t want to have children, but then changed his outlook on the idea after many talks with me, as well as witnessing my family dynamic rather than of his own. But if he were to tell me that he didn’t want to have children and there was nothing I could do or say that would change his mind, I’d make the sacrifice of giving up my own desire to have a child altogether. I know my husband is a good man, and I’ve always had a good life with him. Our relationship is solid and healthy. Who’s to ever say that I would’ve had a relationship as solid as I do with my husband with someone else if were to breakup with him to be with someone else for them to be the father of my children? Nikki Bella is the perfect example of how this one single decision could change the course of your life forever, and in one of the worst ways possible.

I’m part of numerous Facebook groups for moms, and so many moms post their stories of how they have deadbeat partners that don’t want to have much or anything to do with their children; that their partners see their children as chores or an inconvenience. Having children is hard. Being a parent is hard. But I wouldn’t call it an inconvenience or a chore. Each time I want to complain about my baby daddy because he annoys the sh*t out of me, I see such a post from a mom on Facebook telling members of their deadbeat husbands, and it’s then I realize that I practically won a lottery with my own baby daddy. I couldn’t have chosen a better father to my child. And that’s the thing about women choosing a partner for themselves. They’re not just choosing a life-partner, they’re choosing a father for their children. If they choose the wrong one, they complicate the child’s life as well. And that’s not to say that Artem Chigvintsev is a bad father. I don’t know whether he is or isn’t. All we really know is that the former couple is at odds with the custody matters of their child. Bella is seeking full legal and physical custody, with him only being eligible to see him during visitations. That’s not anger, but rather doing what she feels is best for her child under her version of the circumstances.

Just recently, I met a woman who immigrated to Canada after she divorced her ex-husband. She wanted to start her life anew. She married another man and had children with him, but the marriage was anything but glamorous. Her second husband was someone who never supported her. He never supported as a wife, as the mother of his children, nor as a woman in the whole spect of things. He wasn’t a good partner, and he’s not a good father. In fact, he uses their children as a tool to manipulate her, deceive her, and yes, abuse her. Abuse doesn’t end once a relationship is over. Abuse doesn’t end when you have children. On the contrary, abuse gets more dangerous following a breakup and/or having children with an abuser. I don’t think that the abuse will end for the woman I’d encountered with will end any time soon. But I do know that she deserves better. She’s young. She’s vibrant. And she and her kids deserves the world.

I wish her the best. But she’s not someone I’d be friends with. I can’t be friends with her. I can’t be around someone who’s in that situation. It’s a trigger for me, and it’s a trigger for my family as a result. I’ve been through abuse. I know what it’s like to be emotionally, mentally and yes, physically abused. And not by just one person, but multiples. I know what it’s like to be afraid that the person who continues to tell they love you will hurt you, or worse, kill you. The one thing I’m so grateful for is that I didn’t bring children into the mix. I’m grateful that I found the right partner to share my life with. Maybe I’m basing my views on my own experience of being with the wrong people before I found my right person, but the fact that we have a child together is a bonus for me, because I wouldn’t felt complete in my life even if I didn’t have a child with him. The most important lesson I ever learned from my experience is that being rich in love is more important than fulfilling a desire that doesn’t guarantee a good life. Fulfilling your desire to have children doesn’t guarantee a good life. The end…