Taylor Swift: The Real Beauty And Value In Age-Gap Friendships – And Why They’re Actually Necessary For A Woman’s Growth

I’ve recently been overly obsessing over country music, and I was profoundly impressed by how I managed to write 3 whole blog entries on ‘Nashville’, the Connie Britton and Hayden Panettiere co-led TV series that originally aired between 2012 and 2018 which saw its characters being used and abused by the country music industry. Nashville is the place where a lot of people in the music industry got their beginnings, including Taylor Swift, so it’s really no wonder that a TV show like ‘Nashville’ was made to begin with.

I even managed to mention the likes of Dolly Parton and Taylor Swift, two of the greatest female artists in country music, in my posts on ‘Nashville’. And speaking of Parton and Swift, they have more than just country music in common. They’ve also both collaborated with Sabrina Carpenter. Parton collaborated with Carpenter on the country version of Carpenter’s song, ‘Please, Please, Please’. Swift invited Carpenter to be her opening act for her Eras tour. Carpenter went on to headline her own tour thereafter, and gave Swift credit for the opportunity and inspiring her to become a better artist.

Swift and Carpenter’s collaboration was a long time coming. They’ve been friends for years, and Carpenter manifested her working with Swift when she was just 9 years old. She was a huge Taylor Swift fan, and through many years of devoted fandom and hard work on her own career, Carpenter managed to not only meet her idol but be hired to go on tour with her. When she was 9, she covered Swift’s hit song ‘White Horse’. The year was 2008. In 2009, Carpenter covered another one of Swift’s songs, ‘Picture To Burn’. That same year, she tried to enter a contest to get the chance to meet Swift, but was told she was too young to enter. She eventually did get to go to Swift’s concert the following year. Carpenter finally met her idol in 2017, when she became a star herself. In the years that followed, the two were occasionally photographed together at awards shows hanging out like old friends. Her latest Taylor Swift cover came in 2023 when she covered the 2012 hit single, ‘I Knew You Were Trouble’, and Swift approved.

In an interview with Who What Wear, Carpenter opened up about joining the Eras tour. She said, ‘I’m not gonna say I peed my pants because that sounds really graphic and maybe not sanitary, but I think it really just caught me off guard. It was very much a childhood dream come true. I still probably have not processed it if I’m being completely honest with you.’ Once her gig ended, Carpenter wrote on her Instagram, ‘And the most thank-you’s I’ve ever thank-you’d to Taylor. I feel so lucky to witness the magic that is you and this tour. There is truly no one like you and there never will be! I love you with all my heart and I will cherish this Taybrina era (and all the eras) till the end of time 💞💞💞’

Not even Carpenter’s collaboration with Kim Kardashians, who’s had a long-standing beef with Swift that also involved Kanye West, Kardashian’s husband at the time, as well as a public appearance on Saturday Night Live with Jake Gyllenhaal, Swift’s ex-boyfriend who inspired her entire ‘Red’ album, tore the duo apart. I also might’ve forgotten to mention a tiny little detail about the two, which is that they’re 10 years apart in age. Swift is 35 years old, and Carpenter is 25. And you might question why they’re even friends to begin with as they have such an age difference that differs in life experiences and maturity level. Trust me, I did too. But then I remembered it was nothing new for neither Swift nor Carpenter. Swift is known to befriend women of all ages. Carpenter is very close friends with her ‘Girl Meets World’ co-star, Danielle Fisher, who’s 43 now. According to Buzzfeed, Fishel referred to Carpenter as ‘the closest thing I’ll ever have to a daughter.’ And since we started out talking about Carpenter’s friendship with Swift, I broke down the reasons for their friendship in parts. These are:

• Shared Passion for Music: Both artists are deeply passionate about songwriting and creating music, a shared ground that fosters understanding and encourages collaboration. 
• Mentorship and Advice: Taylor Swift has been a source of encouragement and guidance for Sabrina Carpenter, especially in navigating the music industry and dealing with the pressures of fame. 
• Genuine Connection: Beyond the professional level, they are described as “genuinely friends” who communicate regularly, share music snippets, and offer each other feedback. 
• Early Inspiration: Carpenter was a dedicated fan of Swift’s music, even covering her songs on YouTube, and Swift’s influence extended into Carpenter’s own songwriting and creative process. 
• Mutual Support: They have been seen supporting each other at various events, including the Eras Tour, where Carpenter opened for Swift. 
• Public Appreciation: Both artists have publicly expressed their admiration for each other, with Carpenter calling Swift a ‘rock star’ and a ‘mentor’

Believe it or not, there was a time where Taylor Swift was a VERY public figure. The scrutiny she’d faced over the years, mostly at the hands of the once most powerful couple, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, forced her to become the private woman and artist that she’s become. There was a time where we couldn’t get enough seeing personal glimpses of the young country-turned-pop-star’s personal life with her friends and the people she surrounded herself with. Now, if we see pictures of her with her friends, there’s some sort of a business plan and a marketing strategy behind it. Nothing with her is done out of the blue or by accident. Everything she does is calculated and has a purpose in mind. The only reason why the public even knows that Taylor Swift is friends with Sabrina Carpenter is because they worked together. The same goes for her friendships with other female artists such as Gracie Abrams and Lana Del Rey.

Through the years, Swift has been known to have large and diverse group of friends, known as her ‘squad’, many of whom are also famous celebrities. Some of her closest friends include Selena Gomez, Karlie Kloss, Blake Lively, Gigi Hadid, Abigail Anderson, and Sophie Turner, Jamie King, Joey King, Kellie Pickler, Katy Perry, Emma Stone, the Haim sisters, Gigi Hadid, and Sadie Sink. She’s also known to be close with other stars like Zoë Kravitz, Camila Cabello, and Lena Dunham. And there’s much to be said about these friendships, because throughout the years, Swift has been publicly scrutinized for being nothing but a girls’s girl. Reasons for the scrutiny she’d experienced include the perception of elitism, the focus on female friendships, and the media’s tendency to analyze and critique her choices. Some, on the other hand, see her squad as a positive representation of female empowerment and friendship, while others view it as exclusionary and superficial. 

Legendary actress Jane Fonda has been very vocal in recent years on the importance of female friendships. In 2024, she said, ‘Women’s friendships are very different from men’s friendships. And they’re very important to our health. Because you guys, you kind of sit side by side and watch sports or cars or women. Women sit facing each other eye to eye, and they say, ‘I’m in trouble. I need you. Can you help me?’ We are not afraid of being vulnerable.’ Her husband, Ted Turner once said to her that he figured women didn’t make friends past 60, to which she said he was really wrong. She continued, ‘What you have to do is you have to be intentional. Like, I never used to be intentional. I would meet Sally Field, for example, but not pursue – well I did pursue you. You have to pursue people that you want to be friends with. And you have to say, ‘I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend.’ And it works. People hear that and then stick around, and you develop new friendships.’

I’ve come to truly understand the value in female friendships during a period of time in my life where I was going through a personal crisis. It was in the years that followed me surviving the car accident that led to my depression and an epilepsy diagnosis. I wholeheartedly and solemnly believe that I wouldn’t have survived that period in my life had it not been for my female friends; the friends that gave me a sense of of normalcy when my life became anything but normal; the friends who spent hours on the phone with me when I was down; the friends that would drop everything they had going on to take me out because I needed a change of scenery, a shoulder to cry on, and a break from reality. But I’d like to take things a step further and not only discuss female friendships, but age-gap friendships as well; and not just female ones.

When I was in my early 20’s, I became friends with a man 15 years older than me. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary – at least for him. In fact, most of his friends, at least during the time that I was friends with him, were much younger than him. His girlfriends were also much younger than he ever was. According to him, surrounding himself by those younger than him made him feel young at heart. And he wasn’t looking to mentor or guide any one of them. He simply wanted to be on their level; maybe even younger. In hindsight, my friendship with him ended because I outgrew him as a person, and I became somewhat too old for him to be friends with. Nevertheless, he was a great person. He IS a great person, and I wish him well. He even wrote a blog post for this website well after our friendship ended. He was one of the first ones to do so, when very few people believed in the site’s significance and scope.

I know I’ve spent so much time and effort just on this blog entry alone discussing Taylor Swift’s age-gap friendship with Sabrina Carpenter, as well as mentioning her other age-gap friendships. Her friendship with Jamie King was also that with an age gap of 11 years, with King being the older of the two. It’s since been reported that the two ended their friendship following King’s personal struggles. She recently lost custody of her two sons to ex-husband, Kyle Newman. King herself was known to have been friends with women of all ages. In a 2015 interview with Yahoo Style, she said of her friendships, ‘Nobody is asking me about the majority of my best friends, who have nothing to do with the industry. They don’t care about 75 percent of my friends that are the world to me. And that makes me sad. If my sister is having a hard day or something happens at work, her trauma is just as important as anybody else’s trauma. Her happy days and joyful days are just as important as winning a Grammy. She teaches autistic children how to speak, and to me that is just as admirable as winning an Academy Award. I just wish that people would start to understand that. There are definitely things that come up that we can relate to and ask each other advice on. If you don’t talk to them for weeks, they know why. They know that you are away doing something, and they are not going to be mad at you because they have the same crazy schedule. This whole ageist thing! People are starting to bring age into the picture more and more, and I don’t know why that is. That just started happening this year. I have friends that are 60 and 70 and 50 years old. We live in a modern world now where we are separated by our immediate families and you create families where you live. You create families that are like your older sisters, your younger sisters, your spiritual family. And that’s what I’ve done. There are certain times when certain people are like a sister even though they are younger than me. And there are times where I am the older sister even though I’m younger, or I’m the older sister to people even older than me!’

King was notably friends with women like Jessica Alba and Hailee Steinfeld, who co-starred together in the 2015 movie, ‘Barely Lethal’, which also co-starred Samuel L. Jackson, Thomas Mann, Dove Cameron and Sophie Turner, and directed by Kyle Newman, King’s former husband. Since their divorce, Newman has moved on with singer Cyn, and together they have two children of their own. It’s unclear whether or not King is still friends with Steinfeld and Alba at this time. Steinfeld and Swift are friends too and have been seen hanging out together publicly on multiple occasions. Steinfeld appeared in Swift’s ‘Bad Blood’ video, which was based on her highly publicized feud with Katy Perry. They’ve since made up, and Perry appeared in Swift’s ‘You Need To Calm Down’ music video. Nevertheless, King’s other public friendships include with Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar, as reported by People. In 2019, Blair had nothing but kind words to say about King as she opened up in an interview with the publication on how King supported her through her battle with Multiple Sclerosis.

Whenever I think about celebrity age-gap relationships, I automatically think of Kourtney Kardashian and Addison Rae. Kardashian is, of course, a reality star and a businesswoman, with a lifestyle blog called Poosh. Rae is a social media influencer, having gotten her start on TikTok. She can now add ‘Actress’ on her resume as her experience, as she starred in Netflix’s ‘He’s All That’, a remake to the 1999 classic, She’s All That’, with ‘Cobra Kai’ actor, Tanner Buchanan. Kardashian had a little cameo in the movie as well. L Rae was introduced to Kourtney Kardashian by mutual friend David Dobrik, who wanted her to meet Kourtney’s son Mason, a fan of her TikToks. Kardashian has been described as a mentor and a supportive figure for Addison, offering guidance and a strong shoulder to lean on. They share a love for working out and have been seen working out together. 

Due to Kardashian and Rae being 21 years apart in age, they’ve been scrutinized by the media, as well as Kardashian’s entire family, for their ‘odd’ friendship. I watched the ‘Keeping Up With The Kardashians’ episode where the family was grilling Rae for her friendship with Kourtney, which felt like an integration. Not even a job interview, but an integration. I personally can’t imagine being in the Kardashian circle and not be liked by them. They first started with a small talk by telling the social media star that they liked her nails, but they had anterior motives to the meeting with her, of course. In a confessional, Khloe said, ‘We all decided to get to the bottom of Kourtney and Addison. So, we invited Addison over for lunch but, without Kourtney. ‘Cause, we just wanna ask a couple questions and get to know her more.’ The only one that seemed to have been sympathized towards her was Kendall. The interrogation started when Scott Disick, who is was in a relationship with Kourtney for 9 years before breaking up in 2015 and is the father of her 3 older children, asked if she was ever arrested. Khloe then asked, ‘What the f*ck did you do to Kourtney to make her so happy?’ And before Rae could even answer, Disick questioned her whether she and Kourtney were hooking up. He said, ‘That was the elephant in the room…It’s OK if you are.’

Kourtney then found out about what had happened and confronted her family about it. She said to Kim, ‘So, you guys didn’t want to tell me that you invited Addison for lunch? Like, she thought I was literally coming to the lunch…What is your obsession?’ Khloe chimed in and told Kourtney that they were trying protect her, and with that said, decided to be proactive by the influencer’s brain on the oldest Kardashian sister. She said, ‘We’re not dissing Addison. We love Addison. We literally just want to know, does Addison do something where she pulls out like, a better attitude in you?’ Kourtney then said, ‘I feel like I have a young heart and an old soul. I don’t think it’s about age ‘cause like, Simon and Phil were just here and…they have that energy. I feel like, we all have such a good circle of people around us—everyone’s just different ages.’ In a confessional, Kourtney admitted she understood the curiosity surrounding the friendship, but also said, ‘I don’t think every person needs to understand my relationships with each of my friends.’ And after getting to spend more time with Rae, Khloe admitted, ‘I actually really enjoy getting to know Addison. And the more I get to know her, the more I understand why Kourt is such good friends with her.’

Time and time again, the two had to defend their friendship despite not letting their age gap define their dynamic of their relationship. They share similar interests, such as working out, despite them being at different stages in life, with Kourtney having kids already and Rae still living with her parents at the time. Kardashian has been described as a mentor and a supportive figure for Rae, offering guidance and a strong shoulder to lean on. Rae, in turn, admittedly looks up to Kardashian and admires her routines and lifestyle, which is evident in how frequently the friends exercise together, make TikToks together, and shop together. Rae also gets along with Kardashian’s children and has made TikToks with them before. Rae has praised Kardashian’s kindness and family support, while Kourtney has stated that Addison was one of her favourite people. 

Many social media users have been quite critical of the unlikely friendship that came completely out of nowhere. Most notably, the friendship between Kardashian and Rae was labeled as ‘weird’. One user wrote on X, previously known as Twitter, ‘The Kourtney Kardashian and Addison Rae friendship? I’m not sure I’m ready to have that conversation.’ Another wrote, ‘going to bed tonight thinking about how Addison Rae is closer in age to Mason Disick than Kourtney Kardashian.’ And another wrote, ‘Kourtney Kardashian is older than Addison Rae’s mom.’ But there were also many social media users who were kind and supportive of the friendship. One social media user wrote, ‘People think Kourtney Kardashian and Addison Rae’s friendship is weird because of their age gap her Scott Disick dates Sofia Richie and nobody bats an eye.’

When we make friends, we mostly choose people that are close to our age groups. We mostly surround ourselves with and befriend those who we meet while at school, university and starting out careers together. But many women, as well as men, have also found richness in their friendships with older women, as well as men. There are numerous other celebrity friendships that, unlike Addison Rae and Kourtney Kardashian’s, are actually embraced and respected. These include the friendships between Selena Gomez and Jennifer Aniston, Ed Sheeran and Courtney Cox, Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart, 50 Cent and Bette Midler, Dakota Fanning and Tom Cruise, Jennifer Lawrence and Kris Jenner, Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett, Harry Styles and Stevie Nicks, Justin Bieber and Diane Keaton, as well as Vin Diesel and Dame Helen Mirren. Taylor Swift and Jamie King, as well as Sabrins Carpenter and Taylor Swift have friendships with the smallest age gap on this list, both 10 years. The friendship with the biggest age gap is one with 40+ years.

The most beautiful thing about friendships is that it has no age barriers. Age doesn’t matter; or at least it shouldn’t. In fact, age gap friendships are beneficial and becoming more and more common. Dr. Angharad Rudkin, a chartered psychologist, suggests, ‘We tend to seek out people who we believe are similar to us – social status, experiences, looks, age. Benefits of age-gap friendships include learning from one another’s experiences, developing empathy for people of different ages and possibly (though I’m not sure of the evidence for this) having a different perspective on life as a result of knowing someone older/younger well.’ And American clinical psychologist Dr. Andrea Bonior suggests, ‘Cross-generational friendships allow us to be ourselves without as many expectations of what our lives are ‘supposed’ to be focused on at any given stage, and they can be among the most meaningful and cherished of relationships.’ To further understand the value in age-gap friendships, here’s a list of benefits to consider:

• Different generations bring different experiences, ideas and opportunities
• Younger friends challenge our thinking and beliefs
• Older friends can provide life experience and mentor younger friends
• Younger friends keep you more active
• You may be introduced to new interests and hobbies
• Conversations have more variety – whether your friend is younger or older than you, conversations are never dull as they discuss what is happening in their life’s journey.
• It is’s easier to stay current as you’re introduced to the latest trends and popular culture. This helps you stay in touch and connected with the world. It helps us to stay youthful
• You aren’t invisible – the friendship is not based on age, but rather on mutual respect

And speaking of respect…there’s really much to be said about Kourtney Kardashian and the respect she didn’t receive from some friends who are closer in age to her. And I’m talking about Lara’s Pippen, who’s 50 years old, only a few years older than Kardashian. I just can’t forget how Lara’s treated her when they were on a girls’ trip with Khloe and other friends in Turkey. Kourtney made it utterly clear to everyone that all she wanted to do was hang out with her friends, and Lara’s kept pushing and pushing for her to go out with random guys during the trip. The entire clip gave me the ick. It became abdominally clear what type of friend Larsa was to Kourtney – the mean girl; the one you just want to stay clear of. It was evident that Kourtney felt agitated and uncomfortable the entire time she was there. Her trip was filled with constant stress, and Larsa was the cause of it. Whereas in Rae’s presence, she was happy and carefree; and everyone around her took notice.

It’s fairly unclear whether the duo are still friends or not. When asked about it recently by Rolling Stone, Rae said, ‘She got married and has a baby now. I’ve lived a few lives.’ She was, of course, referring to Kardashian’s husband, Travis Barker, and their son, Rocky. No matter the case, it was obvious that they were a good fit with one another. They were the perfect example of a healthy female friendship dynamic; and age was, of course, not an issue or a burden in their connection. And it’s actually not surprising at all that she became such good friends with Rae. I guess you have to really take an insightful look at her history. She spent a decade of her life ‘mommying’ Scott Disick. She also has much younger sisters in Kylie and Kendall Jenner, and she got along great with Kendall’s friends; so much so that I think Kendall got a little jealous.

And I’ve had my own fair share of experiences with age gap friendships. I already talked about my much older friend that I had in my life in my early 20’s. It was a great friendship, and age wasn’t ever an issue in our relationship. I had other friendships with people who were closer in age – with a maximum 4 year age gap – who’d constantly make me feel less than, belittle me, and undermine me. This disrespect became the new norm for them, and it felt as though I had a sign on my forehead that read, ‘Look out, easy to manipulate and disregard’. Just looking at them was stressful. I never felt that stress with my much older friend.

In recent years, my husband and I befriended a couple that’s much younger than us; like, around a decade younger than us. But they’re great people who treat me with the outmost respect. Our kids are the same age, and we just vibe together. Somehow, we make much more sense than some of our friendships with people who are closer to our age group. We have fun together. We learn from each other. And we connect on a much deeper scale. If there’s anything I’ve learned from Taylor Swift’s squad era, where she was friends with women of all ages, including Ellen Pompeo and Mariska Hargitay, it’s that friendship has absolutely no limit. The only one that’s limiting it is YOU, and only you. So to end this blog entry on a more positive note, here are some Taylor Swift’s genius lyrics on female friendships:

• “Here’s a toast to my real friends. They don’t care about the he said, she said.” — “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”
• “And soon enough you’re best friends. Laughing at the other girls who think they’re so cool.” — “Fifteen”
• “You took the time to memorize me, my fears, my hopes and dreams. I just like hanging out with you all the time.” — “Stay Stay Stay”
• “The best people in life are free.” — “New Romantics”
  
• “We see you over there on the internet comparing all the girls who are killing it. But we figured you out we all know now, we all got crowns.” — “You Need To Calm Down”
• “I’m so sick of them coming at me again, ’cause if I was the man, then I’d be the man.” — “The Man”