Harrison Butker: A Disaster Waiting To Happen When A Man Dictates A Woman’s World Based On His Beliefs…?

Jennifer Lopez is the mere definition of a businesswoman and a working woman. She’s not one to stay home and be a housewife. Even with her cancelling her tour will not mean that she’ll completely stop working. She still has her alcohol business that she’s working on, and following the success of her new Netflix film, ‘Atlas’, she still has two movies awaiting to be released. Both upcoming movies were produced by her husband, Ben Affleck, and his best friend and frequent collaborator, Matt Damon. To add to my previous post, the fact that J.Lo and Affleck worked together so much could also be a factor as to why their marriage is in trouble.

But I don’t want to continue talking about Jennifer Lopez and her marital problems. Instead, I want to discuss American Football kicker Harrison Butker, and the recent commencement speech that he made at Benedictine College, because writing my previous post made me think of him and that speech. Everyone was divided by his speech, especially the female graduates who were sitting there listening to him.. Particularly, women were divided. But Christians were divided too, and that’s very telling in itself. In his speech he debunked President Joe Biden’s support for abortion rights and encouraged women, the female graduates, to ditch their plans to be working women in order to become full-time homemakers. His speech wasn’t only sexist, but homophobic as well. In part, his speech included his closing statement, ‘Never be afraid to profess the one holy, Catholic, and apostolic Church. … I believe this audience and this venue is the best place to speak openly and honestly about who we are and where we all want to go, which is Heaven.’

I’m a hard-working, disabled, bi-sexual woman. I guess I’m doomed, and going to Heaven is out of the question for me. Let’s get one thing straight, though. Being a house wife, a stay-at-home-mom, or a full-time housemaker IS hard work in itself. So I applaud all women who are any or all of those things. One hard-working woman that everyone knows of is Taylor Swift. One thing she’s not is a full-time homemaker, and one thing she is is a supported and advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. So it was ironic that Butker would even include the slightest bit of reference to someone like Taylor Swift. In his speech, he included the following quote, ‘familiarity breeds contempt’, which is a lyric from Swift’s song, ‘Bejeweled’. And you can be sure the X (formerly Twitter) users had something to say about that, and this is just one reaction by X user, McKenzie Hopson Davd:

‘I actually think that Harrison Butker quoting Taylor Swift in his dumpster fire of a speech is hilarious when you consider that the song he quoted (Bejeweled) is about a successful woman telling a mediocre man to step aside so she can shine.’

Other reactions to the speech from women include, but aren’t limited to the following:

‘I feel bad for those poor women who looked forward to their graduation and had you inflicted upon them.’

‘Have a talk with Travis (Swift’s current boyfriend and Butker’s teammate) about how you can be successful, masculine AND still incredibly supportive of your girlfriend’s career.’

‘As a woman, does watching Harrison Butker get cooked online count as being in the kitchen.’

‘I’ll let the Swifties handle Harrison Butker.’

And finally:

“What does your mom think about your little speech, Harrison?” asked Vicki Chan, a doctor and TikTok creator who has more than 500,000 followers.

But that’s not all…

Butker went on to say in his speech, ‘I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.’

This strikes another conversation and requires answers to the following questions:

• What about the women who don’t want to have children?
• What about the women who CAN’T have children due to medical reasons?
• What about the women who aren’t accepted to adopt or choose not to adopt?
• What about the women who can’t afford surrogacy?
• What about the women who choose not to get married or even have a life-long partner?
• What about the women whose lives didn’t work out as planned and still haven’t found ‘the one’? And lastly,
• What about those women who are in same-sex relationships?

Every woman has the right to choose what she wants to be…?

Life – it doesn’t look the same for everyone, and it would’ve been an ideal world if more people understood that. Harrison Butker is one of those people who has no understanding of the world and how it changed from 1950’s up to now. Vicki Chan might’ve asked on social media what Butker’s mother thought of his little ‘rant’, but I’m pretty sure his wife was someone that stood by his remarks. And I’m sure that she’s everything he’s looking for in a woman – a full-time homemaker. And it’s nothing bad that she’s a homemaker. She has every right to be a homemaker, just like every woman has the right to be anything else that she wants to be.

Since he made the speech, Butker, knew of the backlash that followed him. It’s been all over media news outlets and social media users didn’t let that sh*t slide, including those female graduates who attended the commencement. Butker, for his part, responded to the backlash, but not with an apology. ‘It is now, over the past few days, my beliefs or what people think I believe have been the focus of countless discussions around the globe. At the outset, many people expressed a shocking level of hate. But as the days went on, even those who disagreed with my viewpoints shared their support for my freedom of religion.’

He’s not wrong. Everyone has the right to have their own opinions and beliefs. Everyone should have the freedom of religion. However, No one, including Butker himself, doesn’t have the right to tell anyone what to do or tell anyone what life they should live, nor does anyone, including Butker, has the right to encourage anyone to lead in their religion they themselves believe in. In this case, he encouraged female graduates to forgo their professional careers to become full-time homemakers. It’s sexist and shameful. Women shouldn’t be shamed for the choices that they make for themselves and their families. The beauty of it being 2024 is that whatever women do for themselves is a choice. If a woman wants to be a full-time homemaker, I’m assuming just like Harrison Butker’s wife, she has the right to choose to do that. If a woman wants to work and be career-oriented, she has the right to choose to do that. If a woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom, she has the right to choose to do that. And if she wants to be a working mom, she has the right to do that.

Someone like Butker, particularly someone who has the beliefs that he does, probably shouldn’t be going to a college graduation and tell female graduates to ditch their dream careers for a lifestyle that fits him. It’s the same as telling the female graduates, ‘F*CK everything. F*ck education. F*ck your education. F*ck this great accomplishment that you just achieved that was years in the making. You made a mistake. All your hopes and dreams are bullsh*t, and you need to do the opposite.’ It’s boring. It’s degrading. And it’s embarrassing. There are a lot of people who agree with me. One of those people is Jason Kelce, Travis Kelce’s brother, who recently retired from professional football earlier this year. He recently took to C to defend his wife, Kylie, when fans called her a full-time homemaker. One user wrote to Kelce directly, ‘Your wife is a homemaker. But you can’t support butker. And your wife is a homemaker whose home is a mess. Sorry but it is dirty and messy on television. Seems you’re a bit hypocritical.’

Kelce responded, I don’t think of Kylie as a homemaker, I think of her as my wife. I think of her as a mother. She has an occupation, as do I, and we keep our house the best we can. Our marriage is a partnership, we are equals who are figuring it out on the daily. The only expectation is that we love each other, support one another, and are committed to our family, that comes first. We both raise our kids, we both work, We both keep our home. It is both our faults it is messy, but such is life with 3 young children, busy schedules, and neither of us being neat freaks. If being a homemaker, works for some, and that’s what they want, then hell yea, that’s awesome, more power to you. I want to be clear, I’m not downplaying that at all, but that is not our family dynamic.’

That last sentence was the most crucial one of them all. It’s what this particular blog post is all about in the first place. And even Christians themselves are divided. The Sisters of St. Scholastica wrote an open letter explaining why Butker’s speech didn’t accurately represent Catholic or Benedictine beliefs. In the letter, they wrote, ‘Our community has taught young women and men not just how to be ‘homemakers’ in a limited sense, but rather how to make a Gospel-centered, compassionate home within themselves where they can welcome others as Christ. … We reject a narrow definition of what it means to be Catholic. … We want to be known as an inclusive, welcoming community. … With St. Benedict, we pray, “Let us prefer nothing whatever to Christ, and may he lead us all together to life everlasting.”’

Butker and the Sisters of St. Scholastica use the same language, but the difference in their understanding of their shared faith and what it means to be a woman is evident. But NFL vice president, Jonathan Beane seemed to back Harrison Butker and support his statements where no only did make such endless sexist remarks on women based on his own life views and said his wife would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her desired as a wife and as a mother, but also called the LGBT Pride a deadly sin. Beane said in a statement, ‘Harrison Butker gave a speech in his personal capacity. His views are not those of the NFL as an organization. The NFL is steadfast in our commitment to inclusion, which only makes our league stronger.’

My body, my choice…?

And to answer more of my own questions that I previously rhetorically asked in this blog post, which I already got some answers in regards to women in the LGBTQ community, Harrison Butker went on to tell women what to do not only in their day-today lives, but with their bodies as well, as he went on to discuss birth control, IVF and surrogacy in a negative light in his commencement speech. ‘There is nothing good about playing God with having children — whether that be your ideal number or the perfect time to conceive. No matter how you spin it, there is nothing natural about Catholic birth control.’ He also called IVF and surrogacy a symptom of a disorder. He said, ‘As a group, you witnessed firsthand how bad leaders who don’t stay in their lane can have a negative impact on society. Bad policies and poor leadership have negatively impacted major life issues. Things like abortion, IVF, surrogacy, euthanasia, as well as a growing support for degenerate cultural values in media, all stem from the pervasiveness of disorder.’

One person who rightfully denounced Harrison Butker’s speech was Kelly Stafford, the wife of Los Angeles Rams quarterback, Matthew Stafford, who went through IVF to expand her family. She wrote on social media, ‘Women already experience enough imposter syndrome and to have a man use a platform to enforce a woman’s deepest fears is troubling. The fear that we don’t have a choice and we don’t belong. Can you honestly tell me that you would agree that IVF/surrogacy is playing God? You know and have felt the joy of having a child … imagine if you physically couldn’t: Would you agree with this? Or would you think IVF/surrogacy is a miracle from God for those who can’t get pregnant/carry a child?’

And in regards Butker encouraging female graduates to lead the life his wife does, Stafford, who’s a homemaker herself, added, ‘Building men up and not tearing them down is important. Building women up and not tearing them down is important. Everyone has a choice of what they want his/her life to look like. It’s not up to anyone else or society. The more society tells women where they belong, the more imposter syndrome starts to creep in that they don’t belong because that’s what society is telling them. Some women choose not to stay home and some women don’t have the luxury to choose. We all might not agree on everything, but I think we all want the same end goal: A better world for our kids. I think supporting and encouraging women and men in whatever roles they choose is a great first step towards that goal. Welp, I’m gonna leave this here and go raise my girls to be strong, smart, kind humans that know they have the ability to make their own choices. I’ll do it with the support of my incredible husband, who is always building me up in ALL of my roles.’

I really couldn’t have said it better than Stafford herself. If I were a new college graduate, and I was the one to witness Harrison Butker, or even someone remotely like him, making a speech telling me that MY choice to peruse what I want is wrong after all my hard work, would feel like a real slap in the face. I’d especially feel that way as it took me 7 years, not 4, to graduate college, and I worked 10 times harder than an average person to get to where I am now. Because I have cerebral palsy, I had so many people, including my own disability counsellor in college, doubt me and capabilities as a human. I wouldn’t need someone like Butker to ruin this special celebration of my hard work, determination, and this great, long awaited achievement of mine by urging me to be homemaker. If his wife is happy doing so, so be it. But don’t tell me what I’m supposed to f*cking do with own damn life. And who’s to say that there weren’t any female graduates sitting in that room listening to the commencement speech who have had the same, or similar, stories as my own?

And the notion that IVF and surrogacy is a disorder? I can’t even describe what a load of bullsh*t that was. I know I’m a writer, and therefore, I should be filled with words to be told, but I’m literally out of words. Maybe the rage of it all is just taking over my ability to come up with words. Nevertheless, I want to explain myself and my feelings towards it. My son wasn’t conceived via IVF, but IVF definitely played a huge role in the success of my son being conceived naturally. Before he was conceived, I went through 5 years of infertility, and (at least) one miscarriage. Without the help of science, I wouldn’t have the family that I do now. How can someone, a man, who NEVER knew the pain of longing to expand their family but not being able to because of things that are out of their control even speak on the subject of infertility and call IVF and surrogacy a disorder? How can a man even speak on what a woman deciding to do with her body and call it a disorder?

I’m very grateful that science allows us to have this option and opportunity to expand our families when ‘the natural’ route doesn’t work. But what I’m even more grateful for is having such a supportive husband who supports women’s rights, as well as my own choices. Now after getting to hear Harrison Butker’s public views, I feel that I have to give my husband even more credit than I already have in the past. Though I’m so fortunate to have had the opportunity to do IVF in the first place, I wasn’t sure it was for me after completing that one failed cycle. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a baby anymore. It was that IVF was stealing away my health, and I wasn’t ready to sacrifice my health for a baby that wasn’t even made. I sat my husband down to discuss the matter with him, and he was the most supportive and most understanding about it. Though he wanted to be a father, he knew that it was my body and that my needs came first.

Disappointment in the NFL…

I previously mentioned the NFL, and the response the vice president had regarding Harrison Butker’s commencement speech. I was very disappointed, but also not surprised. Colton Underwood, a retired NFL player, wasn’t surprised either. He said, ‘It is not surprising to me. Look, I’ve been a part of it. At the end of the day, they’re making a business decision. I think that is what needs to be said. The NFL, as much as it is a sport, it’s an entertainment business.’ Butker didn’t have any consequences following his speech. He’s still playing as if nothing ever happened. And that’s the problem that, we, as women, face when a bunch of men are behind the businesses in question. Greed and money comes before doing what’s right, which is to have Butker see his career suffer one way or another. He could’ve at least been suspended without pay for a period of time. Instead, they’re backing him up.

And now, we also see Butker’s teammates backing him up. Patrick Mahomes called him a good person and that he was someone who cares about the people around him, cares about his family, and wants to make a good impact in society. He said, ‘We’re not always going to agree, and there’s certain things that he said that I don’t necessarily agree with, but I understand the person that he is, and he is trying to do whatever he can to lead people in the right direction.’ Travis Kelce echoed his sentiment, which was a surprise to me considering he’s in a relationship with TAYLOR SWIFT. But then again, maybe they just don’t want to lose their jobs. But that’s also not to say that Harrison Butker is this terrible person or a monster. I’m sure he’s not. He probably had the best of intentions. He just wasn’t the right person to be asked to make the speech. Maybe Kelly Stafford should’ve been asked to make the speech instead.