Allie Bhandari: An In-Depth Analysis Of Her Abusive Relationship With Leo – And Why It Didn’t Surprise Me

When Alliah Bhandari, known by her friends as Allie, is introduced in season 8 of ‘Degrassi: The Next Generation’ she’s known as simply Sav Bhandari’s mischievous little sister. Her parents are much harder on her than they are on Sav. When it comes to Sav, they’re hard on him when it comes to his relationship with Anya, a white female Degrassi student. They want him to marry an Indian woman, and at one point, they even make arrangements for Sav to meet the Indian young woman they chose for him to marry. And yet, when Sav and Allie’s mom meets Sav’s girlfriend, Holly J, in later years, she surprisingly approves of their relationship and even has nothing but nice things to say about Holly J, a complete 180 from the time Sav was dating Anya.

The treatment Allie gets from her and Sav’s parents is very different; it’s much harsher, and it might have a lot to do with the fact that she’s a girl. The parents have a lot more expectations of Allie than they do on Sav. They wanted her to keep up with the ‘good Indian girl’ image; they wanted her to be the version of what they envisioned a young Indian woman to be. But that wasn’t what Allie wanted, so she rebelled. The first scene where Allie is introduced, she’s rebelling by changing her clothes after being dropped off at school by her parents.

Allie is best friends with Claire. We discussed her briefly in the previous post. Claire is Darcy’s sister. Claire is introduced as a goody two shoes. When she first begins her time at Degrassi, Darcy tells her she should be more like Allie. On the contrary, Claire is the daughter Allie and Sav’s parents wish to have in Allie. As their year progressed the two became friends with Connor, K.C and Connor. They later also became friends with Jenna, but Claire’s friendship with her fizzled when Jenna and K.C, who was Claire’s boyfriend at the time, got together and became a couple. Allie and Jenna, though, still continued on with their friendship, and Jenna even lived with Allie and her family at one point. It’s very complicated, and we’ll get to all that later; maybe in the very next blog post.

But changing her clothes after school drop off isn’t the only rebellious side of Allie throughout high school. She’s also boy crazy, and we see that from the very beginning. When she was in grade 9, she dated Johnny DiMarco, who was in grade 12 at the time. A 3 year age difference might not seem like much when you’re an adult, but it’s a drastic difference when you’re a teenager. They even have sex together, and Johnny was the one to take Allie’s virginity. Throughout their very short relationship, Allie does such things as sexting, which goes very much against her parents’ expectations of her. Johnny mistreats her throughout their relationship, and even shows signs that he’s embarrassed by her. But Allie brings a soft side to Johnny as well. He even admits to being in love with her. They officially break up after Johnny gives Allie STD following their sexual experiences, as well as Johnny lying about him being a virgin when they first had sex.

Next, Allie dated Drew, a newcomer to Degrassi. Just like with Johnny, their relationship was short-lived. He ends up cheating on Allie with Bianca, who is introduced as a trouble maker, but later changes her life around after an attempted rape and being forced into a relationship in order to save Drew from getting hurt. Again, it’s a very complicated story. Bianca and Drew end up having a long-lasting and loving relationship and are even engaged at one point. But Bianca ended the relationship when she started college and realized that a relationship with Drew wasn’t what she needed at the time.

Allie and Drew eventually moved on from their breakup and actually became friends. During the time that Drew dated Bianca, Allie started dating Dave. Their relationship was good and actually healthy. They briefly break up when Dave cheats on her during a summer break while Allie was working away on her MIT early admission. They manage to move past it, but only briefly as Dave feels like she’s not taking their relationship as a priority, but rather her MIT early admission. I was personally very in disappointed in Dave. He supported Allie in her ambitions, but only on his terms, and that’s abusive in a way.

But nothing of what Dave did to Allie, and how unsupportive he was of her pursuing her dreams, compared to her relationship with Leo, a waiter she met while on a school summer trip to France that she went to with Connor and Jenna. Claire had to stay behind because she had cancer at the time and was going through chemotherapy. Leo is introduced as a sweet, kind, attractive man. He has a charm about him that draws you in. It certainly drew Allie in. His true colour show up, however, when he sees that Allie got a text from Dallas, her classmate who’s also interested in Allie romantically. When he sees the text, he becomes aggressive with Allie and physically assaults her – the first sign that Allie should leave.

But she didn’t. She forgave him. Time and time again, she forgave him. Leo moved from France to Canada to be with Allie, and he’d remind her and used it against her every chance he got. He then gets furious for her choosing to focus on potential career opportunities rather than her relationship with him. The more she tried to reason with him, the more aggressive he got. For them not to be separated due to deportation, as well as for him to be able to travel with her in a case where she’d go to school overseas, Allie suggests to Leo that they get married. They do without anyone there. Just the two of them, for Allie knows no one would approve of their union. Their happiness was short-lived, however, as just as soon they got in the car, Leo, yet again, physically assaulted Allie, beat her, and threw her out of his car.

That was the end of the line for Allie – finally. After he, again, attempted to manipulate her in forgiving him and giving him a second, or 5th, 6th, maybe even 7th chance, Allie gets also arrested when he comes to Degrassi to get her to talk to him. Claire and Jenna help Allie all throughout her toxic and abusive relationship, and they try to get her to see the depth and the real truth about Leo and his manipulative and narcissistic behaviour. But to no avail. Nevertheless, they’re still there for her, even if she doesn’t see what they’re trying to tell her. And when Allie finally sees the truth herself about Leo, Jenna helps her by getting the paperwork to get the marriage annulled.

The breakup with Leo wasn’t even the most pivotal moment in Allie’s entire romantic life. Instead, it was when she confronted Leo face to face and made it clear to him that he didn’t break her. Leo didn’t show any remorse, but that didn’t matter anymore. What did matter was that Allie got the closure she needed. And she got that closure with the help of Dallas. The two did end up getting together by the end of their time at Degrassi, and it ended up being Allie’s most loving and healthiest relationship. He was as patient with her as she needed, and he didn’t judge her for wanting to be successful. In the end, by the time graduation rolls around, we know that Allie is moving to England for school, and Dallas is supportive of her choice. He goes to Japan for his own path, and they happily continue their relationship without one holding the other back.

It got me thinking…

Allie is a great character. But she’s been sheltered by her parents, and that’s the biggest issue I see in her. She rebells so much because she wants to go against everything her parents say. She even has sex at 14 with someone who’s 3 years older than her, which, again, an age difference of 3 years isn’t a big deal when you’re an adult, but makes a massive difference when you’re a teenager. As I watched Allie’s storyline unfold, I couldn’t help but wonder (Yes, I realize this is me being a Carrie Bradshaw) why she’s so unlucky in love, and sometimes in other aspects of life in general. But then, I made a realization – it all comes back to her home life with her parents and brother. That’s why we see so much of it; more than with any other character, especially between seasons 8 and 12.

In season 10, her parents find out about her relationship with Johnny and what it entailed when the principle, Mr, Simpson, or Snake as we know him, called them to discuss Allie and her troubles in school. When Mr. Simpson shows them Allie’s file, they’re mortified, especially her mother. They punish her immensely, and they even transfer her to a private school. She tries to turn things around and gain her parents’ trust, but nothing works. She meets another fellow Indian student at her new school, and tries to befriend her. The friend is another rebellious teen who has the same exact story as Allie does with her parents. Allie is stabbed in the back (figuratively) by her new friend when Allie’s mother finds a cigarette and assumes it’s Allie’s.

Allie can’t take the commotion anymore, so she runs away. She turns to an unlikely person that we didn’t even know, nor did we even think, was still in her life – Johnny – for help. Johnny is very supportive of her, but he also doesn’t allow her to run away from her problems. And so does Sav. When he realizes that Allie’s at Johnny’s dorm, he doesn’t tell his parents, but rather goes to her there himself and begs her to come home. He tells her he’ll be there for her will stand up for her. And he did. He did stand up for her. When his parents showed the delusion as to why Allie would run away and what would make her do so, he gave them a real reality check. He told them the truth; that it was THEM. It was all them. They were the reason WHY.

That was a pivotal point for the parents. That was the moment they both realized that changes had to be made, because if they didn’t, they’d lose their children forever. So they did. It all started when Allie and Sav’s mother was introduced to Sav’s white girlfriend and she showed a likeness to her, unlike before. And then we saw more of an emotional connection, compassion and understanding between Allie and both her parents; something she hadn’t experienced with them before either.

Season 12 saw Allie work her butt off at getting an early acceptance to MIT. As mentioned before, Dave, her boyfriend at the time, broke up with her because her first priority was her schooling, her future in her career, and her success, and he felt like he wasn’t even thinking of him, nor of their future together. This was unlike Allie as we’d seen in the past that her first priority was boys and rebelling against her parents. Going to MIT, and doing everything she could to make it happen was HER choice rather than something her parents chose for her. And when the entire process interferes with her mental and physical health, and she falls asleep behind the wheel, she tells her dad that she’s not ready to go to MIT so soon and wants to stay in high school for 12th grade with her peers. Her father, in turn, someone who was known to be a strict helicopter parent, showed remorse and empathy towards Allie’s situation and agreed to talk things through with her.

And finally, when Allie returns home following her wedding to Leo where he ended up abusing her further, and for the very last time, to the point where he left Bruce’s and blood marks on her face and broke her arm, what was meant to be a surprise 18th birthday celebration turned into a realization that Leo wasn’t the sweet, kind and charming man he introduced himself to be to Allie’s parents. But instead of blaming her like they’d used to, Allie’s mother hugged her. All she did was hug her and comfort her as a mother should.

It’s not to say…

Allie and Sav’s parents aren’t bad people. They probably parented their children the same exact way they were parented themselves as children by their own parents. The most positive and important thing about them was that they changed their ways for the better. They realized they needed to change their ways if they wanted to continue having a relationship with their children, especially in adulthood. I keep saying on this blog that a lot of parents believe that it’s their right to be in their adult children’s lives. On the contrary, it’s a real privilege, and I say this because it all starts with how parents treat their adult children from the very beginning. I see it closely with my husband’s relationship with his parents, particularly his father, as well as numerous friends, acquaintances and even family.

What I learned about narcissistic parents is that you can never please them. No matter how much you try, you just can’t. At times, the adult child even tries to change who they are to please them and be the version that the parent wants the adult child to be. At some point, having that narcissistic parent turns to be an even more of a negative impact on the adult child as time goes on and the narcissistic behaviour turns into a habit. It impacts the adult child’s in ways such as their physical health , family life with their partners, relationships with their peers, and how they think of themselves. But it starts involving the adult child’s own children, that, I think is when the adult child starts really understanding what a negative effect that narcissism has on them, and it’s because once the adult child has them. That’s even if they even have their own children, as a lot of people who have narcissistic parents choose not to have children of their own, for they’re afraid of what parents they’ll be themselves.

When my husband and I started dating and the talk of our future as a couple became unavoidable, my husband told me he didn’t want to ever get married, nor did he want to ever have children. He didn’t want to get married because of his parents’ divorce, and he didn’t want to have children because he had a narcissist for a father. He was afraid of being the same sh*tty father his own father was to him. I didn’t want any of these things either. Before my husband, I didn’t have any serious relationships. I didn’t want them, nor did I think I deserved to be loved by someone else as much as my husband loved me. Things changed, however, when I saw my husband with his little sisters, who are much younger than him. My husband was the father figure they needed their own father to be when he wasn’t. He did everything that his own father should’ve done, but didn’t. In fact, my husband failed university because he was helping out his stepmother take care of his sisters every day and every night during the first two years of their lives. He’d not do his homework, he’d miss classes, and he’d leave classes early to help take care of his sisters. None of that was ever appreciated by his family.

With that said, I never wanted to get married and have children, but I wanted to do all that with him. As soon as I saw how good and loving and caring and tentative he was to his sisters as if they were his own children, I knew I wanted HIS children. I knew that no matter what happened between us as a couple, he’d be a great father to my children; that he’d be just as loving and caring and tentative to our children as I witnessed him be to his sisters. He never believed me when I told him he’d make an amazing father one day, but I knew he would. And he has. My son is so lucky to have him as a father, and my son absolutely worships him. When I tell my husband that he’s a good father to our son, he breaks down because his main goal in life now is to thrive as a father and to never, ever be the deadbeat of a father that his own father was, and he doesn’t ever feel like what he does is enough. But it’s enough; it’s more than enough.

This reminded me of an interview that Kristin Cavallari did where she told a podcast host that she hadn’t spoken to her narcissist father in a few years because of something that had happened with her kids. In December 2023, she opened up on her ‘Let’s Be Honest’ Podcast, ‘I’ve had two major narcissistic relationships in my life, the romantic one I was in and then my dad. I just finally stopped talking in both of those relationships. There was no point. You go around and around and they never see your side because there’s no empathy. I cut my dad out of my life about two years ago, which has honestly been the best thing I’ve ever done, really, truly it has. It changes when you have kids. I was always like, ‘I can take it. I can take the abuse. I have my whole life.’ But when you start messing with my kids, I’m not doing it.’

And that’s exactly how my husband would describe his own relationship with his father, as well him as a character – a narcissist who lacks empathy. Cutting him out of his life became the best feeling for my husband. It was freeing. I always knew that he was a bad character to have around my husband. Everyone else knew too, my husband’s friends and even a therapist had told him that. He was affecting my husband in a negative light in many aspects of life, if not all. It was even more evident after our son was born. My son needs love and nurturing. There was already an incident where my husband’s father said he didn’t care about my son just to spite me, and I don’t need any more of that. I don’t need any more incidents, even worse incidents that will affect my son, to arise, and I know that by having such a narcissistic character as my husband’s father, someone who’s supposed to be my son’s grandfather, there will be. Nevertheless, I wish him well. I saw him twice at a distance following my husband’s estrangement from him, and to be honest, I feel sorry for him.

Back to Allie…

Allie was fortunate enough to have parents that were willing to change for her, as well as for her brother. They weren’t narcissists, but rather helicopter parents that parented their kids the only way they knew how. But they realized it was taking a toll on their kids and were at risk of losing them early on. Considering both their kids were in high school at the time, I’d say it was early on that they realized they needed to change…and fast. It took something drastic to happen like Allie running away from them and Sav standing up to his sister against their parents what the ‘damage she caused them’, by telling them that they were the ones the caused the damage in the first place. It was very eye-opening for them. It’s just good that they did realize their wrong-doings and changed their ways before it was too late; before Allie was out of high school; before she was living her own life; had her own family and children. Even so, Allie already had her hesitations about getting back to speaking terms with her parents. Some adult children don’t give their parents second chances. At some point, they say, ‘Enough is enough!’

What I came to realize, especially after having my son and having my own little family, is that the family you create is more important than the family you came from. It’s like, you can try to f*ck around with me and mistreat me all you want, but if you even so much as try doing that with my kid, you’ll see different consequences for you. I will not allow my son to experience such narcissism and toxicity as my husband has, and I have as well by association. My husband has the same mantra, now especially that he has our son, with a protective instinct now in place.

Witnessing and experiencing toxic parents in your life can have a long lasting effect on the child, no matter what age. We saw how Allie’s relationships were affected by her parents’ treatment of her. Even when her parents became more lenient towards he, the after-effects were still there, specifically her relationships with Dave and Leo. She believed they could change for the better, particularly Leo, and she thought she could fix the ‘problem’, but to no avail. At one point, Leo tells Allie, ‘I’m broken. Fix me.’ But it’s not up to her to fix him. The work has to be done by him. And him alone. Until then, he could never have a healthy relationship with Allie, nor anyone else for that matter.

In my previous post, I heavily mention Christine Quinn, a real estate agent who started in Netflix’s ‘Selling Sunset’. Earlier this year, she filed for divorce from her husband, Christian after a domestic violence incident that involved not only her, but their son as well. We don’t know much about Christen, even with the fact that she was in reality TV. We know that she’s opinionated, feisty, and ruthless. But we don’t know much about her life; about her upbringing; about what made her the way she is. But we do know, or at least I know, that she did the absolute right thing by leaving her husband and filing for divorce. She did right by her and for her son. Not a lot of women have the resources to leave their abusive husbands, but we know that she does, and we know that she doesn’t need him at all as an independent woman. She’s successful in her own way. Maybe she herself has a story of a history repeating itself. Maybe that wasn’t the first incident where her husband showed his abusive tendencies; that it was only the first incident that was made public because police was involved. We’ll never know unless she’ll share it herself.

The last time we saw Allie was when she was 18, and I just can’t help but wonder what her life is like now that she’s in her late 20’s. How’s she doing in her relationship with Dallas. Is she still with Dallas? How’s her relationship with her parents now? Is she close with Sav? Is she still close with Claire and Jenna? Most importantly, though, how’s her relationship with herself? Does she love herself? Does she see her own worth after everything she’d endured? These are questions I wish we got answers to years later, for she’s someone who really deserves happiness.