Natasha Naginsky: How She Became The Most Beloved Character On ‘Sex And The City’ – And Getting To Understand All The Reasons Why Mr. Big Chose Her Over Carrie

Getting To Understand

I think a lot of us can agree that the best part of the entire ‘Sex And The City’ franchise is, Natasha, Mr. Big’s second wife, played by Bridget Moynahan, who was previously in a relationship with Tom Brady and has a child with him. She’s now the character that we, young women strive to be most like in our own lives. But did you know that, at one point, she was actually the most hated character on the show? Mostly, it was because she was seen as an obstacle to the main relationship between Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big, whom she married early on in the series, causing significant frustration for viewers who wanted Carrie and Big to be together. Furthermore,…

• Relationship with Mr. Big: She was portrayed as a young, seemingly perfect woman who quickly married Mr. Big, a character many fans were rooting for Carrie to end up with. 
• “Vanilla” persona: Her character was often seen as too pristine and lacking the complexities and quirks that Carrie embodied, making her appear somewhat one-dimensional. 
• Fan sentiment: Due to the strong desire for Carrie and Big to be together, many viewers viewed Natasha as an antagonist who was preventing their ideal pairing. 

That was then, however. For all the reasons she was hated beforehand, she’s very much loved now, especially in the eyes of new, younger audiences alike. As Moynahan herself recalled in an interview with Swoon, ‘We were all Carrie at the time, but we should have been supporting Natasha.’ I can’t say I was ever a Carrie, with the exception that we’re both in the writing sphere, but I certainly wanted to be one. There was something about her that seemed exciting to me. Maybe it was the outfits and the shoes, but certainly it was her creative artistry. Natasha, in contrast, seemed so bland to me. Initially while watching the storyline between Carrie-Big-Natasha on ‘Sex And The City’ unfold, it seemed to me that Carrie represented the excitement in Mr. Big’s life, whereas Natasha represented the boredom in his life, and who wants to be bored in their life and marriage, am I right?

I was astoundingly wrong, and I realized that only in my adult years as I obtained my own experience in love, relationships and marriage. I realized that in a world filled with Carries, I wanted to be a Natasha. She was an undeniable class act, and she had far more maturity, emotional intelligence, and confidence in herself at 25 than Carrie ever did at 35. Natasha represented what Carrie’s life could’ve looked like had Mr. Big chosen her instead of Natasha. Carrie wanted to be in Natasha’s shoes and live the life Natasha lived with Mr. Big, and that was why she hated her. That was why she never had anything nice to say about Natasha. Carrie was a typical bully.

Natasha was first introduced as Mr. Big’s fiancée in season 2. A young, beautiful woman from a wealthy family with a job at Ralph Lauren, she embodied the ideal of a polished and sophisticated socialite. She was the Trophy Wife in Mr. Big. That was particularly true in the lifestyle that he led; a much different one that Carrie led herself, which added to their differences as a couple, even later in their relationship when they eventually got back together and married. As soon as Carrie saw Mr. Big with Natasha from a distance at a party after he’d left her for Paris because he refused to commit to her, Carrie felt defeated.

Mr. Big and Natasha got married in season 3, but he obviously still had unresolved feelings for Carrie. This led to Mr. Big and Carrie having an affair behind Natasha’s back, as well as behind Aidan’s, Carrie’s boyfriend at the time, back. Aidan was a good man to Carrie. With the exception of him forcing her to quit smoking in order to be with him, he was perfect for her. He was everything Mr. Big wasn’t. Aiden was committed to her and intended to be there for the long haul.

Now that I’m older, I realize that I wanted Carrie and Mr. Big together not because they were a good couple, but because they truly deserved each other. It was Natasha and Aidan that deserved better; maybe even each other. If Carrie was a mature woman, she wouldn’t have cared that Mr. Big was getting married to someone new, and not only to someone new, but someone who was 10 years younger than her and someone with a ‘vanilla’ personality. Natasha consistently dressed in white throughout her appearances in the original series. This color choice was deliberate, symbolizing her ‘vanilla’ personality, in contrasts to Carrie’s colourful, more sophisticated wardrobe. The two women’s contrastive wardrobe was a metaphor to their contrasting personalities.

As we all know by now, Carrie was anything but mature. As soon as she laid eyes on Natasha, Carrie started competing with Natasha. She was competing for Mr. Big’s love and affection. But it was a competition that Natasha didn’t even know she was in. Natasha didn’t care one bit for Carrie’s existence. She was just living her best domesticated life with her ‘vanilla’ personality. She didn’t feel threatened by Carrie whatsoever. She couldn’t care less. That would be the best way to describe Natasha’s personality to its entirety. If we really think about it, Natasha’s character was the mere definition of femininity. While Carrie thrived on being the most stylish in her friend group, Natasha didn’t feel the need to stand out. While Carrie was always loud about her insecurities, Natasha was always quietly confident.

Carrie was always desperate to be in Mr. Big’s life. She was desperate for him to love her, to want to be with her, to factor her into his life, to choose her. Even before he ever met Natasha, Carrie bent over backwards for Mr. Big with the intention of him to want her. That despair was what drew Mr. Big to Carrie. He liked that attention. But it didn’t mean that he wanted her as his wife; as his life partner. He treated Carrie as just an option. Carrie was trying so hard throughout their relationship to convince him that she was the best thing in his life. She’d do so by degrading him; by calling him old and telling him he needed her. Natasha never had to do that. She wouldn’t do that. Unlike Carrie, she knew her worth. She wasn’t ever going to chase Mr. Big. Either he wanted to be with her, or he didn’t.

Carrie was aware of those differences, and she tried to make herself feel better by comparing Mr. Big choosing Natasha over her to ‘The Way We Were’, in Hubbell choosing a ‘simple’ girl with straight hair, which seemed to be the only possible reason he could ever choose Natasha over her. Natasha would’ve never compared her life situation to a movie to make herself feel better about herself. She wasn’t that delusional. In hindsight, Natasha was everything Carrie wanted to be. Carrie having an affair with Mr. Big wasn’t necessarily about Mr. Big at all, but rather about the competition she was in with Natasha. She wanted so badly to not only live the life Natasha was living, but also BE Natasha and everything she represented. She tried her hardest to convince herself otherwise by consistently putting Natasha down, but deep down, she knew otherwise. She knew that Natasha was a much better, classier person than she ever was. Her sleeping with Mr. Big behind Natasha’s back made her feel closer to Natasha and the life she wished she had with him.

Natasha seemed to have had it all – amazing looks, great style, a cool job at Ralph Lauren, and of course, the love of Carrie’s life, Mr. Big. Carrie’s obsession with Natasha was clear to everyone – except to maybe Carrie herself. First, she tried to convince herself that their breakup was his loss as she was the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he’d be alone forever if not with her. And then, Natasha came along. To think that Mr. Big could ever replace her with someone like Natasha was mortifying to Carrie. She just couldn’t fathom losing to someone as ‘dull’, as ‘plain’, and as ‘boring’ as Natasha. Carrie took pride in her complex personality, and therefore, she took Natasha’s simplicity as a flaw. She especially did so when Mr. Big complained to her that everything in his and Natasha’s apartment was beige. In contrast to Carrie, this was meant to make Natasha seem dull, but realistically her style was very of the time. After all, Natasha worked at Ralph Lauren, so of course her style was in line with uptown 90s minimalism.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with simplicity, but because Mr. Big chose simplicity over her made Carrie feel a certain way, and she made herself believe that it was. But simplicity was exactly what Mr. Big was looking for in a woman. He wanted someone simple, elegant, classy; most importantly, someone who came from wealth. Natasha represented all that for him. Natasha was the WASP princess that Charlotte York wanted to be. To be honest, I think that if Mr. Big met Charlotte before he did Carrie, he would’ve ended up with Charlotte. Not because he would’ve loved her, but because she represented everything he looked for in a woman. That was exactly why Charlotte didn’t defend Carrie when she caught Carrie and Mr. Big outside the hotel where they engaged in their extramarital affairs.

Charlotte confronted Carrie heads on for her wrongdoings in being The Other Woman. Carrie attempted to defend herself in telling Charlotte she wasn’t The Other Woman and that she did care about Natasha’s feelings if she ever found out about the affair. In actuality, she didn’t. She only cared about herself and what would happen to her had Natasha ever found out, and Charlotte knew it and wasn’t afraid to call Carrie out on it. Charlotte then asked how Carrie would feel if Charlotte’s husband cheated on her. Carrie had no answer. The fact of the matter is, however, that she’d most certainly care, because Charlotte was Carrie’s friend, and Charlotte didn’t ‘steal’ her man. Charlotte didn’t ‘steal’ the life that Carrie worked so hard to get Mr. Big to want to build with her.

Charlotte supported Carrie when she was initially shocked that Mr. Big suddenly got married after a short period of time even though he was adamant with Carrie that he was the type to be committed to anyone, which also begged the question just how long was Mr. Big seeing Natasha in actuality, and was he seeing her while he was still with Carrie. Even if he did, it wouldn’t make Carrie’s actions right. She was involved with Mr. Big knowing he was married, and that was where Charlotte drew the line. And she ended up being absolutely right about Carrie. She didn’t care about Natasha when she decided to sleep with Mr. Big. She didn’t care that she’d be hurting her. She barely cared that she’d be hurting Aidan by sleeping with her married ex-boyfriend.

Throughout the entire original’Sex And The City’ series, I have two ultimate favourite moments, and both these moments involve Natasha. I’m not even talking about favourite episodes, but favourite moments. Those moments were that we saw Natasha say the most without even saying much. The first was when Natasha caught Carrie in her apartment after spending the night with Mr. Big. Carrie just had sex with Mr. Big in his and Natasha marital bed. Mr. Big left for work, while Carrie stayed behind in the apartment. She didn’t even have the decency to get fully dressed while using Natasha’s stuff, judging her by her apartment decor, and eating her food. Natasha came back from the Hampton early. She called for Mr. Big, but saw Carrie instead while she attempted to leave the apartment without being seen. But Natasha did see her. She tried to talk to her like civilized people would, but Carrie was too much of a coward for that. She ran. And while Natasha was following her and screaming, ‘I knew you were having an affair, but not at my house!’, Natasha fell and broke her tooth. Carrie didn’t leave her to bleed out. She helped Natasha get to the hospital. And Natasha…still stayed classy as ever while Carrie said in a voiceover that she always assumed that the person that would be hurt in the situation would be her.

It wasn’t enough that Natasha had to endure such emotional AND physical pain caused by her husband and his mistress, but the mistress just felt the need to continue stalking her in order to apologize for breaking down her marriage. All Natasha wanted to do was move forward with her life, but her past kept showing up everywhere she went. She wasn’t planning to confront Carrie, until this utterly iconic restaurant takedown scene. She was soft-spoken, yet firm, and made it clear that she never wanted to hear from Carrie again. Most notably, she was wearing pink; a sharp departure from her previous wardrobe, meant to signify her decision to take a stand for herself and start her next chapter. It was BADA**! The most iconic line of it all was, ‘Now not only have you ruined my marriage, you’ve ruined my lunch.’ It was unforgettable.

Carrie almost seemed shocked that Natasha had something to say to her after her apology, which by the way, was a half-a** one at best. But that was the beauty of Natasha. She was intelligent enough to know when the right time was to speak, and when it wasn’t. She wasn’t ever trying to prove herself to anyone; not to Mr. Big, not to Carrie, or anyone else for that matter. Natasha was the real victim in the Carrie-Mr. Big-Natasha-Aidan love square, but she never acted like a victim, which is much more than could ever be said about Carrie herself. All she did was play the victim when, in actuality, she was the root cause of the problem.

That was the last time we ever saw Natasha in the original series. After a string of bad relationships and even a brief engagement to Aidan, Carrie eventually got the happy fairytale ending with Mr. Big when he told her she was ‘The One’ in Paris. They were together for almost 20 years until Mr. Bog’s whose real name was John, passed away due to a heart attack. It was after his death that Carrie learned that he left Natasha $1 million. This revelation brought back the widowed Carrie down a dangerous paranoid spiral. Her unhealthy obsession with Natasha came rushing back, and she tried looking for clues of an affair between the two, but to no avail. They actually hadn’t seen each other since they divorced. Natasha, who understandably tried to do whatever she could to avoid anything to do with Carrie when she tried to talk to her following the revelation, had absolutely no interest in the money and told Carrie to donate it to charity.

Following her appearance as Natasha in the ‘Sex And The City’ reboot, ‘And Just Like That’s, Moynahan did an interview with Elle magazine, where she answered a few questions about the show and her character. There were a couple of questions in which her answers resonated with me:

Q: What made you want to come back and revive the character?

A: ‘Well, they had multiple movies that came out, as you know, and I was kind of feeling left out of the party. I was thrilled when I got the phone call. ‘Sex and the City’ is beloved by millions of people and it’s a fun, fun show and a fun character. Growing up in my twenties and thirties in New York, it was part of my life. I’m so happy to be back.’

Q: Is Natasha where you imagined she would be?

A: ‘I think she’s got a very nice life. She moved on and met somebody else and has beautiful children and the life that she always imagined for herself. It’s a really wonderful moment that she gets to share with Carrie of, “I don’t know why he ever wanted to marry me. He’s always been in love with you.” I think that was probably a really hard thing for her to admit, but also really great that she shared that. That’s part of her growth, to be able to take the high road.’

Q: Unfortunately, her storyline resonates with so many women who’ve been cheated on. What initially drew you to Natasha?

A: ‘I don’t know if there was a storyline that was presented. It was an audition, and it was one line: “Nice to meet you.” If the writers had a flushed out idea of who Natasha was at that time, I don’t remember that ever being shared with me. This was one of my first jobs. I got Sex and the City at the same time as Coyote Ugly, and I had no idea what I was walking into; I didn’t understand the hugeness of this opportunity, I didn’t really understand how big and iconic the show had already been at that time, let alone where it was going. I was in the right place at the right time and maybe had the right look. 

If you go back to the Natasha episodes, she never really had that much dialogue until that lunch where Carrie shows up and [she gives] the explanation about her tooth. Her presence in the show was bigger than the actual screen time.’

Q: Do you think Natasha’s dislike of Carrie is justified?

A: ‘I think it’s a yuck factor. That’s the person she found having an affair with her husband in her apartment, who then ends up with him. It was warranted. It’s nice to see that Natasha has moved on and has the life that she probably had imagined that she and Big would’ve been having: getting married, having kids, having the kids in private schools, going to the Hamptons, whatever that fantasy was for her, she’s created it with somebody who does love, honor, and respect her. For her to be able to recognize that it wasn’t all Carrie’s fault—Big loved Carrie, he always was in love with Carrie—for her to say that to Carrie and say it out loud feels like a nice close for them.’

Carrie Bradshaw was flawed…

…and there’s no denying that. There were a lot of shady things that she did throughout the original series that personally made me question if she was even a good person. She treated her romantic partners like crap, and I’m not just talking about Aidan, she treated her friends like utter garbage, so much so that there were instances where I questioned why they were even friends with her in the first place, and she had very outdated views on society and people that were different than her, such as her views on bisexuality.

But there were 3 things that she did that made her the worst – the anti-hero of ‘Sex And The City’. These are blaming Natasha for Mr. Big’s issues, having the weeks-long affair with Mr. Big until she was finally caught by Natasha, and finally, tracking down Natasha following her divorce to apologize for breaking down their marriage. Carrie knew next to absolutely nothing about Natasha except for the fact that Mr. Big married her when adamantly told Carrie he was afraid of commitment. And yet, she referred to Natasha as the ‘idiot stick figure with no soul.’ As soon as she saw Mr. Big with the much younger Natasha after he’d left her for Paris, Carrie’s view of herself was lowered, and she took it out on Natasha, when in actuality, it was Mr. Big who was to blame for all of this; NOT Natasha. She was merely a bystander.

When Carrie engaged in an affair with Mr. Big, she was in a healthy, loving relationship with Aidan. All it took for Carrie to give in to Mr. Big was him telling her he missed her. He was a drug to her. She just couldn’t resist him. Carrie had even compared him to a drug, and said she was addicted to the ‘exquisite pain’. The affair hurt two people who didn’t deserve that disparity – Natasha and Aidan. Natasha and Mr. Big divorced. Aidan and Carrie broke up. Aidan took Carrie back after she practically forced him into after she yelled ‘You HAVE to forgive me!’ Outside his window as if it was a romantic gesture, which personally, I thought was weird and selfish in itself. Carrie, always playing the victim. Like, girl – he didn’t have to do sh*t for you.

But the most unforgivable thing she ever did in the entire ‘Sex And The City’ history was track down Natasha to force an apology for ruining her marriage to Mr. Big. Carrie’s ego just couldn’t comprehend that any person could loathe her as deeply as Natasha does following the affair. Usually wanting to apologize in this type of situation could be considered respectable, but Natasha made it very clear she wanted nothing to do with her. Carrie’s incessant harassment made this a manipulative moment. This poor woman was caught in the crossfire of Carrie and Mr. Big’s toxic attraction and Carrie’s selfish need to ease her own pain and guilt.

Carrie’s affair with Mr. Big, though sad, was the best thing that ever happened to Natasha. Mr. Big wasn’t ever actually in love with Natasha, and he was just stringing her along because he loved the idea of her as his ideal woman, but actually her as a person. Natasha’s appearance following her divorce from Mr. Big was her ‘revenge look’. It proved that what Carrie always thought of Natasha was always just her misconception of her; something she wanted to see in her simply because Mr. Big chose Natasha, and not her. It marked the time where Natasha showed her true identity, without having a man like Mr. Big tell her otherwise. A ‘Sex And The City’ fashion Instagram account (Every Outfit On Sex And The City) noted of this change, ‘It’s a miracle that Carrie was able to leave her house after this impromptu run-in with Natasha, because minimalism hasn’t looked this good since Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy. Natasha and her hot friend are serving up top-shelf Halston throwback looks, minus the cocaine and the Elsa Peretti jewelry. Their icy stares are certainly merited, after all, Carrie did ruin Natasha’s marriage AND necessitate a fake f–cking tooth. But luckily for her, looking like you walked out of a Y2K-era Gucci advert is the best revenge of all.’

Seeing Natasha coming as her own following her divorce from Mr. Big made me want to see more of her and less of Carrie. If there’s anyone who deserved a spinoff series, it’s Natasha Naginsky. ‘And Just Like That’ revealed that Natasha moved on entirely from her marriage to Mr. Big, and even had two boys of her own. But instead of just learning about it through a brief cameo appearance, I wanted to learn more on how she got there following her divorce. She was only a 20-something woman when we first met her, and yet she showed much more elegance, class, and maturity than Carrie ever did as a 30-something woman. Maybe that was why Mr. Big chose her over Carrie, and maybe that was why Natasha lived in Carrie’s mind rent-free for so long. No matter the case, that was exactly why she was always better than Carrie and Mr. Big, and neither deserved to be in her life in any shape or form. And just to end this blog entry, here are just some fun facts about Natasha Naginsky:

• Bridget Moynahan gave the character her own backstory and took inspiration from Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy, the wife of John F. Kennedy Jr. 
• Natasha’s style was classic and traditional, and she often wore white, which showed elegance and simplicity.
• Her change of style following her divorce from Mr. Big was symbolic. It wasn’t just her sense of style that changed, but overall appearance too. We saw her make up transform, as well as her hairstyle. This was seen as a shock to Carrie when she first saw Natasha following the affair.
• Her outfits symbolized that perfection is an illusion, and that people should not compare themselves to others.