Michelle Trachtenberg: How Her Death Could Be Compared To That Of Chadwick Boseman – And What Her Privacy Being Breached Following Her Death Tells Us Of Our Lack Of Empathy And Compassion Towards Women

We’ve been speaking a heck of a lot about Judaism on this blog lately. It’s been very heavy on mind since the October 7 massacre and the Israel-Hamas that’s going on right now. That’s why I was so drawn to write about Scarlett Johansson in my previous post. For those of you that don’t know, Johansson is a well-known actress who got her start in the entertainment industry when she was just 10 years old. Her most defining role was her portrayal of Black Widow in the Marvel Universe. She’d gone through a lot of sexism and scrutiny during her time on Marvel, which is something that’s heavily discussed in the previous post. You can most definitely check it out once you read THIS one.

The reason why I was so eager to discuss Scarlett Johansson was because she’s Jewish (on her mother’s side), and proudly so, and I’ve been discussing Judaism a lot, and what it means to be Jewish and Israeli at a time like this. Another Jewish actress that I feel we must talk about is Michelle Trachtenberg, who sadly passed away last month at age 39. She was one of the numerous celebrities who DID speak out on the war, and in defence of Israel. She was of Russian descent, she learned Russian for a role, and her grandparents even live in Israel. I personally forgot that she was that young because it’s felt like forever that we’ve seen her in movies and TV shows. I personally know her from ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’, where she played Sarah Michelle Gellar’s little sister, Dawn, ‘17 Again’, ‘Ice Princess’, and ‘Gossip Girl’. But she actually got her beginnings at age 3, and appeared in numerous commercials, as well as on ‘All My Children’.

Following her death, Rosie O’Donell, Trachtenberg’ co-star in ‘Harriet The Spy’, said in a statement, ‘I loved her very much. She struggled the last few years. I wish I could have helped.’ Though I’m sure O’Donell’s tribute came out of love, care and adoration for Trachtenberg, especially since Trachtenberg was still a child when the two worked together, there are so many issues I have with it. I found it completely unnecessary and disrespectful to a person who’s not here anymore to defend herself. In the year leading up to her death, Trachtenberg’s fans became concerned about her health as her appearance drastically changed. The actress ‘clapped back’ at these claims as she posted on social media, ‘Fun fact. This is my face. Not malnutrition no problems. Why do you have to hate? Get a calendar. I’ve received several comments recently about my appearance. I have never had plastic surgery I am happy and healthy. Check yourself haters.’ In an Instagram comment, the deceased actress wrote, ‘Explain to me how I look sick. Did you lose a calendar and not realize I’m not 14. I’m 38. How sad for you to leave such a comment. Happy and healthy.’

As of the publication of the blog entry, the cause of Trachtenberg’s sudden passing is still unknown. Law enforcement officials stated that there were no signs of foul play. There have been reports, however, that the actress passed away of natural causes after she’d recently undergone a liver transplant in recent months, and may have had complications due to her body possibly rejecting the transplant. She herself never publicly shared any health conditions. As she continuously kept insisting herself, she was ‘happy and healthy’.

20th Television, the studio which is now producing the new ‘Buffy’ reboot, reacted to the news of Trachtenberg’s death, ‘Michelle touched a generation of television fans throughout her career, including in her unforgettable role as the independent and strong-willed Dawn Summers in ‘Buffy’. She brought depth, heart, and authenticity to every performance and will be remembered for her remarkable talent. Our sincere condolences go out to her family and friends – she will be deeply missed.’

And they weren’t wrong. Trachtenberg became a household name in the 2000’s with her role as Dawn Summers on ‘Buffy The Vampire Slayer’, a role she portrayed between 2000 and 2003. Her success continued beyond ‘Buffy’, having starred in 2004’s ‘EuroTrip’, 2005’s ‘Ice Princess’, 2009’s ‘17 Again’, and 2010’s ‘Cop Out’. In fact, the actress was so busy at the time that she was forced to back out of two major projects – 2003’s ‘Thirteen’ and 2008’s ‘Twilight’. I personally loved ‘Thirteen’ just it was with Evan Rachel Wood, but it would’ve been so interesting to see Trachtenberg in the role of Bella. Maybe I would’ve found the entire franchise more tolerable with her in the role. Instead I, as well as many others in the world, find myself making fun of Kristen Stewart’s portrayal, particularly of her not being able to close her freaking mouth and just very bad acting.

But I’m not here to bash on Kristen Stewart or make fun of her, or of anyone for that matter. I actually loved Kristen Stewart’s work in ‘Speak’. I resonated with the film and her portrayal in the role of someone who was going through a traumatic experience of being raped. So instead of bashing another woman for her appearance, I’m here to speak positively of another woman’s craft. In this case, it’s of Michelle Trachtenberg. Here on this blog, I only know of the #WomenSupportingWomen social media movement, and that’s how it’ll continue to be.

Following her death, Trachtenberg’s ‘Harriet the Spy’ director, Bronwen Hughes, spoke to THR of the actress having the It factor in her early on. She said, ‘Michelle was like a lightning bolt of a casting discovery. She had fire, she had spark, she had truth, and she had Harriet’s conviction, like her sense of self. No one else came in the room like that. So she had that acting gene that you can’t really teach. It’s innate, which is not something you find very often. In the shoot, we would ask her to climb or fight or cajole or make us laugh or tease or throw herself face down into a vat of blue paint, and she could do it all. She did it all with total immersion and total conviction. She was everything that Harriet needed to be, and she never had a false note, and you couldn’t really take your eyes off her. That was magical casting for us.’

While her career was flourishing and at its peak in the 2000’s, Trachtenberg’s success saw its light suddenly diminish in the 2010’s, following her recurring role as Georgina Sparks on ‘Gossip Girl’, a role that she came back to in the show’s reboot in in 2022. The original series, which also starred Blake Lively and Leighton Meester, originally ended in 2012. Following her 4 year and 28 episode stint on the show, Trachtenberg was still working, but nothing she ever did even compared to anything she did in the decade prior. Mostly, she did guest stints and television movies that never saw much success or acclaim. In 2018, she voiced the character of Judy in the short-lived Facebook Watch series, Human Kind Of’, which lasted for one season, consisting 21 episodes with a running time of 4-10 minutes each. In 2021, she hosted a documentary series, ‘Meet, Marry, Murder’, consisting 13 episodes. It was just reported in recent days that, at the time of her death, she was in the process of selling a script she’d written, in which she exposed Mattel, called ‘Toy Monsters’, though it never saw the light of day. Casey Tebo, who was attached to the project as its director, told People of seeing the script, ‘don’t remember when, but my dear friend Jay Cohen (Michelle’s boyfriend) sent me a script she had written called TOY MONSTER. The only scripts I remember staying with me like that in recent memory were two. HERE COMES THE FLOOD by Simon Kinberg and TOY MONSTER around 2019. Because they were the two best, by a landslide.’ It’s just sad to me that her talent as a writer was belittled this way.

I watched ‘Meet, Marry, Murder’ (you can find all 13 episodes on YouTube), and to be honest, I was astounded by her appearance. It wasn’t that I thought that Trachtenberg was on drugs or under the influence, a rumour she’d had to debunk due to her changing appearance, particularly in the past year. Instead, I thought of her newfound appearance as her stopping taking care of herself; of her wellness, so to speak. She was goth. She had dark hair. Her skin unhealthy. She was only 35 at that time, but almost looked 45. And I might be saying this because I got to know of Trachtenberg’s work since she was a teenager, and 20 years is a big jump in a woman’s overall appearance. It was odd to see such youthfulness fade in her. But I could also compare her to someone like Sarah Michelle Gellar. She’s 47, and yet, looks like she could be 10 years younger. As for what her secret is to maintaining such a youthful look, she told Us Weekly in 2019, ‘From an early age, I’ve understood you have to take care of your skin. Don’t go to sleep with makeup on, cleanse, and moisturize before bed. The second I get home, I wash my face. First with a wipe to take off makeup, then a cleanser. I’ll leave my eye makeup on and let my face breathe. And when I get my makeup redone, it looks fresher.’ She also added that she drinks a lot of water, putting an emphasis on the importance of staying hydrated.

It all sounds very simple, and eyes might’ve rolled as to why exactly Trachtenberg couldn’t have followed her former co-star’s advice, especially considering they were close friends long after ‘Buffy’ had ended in 2003. We all now know that it wasn’t as easy for the younger actress to keep her face and skin as youthful as she did in her earlier days. Her neighbours reportedly said that in the months leading up to her death, she looked less and less like herself. Rafael Williams, who lived above Trachtenberg, told Us Weekly, ‘Michelle always seemed happy. I never noticed anything off about her at all. I didn’t know her personally, but she always made a point to say hi in the elevator. [Her death is] shocking to me because she didn’t seem to have a problem in the world.’

A worker at Sartiano’s restaurant said that Trachtenberg had trouble even walking down a flight of stairs when she dined there on February 20. According to The Daily Mail, the worker, who wanted to remain anonymous, said, ‘She looked really unwell, just like very sickly. ‘She was thin, like tiny, she couldn’t walk down the stairs. She was not in a great mood, it wasn’t the best impression. It’s spooky because she was in here just last week on Thursday night (the worker was interviewed just after news broke of the actress’s death). We only just found out about (her death) a few hours ago and it’s really sad. She was just with one other person, a woman who was really nice.’ Scott Sartiano, the owner of the restaurant, paid tribute to the starlet, which read, ‘Many years of happy memories. Rest in Peace Michelle.’

Amanda de Cadenet posted her own tribute to the fallen actress on Instagram by writing, ‘Sweetheart Michelle. ❤️. What sad news this morning to wake up to. It feels weird and awful to be posting this, but I want to acknowledge your death because I cared about you. I will always remember you as the young vivacious woman I met when I took this photo of you …Seeing your face from the hospital bed when we FaceTimed recently, even though you did not look like you, your sweetness and humor were still alive. I will not share the details of our conversations over the last 6 months, but you knew that death was a high possibility. I am only sorry that the outcome was not a better one. Wishing you a peaceful transition sweet friend and may your spirit finally rest. 🫶’

It was very obvious that Trachtenberg was nutritiously private. Throughout her entire career, she very rarely shared much insight about her personal life, let alone her health. There are many reasons why celebrities will share insights to their health struggles. These reasons include:

• Raising awareness: Sharing personal experiences can help destigmatize certain health conditions and encourage others to seek treatment. 
• Advocacy: Celebrities can use their platform to advocate for policy changes or support for specific health causes. 
• Personal empowerment: Taking control of the narrative around their health can be empowering for some celebrities. 

There are influencers out there who make a living out of making their disabilities and illnesses public. They’d made it their persona, and, if it works for them, that’s absolutely wonderful. What I will never understand is a social media influencer making a living out of their child’s disability or illness. If social media was around when I was growing up and found out my parents made my life public this way, I’d go no contact with them, and that’s a fact. I’m open about my life here on this blog and social media (and maybe it’ll be on YouTube in the future, who knows), but the decision was MINE…and mine only. With that said, my son’s life will always be private. You know I have a son, and you know my journey to conceiving him wasn’t easy. But you’ll never see me sharing his name, face, or any other intimate details about his life. He can’t consent to that, and I have to respect him as a person.

Trachtenberg was anything but an influencer. She didn’t seem to ever want the fame that came with her work. She just wanted to work as an actor and writer, and she just wanted to be known for her work. In a resurfaced 2010 interview, the actress talked about the bullying she’d endured at school by her classmates. It’s certainly a haunting moment in time to have watched because, in hindsight, she continued to endure that same type of bullying online by random strangers making assumptions about her health and life as a whole based on her appearance. Just as there are reasons for celebrities and influencers to want to share their health struggles, there are reasons why celebrities and influencers choose not to. These include:

• Privacy concerns: Celebrities are constantly in the public eye, and disclosing health issues can feel like a major invasion of personal space. 
• Career impact: Depending on the nature of the health issue, public disclosure could negatively impact their career opportunities or public perception. 
• Media sensationalism: The media often sensationalizes celebrity health issues, leading to intrusive reporting and speculation. 
• Psychological impact: Dealing with a health issue can be emotionally challenging, and the added pressure of public scrutiny can exacerbate stress and anxiety. 
• Maintaining a positive image: Celebrities often feel pressure to project a perfect image, and disclosing health struggles can contradict that perception. 

It was a sad reality that Trachtenberg consistently had to defend herself and explain herself to the world, and the world didn’t even deserve her explanations. Why do we, as a society think it’s ever okay to comment on someone’s appearance and make assumptions on it? Whether we’re right or wrong, and in this case, we were right, we had absolutely no right to do so. Commenting on women’s, and men’s, appearances and making assumptions that they’re either on drugs, abusing drugs, or going through health issues has somehow become the norm, and it really shouldn’t be. Remember how for the longest time we couldn’t stop talking about Chadwick Boseman’s ever changing appearance and drastic weight loss, and it turned out he was actually going through a private cancer battle and was dying? Numerous other people agreed with me, too. One person wrote on X, formerly Twitter, ‘Apparently we learned nothing from Chadwick Boseman. Rest in Peace Michelle, this is so upsetting.’ Another wrote, ‘The saddest part is Michelle Trachtenberg is another Chadwick Boseman situation. People commented on her appearance and no one knew.’ And a third wrote, ‘It’s like chadwick boseman all over again. people NEVER learn. people never show kindness or empathy towards others until they’re dead. everyone who’s commented on michelle trachtenberg’s appearance in the last few years, even the fake “concerns” too, deserves the worst.’

I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one who thought of making this comparison. The fact of the matter is, just because someone’s a celebrity doesn’t mean these celebrities owe us anything. They don’t owe us a disclosure of their health struggles. And yet, we constantly feel like we do. Just look at how we’d been treating Alec Baldwin, Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, Ariana Grande, and Christina Applegate? As it turned out, they’d all been battling their own set of illnesses. So what does this say about us? It’s as though we’re only capable of showing any type of empathy towards celebrities if they provide us with their medical records.

And now, in her death, with the knowledge that she had a liver transplant in recent months, something that only became known after her passing, we’re commenting about the struggles she potentially went through in her life. Patients like Trachtenberg may receive a liver transplant after damaging the vital organ due to heavy drinking. Following the transplant, alcoholics must abstain from drinking. But liver transplants can also cause potentially deadly complications even for those who stick to the rules thereafter. As is the case with any other transplant, organ recipients must take powerful immunosuppressant drugs every day for the rest of their lives to stop their body rejecting the new organ. There could be other causes for someone to have to go through a liver transplant. These are:

• Nonalcoholic fatty liver disease: Fat builds up in the liver, causing inflammation or liver cell damage 
• Hepatitis B and C: Viral infections that can lead to cirrhosis and liver failure 
• Biliary atresia: A disease that affects the bile ducts and is the most common reason for liver transplant in children 
• Primary biliary cholangitis: A disease that affects the bile ducts 
• Primary sclerosing cholangitis: A disease that affects the bile ducts 

Other causes could be liver cancer, also known as hepatic cancer, can be caused by hepatitis B or C, cirrhosis, or exposure to certain chemicals, genetic diseases affecting the liver, such as hemochromatosis and Wilson’s disease, metabolic diseases, as well as autoimmune hepatitis. I’m sure that because she was a child star and had opened up about the tough years she’d endured at school while working in the public eye, the general public probably assumed that Trachtenberg had a liver transplant due to drinking. She had to deny these rumours going around on social media due to her changing appearance. Nationwide, alcohol-related liver disease is the most common reason for a liver transplant – around 41% of recipients in 2023 had alcohol-related liver disease as their primary diagnosis. With that being said, of course people would assume the worst.

Though she wasn’t open with the public of her health struggles, Trachtenberg was very open with her close circle of friends and family, which is somewhat great, but also…isn’t? This factor about her led me to think of the people in my own life who’d kept their illnesses private. And when I say private, I meant COMPLETELY private. In the past decade, I’ve had 3 people in my life pass away due to illnesses. The friend that passed away due to a heart defect. Another passed away due to cancer. And a third passed away due to epilepsy complications. All three deaths were very difficult to accept and comprehend. The friend who passed away of a heart attack defect never shared there was anything ‘wrong’ with her. In fact, the lifestyle she led throughout her short life and the short time I knew her told everyone otherwise. She was a ‘party girl’. She liked to drink, smoke, go out to clubs, bars, and wherever else she could to for her to forget of her troubles. Her family at least knew of her illness. When we got to the funeral to say our goodbyes, we not only realized we didn’t know she was sick, but also that we didn’t know her real name…

The friend that passed away due to cancer never spoke of her life much when she was alive. The most she ever said was that after my birthday, she’d be travelling to Japan for an emotional healing journey. None of us knew what it meant, but we supported her nonetheless. Some time later, following her healing journey trip, I saw her again at a mutual friend’s baby shower. I remember that day so vividly. I didn’t feel well. I was having uncontrollable seizures. I was desperate to leave the party. But then she came, and everything changed…as soon as I saw her walk through the door. She was my safety blanket. I could talk to her about anything and everything – especially that day – and I couldn’t quite understand why. It was as though she fully understood me; better than I understood myself; and certainly better than most of my friends and even family understood me.

Once it was time to leave the baby shower, my friend insisted we continue spending time together. I was tired and ready to go home to go to bed, but I agreed nonetheless. She was oddly persistent, and I felt I needed to spend time with her despite my tiredness. So me, her, my husband, and his friend were on our way to a restaurant to continue our little party. I remember it was so much fun. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time. But I also found it odd. My friend barely ate anything. She barely ate at the baby shower, and then barely ate at the restaurant. I ate more than her, and I was still hungry. She, on the other hand, kept insisting she was full. I wanted to ask her about that further. I thought I’d do it later – in a week, maybe two. But I didn’t have time. I didn’t have time because only 4 days later, she was gone. Her aunt called me saying she died the day prior. She also told me that she didn’t even tell her mother she had cancer until 3 weeks before her death. I was sad and heartbroken, but I also felt like I understood why I connected with her so much through my struggles with epilepsy.

And then there’s my third loss of a friend. That one was truly a shock to me. We weren’t so close throughout the time we knew each other. We weren’t even friends at the time of her death. And yet, her death shattered me. Mostly because she, like me, had epilepsy. She was giving me advice, tips and tricks that she utilized for herself when it came to her health. I only knew of her health struggles because we shared that in common. Otherwise, the general public, her friends and acquaintances, knew her for her happy-go-lucky, bubbly personality. To this very day, I use the advice she gave me in my own life. It feels so odd to me; almost cosmic. She was the one that was guiding me through my health journey, and yet, I’m alive and she’s not. Her mother found her lifeless body, just like Trachtenberg’s mother found her lifeless body.

Trachtenberg’s death reminded me of these three losses I’d suffered in my life for a number of reasons. One, for the reason that the illnesses remained private until their passings, and two, for how the people in their lives went about respecting their privacies following their deaths. The actress’s death made me think of my own battle with an illness, as well as my own need for privacy. And I know that it’s almost impossible to compare the privacy of any ‘regular’ person living a normal day-to-day life to that of a celebrity, especially a female celebrity. Now that I think of it, it almost seems stupid of me to compare Trachtenberg’s situation to that of my own or that of my fallen friends. But hear me out…

These 4 very untimely deaths are tragic in their own individual ways. But there’s one thing that sets Trachtenberg’s death, in particular, apart from that of my fallen friends. My friends didn’t have to go through the public scrutiny that came with the public’s perception of them due to changing appearances. They had their own reasons for keeping their health struggles private, even from their friends and loved ones. Nevertheless, they didn’t have the entire world looking at them and making assumptions, trying to get information out of them they didn’t wish to share. Even now, I’m keeping them private. I’m not sharing their names, their pictures; nothing. You only know I’ve suffered 3 such losses, and that’s all you’ll know about it. I have to respect their privacies, even in their deaths.

This is truly where Trachtenberg comes in. Showing respect towards someone seems so inhumane at this point, and my question is…WHY? Why does it seem so hard for our society to respect people’s need for privacy – in life and in death? Trachtenberg obviously didn’t want the world to know of her struggles in her lifetime. The reasons for that are unknown, and to be honest, none of it matters at all. What does matter is the fact that she didn’t want the world to know. And yet, even in her death, we still manage to invade her privacy that she so desperately wanted to keep. None of us needed to know the details of her death. Our lives wouldn’t have changed if we didn’t. Hers did. Her family’s, her mother’s did. Instead of continuing to crave knowing more information about the details that really don’t concern us, we should focus more on keeping her legacy intact. We should remember her and cherish her and love her for the work that she left behind. I don’t even think her friends needed to say anything in their tributes to her about her struggles. Those details weren’t relevant; or they shouldn’t be. And that restaurant worker…whoever that might be…should’ve just kept quiet.

Showing empathy towards someone goes a long way. Celebrities deserve it too. Showing empathy involves acknowledging and sharing another person’s feelings. Showing empathy can lead to better communication, reduced prejudice, problem solving, and personal growth. Empathy helps you see things from another person’s perspective, sympathize with their emotions, and build stronger relationships. Michelle Trachtenberg wasn’t given the empathy she deserved in her life, and now she’s being given the empathy she deserves in her dearth. She obviously wanted to keep her personal life private, and none of us had the decency to respect her wishes. But why? Why do we even care so much? In what world does it all even matter? Society is so hard on women as it is, why make it harder? Trachtenberg’s death goes a long way in showing us just how judgemental and careless we are of women. What happened to showing a woman respect, dignity, love, and adoration? What happened to letting someone who died rest in peace? What happened to us concentrating on our own lives rather than someone else’s, let alone a celebrity’s life? And so, to end this madness of a blog entry, I’d like to end this conversation with a few of the best Michelle Trachtenberg’s quotes we can all learn from:

• ‘If you’re not falling, you’re not training hard enough.’
• ‘Believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in yourself, you can’t accomplish your goals. Know that you can do anything and anything will happen.’
• ‘The core for everything is to be grateful. It’s literally as simple as that… I’ve always known that I’m lucky to be an actress, and I’m lucky to be a working actress. I’m lucky to have garnered attention for certain roles, and I’m grateful for it.’
• ‘Keep your private life private. Be open to suggestions from different people.’

And to anyone that commented ‘One less Jew to worry about’, or any other Jewish-shaming related posts following her death on social media…SHAME ON YOU!