I recently came across an article that talked about Ellie Green’s story. For those of you who don’t know who she is, Ellie Green is the young woman whose mother disappeared without a trace in 2019. She only reported her mother missing about 8 months after she disappeared, but she had her reasons – her own father. When she kept asking him where her mother was he kept on changing his story. By month 8 of her mother’s disappearance, Ellie reported her missing to the police. But there were absolutely no records of her ever disappearing. Ellie then realized her mother left without her wallet, driver’s license, and even her passport, which was very much unlike her. It was unlike her to disappear on her own daughter in the first place. When Ellie confronted her father, and her father’s story continued on changing. You can read more about the story on Ellie’s own Instagram page.
Her sharing her full version of her mother’s disappearance was very intriguing, at least it was for me. There was one thing she said, though, that really resonated with me, and that was that people love you most when you’re at your worst. I can honestly say that the statement is absolutely true – both personally AND professionally.
When I was working as a freelancer, I wanted to be known strictly for the quality of work I brought in to each and every project I was inquired for, no matter how big or small. After about a year of working and trying to figure out my business’s identity, I realized that my quality of work and my experience weren’t enough to get myself out there for the world (I worked with clients worldwide) to see. So I started posting more about my personal life on my socials.
My life with cerebral palsy and epilepsy became my newfound brand. Slowly but surely, I noticed in a shift in my workload. People started noticing me. Even celebrities took notice of me. They started loving the idea of me – a woman with cerebral palsy and epilepsy, who is married, has her own business, and thriving at it. My followers and potential clients wanted to be a part of my story. Over the course of the 5 years that I worked as a freelance writer, I’d say about 85% of my clients came from me posting about my life with a disability and a chronic illness. The rest of my clients came from referrals and word of mouth, which was also based on what was sen on social media.
It was practically the same for me personally. I’d say it was even worse because when I was loved at my worst time in my life as a freelancer, I was getting paid for it. There was one person in particular that was in my life for a fairly long time, I’d even say too long of a time, who only loved me when I was at my absolute worst time in my life. She and I had one thing in common – we both were involved in serious car accidents. We had an instant connection because of it. I always give credit when and where it’s due. Therefore, I do give her credit for helping me cope with the aftermath of the car accident I was a victim to. She was the only one that truly understood my pain and sorrows at the time.
That support came at its own price, however. She continued ‘supporting me’ through other situations I was going through at the time. These were situations that she really had no right to speak of in the first place. She, for instance, gave me ‘advice’ on how to ‘cure’ my cerebral palsy, epilepsy, and even infertility. She had a double duty. She was a friend and a therapist all at the same time. We talked every day, and if I didn’t respond to her within an hour, she’d freak out about it. It became too much. She and I became too close too fast. She got too comfortable. In fact, she got so comfortable that she felt that need To share my personal struggles with complete strangers.
It seemed like she loved me at my worst, and craved for me to stay in that place. I was vulnerable and she was in control. Therefore, she felt like she had power over me. As I started getting healthier and stronger – physically, mentally, and mentally – She started getting angry and even distant. I wasn’t the person she initially became friends with anymore. We went from speaking to each other every day to not speaking at all for two months. She eventually stopped speaking to me completely after she saw me at a birthday party because I didn’t oblige to her controlling tendencies. Me standing up for myself and not tolerating her bullsh*t was the absolute last straw for her.
Despite the hardships of being friends with that particular person, I don’t regret it. I heard someone say that if someone gets mad at you, then you must’ve done something right. It means you’re changing in a positive way. My experience taught me a very valuable lesson. I’m all for having my disability and illnesses be a brand for my business. However, my disability and illnesses will NEVER be my brand in my personal life, and I will not allow anyone in my life to let it become that. I know who I am. I know where I’m headed. If anyone treats me otherwise, they’ll be out of my life for good.
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