DISABLED PEOPLE: A PETTY PARTY OR AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL?

I, along with my husband, was recently out with a friend who also invited a couple of his friends for a casual Sunday dinner. Those two friends of friends were boyfriend and girlfriend. We were mostly chit chatting about non-important topic that would practically be appropriate for small talk with people that you just meet for the first time. By the one hour mark, we all got more comfortable with each other, and suddenly, the subject of disability came up.

Two out of the three people who were at the dinner table knew I had multiple disabilities. My husband, my friend, and my friend’s friend, the girlfriend. Unless she told her boyfriend before the outing about me and my life, or she showed him my social media page or this blog before we met for dinner, he wouldn’t have a clue. Throughout the evening, I didn’t disclose much about my life, especially not such a personal part of it as this. It’s not like I was embarrassed of my disabilities at that particular moment in time. I simply had nothing to say about the topic.

We were all talking about events that we went to that we found to be remarkable and unique. My husband mentioned that we went to a female-led wheelchair basketball game. The boyfriend had a sad expression on his face and looked as though he was about to cry when he said he felt so sorry for ‘those people’, and that it’d be so sad for him to watch them play. My husband and my friend both interrupted him and said, in their own individual ways, said that there was no need to be sorry for people with disabilities, specifically people in wheelchairs; that, in reality, they’re much stronger than the average person.

With that perspective of his being checked, the boyfriend switched his statement, and said that people in wheelchairs, and those who live with physical disabilities, were inspiring. I stayed mum throughout the entire conversation and let others speak instead. I didn’t let them speak on my behalf. Instead, I had them speak out and make their opinions and beliefs known based on what they, themselves, knew. I appreciated their testaments because they came from experience, knowledge, and education, whereas the boyfriend’s testament, which changed in a matter of seconds after just one contradicting statement, was baseless. Even the change of testament was baseless. In fact, the change made it even more baseless.

This whole ordeal got me thinking, though. Should disabled people be an excuse for a petty party or should they be seen as an inspiration?You’re probably confused as to why I refer to people with disabilities as ‘they’ when I have multiple disabilities myself. Truth be told, I never felt like I belonged to the disabled community, nor did I feel that I was able-bodied enough to be part of the ‘normal’ community. You can read more about it in my previous blog post, ‘I DON’T PUT THE ‘DISABLED’ LABEL ON MYSELF EVEN THOUGH I AM DISABLED. HERE’S WHY.’

In my work, especially, I’ve been seen as an inspiration. My disabilities and everything I’d been through in my life became my brand and my source of marketing when I was a freelance writer. A lot of, if not most of, my clients came from me promoting myself as the ‘disabled girl’ who’s been through a lot but achieved success in her life personally. She’s in a healthy decade-long relationship, lives on her own, and has her own business. My clients wanted to be a part of my success story. In my personal life, I never allowed people in my life to neither see me as a petty party or an inspiration. If I did, it was only during the toughest time in my life, which was in the few years following my epilepsy diagnosis.

All I’ve ever wanted in my personal life was to be treated equally by my friends (and family). If I ever felt like they treated as though I was their basket case, like they wanted to save me from my troubles or change me, I’d cut them out of my life for good. My life is too precious for it to be saved or changed, and who’s ever to say I’m not happy in my life, anyway? With that being said, when I listened to the conversation my husband and my friend were having with the boyfriend, I immediately knew I had absolutely no interest in furthering any potential new friendships with either the boyfriend or the girlfriend. That’s despite the fact that the girlfriend and I had known each other for years prior and were on friendly terms up until about a year ago.

At the end of the day, I’m a woman. I can’t stress it enough. My disabilities and everything I’d been through in my life doesn’t define me. They’re a part of me, yes, but they certainly don’t define me. Never did, never have, and never will. Anyone or anything that even remotely attempts to prove otherwise to me will be out of my life for good. It’s as simple as that. I can be an inspiration to you, but certainly not a reason or an excuse to have a petty party for me. What I want most, though, out of the people around me is to not be treated differently.