MY HUSBAND WAS PRONOUNCED CANCER-FREE. WHAT’S NEXT?

Story By: Ashley Jackson

In March 2020, my husband, Troy was pronounced cancer free, and we were so overjoyed. After battling for almost three years, we finally got the miracle that we had prayed for so long. Even Troy’s doctors were so happy with the results and his will to keep fighting! God was showing off with Troy’s victory and we are so grateful! We are so overjoyed and thankful that we have been given another lease on life! We plan to live life to the fullest each day! 

Now don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic that we finally got our miracle that we had prayed for and believed for so long! I’m sure along the way of Troy’s treatment, all those papers that the doctors gave us and all the warnings they gave us about certain treatments were described but when you are amid a life-or-death situation…you are not thinking of what the side effects can or will be. Specifically in Troy’s case due to all the chemotherapy, radiation, and surgeries he has received, parts of his anatomy and day to day living has changed significantly and forever. As I have mentioned before, chemotherapy really makes you sick. In fact, some chemotherapies make you so sick, you may get cancer from the chemotherapy itself! 

I remember talking with another wife who happened to be staying in the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge with her husband who was fighting cancer throughout his whole body, and she was saying that this was his second fight with cancer. She told me that he had already beaten one type of cancer but was warned that one of his chemotherapy drugs may make the cancer come back and she didn’t pay much attention to it, until it DID come back. While she was telling me their story, she had such sadness in her eyes. I mean the cancer came back with a vengeance on his body, it was all throughout but he wanted to fight it! Her last words to me, came to me in a warning but loving tone, please read the side effects of all your fiancé’s drugs they give him, be his advocate, and most importantly pray fervently every day for his fight and the unforeseen recovery after that fight. I wish I would’ve gotten that woman’s name, so that I could message her and tell her Troy is cancer free! God gave us our miracle! Maybe she was one of the angels that God sent my way, to comfort and console me in that moment. When I took a harder look at paperwork, I did notice that one of the chemotherapy drugs (cisplatin) has a side effect of cancer. You know how bad my anxiety went up in that moment? Troy had had MULTIPLE rounds of that drug.  Obviously, there was nothing that I could do or say because we needed this chemo to kill the cancer cells! Modern medicine uses poison to kill poison in one’s body, it’s scary and damaging. No one’s body is the same after going through chemo and/or radiation. Throughout this entire experience and journey, our lives and bodies have changed but we are stronger together than ever before! 

There are times that I feel like a helicopter parent, but for my husband because of certain situations, like his lack of vision. There are times when he can’t articulate what he needs, so I speak on his behalf. I’ve been learning to give him that grace and time for his thoughts to process so that he can articulate his needs for himself, because he’s capable of doing it. Because we’ve been so intimately intertwined for the past four years, I can easily speak for him. I can take one look at Troy, and instantly get a feeling for what is going on with him. I’m learning to give him his own space so that he can navigate his life post cancer. Being in flight or fight mode for so long has our adrenaline in gear and relearning how to become a “normal” couple is hard, so we have decided to become our new normal. When we each need our own space, that’s fine! We are individuals that have become one unit, but Troy has his own passions that he wants to pursue, just like I have my own as well. 

I know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but I know Troy and I will always have a different relationship, one that might not always be carefree. We believe and hope that cancer won’t come back, but the possibility that it might is real. There are things that I wanted for Troy and me, but he will never be able to do them because physically he cannot! The reality of having to change so many things in our lives because of the devastation that cancer caused is striking. The way we travel, what we do during those travels, and his energy levels get depleted quicker. We used to be avid runners, but I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to do another half marathon with me. I am not saying these things to complain, I’m telling you the truth and reality of how the nasty cancer beast can wreak havoc. Cancer has stolen some things from me, and US! Watching as some of my friends with their significant others doing the things that maybe I wanted to, but I know we won’t get to do those things. It is no one’s fault at all, clearly, we didn’t ask for this disease. 

Cancer doesn’t just change the person who was diagnosed, but it changes the person who steps up to be the caregiver too. For me, I know I became stronger, even though I burnt out along the way, I found my voice! You must advocate for your person, because oftentimes they cannot find their own voice. I know he gets frustrated with going to all the doctors’ visits and MRI scans, but this is something that we will have to deal with for the rest of our lives. I remind him that it is all to keep him waking up each morning, so that we can love each other and truly live. 

I do believe that this whole process has made me love Troy more each day. Despite our situation, I will look at him in amazement at his willingness to fight and be courageous. It has been hard and there were times that I asked him if he felt like I was providing the proper care for him. There were times where I didn’t think I was a good caregiver, I would forget things, like medicine, and timing of doctor’s visits. I would beat myself up because I didn’t think I was the perfect caregiver. I remember I jokingly asked him if he wanted a new caregiver. Troy said, “No, you’re the only one that’s going to be able to get me through this and keep me alive”. 

Whenever I would doubt myself, I would remember what he told me. I know I am the best caregiver for Troy, but it was nice to hear it from him. It would give me the confidence I would need to face each day. Even to this day when Troy tells me that it was God and myself that got him through the past few years, my heart soars. I would do anything for Troy, even if the odds are against us. One day I told Troy that I loved him so much, and he responded, “I will love you until the day that I die, plus some”. 

Ways to connect with Ashley:

www.timelessdreamevents.com
(937)369-8405